It’s a long story but I’ll try to summarize so that you all can read and advice me.

I have this friend we grew up together I’ll chose to call him Mr. A to keep his real identity, he introduced me to his primary school class mate about 20yrs ago and he will be identified as Mr B. During the introduction I got to know Mr. B lives in my neighborhood soon after our friendship became stronger even more than we were to Mr. A.

Mr. B lost his dad in 2006 and his elder brother sent all of them out of the house and I took him in, meanwhile I was staying with my dad and step mom, I introduced him to them and they accepted him.

He stayed with me for about 6 months till his immediate elder brother got an apartment and he went to live with him, while he was in my house, he was so nice, we did everything together, he would wash my daddy’s car, close and everything.

About 2 months after he left, I had a quarrel with my step mom and I left the house to stay with my friend Mr. B. We were cool in the first 1 month till he started treating me like an outcast, I couldn’t take it anymore I went home to beg my parents and I was accepted. We remained friends till I left my dad’s house in 2010 to rent my own place, being that I now have my own place it was open to anyone.

One day Mr. A and B visited me I made food we ate while eating they had an argument I tried all I could to resolve it but they didn’t listen till Mr. B stood up and slap Mr. A he retaliated and beat Mr. B till he was bleeding. Mr. B call his brothers and told them I joined Mr A to beat him the brothers came and fought me.

I stayed away from him for a while till we settled again but I mind my space around him. I left Nigeria in Feb 2013 to India before then Mr. A has traveled to Malaysia in 2012 and cut off communication with all of us. I called Mr. B when I got to India to inform him and he was happy he called and told Mr. A and Mr A called me to congratulate me and confessed that he didn’t call me since because on the day he was traveling to Lagos to board a flight to Malaysia I called him while he was in the bus in the company of his brother and another friend and they advised him not to pick that it could be that I was sent to obstruct his journey spiritually.

When he said that i felt bad, i told him if I ever wish you bad, May what I wish you follow me. I manage to maintain the conversation till the call ended and I blocked him.

About 6 months later I bought my first plot of land and I started building, I was at roofing level when I lost the house with the land I cried day and night but I moved on.

I gobread am later
. How far you no relocate from Southey back home again?

okay

I was totally down for 3 years I had no savings in Nigeria not even N1 to my name till 2016 when I managed to buy another plot of land in Lagos and started building again. The same year I lost my house and land Mr. B called me one afternoon crying on the phone that he is about writing his final exams that he hasn’t paid his school fees by that time my landlord was about evicting me from my apartment in India, I told him I’ll see how I can be of help, meanwhile my mom just left Nigeria after my younger sister’s wedding, I called her and cried that she should lend me money to help my friend, she reminded me she just left Nigeria that she hasn’t resume work but she has some money with my younger sister that was paid by her tenant, she said she will lend me 15,000 out of it I was happy I called my friend and told him I was able to raise 15,000 he pretended to be happy I asked my younger sister to send him the money.

During the time I was down i stayed off social media, non of my friends had my contact. I manage to get back on my feet in 2016 I built a house and returned to Nigeria in 2017 by then Mr. B was already in South Africa and Mr A was still in Malaysia.

I called them and informed them that I was in Nigeria, Mr. B ask me to send him money to celebrate my return which I did. Many friends came with their troubles I assisted the much I could then I left for Kenya in 2017 December. While I was in Kenya we were in constant communication, one afternoon I got a call from Mr. B in SA that my younger brother and his immediate elder brother were fighting and they injured themselves seriously, I spent more than 100k calling SA from Kenya.

I pleaded with them to forgive him till I come to SA, in March 2018 I went back to Nigeria and I stayed in Nigeria for about 2 months and left for SA on May 31. The first I did when I got to SA was to settle them and made sure my younger brother begged them.

My younger brother will always advice me to stay away from them that they don’t like me, that they are only friends cos I have now my respond to him will be shut up you don’t know them more than me.

