From your response so far, you seem to be the problem and the solution definitely lies in your hands. You need to work seriously on your mindset. You're a woman and you're capable of a lot of things. Tell yourself that you need sex even when your body is not asking for it. Recondition your mind. Think about sex....

Sex once a month between a young couple is very poor like Disstroy said.
From your other comments,the problem is from both of you.
What do you mean by 'brother - sister relationship'?You both were like 'friends in the same class'.You related like classmates rather than lovers.smh
From your other earlier thread,you said you have not been sexually attracted to him and not easily aroused by him.You said the sexual chemistry is not there.Well,here's the problem from your own side.There should be a sexual chemistry with a partner!
On his own part,he must have a low libido to wait that long.I mean he doesn't see you coming out of the bathroom.He doesn't see you rubbing cream on your naked body?He doesn't see you in sexy lingerie and want to eat you up?For a man less than 30yrs?Haba.

You both seem to be comfortable with it so I'm going to tell you, DON'T BOTHER to CHANGE it!Just keep it up this way.You're both happy.That is all that matters.

sweetmelanin:
Until this past weekend, having sex once a month seemed to be a normal frequency in my marriage but on a recent girls night out, my girlfriends and I were gisting where I discovered that most of them are active 3- 4 times a week. I was shocked and couldn't imagine how one can get aroused so many times in a week by someone you have lived with for years and seen all their flaws and all.

For the past five years in marriage, once a month has always been the norm between my husband and I.

Now I'm left questioning if this is normal.

Once a year, any year you decide to have kids

There he goes giving you signal but you don’t see the green light, then he shuts down. I am a man & I know that men are different as much as women are. Is he a shy person? Even if he is not, try and understand your husband. An instance with my wife, though she is not a shy person on the surface but she is shy to express herself inside the bedroom but once I initiate the act she will take it on from there(this by the way is the opposite of my ex) Meanwhile, she will tell you that she does not fancy sex. So my advice is to try and understand your husband’s temperament and sometimes initiate the bedroom play & see his reaction. If no one is complaining about the once a month thing I don’t see how it is a problem.

sweetmelanin:


He doesn't complain ... but when it's been a while he will joke that my "engine needs oiling" and how he's up to the task.. we'd laugh and tease each other until the next time it naturally happens.

3-4 times a week

Mizwisdom:



Once a year, any year you decide to have kids

Mizfoolishness,

I trust you to show up here with a stupid remark as usual

@OP from your responses I'm really intrigued by the kind of relationship you have with your man - I see a husband who loves you and is patient BUT if you keep up this way, he might end up cheating. A full blooded man? Once a month? Ha!

Btw, if you were a victim of s€xual abuse, I'd suggest you seek help before it's too late.

healthserve:



Counselor or not, good counsel starts from a neutral stance. Not your husband is a failure stance. Get yourself educated bro

A whole SonofMark? Don't say that again.

It should be twice a week

Hello, OP.
I won't spill much but I know a lot about this. A man that gets sex once a month from his wife is very vulnerable to temptation. He may be in it due to the excess love he has for you, but all it takes is time.

sweetmelanin:



...just a group of ladies being silly, we had a few drinks, raided our host's bedroom and discovered intimacy gadgets... that's how the conversation started really.

Sex is scarce in my marriage but when it happens it's ok... honestly, my husband and I have a bond I can't explain, many times I tried leaving him as I felt that the passion is lacking in our relationship but my attempts have always failed as we just can't seem to live without each other.. we met as teenagers and I've always felt like soul mates.

In our journey so far, we've struggled with ttc due to ●low libido on both sides ●but somehow God blessed us with a miracle baby... during pregnancy my sex drive increased a lot and we got it on more often.. but now that I've had the baby, everything is back to square one.

you say both of you had low libido. Then how did you hubby cope when you had an increased urge to have sex during your pregnancy as you said he has a low libido. i feel you and your hubby are shy of sex because of your ego, what stops you from initiating sex, since you desire it to be more often, the answer lies with both of you.

sweetmelanin:
In our journey so far, we've struggled with ttc due to low libido on both sides but somehow God blessed us with a miracle baby... during pregnancy my sex drive increased a lot and we got it on more often.. but now that I've had the baby, everything is back to square one.

You don't have a problem as long as your husband is okay with things, as he seems to be.
Enjoy your life as it is yours and not that of someone else, friend or not.

UniversalDove:
It should be twice a week

www.nairaland.com/attachments/3903043_3900875eremainsmalluformakesensepng0cbd86798bdb9acb6b2f053976eebe47_png4f72619c8ca6b05dbf89dda16578e7fe

Epithelial:

A whole SonofMark? Don't say that again.

I care not

@Op, I sell ORIGINAL kayan mata that can help you and your husband, libido booster for women

sweetmelanin:



...just a group of ladies being silly, we had a few drinks, raided our host's bedroom and discovered intimacy gadgets... that's how the conversation started really.

Sex is scarce in my marriage but when it happens it's ok... honestly, my husband and I have a bond I can't explain, many times I tried leaving him as I felt that the passion is lacking in our relationship but my attempts have always failed as we just can't seem to live without each other.. we met as teenagers and I've always felt like soul mates.

In our journey so far, we've struggled with ttc due to low libido on both sides but somehow God blessed us with a miracle baby... during pregnancy my sex drive increased a lot and we got it on more often.. but now that I've had the baby, everything is back to square one.

i feel you have never had an mind blowing orgasm before especially before and after your pregnancy, because if you had, you will never settle for once a month routine with your hubby when you aren't even in your 60's.
secondly its possible your husband is a perfect gentleman hence he respects your decision
thirdly you both love each other, unfortunately you are getting it wrong, get rid of the thought of brother n sister shit. because brothers n sisters don't make love to each other, of which you both do

Once a week is a sweet spot if you ask me. With the wahala of raising a family, once a week is very ok. We all started wanting it every day but now, most times we just want to sleep, no power to dey hump up and down. With marriage, it becomes more emotional and less physical with time. But once a month is a bit too infrequent, if you said, once in 2 weeks, I'd have said no big deal

sweetmelanin:
[deleted]

Why