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The Old Woman And The Canopy - Literature - Nairaland

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The Old Woman And The Canopy by fredthemeek(m): 10:06pm On Jun 11, 2019
It was a fateful day and it was raining tremendously the southern part of the country and also a mini canopy that can occupy only seven people then there comes a woman with her two kids running towards the canopy but unfortunately there is only space for one person
Old Woman: (steps out of the canopy) the rain and cold is surely harmless to my future (coughs)
Mr Landon: (feeling disgraced and infuriated) This is beyond justification
Woman with the kids: (ignores him) thank you madam (steps into the canopy with her kids and there is struggling in the canopy )
Mr Landon: (getting pissed) there is only space for seven people with compassion
Occupant 1: coming from someone whom his mother forgot to teach him the meaning of “ladies first”
Mr Landon: (shots back) at least she trained a sensitive gentleman and well trained to know when to ignore attention seekers like you
Occupant 2: ladies first(scoffs) the old woman Just made a huge sacrifice but the lady can’t make a simple replica by backing one of her kids so we can have enough space for everyone
Woman with the kids: these are children we are talking about here, their burden I carry everyday, their sadness has turned to my my sadness, their joy I try to celebrate with dramedy
Occupant 3: (sighs)
Woman with the kids: (turns towards him) thank you
Occupant 3: (sighs again)
Occupant 1: joy and pain of motherhood
Mr Landon: Everyone here must have left their sense of reasoning today at home(scoffs)
Occupant 1: just like you left your umbrella.. Who knows (laughs)
Mr Landon: (foams) honor your words to strangers
Occupant 2: I admire your tenacity for tolerance for people
Mr Landon and occupant 1: (uniformly) thank you
Occupant 2: (laughs) Before you two rip off each other heads, I hope you know the woman with kids have an umbrella with her
Mr Landon and occupant 1: (uniformly) what!
Woman with kids: (confused) what?

To be continued

1 Like

Re: The Old Woman And The Canopy by fredthemeek(m): 10:15pm On Jun 11, 2019
Woman with kids: (confused) what?
Old Woman: (gently wiping off rain water on her face) What difference does it make?
Mr Landon: I guess these day has enough comedy and drama in stored for me
Occupant 1: (sighs) it’s not always about you Mr. Man
Mr Landon: Landon, Sir Ebube Landon (adjust his tuxedo as he turns to the audience)
Occupant 4: seven billion homo sapiens my money is on that nobody cares
Occupant 1: (turns to the woman with kids) why didn’t you give the poor old woman your umbrella after what she did for… .
Woman with kids: (snaps at her) she never asked for it
Mr Landon: for the sake of science and goodness….
Occupant 4: (taps the woman with kids on her shoulder) your kid just step on my shoe
Woman with kids: (snaps at him) so? your mother also forgot to park up your Shit
Mr Landon: (grabs her throat) I still have the good in me
Woman with kids: (grabs his tie) ki..l.lll meee
Mr Landon: (frees her) My mom trained me better
Woman with kids: (faking a choke) you just confirm to everyone here that your beards has grown more than your sense
Occupant 4: which can be measured in micrometers(coughs)
Mr Landon: (frowns) you think you are funny right?
Occupant 4: (smiling) call me Chibyke the fact giver (claps)
Woman with kids: (still holding her throat) my husband worst fear is to lay his hands on me(comes out from the canopy and turns towards the audience) here I am brutalized (kneels down) beaten up (start crying) the rain may hide my tears but my soul is in havoc
Mr Landon: (surprised ) no wonder my mother told me to avoid woman
Chibyke: you should have started by avoiding your mother… maybe this world will have lesser number of momma boys
Mr Landon: (ignores him) just look at this old woman under this heavy rain but the other toxic woman is trying to steal the spotlight from her
Occupant 3: you make the old woman condition sound like an achievement
Old Woman: (grinding her incomplete teeth) I better stay out here than be in there
Mr Landon: Good old woman, why
Chibyke: hmmm
Old woman: To save someone from continue twitching their nose… so it won’t fall off
Occupant 3: somebody hu?
Chibyke: self honesty(claps)