One month later I went to Mr. B’s house, when I got back home my younger brother pick a quarrel with me and asked me to leave, I went back to their place and told them to help me find an apartment, I got a place the following day in the same building where they live, they followed me to buy everything I needed I was settled with 3 days. I called my younger brother to come to my place so that he will know where I live. 2 months after I left my brother’s place he got evicted from his apartment and came to live with me, sometime he will say he is going to Mr. B apartment I’ll only advice him not have any quarrel with anyone when he gets there he will go and come back till he had a serious argument with another guy in their apartment one day, I went and begged them he stopped going there.

2 weeks later my brother just suddenly picked his bag and told me he is leaving I asked him why he said nothing not knowing he called my mom already to tell her that I always bring different women home, after he left my mom called me pretending to be advising me to stay away from women, I shouted at her then she told me she heard from my younger brother.

He went to live in a hotel for 2 weeks, and called me after two weeks that he was coming back to my place I refused I told him to come take money and rent another apartment he came I gave him money and he went to rent another apartment with his friend.

Meanwhile my younger brother had already told me that Mr. B has told all his friends in SA before I came that he called me to help him with money to pay his school fees while I was in India I gave him only 15,000 because that was not what he wanted he called his friends in Nigeria and they went and drink with the money.

In January this year, we all left the building we were staying before, to live in an estate, in February my friend Mr. B bought a car, he was in my place when he was making the plan to go buy the car, he didn’t want to tell me till I insisted he opened up, I told him I’ll go with him, we went he bought a Mercedes 2014 model I was so happy for him, he didn’t know how to drive I drove the car home from where we went to buy the car.

About a week after he bought the car, my younger brother’s flat mate called me that my younger brother was fighting with him before I could say anything he dropped the call and didn’t pick my calls again, I called Mr B to tell him what was happening, since he has friends around where they stay he could help me call his friend to help me go to my brother’s house and take him out of the house, Mr. B said it’s better we go there, we went with his car I drove without license for about 600KM. When we got there my brother had broken the sliding door in their house his flat mate insisted I must pay before I take my brother away.

When i asked what caused their fight, his flat mate told me because of the money he borrowed from me that ever since my brother heard about the money he has been fighting him over the money, right there I told the boy not to pay back the money. I pleaded with him to let me go with him that I will send him money to fix the door the next day.

Chai this story get as e be. Mr. A, Mr. B, Younger brother, elder brother, India, Kenya, Malaysia, SA. Mehn, it’s so hard to keep up.

You never finish the story but this is my advice - always set your expectation very low when dealing with ‘friends’ and human beings in general, to avoid disappointment.

The next day i sent R800 equivalent to 20k Naira through my brother to him, my younger brother didn’t give him the money the boy kept pressuring me, I called my brother to ask him, he said he has paid someone to come fix the door, I waited for 2 days nothing i sent another money to the boy before I sent the money the second time the boy had gone to fight my brother again so I asked my brother to board taxify and come to my place.

When he came I told him you know I don’t smoke please don’t smoke inside he agreed, but every morning I wake up to smell weed in my living room. I didn’t mind, he will always go to Mr. B’s place I noticed his mood swings whenever he gets back from there. One afternoon he got back and told me to always mind my speech whenever I go to Mr. B’s place that they are making mockery of me. I got confused, I asked him why he said I should just mind what I say while around them. I insisted reminding him that I don’t go begging for food, drink or money so why will they mock me?

So that day I changed my WhatsApp number I gave him and warned him not to give anyone, I gave Mr. B’s elder brother my WhatsApp number. Meanwhile Mr. B already had an accident with his new car because he learned to drive with the car, I was with him all through his ordeal later I noticed he was avoiding me, I got worried and told my younger brother he said it could be that he is tensed due to the accident.

I read everything and can see a clear pattern o

One afternoon I went to the market when I got back my younger brother was smoking in the living room, I yelled at him to come help me with what I bought, he got angry and told me he was leaving my place, he left and went to stay with Mr. B, he called my mom and told her all manner of lies, my mom called me quarreling with me.

