[size=14pt]Chinese Torture![/size]         


A young man is wandering, lost, in a forest when he comes upon a small house. Knocking on the door he is greeted by an ancient Chinese man with a long gray beard. "I'm lost," said the man. "Can you put me up for the night?"

"Certainly," the Chinese man said, "but on one condition. If you so much as lay a finger on my daughter I will inflict upon you the three worst Chinese tortures known to man."

"OK," said the man, and entered the house. Over dinner, the daughter came down the stairs. She was young, beautiful and had a fantastic body. She was obviously attracted to the young man as she couldn't keep her eyes off him durng the meal. Remembering the old man's warning he ignored her and went up to bed alone.

During the night he could bear it no longer and snuck into her room for a night of passion. He was careful to keep everything quiet so the old man wouldn't hear and, near dawn, he crept back to his room, exhausted but happy.

He woke to feel a pressure on his chest. Opening his eyes he saw a large rock on his chest with a note on it that read: "Chinese Torture 1, Large rock on chest."

"Well, that's pretty crappy," he thought. "If that's the best the old man can do then I don't have much to worry about."

He picked the boulder up, walked over to the window and threw the boulder out. As he did so, he noticed another note on it that read: "Chinese Torture 2, Rock tied to left testicle."

In a panic he glanced down and saw the rope that was already getting close to taut. Figuring that a few broken bones was better than castration he, jumped out of the window after the boulder.

As he plummeted towards the ground he saw a large sign on the ground that read, "Chinese Torture 3,  Right testicle tied to bed post."

[size=14pt]Birth Machine![/size]


A happily married couple, who were having their first baby, were invited to make use of a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labour pains to the biological father of the baby wherever he may be. They were happy to try it. The pain transfer was set to 10% but the husband felt nothing. So the doctor increased it to 20%. The father said he still felt fine and his blood pressure was normal. He invited the doctor to tune it up to 50%. Still there was no reaction. The doctor was amazed and slowly transferred all the pain until the Wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain. She and her husband and the doctor were ecstatic. When they got home, they found their gardener lying almost dead at the gate.

[size=14pt]The New Maid![/size]


A guy dials his home phone number from work. A strange woman answers. The guy says, "Who is this?"

"This is the maid.", answered the woman.

"We don't have a maid!"

"I was just hired this morning by the lady of the house."

"Well, this is her husband. Is she there?"

"Ummm, she's upstairs in the bedroom with someone who I just figured was her husband."

The guy is fuming. He says to the maid, "Listen, would you like to make $50,000?"

"What do I have to do?"

"I want you to get my gun from my desk in the den and shoot that witch and the jerk she's with."

The maid puts down the phone. The guy hears footsteps, followed by a couple of gunshots.

The maid comes back to the phone. "What should I do with the bodies?"

"Throw them in the swimming pool!"

"What pool?"

"Uh,  is this 832-4173?"

[size=14pt]SMART KID! [/size]

lmao.lol

nice 1

[size=14pt]The Good Doctor![/size]          


A husband and wife are on a nudist beach when suddenly a wasp buzzes into the wife's p*ussy. Naturally enough, she panics.

The husband is also quite shaken but manages to put a coat on her, pull up his shorts and carries her to the car. Then he makes a mad dash to the doctor. The doctor, after examining her, says that the wasp is too far in to remove with forceps so he says to the husband that he will have to try and entice it out by putting honey on his penis and withdrawing as soon as he feels the wasp.

And so the honey is smeared, but because of his wife's screaming and his frantic dash to the doctor and the general panic, he just can't rise to the occasion. So the doctor says he'll perform the deed if the husband and wife don't object.

Naturally both agree for fear the wasp will do any damage, so the doctor quickly undresses, smears the honey on and instantly gets an erection, at which time he begins to plug the wife. Only he doesn't stop and withdraw but continues with vigor.

The husband shouts, "What the hell's happening?"

To which the doctor replies, "Change of plan. I'm going to drown the bastard!!!"

[size=14pt]I Like The Way You're Thinking[/size]


Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question.

"Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun how many would be left?" "None.", replied Johnny. "'cause the rest would fly away."

"Well, the answer is four," said the teacher. "But I like the way you are thinking."

Little Johnny said, "I have a question for you now. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one licking her cone, the second biting her cone, and the third one sucking her cone, which one is married?"

"Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone?"

"No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger. But I like the way you are thinking."

Razorr:

[size=14pt]Chinese Torture![/size]


A young man is wandering, lost, in a forest when he comes upon a small house. Knocking on the door he is greeted by an ancient Chinese man with a long gray beard. "I'm lost," said the man. "Can you put me up for the night?"

"Certainly," the Chinese man said, "but on one condition. If you so much as lay a finger on my daughter I will inflict upon you the three worst Chinese tortures known to man."

"OK," said the man, and entered the house. Over dinner, the daughter came down the stairs. She was young, beautiful and had a fantastic body. She was obviously attracted to the young man as she couldn't keep her eyes off him durng the meal. Remembering the old man's warning he ignored her and went up to bed alone.