To be continued

1 Like

Re: The Old Woman And The Canopy by fredthemeek(m): 10:23pm On Jun 11, 2019
Mr Landon: My good dear woman, look at what the world and nature has done to you, but like an ant-eater you still keep your head down and pick up the little oxygen this cruel world has to offer…(steps out of the canopy and stares at Chibyke who is busy scrolling through his phone smiling) the universe has already done it’s damages my dear old lady and I, sir Landon won’t join in this band of un-remorseful and …….
Occupant 1: Can you please get to the point of all this sermon!!!
Mr Landon: (ignores her) please my good old lady go inside (take off his suit and put it on the old woman) I don’t mind staying under this rain with this… .(stares at the woman with kids still kneeing down under the rain sobbing, he sighs and brings out his phone from his pocket) oh God it’s late(shakes his head)
There is thunder sound in the back stage
Old woman: my son, you have a good heart
Occupant 2: good heart indeed (sighs)
Old woman: you shouldn’t talk to him like that
Mr Landon: (groans)
Occupant 2: I’m just saying, because based on what I have seen, he is the most qualified to be under this rain the first place (steps out of the canopy to face the audience) just look at him, a man in his late forties, macho man with a water resistant phone…(shakes his head ) I guess momma didn’t complete her work or maybe the instruments were blunt or the work-piece(turns and looks at Mr Landon) was a heartbreaking failure in experiment
Mr Landon: (joins him) how dare you!!!! (trust to grab his throat but his hand were evade swiftly by occupant 2
Occupant 2: Don’t try it again please for your own sake(smiles at him) you better google about me Chifu the judo (taps on his chest)
Mr Landon: Boys, lustful boys they lust for power and control just made them forget the important part of been youths.. My days I will never had stopped an elder from hitting me..
Chibyke: (raise his hand up) maybe, just maybe because of the too much hits you got that’s why some of your brain cells are now experiencing some malfunctions (smiles) it not like I am trying to call you in sane, of course I have respect for….
Mr Landon: (groans) don’t have time for this (soliloquizing)I blame all this drama on the rain and Mr Tope Robert (sighs and turns to one of kids in the canopy ) young girl can you please borrow me the umbrella you are holding

1 Like

Re: The Old Woman And The Canopy by fredthemeek(m): 10:25pm On Jun 11, 2019
Mr Landon: (shakes his head) I guess the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree
Chibyke: (cough)
Woman with kids: (stands up, wipes off the water in her face and adjusts her blouse) Sandra give me the umbrella (limps towards her daughter) I have take enough humiliation for today (soliloquizing) this is the moment I wish my husband is here to deal with miscreants dressed up but internally naked, criminals that don’t hesitate to lay their fingers on any woman they come across…(wipes) I refused to call myself a feminist I guess that’s why my negligence just caught up with me (faces the audience) I have never been hit by a man before but today I…. .
Old woman: (interrupts) my daughter, all this drama for what?
Woman with kids: shame on you old woman, shame on that thing you call your mouth, shame on those times you call yourself a woman, shame…!!! Shame…!! Shame on those things you call eyes, shame on you (claps in the old woman’s face) today you fellow woman was humiliated all you did was just stand and grind your teeth under the rain, shame on you and you too (points at occupant 1) you too (gets close to her) standing there acting all smart up watching your buddy Sir Lambo or whatever he calls himself beating me up under this rain (covers her face) your fellow woman (wipes)
Occupant 1: your umbrella is getting me wet please adjust your umbrella
Chibyke: (shouts) burn!!!
Chifu the judo: Oooh boy (dips his hands into his pocket and brings out a handkerchief) am starting to enjoy this canopy all of a sudden (turns to Chibyke) bro hope you are enjoying this Mini-drama too?
Chibyke: of course (laughing) I am still waiting for someone to pull down the thunder on somebody today (shakes Chifu) that’s when this drama will become more intense
Chifu the judo: just look at that woman under the rain crying for minutes now…. I wish this drama have enough girls, look bro girls are what the creator decided to use to the true meaning of mediocre and stupidity (Chifu and Chibyke bursts into laughter)
Chibyke: I totally agree…
Woman with kids: (uses her umbrella to attack Chifu but he swiftly dodge it and it lands on Chibyke)
Chibyke: (cry’s out in pain) chinekeeee

Too be continued

2 Likes 1 Share

Re: The Old Woman And The Canopy by daddio(m): 10:54pm On Jun 11, 2019
More please.

