Welcome, Guest: Register On Nairaland / LOGIN! / Trending / Recent / NewStats: 3,194,557 members, 7,955,074 topics. Date: Saturday, 21 September 2024 at 04:09 PM |
Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / 24 Things We've Learnt From Nollywood ! (1089 Views)
What Are The Crazy Things We've Done For Love??? / Nigerian Parents Wants Aki & Pawpaw Banned From Nollywood / Things We've Learnt From Nollywood (2) (3) (4)
24 Things We've Learnt From Nollywood ! by olunifemi(f): 9:23pm On Apr 29, 2007 |
24 THINGS WE'VE LEARNT FROM NOLLYWOOD !!! 1. Every problem you have is spiritual. 2. In every romance movie, someone must die. 3. It is possible to hit a person without actually touching them! 4. Anyone who gets hit by a car dies immediately. 5. Poisoned food always tastes better. 6. The best way to make money is by visiting a 'Babalawo' / joining a cult / sleeping with rich men. 7. One of a pair of twins (identical or not) is born evil. 8. There is never an end to your suffering, except death! 9. With a pastor , all things are possible. 10. A movie can be titled anything, such as: *The boy is mine, * Face me, I face you, *Two rats, *Spanner, *Calculator, *Igala, *Ijele, *Igodo, *Igudu, *Shigidi, 11. A movie has not been made if at least one actor/actress has not- 'shelled', twisted his/her lips to speak wrong phonetics'. 12. You are in love, you want to take your girl out, the best place you take her to is, *Mr. Biggs/Tantalizers: where you'll most probably see an ex while feeding each other. *The beach: where it is imperative that you ride a donkey and carry her playfully. *Or the best: take her to buy some new ugly clothes. 13. An Igbo movie has been made if , * You visit a 'Babalawo' * A fleet of cars is shown off at regular intervals for a total of half of the movie time. * Kanayo 'O' Kanayo is in the movie. Pete Udochie is also there too! * To get rich it is mandatory you join a cult 14. Gun shots and knock-outs sound the same! 15. Sometimes the title has absolutely nothing to do with the movie and other times, once you read the title and seethe poster you know it all!!! (Also the soundtrack gives you a headache because it just narrates the whole story repeatedly - so much for suspense and intrigue!) 16. A love story has not been produced if it does not have one or two of the following actresses:- * Stella Damascus * Stephanie Okereke * Genevieve Nnaji * Omotola Jalade * Rita Dominic 17. The police are extremely 'efficient' unlike their counterparts in real life. 18. An actress can wear the same hairdo for more than a year and even in longer flashbacks. 19. It is permissible to wear very dark shades at night! 20. When you are shot in the chest, it really doesn't matter; your head will be bandaged! Same for your legs! 21. When advertising a movie, you really should shout because, people are deaf? 22. When you are extremely poor, you will still be able to afford- very good furniture, T.V., but you won't be able to send your kids to school. 23. Most especially in Yoruba movies, your gateman must be inefficient and comical. He MUST dress like a freak, be rude to all your visitors and never mind his business. 24. the bad guy always dies or gets caught by none other than the police- LOL!!!! |
Re: 24 Things We've Learnt From Nollywood ! by kellorah: 9:25pm On Apr 29, 2007 |
true true true |
Re: 24 Things We've Learnt From Nollywood ! by fatliar(m): 9:50pm On Apr 29, 2007 |
i love 20,22,nd 23 its real lol |
Re: 24 Things We've Learnt From Nollywood ! by soulpatrol(f): 8:55pm On May 02, 2007 |
this really got me cracking' up! |
Re: 24 Things We've Learnt From Nollywood ! by olunifemi(f): 1:05pm On May 03, 2007 |
;d |
Re: 24 Things We've Learnt From Nollywood ! by deb(m): 5:48pm On May 11, 2007 |
Oh my world! that is creative. Rib cracking , but its true |
Re: 24 Things We've Learnt From Nollywood ! by soulpatrol(f): 7:13pm On May 11, 2007 |
give us some more, please! |
Re: 24 Things We've Learnt From Nollywood ! by BBoy3(m): 1:14am On May 12, 2007 |
I thank you - this is what i keep telling people but NO o they don't see it!!! 14, 15, 20 and 21 are really what gets to me! |
Re: 24 Things We've Learnt From Nollywood ! by olunifemi(f): 5:05pm On May 14, 2007 |
:d |
Re: 24 Things We've Learnt From Nollywood ! by olunifemi(f): 8:42pm On May 14, 2007 |
:d |
Re: 24 Things We've Learnt From Nollywood ! by olunifemi(f): 1:37pm On May 18, 2007 |
