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I think you can decide to change the situation .

Marriage got no formula, if the once in a month is okay for you guys, why bothered ?

Learn not to bring other people's way of life into your marriage . Be who you Are, that's what makes you peculiar.

sweetmelanin:
Until this past weekend, having sex once a month seemed to be a normal frequency in my marriage but on a recent girls night out, my girlfriends and I were gisting where I discovered that most of them are active 3- 4 times a week. I was shocked and couldn't imagine how one can get aroused so many times in a week by someone you have lived with for years and seen all their flaws and all.

For the past five years in marriage, once a month has always been the norm between my husband and I.

Now I'm left questioning if this is normal.

The beginning of marital problems is questioning what works for you by doubting its improper. Whatever rocks your boat is good and norm Ma'am

Frequency of sex in marriage most times depend on the age of the marriage . Marriages under two years tend to have sex more often than older marriages because younger couples still got the spark, much of the love still there, have got times alone, and still pretty much on the forgiveness theory

Older couples have time to contend with because of the children and their financial burden, begin to nurse wrongs feom each other and that reduce the love, the spark and that mystery. That is when marriage becomes work and is all about working it out.

sweetmelanin:
Until this past weekend, having sex once a month seemed to be a normal frequency in my marriage but on a recent girls night out, my girlfriends and I were gisting where I discovered that most of them are active 3- 4 times a week. I was shocked and couldn't imagine how one can get aroused so many times in a week by someone you have lived with for years and seen all their flaws and all.

For the past five years in marriage, once a month has always been the norm between my husband and I.

Now I'm left questioning if this is normal.

Your husband probably has a low libido, doesn't find you attractive or gets it outside. Once a week is too poor! At least every alternate day. Once in a month? I'd rather not imagine it.

If sex hasn't posed any threat to your marriage then relax.......for it's no food............ Keep up with whatever paddles your canoe (marriage)...... Marriage no get formula...

DissTroy:


Your husband probably has a low libido, doesn't find you attractive or gets it outside. One a week is too poor! At least every alternate day. One in a month? I'd rather not imagine it.

Cause problems in their home okay? Once a week is too poor says Book of runs chapter 90 verse 200

sweetmelanin:
Until this past weekend, having sex once a month seemed to be a normal frequency in my marriage but on a recent girls night out, my girlfriends and I were gisting where I discovered that most of them are active 3- 4 times a week. I was shocked and couldn't imagine how one can get aroused so many times in a week by someone you have lived with for years and seen all their flaws and all.

For the past five years in marriage, once a month has always been the norm between my husband and I.

Now I'm left questioning if this is normal.

I think everyday is Ok and will bring you closer... At worst you can make it thrice a week but that your once a month is a No No... I get aroused everyday but my wife's libido isn't as strong as mine, so I settled for thrice a week.

DissTroy:


Your husband probably has a low libido, doesn't find you attractive or gets it outside. One a week is too poor! At least every alternate day. One in a month? I'd rather not imagine it.

hmmmmn. The beginning of marital problems in most cases.

healthserve:



Cause problems in their home okay? Once a week is too poor says Book of runs chapter 90 verse 200

Sir/dude/man/bro, once a week is poor; very poor. I deliberately focused on the man. The problem could be the woman - she might be frigid.
And no, I don't do runs - only my woman. I'd be really worried if she and I are in good health and a whole 2 days go by without us tumbling beneath the sheets.

Once in a week? The only other excuse should be they are in their 50's or 60's.

[deleted]

DissTroy:


Sir/dude/man/bro, once a week is poor; very poor. I deliberately focused on the man. The problem could be the woman - she might be frigid.
And no, I don't do runs - only my woman. I'd be really worried if she and I are in good health and a whole 2 days go by without us tumbling beneath the sheets.

Once in a week? The only other excuse should be they are in their 50's or 60's.

They don't counsel this way in marital issues. You've conditioned her to start chasing problems. She wouldn't have known its poor if you and her friends didn't tell her. After all you're not her husband nor in he's shoes nor share his burden of challenges. A man with more free time would obviously need more sex like a young husband when compared against an advanced one. When dishing advice on marital issues,tree softly before you break a home

sweetmelanin:


Not the case at all.
We got married young and both in our late 20s now... truth is we've always had a friendship/ brother-sister type relationship.
For a while I struggled with the low frequency of sex but we eventually both just settled into this lifestyle. We both work very hard and are high achievers and have built a wonderful life together... sex is the only thing lacking.