Ever since my brother stop calling me, he doesn’t take my calls, this morning Mr. A called me from Malaysia saying I have been too cold lately, he didn’t want to disturb, he asked what happened between me and my friend I told him nothing that am just facing some difficulty now that’s why I decided to lay low. He said it is as if I don’t want to tell him the truth, he said he heard report from my younger brother and my friend Mr. B and he started explaining to me, it was then I explained my own version of the whole stories.

He said my friend said I don’t want to teach him what I do, I was shocked because there is nothing special about what I do, he is doing perfectly well in what he does, he has 6 flats in a very expensive area in Benin, he has another 3 flats, he has a car here, I don’t I have 2 houses he has 2.

Why the jealousy? They turned my younger brother against me, my younger brother turned my mom against me, now I don’t talk to my mom.

Am seen as a witch, can one be a witch and he won’t know? I have tasted more bitterness than they have all suffered.

I keep saying this, God give me double portion of what I wish my friends good or bad.

Am confused and I regret coming to SA. I have cried out my eyes since morning, I decided to post this to ease myself of the pain, I was very open to them when I came to SA, they started fighting me after knowing my secretes

elektra:
Chai this story get as e be. Mr. A, Mr. B, Younger brother, elder brother, India, Kenya, Malaysia, SA. Mehn, it’s so hard to keep up.

You never finish the story but this is my advice - always set your expectation very low when dealing with ‘friends’ and human beings in general, to avoid disappointment.

I know what my problems are, I trust easily and I don’t keep secrets from friends that has always been my weakness

Just man up bro. Forget them. Let them fight and quarrel its not your business. Mind your own business and that includes Mr A, Mr B, and ur younger bros. Ignore them all and face your hustle.

mankettle:
Just man up bro. Forget them. Let them fight and quarrel its not your business. Mind your own business and that includes Mr A, Mr B, and ur younger bros. Ignore them all and face your hustle.

Thanks bro, hot tears running my eyes, seriously I didn’t believe this for real, I have been away from them for about 2 months now, my friend in Malaysia just came to remind me of them this morning with many allegations.

After I have explained my side of the story, he said he wanted a conference call with the two of us, my friend here in SA refused, when I called the one in Malaysia back he started avoiding my calls.

Life is not fair, only the strong survive.

ifyalways:
Life is not fair, only the strong survive.

I leave them to God, all I can say is God should give me double portion of whatever I wish them good or bad

Mr A, Mr B, your elder and younger brother - none of them can be trusted. Don't tell them your plans henceforth and simply keep your distance from them.

theButterfly:
Mr A, Mr B, your elder and younger brother - none of them can be trusted. Don't tell them your plans henceforth and just simply keep your distance from them

Thanks bro

Truth is that you don't hold your sanity sacrosanct, therefore, the reason you strive to use servility to sustain your relationship with people (both family and friends). Believe you me, it doesn't work like that for anyone who values his sanity.

Since you operate from the defensive side of life - your submission says so - you need to understand that people like messr A and B should wear the tag of "people I'm friendly with" not "my friends" both in word and action. They're your frenemies and should be treated as such always, especially Mr B. Seriously, you need to lay philosophy of what constitutes friendship for you because you don't have such philosophy yet.

As for your brother (the one in SA), you don't have to alienate him from your life - since blood is thicker than water - but you need to tell yourself the bitter truth that pursuing oneness with him isn't an option any longer and focus towards maintaining unity with him for family sake. Always do all you can for him selflessly, at any given time, from afar, but without allowing him privilege of sharing constant closeness with you. To him, it'll always be either your dominion or dignity or sanity, consciously or unconsciously. One of the most difficult and impossible task to accomplish in the world remains people of different ethical leanings pursuing oneness with each other, it doesn't matter whether you're of same kinship or not.

As for your mother, you've no better option than to continue to love her, of course without allowing her the privilege to subjugate you - love, diplomacy and conscientiousness will do the magic here.