Re: 24 Things We've Learnt From Nollywood ! by soulpatrol(f): 8:40pm On May 18, 2007 |
you forgot to add aki and pawpaw must always act together. like damn, even if they were twins, must they always be together? i'm sick of seeing both of them all the time. those 2 little gerbils. |
Re: 24 Things We've Learnt From Nollywood ! by Shentz(f): 10:54pm On May 18, 2007 |
Lol that's true |
Re: 24 Things We've Learnt From Nollywood ! by olunifemi(f): 4:41pm On May 19, 2007 |
d 25th lesson |
Re: 24 Things We've Learnt From Nollywood ! by soulpatrol(f): 11:01pm On May 21, 2007 |
the sound of the advertisements in the beginning/middle of the film must be louder than the actual dialogue during the film. like c'mon, sometimes, you can't even hear what they're saying even at the loudest volume. and lawad, that powerpoint presentation thing has got to go! its so embarrassing! |
Re: 24 Things We've Learnt From Nollywood ! by kellorah: 12:49am On May 26, 2007 |
true^^ it's embarassing i'm glad 30 days ad (well, from what i saw), isn't that bad!! are they improving |
Re: 24 Things We've Learnt From Nollywood ! by olunifemi(f): 1:23pm On May 29, 2007 |
4 where? |
Re: 24 Things We've Learnt From Nollywood ! by colly(m): 7:10pm On May 29, 2007 |
All wat u posted are very true and besides i av 2 questions.wat is nollywood and where is it located? |
Re: 24 Things We've Learnt From Nollywood ! by viee(f): 9:15pm On May 30, 2007 |
nice one @ poster |
Re: 24 Things We've Learnt From Nollywood ! by olunifemi(f): 9:38pm On May 31, 2007 |
nollywood is naija hollywood.it's located in , in, maybe united states of africa |
Re: 24 Things We've Learnt From Nollywood ! by LoveJ1(f): 4:17pm On Jun 02, 2007 |
is true |
Re: 24 Things We've Learnt From Nollywood ! by olunifemi(f): 3:44pm On Jun 05, 2007 |
;d |
Re: 24 Things We've Learnt From Nollywood ! by MILITIA(f): 8:22pm On Jun 05, 2007 |
@olunifemi You are a classic! LOL I wan quench with laughter!!! Let us not forget that Patience Ozokwo must be the demonic mother in law of all actors! |
Re: 24 Things We've Learnt From Nollywood ! by MILITIA(f): 8:29pm On Jun 05, 2007 |
What about the nauseating "spanner" group of actors--Osuofia- Ukwa(Mr, I Go Chop Ya Dollar EE!), Mr Ibu, Victor Osuagwu and the rest of the bloody nuisances in the name of raunchy comedy? Or the Buffoonic- gun - totting - geriatric - rascal called Hank Anuku? The one and only Rambo abi Terminator of Nollywood! Best of all, all the Igwes, palace chiefs, villagers, elders all act in all the movies irrespective of the villages mentioned. Same old sorry wrinkled faces! Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! As for getting some white men or indians to act in Nollywood , any albino will do the trick or half caste with strong bini or urhobo accent! |
Re: 24 Things We've Learnt From Nollywood ! by soulpatrol(f): 9:12pm On Jun 05, 2007 |
militia, you too funny o! |
Re: 24 Things We've Learnt From Nollywood ! by MILITIA(f): 9:21pm On Jun 05, 2007 |
Don't worry soulpatrol, I will think of more. I have watched so many Nigerian movies that I am frankly tired of their antics. Not improving at all! Those Igbo gals with their "igbo" phonetics na wah! At least the yoruba movies we know they are speaking yoruba. Amazingly enough 95% of the artistes are "theatre arts" graduates! But still terrible actors and actresses. I will not call names out of respect for what they think they are doing. Good one for y'all. Have you ever watched Nigerian actors and actresses kiss on screen? You will think it is the whole head they use--nothing is visible except the necks! |
Re: 24 Things We've Learnt From Nollywood ! by mohadana: 7:46pm On Jun 06, 2007 |
nollywood is a full description of the ibo cuture.rituals, Cannibal,Criminals,Prostitution,Lesbian, Gays and Gold Diggers. |
Re: 24 Things We've Learnt From Nollywood ! by olunifemi(f): 2:54pm On Jun 07, 2007 |
MILITIA: |
(1) (Reply)
Things We've Learnt From Nollywood / Nigerians To Use New Postal Code / Fifa Approved Female Boot For The 2011 Women’s World Cup:)
(Go Up)
Sections: politics (1) business autos (1) jobs (1) career education (1) romance computers phones travel sports fashion health religion celebs tv-movies music-radio literature webmasters programming techmarket Links: (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) (10) Nairaland - Copyright © 2005 - 2024 Oluwaseun Osewa. All rights reserved. See How To Advertise. 27 |