I want to hear the opinions of ONLY married women...

What would you do as a married woman when you husband doesn't do his fair share of household chores and you guys are both working? He works longer hours than you do or you work longer hours than he does? Divorce him? Oh yes, it happens pretty regularly in the western world or maybe I should say the US.

How about if you're a stay-at-home-mom and he opens a shop/kiosk for you?

I was reading a subreddit on reddit

https://old.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/cf6iha/husband_would_rather_break_up_than_do_chores/

She created the thread 2 hours ago and one commenter, u/WonderTwinkles, said and I quote

"Leave him. He's a child in man clothing.You will have a much better life without such a drain on your existence.
Source: ended an eleven year marriage for similar reasons. Life is HUGELY better. Got married last year to a man who cleans up without even being reminded, AND he treats me like I treat him, which is like gold."


Another one, u/mars_cat, said
Definitely work toward leaving his ass. It's not just about the chores, it's about the way he treats you and expects you to cater to his every demand. As you're preparing to leave, don't do ANY of his things. If you're doing laundry, only do yours. If your cooking dinner, make one meal for yourself. Disconnect his game system and hide the cables (maybe hide them in the laundry or somewhere he can only find it if he does some chores). A relationship should be an equal partnership, and disagreements shouldn't include insults and petty actions. This guy does not deserve you. He think his life would be better without you? Nah, your life would be better without him.

Lemme not bore you with quotes after quotes but the vast majority of comments kinda hint that she should leave. Over what? The guy wouldn't do less than his fair share of the house chores! I don't know if those commenters are trolls or if it has gotten to that.

I know our cultures and tradition are different but if the vast majority of people are encouraging her to leave for what our people here would see as a trivial reason, a very silly excuse by the woman, don't you think there's good reasons to be utterly terrified? I am livid.

So my question to you, dear married women of Nairaland, I know there aren't many of you here but we would still like to hear the opinion of the few anyway. Would you divorce your husband over his indifference to household chores or BETTER PUT complain bitterly about it online or in your circle of friends, and I mean it? Divorce, as in, mio shey mon? If yes, why? If no, why not?

I'd love to hear your opinion. Thanks


Edit: Damn, she deleted the write-up

Do the ones You can do and leave the rest.You didnt cone into marriage to kill urself.

Smh

very funny, Children getting married these days, Imagine a Divorce, because of housework, just employ a house keeper and make him pay her salary.Abeg you guys should not kill me with laughter.

immature women having money makes them think they do not need a relationship


I use to think money control men, but now I see money controlling 90% of women

Women are easy target for demons to enter and ruin their marriages.

I want to be very fair in my submission on this topic. Marriage in Africa is more like a modern slavery for women, should I say no thanks to exhortation from in laws but that's an issue for another day. Men marry who will cook, clean, raise kids, service them in za ozza room and still keep white collar jobs in most cases. I've heard of a man who gets off work at 4pm, but sits comfortably at the sitting room waiting for his wife who closes work at 5pm to serve launch and dinner.(food was in fridge oo, just microwave it, mba)
All these happen but any lady that ever revolts against such culture is termed a bad wife.
I don't support men dragging kitchen with their wives but a good husband should help out always be it with house chores or even in the kitchen and bathing of kids especially where the wife works too.

J111333:
I want to be very fair in my submission on this topic. Marriage in Africa is more like a modern slavery for women, should I say no thanks to exhortation from in laws but that's an issue for another day. Men marry who will cook, clean, raise kids, service them in za ozza room and still keep white collar jobs in most cases. I've heard of a man who gets off work at 4pm, but sits comfortably at the sitting room waiting for his wife who closes work at 5pm to serve launch and dinner.(food was in fridge oo, just microwave it, mba)
All these happen but any lady that ever revolts against such culture is termed a bad wife.
I don't support men dragging kitchen with their wives but a good husband should help out always be it with house chores or even in the kitchen and bathing of kids especially where the wife works too.

i still wonder why many ladies are desperate to marry. When its most time a slavery thingy lmao

Reminds me of when I spent 2 days in my cousin's house. She has two kids under 2. She woke up, swept the house,mopped as she was doing that her son woke up she stopped half way attended to him and I helped her feed him while she continued her chores, by then the baby wakes up, she baths her, feeds her and handed the baby over to me.

She went back to cleaning, after a while she came out looking so confused. She just ran to the kitchen some minutes later she came out with food and she went back to the bedroom to call her husband he finished eating left the plate and went back to the room.

