Life has never been fair to me; at least, that's how I've come to see it. I've always been the black sheep of the family; the problem child of the home. I am the child they got, hoping they had another. Have you ever read in the Bible where it says, "I am fearfully and wonderfully made"? Well, that's me. I am blessed with looks that'll give Aphrodite a run for her money and cursed with mental disorders that makes one question the goodness of the gods.

People are drawn by my looks and chased by my instability. I've never been able to keep friends because no one wants to be associated with me. Well, neither do I. No one knows what it feels like to not be in control. They think I do it for the attention; why not take a glimpse in my head and have a feel of what it means to be me?

I am never alone. I am always surrounded by people watching me every second of the day; trying to make sure I don't hurt myself. I can't escape to my head because it's the kingdom of voices. I hear them everyday from waking in the morning to sleeping at night; each wanting to be heard. Even in my sleep, they come for me. By then, the voices take forms tormenting me as though to chase me out of my mind. I am never at peace. Severally, I've always wondered what it feels like to take a leave from my head. Just go away for a while; enjoying the serenity that comes with it and just live.

There's the urge to cut myself and just watch my blood flow for the fun of it; nevermind the fact that I might be dead by then. At times, I find it really hard to resist that urge and give in to its pull. I take the blade to cut my wrist. The rich red colour is enthralling; can't seem to stop myself from watching my lifeblood flow with joy, until someone comes in and tries to stop the flow. My joy is cut short. Even in my instability I am denied my happiness.

There's this voice that is always louder than the rest. It's always telling me to pick things by the way side. It gave me no choice. It overpowered me and forced me to do his will. He wasn't so forceful initially, after all, my subconscious was stronger. But with time, my defences weakened as my periods of sanity began to be far apart until I totally lost it. Now, I have a collection of junks at the corner of my room; junks I've refused anyone from throwing out. As my collection increased, my family began seeking means of restricting my movement and finally locked me in my room. I am a disgrace that should be hidden than exposed. Now that I'm trapped, the voice is tormenting me for disobeying him. Can anyone please help me out? I can't deal anymore. It's almost taking over, and, I can't tell what will happen then.

From my brief periods of sanity, I heard my family discussing my fate. My family was never buoyant financially and my health has helped wreck them permanently. They've decided to keep me in the village where I'll be at the mercy of relatives. They tried their best to salvage my being but it was obviously not meant to be. Besides, they never wanted a girl child when the gods decided to impose me on them. So, they'll move on loving my little brother who was unfortunate enough to have me as a sister. When next you think I'm an attention seeking brat, do go through this and reconsider.