When Gregory VII became pope in 1073, his first priority was to secure the power to appoint bishops which until then, had been the exclusive prerogative of secular kings. This led to direct conflict with Henry IV the Emperor of the Holy Roman Empire who was equally determined not to give up any of his powers. Over the next few years, the Pope invoking the power of God stripped the king of his title, excommunicated him from the church, and freed his subjects from the obligation to obey him (popes had that kind of power back then). King Henry felt his powers slipping away and became desperate. His future as king hung in the balance and only the pope could save him. So he went to the residence of the pope high up in the mountainous region of northern Italy in the heart of winter wearing plain clothes and barefoot as proof of his penitence. He knelt outside in the freezing cold and begged for mercy for 3 straight days. The pope eventually forgave him but that was not the end of their conflict. Years later, the emperor grew powerful and exiled the pope and appointed in his place Pope Clement III (he’s referred to mostly as an Antipope). Later Pope Gregory gained ascendancy and excommunicated him again and on and on the back and forth continued. Henry was excommunicated a total of 4 times.

In his book “Of beards and men”, Christopher Moore thinks the conflict between the Pope and the king was more than just a tussle for power but was also a “contest of the contrasting masculine styles” of the beardless versus the bearded. The Pope was beardless the King was bearded. Pope Gregory who was considered a reformist pope, instituted two major reforms; enforcing celibacy on the clergy (he was the first to do that) and decreeing shaving off the beard for all priests. And thus the beardless came to dominate the politics of Europe for centuries after Gregory until the time of the renaissance when the beard staged its own renaissance. It became a symbol of wisdom and knowledge because the renaissance philosophers and artists and thinkers began to imitate the looks of ancient Greek philosophers and Muslim philosophers from the Golden Age. To this day, most philosophers are bearded and there is a much higher percentage of bearded people in the arts than you normally would find in other spheres.

So Europe kept swinging between the bearded and the beardless in a way that Nigeria never had. And maybe, just maybe, this over domination of our politics by the beardless is (beep beep beep CRAZY STATEMENT ALERT) the source of all of our developmental problems. I know I can’t prove it, but I certainly can establish a clear correlation. Think about it, every Nigerian head of state since independence was beardless doesn’t that establish some kind of correlation (or at least a pattern) between misgovernance and beardlessness? Of course correlation is not causation but when one compares with the few bearded leaders we have had back when we had regions, one is tempted to be reckless and declare it so. Think of northern Nigeria. The last and only time we had a bearded man (the Sardauna) heading our affairs, we made the most progress and nothing since, has come even close. In the East, the Ikemba another bearded man was their most charismatic leader (it takes a lot of charisma to lead people into a war in which from the get go they knew the stakes were stacked against them). In the West Awolowo was outstanding and I know he was beardless but because we do not have a bearded equivalent to compare him with, his beardlessness doesn’t count for this exercise.

Here’s another thing to think about. Think of all the senate presidents we have had since 1999 and try to remember their faces. Even recent ones like Mark have begun to blur in our memories not to speak of earlier ones like Wabara and Enwerem. But one name and one face that will always stand out is that of Chuba Okadigbo the only bearded man to ever become senate president in Nigeria. He was there only a few months but was so deeply refreshing in his style, that it is difficult to forget him in the way Anyim or Wabara have been forgotten. As for the House of Representatives, we’ve never had a bearded Speaker until a few days ago. So here’s an assignment: over the next 4 years compare the performances of the two leaders of the national assembly – Lawal the beardless versus Gbaja the bearded. At the end of it you’d see why the beard is an essential accessory for effective leadership.

Friedrich Hegel (the German philosopher known for Hegelian Dialectics) thinks hairlessness is a sign of humanity making evolutionary progress. According to him, having hair on our bodies is a relic of our evolutionary past. So for him, women are more evolutionarily advanced than men because they at least do not grow hair on their faces. Even though some thinkers were quick to squash his little theory by pointing out that the Bonobos that happen to be our closest cousins do not have facial hair. But I like Hegel and because this is my blog and I can do whatever I want here, I’m going to assume he was right that having a beard somehow signifies some innate animal-ness.

Don’t we as humans we see the perfection of our most desired features only in animals? Why else do you think that whenever we see perfection in humans, we are always quick to attribute it to some animal. When we see courage that is beyond our comprehension, the only thing that comes to mind are lions. Richard was the Lionhearted, Umar Mukhtar was the Lion of the desert, Hamza bin Abdulmuttalib was the Lion of God (all these men were bearded by the way). When we see the combination of beauty and grace in a lady, we don’t compare her to a Ferrari but to a Gazelle. Fashion models practice for months just so they could have the gait of cats. Strong men are compared not to bulldozers but to bulls.

So Hegel was right. The bearded have the perfection of animals and the intelligence of men – that is the combination that produces the most effective leaders. And that is why throughout history, the most phenomenal leaders were bearded (instead of arguing with this, just start thinking Abraham, Moses,… and you know you can’t win).



End note: We at GBB (the Global Brotherhood of the Bearded) heartily congratulate Hon. Femi Gbaja and his deputy (he’s bearded too) for their inauguration. We implore you both to show Dogara and all your clean-shaven predecessors how this shit is done.

https://gainaako./2019/06/

. Chai
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