Yeh! I shouted silently as my Android phone slipped off my hand, landing on the floor with a loud thud. You can imagine the look of horror on my face when I noticed the phone screen had broken and my phone was looking unrecognizable. “Oh God, which of my village people did I offend to deserve this calamity”, I cried out in frustration. It was barely a week ago that I purchased he phone at SLOT for the sum of 45,000 Naira. It took me 9 months and several ‘febipanu’(hunger) moments before my savings could give birth to the money. “It is well!” I muttered sadly as I thought of how I could get some money to heal my broken phone.
“Emeka, abeg borrow me 5k make I take repair my phone. You know say na only you be the friend wey I fit borrow money from” I pleaded after narrating my narrating how my phone got battered and disfigured. “Hmmmm!!!! Emeka grunted, keeping me in suspense. I felt like a criminal on trial awaiting the Judge’s final judgment. “I go borrow you the money”, he finally said “but I go collect my money back by next week if we don collect salary o”, he continued pulling his left ear animatedly to emphasize his warning. “Thanks, my padi. No worry, I go pay you back next week”, I said in gratitude.
The following day which was a Saturday, I left home very early for Computer village where I was to have my phone repaired. I got to a Phone repairer’s shop and waited patiently like the biblical Job as the phone repairer performed some technical miracles to return my phone to normalcy. “Oga, I don finish, your money na 2,500 Naira”, he announced. I collected the phone and after inspecting it to verify that the phone was now working fine, I equipped my mouth with weapons of my skill. “2,500 to take change phone screen?”, I asked, feigning shock. “Na how much I buy the phone wey I go use 2,500 take change ordinary screen?, “ I resemble mumu for your eyes?, “Na 1500 I carry come, infact na 1000 Naira I suppose pay but I just say make I use church mind add 500 Naira join am”
“Mr. Man, e be like say you no know wetin you dey talk”, he thundered. “How I go collect 1500 when na 2000 Naira I take buy the screen wey I fix for the phone?? Na because you be my first customer I dey charge you 2500, na 3000 Naira I suppose collect”. After several minutes of haggling, I agreed to pay 2,300 Naira. I charged the phone for about thirty minutes to confirm the phone was working properly after which I put the phone In my bag and headed to the bus stop to board a bus home. Within a minute, I was seated in a Danfo bus heading home “Thank God say I don repair the phone, I don miss Facebook, Instagram and Whatsapp wella, make I bring my phone chat small” I thought happily. Little did I know I was about to experience one of the worst moments of my life.
I dipped my hand into my bag to pick my phone and was taken aback when my hand felt nothing. My heart immediately skipped a beat and I became apprehensive. Dismayed, I frantically combed all the nooks and crannies of my bag and searched my body thoroughly like a Policeman would do to a criminal. Hot sweats enveloped my face when I discovered my worst fear-My Phone had gone missing. “Yeeeh”, I screamed as I began to grope around my seat while the other passengers stared at me wondering if I had suddenly run mad. “Driver,abeg stop. I wan come down”, I said. The vehicle was yet to stop when I hurriedly jumped down and started running back to the shop where I had taken the phone for repair with the hope that I had forgotten the phone there. I arrived at the shop panting like a Marathon runner.
“e be like say I forget my phone for your shop” were the words I uttered immediately I stepped into the shop. “Ahan!”, exclaimed the phone repairer., “No be for my presence you put your phone inside your bag?”, he asked in bewilderment. Downcast, I began tracing my steps back to the bus stop with the faint hope that the phone dropped on the floor and could still be found. After searching for more than an hour, I lost all hope. I almost wept but for the shameful spectacle I would cause in public. There and then, I decided to get a small phone having realized I was now phoneless.
“Oga, you wan buy phone?” a young, lanky man asked when he saw me in front of a phone stall looking for the cheapest available phone to buy.”Yes”, I answered absent mindedly. “Where I fit see see any small cheap phone buy”, I asked. “ I get one small phone wey you go like”, he replied and handed me a Tecno Android phone. I checked the phone thoroughly and discovered it was a browsing phone and in good condition, it contained Whatsapp,Facebook, Instagram and some internet apps. “Na how much you wan sell am?”, I asked. “Oga, bring 5k” he replied rubbing his palms. “ E no gree 8k?” I asked sarcastically. He got my point and smiled sheepishly. “Oga, this phone na correct phone o, you no see say e still look new and e dey work well? I get another phone and I need money urgently, na him make me wan sell am”,he added. I engaged him in a price haggling war of words until he grudgingly agreed to sell the phone for N3,000. I handed him the money which he counted and put in his pocket. As I was about to congratulate myself when he suddenly changed his mind. “Oga, my mind no settle as I take sell the phone for you so cheap, collect your money, give me back my phone”. “Okay, na how much you wan come sell the phone”, I asked clearly disappointed at the turn of event. “No worry,Oga. I no wan sell the phone again”, he answered. I handed back the phone to him and collected my money.
“George, you don Bleep up, see as you miss this opportunity to buy beta phone for cheap price, you for no return the phone to the guy na”, My mind chided me as I walked back to the phone stall to get a cheap phone.
I was finally able to see a small phone for the sum of 1500 Naira. The phone had no internet access and the main feature it had was a FM Radio and torchlight. I dipped my hands to pay t for the phone only to discover that instead of money, my pocket was filled with newspaper cuttings in the shape of money. I was too terrified to speak as tears began spilling from my eyes. Immediately the phone seller saw the pieces of papers in my hand, he sighed . “Sorry, Oga, these 419 people don play you wayo o”, he said sympathetically. He narrated to me how many have fallen victim to these swindlers with stories of people who bought phones from them only to discover too late that what they actually bought was either a bar of soap or a plastic replica of a phone stacked with fufu . How the guy was able to hypnotise me and concoct the magic of changing my money into pieces of paper is something I am unable to understand till this very day. I learnt a very bitter lesson though never to engage with street traders in Computer Village.

As a musician once said "if u no wise for Lagos, u no fit wise for anywhere"