During the night he could bear it no longer and snuck into her room for a night of passion. He was careful to keep everything quiet so the old man wouldn't hear and, near dawn, he crept back to his room, exhausted but happy.

He woke to feel a pressure on his chest. Opening his eyes he saw a large rock on his chest with a note on it that read: "Chinese Torture 1, Large rock on chest."

"Well, that's pretty crappy," he thought. "If that's the best the old man can do then I don't have much to worry about."

He picked the boulder up, walked over to the window and threw the boulder out. As he did so, he noticed another note on it that read: "Chinese Torture 2, Rock tied to left testicle."

In a panic he glanced down and saw the rope that was already getting close to taut. Figuring that a few broken bones was better than castration he, jumped out of the window after the boulder.

As he plummeted towards the ground he saw a large sign on the ground that read, "Chinese Torture 3, Right testicle tied to bed post."

BUHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAHAH!!! OMFG!!! YOUSE ONE BADASS CHICK!! GIRL, THAT WAS MEAN!!! LMAO, ABEG, I NO FIT SHOUT AGAIN O!!!

Ouch!

[size=16pt]Important Rules For Men[/size]          


1. It's important to have a woman who helps at home, who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.

2. It's important to have a woman who can make you laugh.

3. It's important to have a woman who you can trust and who doesn't lie to you.

4. It's important to have a woman who is good in bed and who likes to be with you.

5. It's very, very important that these four women don't know each other.

Heh. Nice one.

Nice jokes keep it up

OMG,

That chinese torture stuff is CRAZY. I almost had a seizure while laffing !!!

You're one interesting babe I must confess. More pleaseeeeeeeeeeee

Razorr babe!!

U Rock!! Keep't up girl.

You're da Bomb! Keep it up!

Wow u got me laughing through Out, gimme some more.

You are too much!
Keep it up.

[size=16pt]NEW SECRETARY[/size]          


Two friends meet in the office of one of them, a notorious techo-geek.

"Hey, bud, how are ya?"

"I'm good. Congratulations, that new secretary of yours is beautiful!"

"Well, I'm glad you like her. Believe it or not, she's a robot!

"No way, how could that be?"

"Way! She's the latest model from Japan. Lemme tell you how she works. If you squeeze her left tit, she takes dictation. If you squeeze her right tit, she types a letter. And that's not all, she can have sex, too!"

"Holy shit! You're kidding, right?"

"No, she's something, huh? Tell you what, you can even borrow her"

So, his friend takes her into the restroom and is in there with her for a while. Suddenly, he hears him screaming "Eeeeyaaaaa! Heeelp Ooooooh! Aaaaaaah! Eeeeeeeeeeeaaargghhhh!"

The guy says, "Shit! I forgot to tell him her ass is a pencil sharpener!"

That was so funny i just can't help but laugh.

[size=16pt]Innocent Dog[/size]

A man is taking a walk in Central park in New York. Suddenly he sees a little girl being attacked by a pit bull dog . He runs over and starts fighting with the dog. He succeeds in killing the dog and saving the girl's life. A policeman who was watching the scene walks over and says: "You are a hero, tomorrow you can read it in all the newspapers: "Brave New Yorker saves the life of little girl" The man says: - "But I am not a New Yorker!" "Oh ,then it will say in newspapers in the morning: 'Brave American saves life of little girl'" - the policeman answers. "But I am not an American!" - says the man. "Oh, what are you then? " The man says: - "I am a Saudi !" The next day the newspapers says: "Islamic extremist kills innocent American dog

Razor just tell me where you got all this things from

i can't imagine you thinking and thinking over those stories.
Any way: you too much is a talent God has mercifully given to you to teach other so use it for a good purpose, just keep it up ok.

am i only seeing this topic today? razorr you dey craze abi


where you comot all this tories

chinese torture , off the hooks ! i nearly die !

[size=16pt]The Modern Day Psalmist.[/size]


The Lord is my Operating System, I shall not hang. He makes me to boot normally without errors. He loads my routing table with cool links; he restored my path. He routed me to the server of righteousness, for His domain sake. Even though I browse hackers’ sites, I will fear no attack, for he is my Firewall. Thy antivirus and Intrusion Prevention System, they comfort me. Thou preparest a link before me in the presence of time-outs; thou connected my links with fiber optics. Surely solid connection and replies shall follow me all the period of my pings. And I shall telnet from the server of the Lord for ever and ever.

I just cant believe Razzor has such amount of humor.!! This life really can be crazyyy!!

Omg dat was a gud one.lollll

Am sure i wl stl laff abt dat chinese torture of a joke 2mr morn .its abt d funiest i v com across so far.

Razor I like your style, that chinese torture joke almost killed me, one night of pleasure and no nuts in the morning, kai

@razzorr

u are the one in a million.i could not believe you are a female.where exactly do you get all this jokes from.if you think them so u are very talented.i really like your joke espesially the first one birth machine.keep it up ,its very rare for me to say keep it up to anyone but i could not risist saying that to u.well done

hey razzor! u wanna get me fired? u gat me laffing my head of like crazy at work!!!!! ;Dur doin gud!!!!!!