This is about my elder brother and his tendency to just disappear from his acquiantances, friends and sometimes, family.
He's an introvert and likes his space but can easily make friends and get people endeared to him. Shamefully, this guy just disappears once he's gone from you or the circumstance that brought you together ends. No commitment to keep friends or enter a relationship.
I'm closer to many of his friends than he is cos he makes them and disappears. They try to connect with him again but he frustrates all such efforts and they resort to checking up on him through me or other helpful contact.

I doubt if it's a self esteem issue cos he's apparently doing well with his hustle, was good in school and is kind of the 'sendless' guy, so I do not think it's an esteem issue.

The family's worry is that he may just slide into loneliness and depression with time. He's never been in a relationship from my estimations and the girls he's ever had a thing with perceive him as a beast. This guy can hang with you for days, going places and doing things together with you and once he travels or you do, that may be the last you hear from him.

What kind of help can we offer him please? I need ur suggestions. He admits he feels bad about it sometimes but can't help it.

Some people don't like getting too close to others. Perhaps he has been hurt or disappointed before.

*By the way, you should change the title to something more friendly if you want people to click and comment.*

Edit:
Wonderful. Thanks for changing the title, as I suggested. This one is better.

Let him see a psychologist or a psychiatrist they can help him get over that complex.A professional counsellor may also be helpful.

This behavior is often synonymous with people with borderline personality disorder.

People with BPD tend to make friends so quickly and easily and once their new friends hurt them, they dump them like a piece of hot rock.

They tend to love easily an commit to relationships with their whole heart and they feel you should do the same for them because of this they are very sensitive, being in a relationship with them is like walking on eggshells, any mistake you make they sense it as betrayal and cut you off immediately.

They have a sense low self esteem and feel worthless most of the time. They always need constant loving, that is why they make friends so easily, They do not have a 'personality' because they try to mirror each new friend they make, for instance I want to be Mr A's friend and his best colour is red, I then tell him my best colour is red also just so we have something in common, the next day, I tell Mr B my favorite colour is Pink because that is what he likes and I begin to wear pink shirts everyday just to please him.

You will be surprised that after all this efforts to gain trust and love from people the BPD patient can change their mind about the new "friend" that same week and never speak to the person again for what seems to be a flimsy excuse. They also see a person as all bad or all good...never in between.It is not their fault as they are very emotional and feel pain and sadness more than we do.
They also tend to be clingy in nature.

I can't list all the symptoms here.

Don't get me wrong, this is not a diagnosis. Your brother MAY or MAY NOT have BPD! But he MAY amongst other things.

The earlier he seeks help the better. Keep on loving him unconditionally. Cheers!

"Life is about not giving a fvck because giving a fvck can get you fvcked up".

Leave your brother alone, he can't change who he is, trying to change it is like rewriting a new code to his DNA which will be detrimental to his sanity, everybody can't be the same, that is why we are different, instead you should look on the bright side of your brother's attitude, every character on Earth has advantages and disadvantages .

Surely he smokes weed

You try and get closer and see if he can open up more to you. If you can't help him, no outsider can either.

Your brother is sensitive to negative energy in particular and stress in general - so, he has no disorder literally. His actions and inactions have nothing to do with introversion, low self-esteem or any mental disorder.

Meanwhile, continual abuse of his goodwill and/or liberty by anyone or at any point in time will only make him more detached from the abuser(s). He has phobia for domineering and greedy people. You and your family members in particular should avoid meting out negative acts like guilt tripping, success-shaming and subjugation in general against him, if you don't want him to become more detached to you than he's already.

He's a sucker for positive energy, so only a libertarian and an altruist can command his intimate relationship/association. Believe you me, he may be one of the happiest people in the world because it takes a thorough independent - emotionally, psychologically, with or without morally and financially, emancipated - person to live his kind of lifestyle.

Genuine love will conquer him at the appropriate time. So far, he's in the carefree plane - carefreeness doesn't mean absence of empathy.

LyfeJennings:
Surely he smokes weed

Lol

LyfeJennings:
Surely he smokes weed

You know this!

Taavon2:


You know this!

The elder bro got qualities of a weed smoker. Na normal levels. Be self dey do like that sometimes....

theButterfly:
Some people don't like getting too close to others. Perhaps he has been hurt or disappointed before.

*By the way, you should change the title to something more friendly if you want people to click and comment.*

Edit:
Wonderful. Thanks for changing the title, as I suggested. This one is better.

Thanks really for the suggestion to change the topic. It worked.