Lmao, what does this mean?

sweetmelanin:


Not the case at all.
We got married young and both in our late 20s now... truth is we've always had a friendship/ brother-sister type relationship.
For a while I struggled with the low frequency of sex but we eventually both just settled into this lifestyle. We both work very hard and are high achievers and have built a wonderful life together... sex is the only thing lacking.

One question or rather few

Do you have more sexual or unmet sexual needs or is it just about the frequency issued brought about the discussion with your friends

Secondly , if you have needs, have you tried speaking with hubby before creating the thread


Sanity is how we process information people pass on to us as rights and facts.

sweetmelanin:


Not the case at all.
We got married young and both in our late 20s now... truth is we've always had a friendship/ brother-sister type relationship.
For a while I struggled with the low frequency of sex but we eventually both just settled into this lifestyle. We both work very hard and are high achievers and have built a wonderful life together... sex is the only thing lacking.

If you got married in your late 20's and have been married for 5 years, you are in your earlier 30's then. Too early to get comfortable with sex once in a month. Too early.

I don't know, try to spice it up or something. If you were a male, it would have been easier to advise you. Whichever way, please don't get comfortable with once a month this early. I can't think of any married man that age who is comfortable with just once a month. Except you have overtly or subtly implied you want that arrangement and he just wants to please you so he endures.
Ask him this outrightly, "Babe, can you in all honesty say you are completely comfortable with sex once a month?" He would say yes at first (I would too just not to drag an issue with my better half) but if you press him, he would admit it.

From your words on this thread below that you created last year, you said there's no sexual chemistry between you, so that must be why.




Advice Needed! Is Unhappiness A Good Reason For Divorce? by sweetmelanin(f): 11:09pm On Jul 07, 2018

"I see my husband more like a brother than a lover. We laugh, crack jokes and hold similar world views. BUT theres no sexual chemistry. I find it difficult to get aroused by him. There is a deep sense of unfulfillment and unhappiness.
I wonder how long I can cope with a marriage without passion."

https://www.nairaland.com/4605024/advice-needed-unhappiness-good-reason#69177711

your only yardstick should be your satisfaction
not other couples

Chai. Who are these o

theButterfly:
From your words on this thread that you created last year, you said there's no sexual chemistry between you, so...


Advice Needed! Is Unhappiness A Good Reason For Divorce? by sweetmelanin(f): 11:09pm On Jul 07, 2018

I see my husband more like a brother than a lover. We laugh, crack jokes and hold similar world views. BUT theres no sexual chemistry. I find it difficult to get aroused by him. There is a deep sense of unfulfillment and unhappiness.
I wonder how long I can cope with a marriage without passion.

https://www.nairaland.com/4605024/advice-needed-unhappiness-good-reason#69177711

ok

Fire dey go!! #gang

sweetmelanin:
Until this past weekend, having sex once a month seemed to be a normal frequency in my marriage but on a recent girls night out, my girlfriends and I were gisting where I discovered that most of them are active 3- 4 times a week. I was shocked and couldn't imagine how one can get aroused so many times in a week by someone you have lived with for years and seen all their flaws and all.

For the past five years in marriage, once a month has always been the norm between my husband and I.

Now I'm left questioning if this is normal.

@bold:

Why do you think it is no longer normal?

Did your husband prior to now complain about the frequency of Sex?

sweetmelanin:
Until this past weekend, having sex once a month seemed to be a normal frequency in my marriage but on a recent girls night out, my girlfriends and I were gisting where I discovered that most of them are active 3- 4 times a week. I was shocked and couldn't imagine how one can get aroused so many times in a week by someone you have lived with for years and seen all their flaws and all.

For the past five years in marriage, once a month has always been the norm between my husband and I.

Now I'm left questioning if this is normal.

which flaws are so bad that it turned you off?