LordKO:
Truth is that you don't hold your sanity sacrosanct, therefore the reason you strive to use servility to sustain your relationship with people (both family and friends). Believe you me, it doesn't work like that for anyone who values his sanity.

Since you operate from the defensive side of life - your submission says so - you need to understand that people like Mr A and B should wear the tag of "people I'm friendly with" not "my friends" both in word and action. They're your frenemies and should be treated as such always, especially Mr B. Seriously, you need to lay philosophy of what of constitutes friendship for you because you don't have such philosophy yet.

As for your brother (the one in SA), you don't have to alienate him from your life - since blood is thicker than water - but you need to tell yourself the bitter truth that pursuing oneness with him isn't an option any longer and focus towards maintaining unity with him for family sake. Always do all you can for him selflessly, at any given time, from afar, but without allowing him privilege of sharing constant closeness with you. To him it's either your dominion, dignity or sanity consciously or unconsciously. One of the most difficult and impossible task to accomplish in the world remains people of different ethical leanings pursuing oneness with each other, it doesn't matter whether you're of same kinship or not.

As for your mother, you've no better option than to continue to love her, Of course without allowing her the privilege to subjugate you - love, diplomacy and conscientiousness will do the magic here.

Thank you sir, I’ll make do with your advice

LordKO:
Truth is that you don't hold your sanity sacrosanct, therefore, the reason you strive to use servility to sustain your relationship with people (both family and friends). Believe you me, it doesn't work like that for anyone who values his sanity.

Since you operate from the defensive side of life - your submission says so - you need to understand that people like Mr A and B should wear the tag of "people I'm friendly with" not "my friends" both in word and action. They're your frenemies and should be treated as such always, especially Mr B. Seriously, you need to lay philosophy of what constitutes friendship for you because you don't have such philosophy yet.

As for your brother (the one in SA), you don't have to alienate him from your life - since blood is thicker than water - but you need to tell yourself the bitter truth that pursuing oneness with him isn't an option any longer and focus towards maintaining unity with him for family sake. Always do all you can for him selflessly, at any given time, from afar, but without allowing him privilege of sharing constant closeness with you. To him, it'll always be either your dominion or dignity or sanity, consciously or unconsciously. One of the most difficult and impossible task to accomplish in the world remains people of different ethical leanings pursuing oneness with each other, it doesn't matter whether you're of same kinship or not.

As for your mother, you've no better option than to continue to love her, of course without allowing her the privilege to subjugate you - love, diplomacy and conscientiousness will do the magic here.

You mean you read it all

Much respect sir.

UjuJoan2:


You mean you read it all

Much respect sir.

Reading na my hobby, so glancing and sussing de post no take me more dan 2 minutes.

Ok. I have read it all .
No. 1: you are an emotionally sensitive guy and you are too trusting.
No. 2: learn that everyone cannot be your friend.
You need to develop a thicker skin to be able to protect your peace of mind and whoever threatens that, be it family or friend, needs to be given a loooooong rope. Mr A and B are not your friends. Stop looking at them with eyes of the past when he was acting nice living with your family. He had to because he was indebted to your parents magnanimity. Tackle the present, who he is right now is the issue. None of them should be in your inner circle or privy to private life. They should be one of those people you know.
Your brother is an adult and seems to be irresponsible, but he does try to protect you by telling you to mind how much you expose yourself to your 'friends'. Love him from a distance as well, but don't detach. Family or no, your peace of mind should be Paramount to you. Cut off any one that is toxic to your well-being.

Those guys are not your friends.

frostylook:
Ok. I have read it all .
No. 1: you are an emotionally sensitive guy and you are too trusting.
No. 2: learn that everyone cannot be your friend.
You need to develop a thicker skin to be able to protect your peace of mind and whoever threatens that, be it family or friend, needs to be given a loooooong rope. Mr A and B are not your friends. Stop looking at them with eyes of the past when he was acting nice living with your family. He had to because he was indebted to your parents magnanimity. Tackle the present, who he is right now is the issue. None of them should be in your inner circle or privy to private life. They should be one of those people you know.
Your brother is an adult and seems to be irresponsible, but he does try to protect you by telling you to mind how much you expose yourself to your 'friends'. Love him from a distance as well, but don't detach. Family or no, your peace of mind should be Paramount to you. Cut off any one that is toxic to your well-being.