Apparently, he doesn't like getting too close to people. Surprisingly, he's overwhelmingly close when he's close and sky gone when he's gone.
Guess it's his make up.

Aladdin1:
Let him see a psychologist or a psychiatrist they can help him get over that complex.A professional counsellor may also be helpful.

Psychologists; does that stuff work?
Dunno if he fancies them

LyfeJennings:
Surely he smokes weed

Nah... he doesn't. Maybe has on rare occasions but he's not a smoker.

greatme2good:
You try and get closer and see if he can open up more to you. If you can't help him, no outsider can either.

Hehehe... and you wouldn't get more than three sentences on the ish.

(In his stereotypical words and tone: it's a shame mehn but what can a man do. Surely, we hope. Hopefully...) and that's it.

LordKO:
Your brother is sensitive to negative energy in particular and stress in general - so, he has no disorder literally. His actions and inactions have nothing to do with introversion, low self-esteem or any mental disorder.

Meanwhile, continual abuse of his goodwill and/or liberty by anyone or at any point in time will only make him more detached from the abuser(s). He has phobia for domineering and greedy people. You and your family members in particular should avoid meting out negative acts like guilt tripping, success-shaming and subjugation in general against him, if you don't want him to become more detached to you than he's already.

He's a sucker for positive energy, so only a libertarian and an altruist can command his intimate relationship/association. Believe you me, he may be one of the happiest people in the world because it takes a thorough independent - emotionally, psychologically, with or without morally and financially, emancipated - person to live his kind of lifestyle.

Genuine love will conquer him at the appropriate time. So far, he's in the carefree plane - carefreeness doesn't mean absence of empathy.

I see your point Lordko. Perhaps so. Thanks for the insight

Wow Your whole narration is about me

LordKO:
Your brother is sensitive to negative energy in particular and stress in general - so, he has no disorder literally. His actions and inactions have nothing to do with introversion, low self-esteem or any mental disorder.

Meanwhile, continual abuse of his goodwill and/or liberty by anyone or at any point in time will only make him more detached from the abuser(s). He has phobia for domineering and greedy people. You and your family members in particular should avoid meting out negative acts like guilt tripping, success-shaming and subjugation in general against him, if you don't want him to become more detached to you than he's already.

He's a sucker for positive energy, so only a libertarian and an altruist can command his intimate relationship/association. Believe you me, he may be one of the happiest people in the world because it takes a thorough independent - emotionally, psychologically, with or without morally and financially, emancipated - person to live his kind of lifestyle.


Genuine love will conquer him at the appropriate time. So far, he's in the carefree plane - carefreeness doesn't mean absence of empathy.

The bolded is where the problem lies... Finding a person with those attributes is almost impossible.

Dear Op,To be sincere you created a thread for me. So I can only try to help you understand your brother but can't solve your 'problem'


Your brother is very normal just as I am, the only thing is our personality differs and because we occupy just a little percentage of the general human behavioural classification we tend to be inappropriately judged and seen as aliens but we are okay.

Thing is , we value only inner sanity more than normal. Ask your brother what he values most and he's likely to respond with: My peace of Mind. Lol I will likely tell you :My Sanity. In us, there is a separate world, mostly made up of a gentle valley, a peaceful wilderness and a mirror. A very serene place that the dropping of a needle can be heard.Sometimes we come out and relate with things around us but we always find our way back because we value it more.

Now, the external world is like a vacation to us.We make friends, relate with others, do businesses, go to schools travel round the lively bubbling world but it's most times draining and affects us psychologically. We just want to be away from the noises, rants, shouting, fight, malice and go back to our peaceful again.Sometimes we change environments, cut ties, disappear to either start all over again or to be completely lock in our heaven.

Now here's the beauty of it all, sometimes we forget this heaven of ours to live totally in the external world I.e out of our mind but then something interesting must have tied us down. Other times we take breaks and travel back less frequently. It all depends on wait the outside world has to offer and if we like to stay for it. Lol Don't worry you brother is okay just give him something that is worth staying for.

You are welcome. Most people would've avoided the thread w| the previous title, lol.

Thank you too - for taking to correction respectfully. I was expecting an insult, which is typical of Nairalanders when it comes to constructive criticism. You are a different breed; keep it up.

Jarrow:


Thanks really for the suggestion to change the topic. It worked.

Apparently, he doesn't like getting too close to people. Surprisingly, he's overwhelmingly close when he's close and sky gone when he's gone.
Guess it's his make up.