Abeg mention me whenever you update
Re: The Old Woman And The Canopy by fredthemeek(m): 1:18pm On Jun 12, 2019
Chibyke: (cry’s out in pain) chinekeeee
Chifu the judo: Kai!!! This guy is blind and has a broken nose under this harsh weather (comes out of the canopy and face the audience) just look at him (points at Chibyke who is still holding his nose with one hand and the other hand trying to grab the woman with kids but he is held by Mr. Landon tightly by the waist) just look at him, a young man in his early twenties whom his sole intention today is to put food on his table tomorrow (turns towards the canopy and back to the audience) now not only is the dream shattered but he won’t be able to see his table tomorrow (bows his head) my heart will weep and pray for….
Mr Landon: (interrupts) what the bloody hell is happening today!!! (joins Chifu facing the audience) can this day be any less dramatic?
Chibyke: (comes out from the canopy and joins them) I don’t think so Sir Landon, my body has been desecrated beyond reasonable reasoning
Mr Landon: just a hit on your nose
Chibyke: it’s broken
Mr Landon: it’s not
Chibyke: yeah it isn’t but I may go blind in the next 10 seconds
Mr Landon: hell no!!!
Chifu: that might be the truth , who knows
Mr Landon: (sighs and steps back) stupid rain
Chifu: (turns to Chibyke) I tried to warn you about this creatures call woman (taps him on his shoulder) to live a peaceful and harmless life avoid them….
Chibyke: bro bro easy you are starting to sound like an anti-Woman, a misogynist, a psychopath, a funny clown..
Mr Landon: (steps forward) looks like the birds ain’t compacted to flock together again
Chibyke: (touchs his nose) we never flock together, I hate when jokes become serious
Chifu the judo: (to Chibyke) you are still young and you haven’t live yet
Chibyke: whatever bro just….
Then 3 three persons is seen running towards the canopy and chifu quickly rushed inside the canopy before others notice
Mr Landon: Good afternoon ladies and gentleman can you please step outside the canopy it has been occupied already
New occupant 1: (a dark figure 6”4 tall) screw you man (dips his hand into his pocket and brings out a big cigar with a lighter)
Chifu the judo: (coughs) awkward!!
Mr Landon: (ignore him) what do you mean by “screw me”?
New occupant 1: (poof a huge smoke on his face) S-C-R-U-H Y-O-U
Chibyke: (holding his nose) that’s not even the spelling, I thought everybody that smokes that type of huge cigar had sense…
Chifu the judo: uhhhhh!!
New occupant 1: (removes the dark spectacles that was careful place on his chest pocket) why don’t you come close I can’t really hear you from this far (signals him to come close)
Chifu the judo: (clapping) moral!
High!! Moral!!! Double!!
New occupant 1: (turns and punch Chifu the judo on his face which sends him flying) shut up!!
Chifu the judo: yeeeeh!!! (stands up) sorry sir (his left eye is totally closed up) my name is Yusuf sir

To be continued


Re: The Old Woman And The Canopy by daddio(m): 1:50pm On Jun 12, 2019

New occupant 1: (turns and punch Chifu the judo on his face which sends him flying) shut up!!
Chifu the judo: yeeeeh!!! (stands up) sorry sir (his left eye is totally closed up) my name is Yusuf sir