Throughout the day all she did was wash, cook, clean and take care of kids, this man couldn't even help. All he did was eat,sleep and TV. I felt so bad for my cousin.

I was supposed to stay a week but I couldn't. When she opened up to me I already knew she was just marking time in that marriage and it wouldn't last long.

He works and she also works, still when she asks him for help he says house work is a woman thing.

Is this not the reason why our grandfathers refused to train a girl child in school?
Is this not a reason why our Nigeria society can never give delicate positions to women?
In fact is this not the same reason God created women last of all Creation and put her under a man.

This is my opinion: Divorce and go to your house or your father's house. Raise your children and tell them how scum full men are but also tell them you lacked sense and that was why you divorced their father.

Bunchersstab:

Why you con dey laugh? End-time things!

LadySarah:
Do the ones You can do and leave the rest.You didnt cone into marriage to kill urself.

LadySarah I think I have to agree with you. No one should wear themselves out with house chores but I ask, if you were single (or a single mom) would you do these chores? Yes, maybe that's a stupid question. You husband doesn't do his fair share of house work, would you divorce him? Why and why not.

Mstick:
Reminds me of when I spent 2 days in my cousin's house. She has two kids under 2. She woke up, swept the house,mopped as she was doing that her son woke up she stopped half way attended to him and I helped her feed him while she continued her chores, by then the baby wakes up, she baths her, feeds her and handed the baby over to me.

She went back to cleaning, after a while she came out looking so confused. She just ran to the kitchen some minutes later she came out with food and she went back to the bedroom to call her husband he finished eating left the plate and went back to the room.

Throughout the day all she did was wash, cook, clean and take care of kids, this man couldn't even help. All he did was eat,sleep and TV. I felt so bad for my cousin.

I was supposed to stay a week but I couldn't. When she opened up to me I already knew she was just marking time in that marriage and it wouldn't last long.

He works and she also works, still when she asks him for help he says house work is a woman thing.

Hmmmm

Does your cousin contribute money to the house purse?

Has she explored getting a maid?

gssdobi:
very funny, Children getting married these days, Imagine a Divorce, because of housework, just employ a house keeper and make him pay her salary.Abeg you guys should not kill me with laughter.

Not children actually, but feminist. It's only feminist (I said only) that would drag men down that path. As a woman, there's a way you'd talk to the most stone-hearted husband, either by constant tears, frown or any means that they would just listen to you. But even if they wouldn't, divorcing over this reason isn't just childish but stupid. So even if he doesn't do less than his fair share of housework, why not just do what needs to be done, do your part, do what you can do and just keep quiet. Is life that hard? White women matter tire me!

J111333:
I want to be very fair in my submission on this topic. Marriage in Africa is more like a modern slavery for women, should I say no thanks to exhortation from in laws but that's an issue for another day. Men marry who will cook, clean, raise kids, service them in za ozza room and still keep white collar jobs in most cases. I've heard of a man who gets off work at 4pm, but sits comfortably at the sitting room waiting for his wife who closes work at 5pm to serve launch and dinner.(food was in fridge oo, just microwave it, mba)
All these happen but any lady that ever revolts against such culture is termed a bad wife.
I don't support men dragging kitchen with their wives but a good husband should help out always be it with house chores or even in the kitchen and bathing of kids especially where the wife works too.

So what exactly are you saying? Did she doing the right thing?

If someone is a serial cheater and the other party tells you he/she wants to divorce; I bet you'd not ind it problematic. How about house chores where the man is very negligent?

Most Nigerian marriage is slave labour, according to you, fine. What's the way out of this modern day slavery? Divorce?

Mstick:
Reminds me of when I spent 2 days in my cousin's house. She has two kids under 2. She woke up, swept the house,mopped as she was doing that her son woke up she stopped half way attended to him and I helped her feed him while she continued her chores, by then the baby wakes up, she baths her, feeds her and handed the baby over to me.

She went back to cleaning, after a while she came out looking so confused. She just ran to the kitchen some minutes later she came out with food and she went back to the bedroom to call her husband he finished eating left the plate and went back to the room.

Throughout the day all she did was wash, cook, clean and take care of kids, this man couldn't even help. All he did was eat,sleep and TV. I felt so bad for my cousin.

I was supposed to stay a week but I couldn't. When she opened up to me I already knew she was just marking time in that marriage and it wouldn't last long.

He works and she also works, still when she asks him for help he says house work is a woman thing.

I'm curious as to why you were unable to stay for up to a week. Is it because you cannot stand the fact that she's doing all the chores alone? And to add insult to injury, they both work?

bukatyne:


Hmmmm

Does your cousin contribute money to the house purse?