Thank you it is noted

frostylook:
Ok. I have read it all .
No. 1: you are an emotionally sensitive guy and you are too trusting.
No. 2: learn that everyone cannot be your friend.
You need to develop a thicker skin to be able to protect your peace of mind and whoever threatens that, be it family or friend, needs to be given a loooooong rope. Mr A and B are not your friends. Stop looking at them with eyes of the past when he was acting nice living with your family. He had to because he was indebted to your parents magnanimity. Tackle the present, who he is right now is the issue. None of them should be in your inner circle or privy to private life. They should be one of those people you know.
Your brother is an adult and seems to be irresponsible, but he does try to protect you by telling you to mind how much you expose yourself to your 'friends'. Love him from a distance as well, but don't detach. Family or no, your peace of mind should be Paramount to you. Cut off any one that is toxic to your well-being.

Thanks and noted

Auxtin85:


Thanks and noted

You have a psychological need to be needed so you will always pose as a saviour to friends and foes to remain relevant.

This would naturally attract users or fair weather friends so there is a balance.

This is one of the signs of low self-esteem.

Let people earn your friendship, trust and loyalty; don't give it on a platter of gold else it decreases in value.

Please note that frenemies are much more dangerous than enemies... You never see them strike.

You're Honest To a fault, I've always been like you expecting people to give me their best because that what I've always done, But Until one Great betrayal happend I changed and so should you, Lower your level of Expectation from friends and families, and stop seeking validation from them stop trying to please everyone My Bits

bukatyne:


You have a psychological need to be needed so you will always pose as a saviour to friends and foes to remain relevant.

This would naturally attract users or fair weather friends so there is a balance.

This is one of the signs of low self-esteem.

Let people earn your friendship, trust and loyalty; don't give it on a platter of gold else it decreases in value.

Please note that frenemies are much more dangerous than enemies... You never see them strike.

Thank you ma’am

Olorunnim:
You're Honest To a fault, I've always been like you expecting people to give me their best because that what I've always done, But Until one Great betrayal happend I changed and so should you, Lower your level of Expectation from friends and families, and stop seeking validation from them stop trying to please everyone My Bits

Thank you I appreciate

elektra:
Chai this story get as e be. Mr. A, Mr. B, Younger brother, elder brother, India, Kenya, Malaysia, SA. Mehn, it’s so hard to keep up.

You never finish the story but this is my advice - always set your expectation very low when dealing with ‘friends’ and human beings in general, to avoid disappointment.

Besides when you are always bailing someone out, he takes it for granted. That his younger bro. needs to have his head reset by cutting off all finances from him. If he's always getting into fights. Let him sort himself out. That's the only way to reset his brains..

Besides how can op be in the company of bad friends, SA and Malaysia guys are known to be drug traffickers and bad influence.

Auxtin85:


Thanks bro, hot tears running my eyes, seriously I didn’t believe this for real, I have been away from them for about 2 months now, my friend in Malaysia just came to remind me of them this morning with many allegations.

After I have explained my side of the story, he said he wanted a conference call with the two of us, my friend here in SA refused, when I called the one in Malaysia back he started avoiding my calls.

Is your life dependent on them? You had the chance to cut off long ago but you refused. How can 2 friends start fighting in your house after eating together to the point of injuring themselves? Show me your friend and I will tell you who you are.

This is even sounding like tweeter story self. It makes no sense.

How many times will You be made a fool before You learn.
God has placed You above them.Walk with your head raised high,face ur hustle and develope your esteem.You Dont need them to survive.

LadySarah:
You and My husband are the same.How many times will You be made a fool before You learn.
God has placed You above them.Walk with your head raised high,face ur hustle and develope your esteem.You Dont need them to survive.

Thank you ma’am, I have made up my mind to forget them forever