To be continued

Thanks for the mention.
Re: The Old Woman And The Canopy by fredthemeek(m): 5:20pm On Jun 12, 2019
Chifu the judo: yeeeeh!!! (stands up) sorry sir (his left eye is totally closed up) my name is Yusuf sir
Mr Landon: (steps back and turns to Chibyke) young man there is space for one inside the canopy
Chibyke: (smiles) Very kind of you, looks like we have a new alpha male here
Mr Landon: what the hell!!?? This is just a canopy for goodness sake, my least favorite shoe can buy a dozen of it
Chibyke: how disappointed your shoes will be now (shakes his head) when their owner is afraid to enter something far cheaper than them
Mr Landon: (adjusts his trouser) I don’t know what you are talking about but let’s be clear with each other…. I am not now and wouldn’t now because of someone that…(takes another step further from the new occupant 1) that smokes a cheap cigar
New occupant 1: (stares at him) Grrrrr…
Yusuf: (placing his both hands on his head) hmm..
Chibyke: I already miss the drama from the crazy woman... hers was lightly intense (turns to the woman with kids standing with her umbrella) “madam” “madam”
Woman with kids: (nods at him) am feeling cold (shivers)
Mr Landon: sorry woman, the rain will end soon
Woman with kids: thank you
Chibyke: Awww (covers his mouth) I guess we all have a common enemy now
New occupant 1: (poof another round of cigar smoke) Grrrr
Mr Landon: young man! Can you just shot up for once? (folds his hands and shivers)
Yusuf: (whispering) please remain small for me
Chibyke: (moves closer to yusuf) remain what?
Yusuf: (sighs and ignores him) Sir… (gently touches the new occupant 1 on his shoulder) please remain small cigar for me…
New occupant 1: Grrrrr (poof another smoke)
Chibyke: Sir? Seriously? (laughs)
Yusuf: (retaliates) Stupid, how is your nose?
Chibyke: Far better than your eye obviously (another laugher joined Mr Landon and the woman with kids)
Yusuf: (foams) Sir please…
New occupant 1: (turns furiously at him) Grrrrr..
Yusuf: (quickly ran out of the canopy) Sorry sir!! Sorry sir! (kneels down)
Chibyke: Jesus bro!! What’s going on here? Was the blow that hard to reset your brain?
Yusuf: (ignores him) Am sorry sir!
New occupant 1: Come here!!
Yusuf: yes sir! (use his knee to walk towards him)
Chibyke: blood of Jerusalem!!!
Mr Landon: interesting!!!
Woman with kids: Sandra!! Tobi!!! Don’t go close to that man….Tobi!!! Leave his hand!!! Se ori pe?
New occupant 1: (ignores them all, frees his hand from the young boy clinching to it. He dips his hands into his back pocket and brings out another huge cigar) take!!!
Yusuf: Thank you sir (stands up) thank you very much… please help me with your lighter (collects it and lights the cigar) thank you sir… (poof a smoke in the air) thank you very…
Tobi: (clinching to the new occupant 1 hand again) please uncle give me one
There is laughter on the stage


2 Likes 1 Share

Re: The Old Woman And The Canopy by fredthemeek(m): 7:34am On Jun 13, 2019
Another one coming up this evening... Can I get 10 likes?


Re: The Old Woman And The Canopy by daddio(m): 10:34am On Jun 13, 2019
Another one coming up this evening... Can I get 10 likes?

