frozen70g:


Wether she is staying with you or not, once it's God's time for your suitors to come they will come

If she is staying with your mum and your mum can't let her go, pls leave her with your mum as that's the only play mate she has at home

If you bring her down, and you need to go clubbing or parting over night, where will you keep her

Any man that comes to you, he must be notified of your daughter and if he loves you, he will love your daughter

Once in holiday times, she and mum can come and spend the holidays with you

Your mum have all the time on earth to train her for you I terms of discipline and correction

Keep making the money you will need when you finally get married

Lastly, lower your standard to get a man that you will be complacent with and start life with him

If your standards are high, you may not start with a one room man

Forget about her dad, he is not coming back and don't wait for him, move on and carry your child and mum along

thanks a lot. I appreciate

LadyBeee:
and what about the father? Must it be only me?

What of the father? He has refused to be associated with the child. You can't force him. So, let him be. The child did not beg to be brought into this world, so why abandon her with your mother? Is it until she starts referring to you as aunty before you realize the enormity of such an action?

Anyway, I have given you my own two cents. It's the same advice I would give to my sisters if they were in your shoes.

I should tell you that I have seen cases, at least two, where the child, also a girl, left with the grandmother also got pregnant before her 19th birthday. You will blame yourself if anything untoward happens to that child.

You are mentioning the father now. Do you really want that man to raise your daughter with you after having shown such gross irresponsibility?

When you begin to reap the fruit of your hard labour on the girl, especially when she becomes an important person in future, we on NL won't be there to enjoy it with you, neither will the man.

Well, the choice is yours, isn't it?

#modified

You are not dead or incapacitated and someone else is performing the role of mother to your own child? Hmmmm...

Baldwretch:


This is actually very insensitive. She should forget bout marriage because someone put her in the family way before wedlock?

Nah, you should think your words a second time before writing them.


I always go against the grain in many aspect of discussons so let me advocate for the OP a bit and criticize her a bit. I hope she reads this.

The truth is, many and I mean many potential suitors who see her and her kid would subconsciously assume she's married, so in a sense, her state is driving potential suitors away. At the mall. In the market. Her customers. Would you woo a damsel you met on the street who's with her kid? No, you would not, and only flingers would. Let' tell ourselves the truth. Single mothers have a somewhat slimmer chance of getting a mate. It's real. It's hard. We shouldn't be oblivious to it.

On the other hand, she should tell men who she senses may be interested in her about her mistake before it gets serious. That's the turning point of her actions to me. She didn't really do bad (save for child's exposure) keeping child in her mother's place in the village.

Let me give you one example: There's a single mother in the church I worshiped while I lived in the SW some months ago. This woman gave me signal like kilode, hmm, but she has a child; she breastfeeds in my presence. She's very okay and I would be willing to settle down with her if providence permits, but she has a child. Fullstop.

On the other hand, if I was oblivious to the fact that she has a child before the relationship gained momentum, I would be incredibly hard-pressed to call it quit because she has a child. I just would never do it. You may call me a bad person but that's my cup of tea, haha, we are different. Who cares the worth of your home's interior when the exterior looks like a garbage dump. You get my point.

That is your own point of view.

There are many responsible gentlemen out there who won't mind marrying a single mother.

I for one would prefer a lady who is a single mother of one to a lady who has aborted before. And there are many like me out there also.

Hiding your child away somewhere because you want to get married shows that you are not honest. On the contrary, if I see you have a child and I see that you take care of the child well, then I have a preview of the fact that you are responsible despite the child out of wedlock and also, I can gauge your level of commitment and how you will take care of our own kids.

It takes a mature guy to handle this and I am sure what the OP is looking for is a matured guy, not some small kid who is yet to take care of himself.

If she hides the kid and she dates you, when she finally tells you she has a kid you will run away and that is the truth. You will hide under the excuse that she lied to you.

It is best she makes the child her best friend and hope that a mature guy will come her way who will love her and adore the kid.

cc: LadyBeee

FrLukas:


That is your own point of view.

There are many responsible gentlemen out there who won't mind marrying a single mother.

