Its 2.36am
Sleep has always been my escape therapy from depression. Lately, It seems I v exhausted my sleeping therapy session. I have ran out of ideas to suppress my mental strength.
This thread is not to earn pity from anyone. I would have loved a no comment thread. Just read and pass
I just feel typing my heart out might uplift me for the next hours before I find another escape therapy.

I'm from family of 6. Grew up in one of the southern States.
Grew up not being the expected bright school boy like his siblings even though my grades often manages to be averagely good at times, it does manages to be bad too.
School wise, I don't have a glaring spot at all but I still get to wonder why people ofen assume me being intellectual in some situated situations.

My witty words gave me a spot. I'm not a comedian even though I have been advised to consider it. I realised code mixing funny comparism with real life talks ain't the same thing with being a standup comedian.
I'm 23 years old and my name is Ayomide.

This gives the brief summary of who I am.


Cause : Obafemi Awolowo University


...............

Like any other young soul all hyper-ready ( If there is a compounding word like that) to make it through to university. OAU gave me admission joy but took it away with ones I had prior to the admission.
My part one days were fun. First day on campus and like every fresher the mindset was to graduate with a first class or at least 2.1
I still remembered my father telling me 2.1 or forget about everyother thing pertaining to our relationship as he drove off.

As earlier said. I was never the obvious figure in anything related to school. I have always tried to beat it.
Its always ending on the average scale.
I remember having lot of overnights and tutorials in year 1 and at the end of it. I had 3.89
It wasn't much of a joy but my mind was made up

Part 2 shattered my dream. Their Is a quote here that says [ NOBODY IS BRILLIANT IN OAU - IT IS OAU THAT WILL DETERMINE THAT ]
It didnt make much of a sense then but I later realised it in part 2.
I dropped from 3.89 to 2.8. Yea ! That was how bad it went.
I never failed a course. My grades were just bad.
Some would say you dropped because you weren't serious. Maybe i need to be schooled on the level of seriousness again.
I could swear I had confidence prior to each exam.
But
Less I forget. I'm from English department.
A department where it is being said that no first clsss has existed from for 25 years which I think the jinx was broken by 1-2 people recently.
Maybe the failure is department motivated. I don't know but 10 out of 12 people are in depression.

Sometimes I wished I could change back time and Change things. Change from this school.
No, this is not about badmouthing the school. The school is great but there are wicked souls here !!!! Devilish souls !!!
Failure is an orgasm here.

It was recently said that a department had an exam which was ICT BASED recently and everyone was called back to rewrite because they outperformed the passing %.

I have lot of things to type but I don't know how to express myself.
I'm in my finals now and things seems to have worsen.

OAU will never be an option / upgraded In years time or not. Not for my generation.
I lost interests in life. I lost interest in everything I was learning aside school. I lost Me. I lost my talents.
I have tried to focus on other things ,I just can't. I am not tired of schooling . I'm just tired of the system.

Each day is a drag. I can't remember the last time i was truly happy. I have typed suicide messages and drafted it up waiting for the day I exhaust my strength.

I'm in depression and sad !!!! This isnt me !!!. I need another chance !! I want to grow up once again !!
But I can't find me anymore. I wanted to take jamb again but I just couldn't keep up to it.
This isn't school related anymore. This isn't OAU anymore.
I just can't visualize a happy future. I just want to find myself again first.
I made a mistake of letting OAU dominating my soul for a long time and now it has broken me down from life itself. Nothing impresses me anymore. I have tried motivational books,watch videos On YouTube talking about depression. I can't find myself no more.

The little me remaining is holding me around to stay here hoping life would give me a lift someday.

And if it doesn't. I'll give myself a lift to the unknown world.

Goodmorning. 3:58am

Seek ye the Kingdom of GOD your maker within you.

Talk to GOD. Tell him to make himself closer to you. When he does, I believe you will find new meanings to daily living. Infinitely perfect GOD!

Note that he knows you by strands of your hair. Proof, no one else has the same finger print as you.

Travel out of your location for a while. Doesn't have to be too far. Tour Nigeria around you and appreciate natures beauty.

I hope this makes sense and helps you. Remember a tree loses it's leaves every year and does give up and die, it stands and waits till the seasons change and it's leaves start growing again green.

https://www.nairaland.com/5339461/opeyemi-grace-dara-oau-student

This says it all. The same department I wrote on days ago