The beginning of every disaster is the assumption that stability is boring and archaic. Hence, the beginning of a wanderlust journey that pierces the heart. Someone wants to drift badly off a stable path. I've seen this over a billion times. Rebellion brewing

Wow! Once a month! Dang! Biko stop cheating yourself jare, how could you have an open card to have as much sex as you want but choose to do it only 12 times in a year! Forks!

sisisioge:
Wow! Once a month! Dang! Biko stop cheating yourself jare, how could you have an open card to have as much sex as you want but choose to do it only 12 times in a year! Forks!

healthserve:



They don't counsel this way in marital issues. You've conditioned her to start chasing problems. She wouldn't have known its poor if you and her friends didn't tell her. After all you're not her husband nor in he's shoes nor share his burden of challenges. A man with more free time would obviously need more sex like a young husband when compared against an advanced one. When dishing advice on marital issues,tree softly before you break a home

First off, I'm no marriage counselor. Most marriage counselors (like 'relationship experts') have failed marriages or relationships, I digress.
Should I have been more euphemistic? Maybe, but it had to be stated - for a couple in their 30's, once a month is poor. I mean, if I am SEXUALLY ATTRACTED to my spouse, we should do better than once in 30 days. We should turn each other on more times than that which should translate to sex, sometimes. Agreed some might end up with us just cuddling in bed but sex should be regular at the least.
It's not a threatening problem but working on their sexual intimacy would be great for them. Luckily, they have every other thing going for them and love themselves to bits too.
Asking them to have more sex can't exactly ruin their home.

theButterfly:
From your words on this thread below that you created last year, you said there's no sexual chemistry between you, so that must be why.




Advice Needed! Is Unhappiness A Good Reason For Divorce? by sweetmelanin(f): 11:09pm On Jul 07, 2018

"I see my husband more like a brother than a lover. We laugh, crack jokes and hold similar world views. BUT theres no sexual chemistry. I find it difficult to get aroused by him. There is a deep sense of unfulfillment and unhappiness.
I wonder how long I can cope with a marriage without passion."

https://www.nairaland.com/4605024/advice-needed-unhappiness-good-reason#69177711

Wowzer ...its getting worse then. They need an intervention.

healthserve:



One question or rather few

Do you have more sexual or unmet sexual needs or is it just about the frequency issued brought about the discussion with your friends

Secondly , if you have needs, have you tried speaking with hubby before creating the thread


Sanity is how we process information people pass on to us as rights and facts.

...just a group of ladies being silly, we had a few drinks, raided our host's bedroom and discovered intimacy gadgets... that's how the conversation started really.

Sex is scarce in my marriage but when it happens it's ok... honestly, my husband and I have a bond I can't explain, many times I tried leaving him as I felt that the passion is lacking in our relationship but my attempts have always failed as we just can't seem to live without each other.. we met as teenagers and I've always felt like soul mates.

In our journey so far, we've struggled with ttc due to low libido on both sides but somehow God blessed us with a miracle baby... during pregnancy my sex drive increased a lot and we got it on more often.. but now that I've had the baby, everything is back to square one.

DissTroy:


First off, I'm no marriage counselor. Most marriage counselors (like 'relationship experts') have failed marriages or relationships, I digress.
Should I have been more euphemistic? Maybe, but it had to be stated - for a couple in their 30's, once a month is poor. I mean, if I am SEXUALLY ATTRACTED to my spouse, we should do better than once in 30 days. We should turn each other on more times than that which should translate to sex, sometimes. Agreed some might end up with us just cuddling in bed but sex should be regular at the least.
It's not a threatening problem but working on their sexual intimacy would be great for them. Luckily, they have every other thing going for them and love themselves to bits too.
Asking them to have more sex can't exactly ruin their home.

Counselor or not, good counsel starts from a neutral stance. Not your husband is a failure stance. Get yourself educated bro

sweetmelanin:



...just a group of ladies being silly, we had a few drinks, raided our host's bedroom and discovered intimacy gadgets... that's how the conversation started really.

Sex is scarce in my marriage but when it happens it's ok... honestly, my husband and I have a bond I can't explain, many times I tried leaving him as I felt that the passion is lacking in our relationship but my attempts have always failed as we just can't seem to live without each other.. we met as teenagers and I've always felt like soul mates.

In our journey so far, we've struggled with ttc due to low libido on both sides but somehow God blessed us with a miracle baby... during pregnancy my sex drive increased a lot and we got it on more often.. but now that I've had the baby, everything is back to square one.

We're going somewhere trust me. Is it a case of not being okay cause you and your girls had some talks or its a case of need. If its a case of need, I feel your husband should be the first person to speak with. I'm bothered when too many internet advise is given freely, not that many would be bad but they just may core your thoughts about a situation that could have been talked over first. If you have more needs then hubby should be the first to know. I.e how about we try four times a month I.e Saturdays etc. You get sexy day before put on the girly act to mentally stimulate him and all. Or may Friday nite meal a date and an invite. Wouldn't you agree with me on this?

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