PRESENTER: Hello our viewers, I welcome you to a new addition of your loving program, WEIRD PROFESSIONS. Right here with me is Mr. George Mark. Mr. Mark, please say hello to our viewers.

MR. MARK: Hello everyone. It’s great to be here.

PRESENTER: For those who are joining us for first time, WEIRD PROFESSIONS is a program where we talk about certain professions that are weird and which a lot of people do not know exists but those who are in it are making a lot of money. So, Mr. Mark, tell us a little about your business.

MR. MARK: The name of my company is BEAT THEM UP.

PRESENTER: Interesting. Mr. Mark, what do you do at Beat Them Up?

MR. MARK: Well, just as the name implies, we beat people up and get paid for it.

PRESENTER: Wow. How does that work exactly?

MR. MARK: There are lots of people out there who have been offended by others but they are scared of them or maybe they cannot overpower them. So they hire us to do the beatings for them.

PRESENTER: That’s cool. What if the people you beat up dies?

MR. MARK: No, no. We don’t kill people. We only beat them up and we never touch sick people too.

PRESENTER: How much do you get paid by people who want others beaten?

MR. MARK: It depends on the type of beating they require. However, the lowest cost is 10,000 naira for a dirty slap.

PRESENTER: How much is the highest cost?

MR. MARK: The highest is 100,000 naira to beat people up so that they spend about four months in the hospital.

PRESENTER: What are the kind of people you beat, Mr. Mark?

MR. MARK: We beat anyone beatable. We have beaten soldiers, police officers, husbands, boyfriends, girlfriends, wives, even governors. In short, anyone beatable.

PRESENTER: Soldiers and Police officers?!!!!

MR. MARK: Yes. We get orders to slap and beat soldiers and police officers a lot. You know that when soldier slaps you, all you have to do is beg and go and cry at home. You can’t retaliate. So, people pay us and we slap or beat the soldiers for them. The more soldiers and policemen beat people up, the more money we make beating and slapping them on request.

PRESENTER: Hmm. Wait. Did you say governors?

MR. MARK: Yes of course. We have beaten a lot of governors and even senators on request by citizens and constituents.

PRESENTER: My goodness. But we never heard anything on the news.

MR. MARK: Something like that cannot be mentioned. When we slap or beat governors, they accept it with dignity. To speak out about it is to receive humiliation. Whenever you see a governor travelling out of the country or not available for says, know that we have delivered either a dirty slap or beatings.

PRESENTER: Unbelievable. And your operatives never get caught?

MR. MARK: My operatives are the best of the best. I personally handpicked them. We have branches all over the country and they are highly trained in escape and evasion tactics.

PRESENTER: So, if I want my boss beaten up, I can hire your services?

MR. MARK: Sure. All we need is your boss’ photograph and payment.

PRESENTER: Now, I remember. My best friend was slapped by an unknown person three days ago. Was that one of your operatives?

MR. MARK: It’s quite possible if your friend has pissed someone off.

PRESENTER: Well, viewers, you have heard about this weird profession. It is strange to see that people are actually making a lot of money from this. We have come to the end of this edition. Mr. Mark, what do you want to tell our viewers?

MR. MARK: Wonderful viewers, do you want your boyfriend slapped or beat for cheating on you or your boss is still owing you from the last two months or a soldier or police officer beat and cheated you? No matter the offence, reach out to us and we will give them what they deserve.
Call the numbers on the TV screen.

Source: https://opinionsandstories.com/weird-professions-a-comedic-interview/