Thank you for airing your point of view too haha. Yes there are responsible men out there who don't mind but it's a lot of work for both her and the men, who may be interested in her. I mean, responsible men would have to come a whole lot closer and would be asking too personal questions. Not many responsible men would do that. You seem to be oblivious to the fact that men still woo women anywhere. In the bus. In the mall. Just walking down the street. From a distance, no one really cares if she has learnt her lessons, or as she puts it "Once bitten, twice shy." Humans re not mind and chemistry-readers. You have probably passed by your "type" many times as regards women, but you didn't even care o say hi because you cannot read mind or people's private lives. What kind of fragrance is a single mother with her kid exuding? What kind of impression does it pass from afar?

It's this: I am married. Or, I am irresponsible. It depends on whether you assume the best or worst about people. The default state is I'm married. Why would you want to go into small, small talk with a married woman? Again, I am not in any way telling her to lie to potential suitors. That would be grossly unfair. Your partner deserves to know the terrible past you've had and to access whether he's in or out. As regards suitors, I am of the draw-them-all and get very, very blunt crowd.

FrLukas:

I for one would prefer a lady who is a single mother of one to a lady who has aborted before. And there are many like me out there also.

Hiding your child away somewhere because you want to get married shows that you are not honest.On the contrary, if I see you have a child and I see that you take care of the child well, then I have a preview of the fact that you are responsible despite the child out of wedlock and also, I can gauge your level of commitment and how you will take care of our own kids.

I also prefer a lady who is a single mother of one to a lady who has aborted before, but again, the bolded is clearly what I am talking about. Are you going to assume that the woman, with her child, while you fellows boarded that bus is a single mother? The child was born out of wedlock? Don't you see how her prospects is pretty slim? Do you expect her to start a story of her woes when any male remotely asks about the baby's father? She still wants to be private about it since it's not everybody's business but how does privacy com into the equation if she's always talking about it?

FrLukas:

It takes a mature guy to handle this and I am sure what the OP is looking for is a matured guy, not some small kid who is yet to take care of himself.

You talk as if matured people do not have deal breakers and having deal breaker is a bad thing. No, on the contrary, it is not.

FrLukas:

If she hides the kid and she dates you, when she finally tells you she has a kid you will run away and that is the truth. You will hide under the excuse that she lied to you.

Humans are different bro. You can only speak for yourself, lol. If I know she has a kid, I'll very likely not approach her but if I did approach her and know the kind of person she is, then I will most likely stay. Character. Love. Behaviour and more can keep people despite having it bad. If the exterior is bd, since I am human, I'll assume the interior is too but if I am made to believe that the exterior is good, I will assume that the interior is too but if I dind out that the interior is good despite finding out later on that the exterior is bad, then i will likely stay since the interior is all that matters to me.

The interior and exterior matter to some but not all people. Haven't you sen marriages that survived despite a somewhat catastrophic bad odds?



LadyBeee, let me advice you. Since getting a husband is not advanced calculus, keep the child with your mom for another 6 to 12 month and see what happens. When someone approaches you, give it like a week or two, gauge his interest and go for it. He deserves to know that you birth before, but he also deserves to know the kind of person you are beyond the surface that single motherhood portrays you to be. It is well.

just my opinion.

LadyBeee:
none of them slept with me. I was very cautious

did they end up leaving you,or you actually dont give them chance?

Humans are different bro. You can only speak for yourself, lol. If I know she has a kid, I'll very likely not approach her but if I did approach her and know the kind of person she is, then I will most likely stay. Character. Love. Behaviour and more can keep people despite having it bad. If the exterior is bd, since I am human, I'll assume the interior is too but if I am made to believe that the exterior is good, I will assume that the interior is too but if I dind out that the interior is good despite finding out later on that the exterior is bad, then i will likely stay since the interior is all that matters to me.

The interior and exterior matter to some but not all people. Haven't you sen marriages that survived despite a somewhat catastrophic bad odds?



LadyBeee, let me advice you. Since getting a husband is not advanced calculus, keep the child with your mom for another 6 to 12 month and see what happens. When someone approaches you, give it like a week or two, gauge his interest and go for it. He deserves to know that you birth before, but he also deserves to know the kind of person you are beyond the surface that single motherhood portrays you to be. It is well.

just my opinion.