Has she explored getting a maid?

Bukatyne, you're a married working class woman, so let's hear your opinion. This thread is meant for you!

Oko re o shishe le, ko fobo, ko kin gbale, ko fo toilet, are you going to divorce him? Why and why not?

What if he objects to the idea of a maid and still, wouldn't lift an inch? I am not saying your husband is passive or indifferent; on the contrary, I want to hear your opinion in what seems like a hypothetical scenario for you.

ednut1:
i still wonder why many ladies are desperate to marry. When its most time a slavery thingy lmao

Both genders are desperate to marry; the female gender is more pronounced because of Mother Nature that kicks in before 45, in many cases. You know what I mean!

But yeah, if marriage is slavery, why not remain in your father's house?

Keep off from the byproduct of stress-induced life - sex. And I mean children!

princeking2:
Is this not the reason why our grandfathers refused to train a girl child in school?
Is this not a reason why our Nigeria society can never give delicate positions to women?
In fact is this not the same reason God created women last of all Creation and put her under a man.

This is my opinion: Divorce and go to your house or your father's house. Raise your children and tell them how scum full men are but also tell them you lacked sense and that was why you divorced their father.

Gbam: "....but also tell them you lacked sense.."

lilmax:
immature women having money makes them think they do not need a relationship

I use to think money control men, but now I see money controlling 90% of women

If you click on the link you'll read that her husband is the one who wants to break up b|c he doesn't want to do chores, so he's the immature and childish one.

theButterfly:
If you click on the link you'll read that her husband is the one who wants to break up b|c he doesn't want to do chores, so he's the immature and childish one.

Mr. that's untrue. She wants other redditors to validate her rights to divorce. She wants to divorce him and she's seeking the opinion of other people who would say 'yes, go ahead" not the other way round. You don't have to click the url to know better1

I

The op is just being mischievous.

If a place becomes too toxic please leave until you find somewhere that is less toxic. Marriage is not an exception, it is just an advanced form of business partnership. If you feel cheated, dissolve the union and move along.

Blackmiserable:


LadySarah I think I have to agree with you. No one should wear themselves out with house chores but I ask, if you were single (or a single mom) would you do these chores? Yes, maybe that's a stupid question. You husband doesn't do his fair share of house work, would you divorce him? Why and why not.

Theres a whole lot of difference when the man is not around.You get to cook when You want,laundry is less andYou can doze off when You are through without some lazy ass coming for Sex too After You have been
fagged out.
These Traditional husbands wont even accept You having home appliances that will ease your job because Their old mothers did All that and more and still survived.
If You have someone like My husband around,who believes in four square meals ,wears clothes Once and still requires steady activity in the other room ,and he doesnt get to help me out,then i will age quickly.
Thankfully he helps out fantastically sothat ican function
This is not enough ground for divorce though.Paying someone to Come do the Work is an option My neighbour exploited.

Blackmiserable:


Both genders are desperate to marry; the female gender is more pronounced because of Mother Nature that kicks in before 45, in many cases. You know what I mean!

But yeah, if marriage is slavery, why not remain in your father's house?

Keep off from the byproduct of stress-induced life - sex. And I mean children!

who told you,men are desperate to marry?.if it had not been society pressure...90% of men will be single....how marriage take help men?

Rusa:
I am in similar situation at the moment. Our parents did great job raising girls as wives but unfortunately did nothing raising boys as husband.
The concept of marriage isn't 50/50 as many thought, it's 100/100, if you can't put 100% into marriage, you seriously have no business getting married.
A man does his house chores before marriage, cook or buy food., that shouldn't change at all after marriage. in fact, marriage is more work to both partners. when you are alone, you probably will eat one cup of rice and do few cleaning, it's wrong to think marriage will make you do less. marriage is more.
Unfortunately, not everyone understands this. House chores is killing, it's draining and shouldn't be left for one partner.

blame society, boys buy guns, gals buy dolls

all this silly excuse to.divorce, there are only two valid reason to divorce...cheating and assault.......all these chores issues will be solved once you collect house helps(not all maids are sleep over).....all those people saying their husbands dont do house chores,was he doing it when ypu were dating?..no!!!...why the complain?...people dont change after marriage,..

He is testing you.
Time to test him too.
Let him STARVE in the bedroom and in the kitchen. Time to move into separate bedrooms or houses!

Time for action. . . . Less arguments.
When he gets tired, he will move in with another woman who can tolerate his level of irresponsibility!