Una go meet me hia wenefa una go bring am

1 Like

Re: The Old Woman And The Canopy by fredthemeek(m): 7:14pm On Jun 13, 2019
There is laughter on the stage
Woman with kids: (frowning) is like somebody is about to beg for an unfortunate beating
Tobi: am sorry mummy (removes his hand from the new occupant 1 hand) Mr Landon: instead of you scolding the little boy why don’t you give me the umbrella and join your kids under the canopy
Woman with kids: (yawns)
Mr Landon: over an hour ago you were more than eager to enter the canopy…
Woman with kids: (snaps at him) a moment ago you were prepared to murder me in cold blood, am not in the mood please
Chibyke: I understand your grievance madam, what he did was unforgivable but he is right you know… your kids needs their mother close to them in a cold weather, without the hen the chickens perish… .
Woman with kids: (frowning) meaning
Chibyke: (steps back) don’t get me wrong, what I am just saying is that your kids needs you right now please…
Woman with kids: (rolls her eyes) OK!!
Chibyke: give me the umbrella to hold for you (smiling)
Woman with kids: hmm
Mr Landon: now this rain just turned everyone into a butt-kisser!!!!!
Yusuf: (poof a cigar smoke at his direction) I’m sure you need that smoke (laughs out loud exposing his disarranged brown teeth) come close and kiss my butt maybe just maybe I will allow you smoke small from this (raises the cigar up in the air) sweet perfecto mama chocolate (kisses it) I know you want some
Mr Landon: I better drink a cup from that gutter than taste or perceive anything that come anyway in contact with that smelly mouth of yours!
New occupant 1: Grrrr
Mr Landon: What!? Did I hurt your pet (smiles)
Yusuf: (points at him) Old man you better watch your mouth ooooh
Mr Landon: OK sir, at least you are not denying becoming your fellow man pet all of a sudden….
Yusuf: I don’t have your time (poof another round of cigar smoke at his direction) you are trying to take away the joy I am getting from this choco baby (poof another smoke up in the air)
New occupant 3: (uses her hand to cover her nose) face outside please someone might suffocate here
Yusuf: and you are suppose to be….?
New occupant 3: somebody who have a puppy that has a higher IQ than you
Chibyke: (jumping up) burn!! Burn!!! See better burn ooo
Woman with kids: young man take it easy with my umbrella ooh
Chibyke: OK ma’am (turns to new occupant 3) nowadays it’s rare for me to see someone with the same personality, tolerance and beautiful (extends his hand to shake her) hi beautiful my name is Chibuike but my friends which is everybody you see and know calls me Chibyke, onyeoma Na guitar, Eze Ndi keyboard…. ..
New occupant 3: (close her mouth) Awww so I’m supposed to care or what?
Chibyke: (bring down his hand that’s still hanging) no… just that… you know… I was just… you know (getting embarrassed)
Mr Landon: That explains the all of the sudden change in character!!!

See you tomorrow
Re: The Old Woman And The Canopy by fredthemeek(m): 2:11pm On Jun 15, 2019
Mr Landon: That explains the all of the sudden change in character!!!
Chibyke: please stay out of it
Mr Landon: (adjusts his trouser) Young man…
New occupant 3: (loudly) can you move back?!! That umbrella is getting me wet!
Chibyke: (moves back) am very sorry miss
New occupant 3: apology accepted
Chibyke: does it mean we can…
New occupant 3: (snaps at him) hell no!!
Chibyke: (smiles) give it time ( draws a heart sign in the air)
New occupant 3: (frowns) are you always this annoying?
Chibyke: no, it means it’s working, you just have to open yourself…
Mr Landon: Am freezing out here, please can anyone switch places with me?
There is total silence on the stage only the rain drops can be heard
Mr Landon: (removes his tie from his neck) anyone?
Yusuf: you chose to stay outside remember??
Old woman: (shivering) my son please come in, there isn’t anything left for this old rusty body of mine, if I die today at least I die saving a promising kind heart of yours (coughing loudly) please come in (takes off the suit she is wearing) you all still have a bright future ahead (she tries to step outside the canopy)
New occupant 1: (grabs her by her shoulder) you haggard old woman with your stupidity again you better stay here!!!
Old woman: So finally I am noticeable again right? (tries to free herself)
New occupant 1: better stop struggling before I beat the hell out of you here right now!! (drops the cigar he is holding)
Old woman: Ambrose! So shameless, so beating me up at home isn’t enough? So you want to make it public? Beating your own grandmother at any chance you get.. Ambrose just allow me to die in peace (sobbing) Ambrose did I commit a sin taking you in when my daughter died of childbirth? You killed my daughter but I still took care of you and did my best to groom you up (grabs his shirt) Ambrose where did I go wrong? Why do you hate me so much? Does beating me up everyday makes you sleep better in the night? Do you use it to boast in the mist of your peer group or maybe it makes you feel manly every hour? Ambrose!! (places her face on his chest) you are just 24 years with many more you have to achieve in life, that’s always my prayer for you Ambrose (now hugging him) Tell me now where I went wrong? I deserve to know!!! (sobbing uncontrollably)
Ambrose: (petting her gray hairs) my…..
Chibyke: (coughs out loud) 24 years!!
Ambrose: (ignores him) my problem is not with you Old woman (there is heavy breeze now blowing with the rain) you don’t know how many times I had to go to bed blaming myself for my mother’s death, thinking every night if I had done something different maybe she would still be alive today…
Old woman: But you were just a baby
Ambrose: I know but you still rubs it in my face…
Old woman: that’s was years ago, my anger always gets the best of me, I will never do anything intentional to hurt you
Ambrose: (hugs her) yet you did daily, weekly, monthly. even in my sleep I had nightmares because of you…
Old woman: (crying) I am so sorry my little Ambrose!! Am so….
Mr Landon: (speaking faintly and shivering) I hate to interrupt this.. (coughs loud) this lovely but I seriously need…(falls down unconscious)