[/quote]I only understood the last paragraph of your comment but as for that exterior and interior part, hahahaha I'm really at a loss

Baldwretch:


Thank you for airing your point of view too haha. Yes there are responsible men out there who don't mind but it's a lot of work for both her and the men, who may be interested in her. I mean, responsible men would have to come a whole lot closer and would be asking too personal questions. Not many responsible men would do that. You seem to be oblivious to the fact that men still woo women anywhere. In the bus. In the mall. Just walking down the street. From a distance, no one really cares if she has learnt her lessons, or as she puts it "Once bitten, twice shy." Humans re not mind and chemistry-readers. You have probably passed by your "type" many times as regards women, but you didn't even care o say hi because you cannot read mind or people's private lives. What kind of fragrance is a single mother with her kid exuding? What kind of impression does it pass from afar?

It's this: I am married. Or, I am irresponsible. It depends on whether you assume the best or worst about people. The default state is I'm married. Why would you want to go into small, small talk with a married woman? Again, I am not in any way telling her to lie to potential suitors. That would be grossly unfair. Your partner deserves to know the terrible past you've had and to access whether he's in or out. As regards suitors, I am of the draw-them-all and get very, very blunt crowd.



I also prefer a lady who is a single mother of one to a lady who has aborted before, but again, the bolded is clearly what I am talking about. Are you going to assume that the woman, with her child, while you fellows boarded that bus is a single mother? The child was born out of wedlock? Don't you see how her prospects is pretty slim? Do you expect her to start a story of her woes when any male remotely asks about the baby's father? She still wants to be private about it since it's not everybody's business but how does privacy com into the equation if she's always talking about it?



You talk as if matured people do not have deal breakers and having deal breaker is a bad thing. No, on the contrary, it is not.



Humans are different bro. You can only speak for yourself, lol. If I know she has a kid, I'll very likely not approach her but if I did approach her and know the kind of person she is, then I will most likely stay. Character. Love. Behaviour and more can keep people despite having it bad. If the exterior is bd, since I am human, I'll assume the interior is too but if I am made to believe that the exterior is good, I will assume that the interior is too but if I dind out that the interior is good despite finding out later on that the exterior is bad, then i will likely stay since the interior is all that matters to me.

The interior and exterior matter to some but not all people. Haven't you sen marriages that survived despite a somewhat catastrophic bad odds?



LadyBeee, let me advice you. Since getting a husband is not advanced calculus, keep the child with your mom for another 6 to 12 month and see what happens. When someone approaches you, give it like a week or two, gauge his interest and go for it. He deserves to know that you birth before, but he also deserves to know the kind of person you are beyond the surface that single motherhood portrays you to be. It is well.

just my opinion.

only understood the last paragraph of your comment but as for that exterior and interior part, hahahaha I'm really at a loss grin grin

LadyBeee:
only understood the last paragraph of your comment but as for that exterior and interior part, hahahaha I'm really at a loss grin grin

Lmao. The exterior is what people see, what they perceive you to be, but the interior is what you actually are, how people really see you especially from very, very close proximity lol. If you see a taxi driver in, say, Jalingo, Sokoto, Benin City, etc, etc, I don't think it is unreasonable to assume that he has no university certificate; you'd have to come a lot closer to get a better understanding of who he is. May your tears come from laughter sis. It is well.

LadyBeee:
I had a child in 2015. Her father abandoned us and ran away, so I took up the responsibility of taking care of her till she was 4 years. Was staying in lagos with my mum. My mum later relocated to the village and requested that I bring my daughter to stay with her since I was still single and need to get married. My daughter has been my good luck charm since I had her. Things became so easy for me. My bank account trippled and God's Grace has always been with me. Everything she needed was provided for. Since I took her to my mum last year, I've been so lonely. I miss her so much. I plan to bring her back when I travel for Christmas but people re advising me not to try it because it would block my chances of getting married. But it's been one year since she travelled and yet, I haven't even seen the husband that I'm searching for. It doesn't make any difference if she were here or not. I even had suitors when she was still with me but now i dont even have any serious person asking for my hand in marriage. My mum doesn't want me to bring her back. I am also undecided about bringing her back. Please i need your mature advice on this issue. Thanks as I await your opinions.

its an african thinking that having a child, would stop you from getting married. generally we are taught to look down on ladies that have kids before marriage or even those who lose husbands at very young age.

Hence you find that there is no respect given a single parent, there are treated as 2nd class citizen by both male and females.

let one love you for who you are with your child in the picture from the start, than hiding the child