To be continued
Re: The Old Woman And The Canopy by fredthemeek(m): 7:33pm On Jun 15, 2019
Mr Landon: (speaking faintly and shivering) I hate to interrupt this.. (coughs loud) this lovely but I seriously need…(falls down unconscious)
He is been drag inside the canopy by Ambrose and Yusuf
New occupant 3: (frightened) is he dead?
Occupant 1: (checks his pulse) no he isn’t but his breathing is faint (adjusts Mr Landon who is lying helpless on the concrete floor of the canopy) he needs a CPR
Yusuf: what’s that?
Occupant 1: I am a nurse..
Yusuf: (interrupts) what’s CPR?
Occupant 1: he’s not breathing so he needs someone to give to a mouth to mouth respiration
Yusuf: (bends down to observe the helpless Mr Landon on the floor) I will do it
Occupant 1: OK while I give him the mouth to mouth you press his chest like this(she demonstrates how a CPR is done to him)
Yusuf: I want to give him the mouth to mouth…
Occupant 1: ok
Chibyke: why? So you are trying to get back at him right?
Yusuf: maybe, or maybe I am trying to save him (smiles) so when he wakes up he will wish he is dead (touch mr Landon’s cold cheeks)
Chibyke: (laughs) that’s after he kills you first
Occupant 1: let’s start now
Both of them gives him a CPR
Ambrose: Grrrrr
Old woman: He needs to get warm (gives the nurse his suit) take this he needs it, please remove his wet shirt now it’s wet
Ambrose: take my polo shirt too( (he hands it to the nurse)
Old woman: Ambrose the weather is too cold please wear your shirt
Ambrose: no need for that I have you by my side (hugs her)
Chibyke: Awww beautiful beautiful, please whose turn is it to use the umbrella? My legs are as cold as Jupiter unless you guys want me to join that old man there
Yusuf: happily I will love to give you a CTR too
Chibyke: (frowns) let me warn you now if your mouth or saliva ever comes close to mine I swear to the world I will kill you, then kill myself
Yusuf: this man here (touching mr Landon’s cheek) said the same thing too
Chibyke: (frowns) Try me (turns to the audience) a little cold can’t kill me, am stronger than a polar bear I can swim and stay in the Northern Atlantic Ocean for years, a little cold on my legs are nothing compared to the days I spent sleeping outside during my boys brigade days, A man can get rusty but not change, my skin is as thick as leather built both for hot and cold weather, I am so….
Mr Landon gasps for air, stands up and runs out the canopy

To be continued....

1 Like

Re: The Old Woman And The Canopy by fredthemeek(m): 7:34pm On Jun 15, 2019
Another one coming up when I get 10 likes
Re: The Old Woman And The Canopy by fredthemeek(m): 6:37pm On Jun 20, 2019
sorry guys I can't post anything till I get 10 likes lipsrsealed

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