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Letters To The Ones I Once Loved, Especially My Crushes - Literature - Nairaland

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Chimamanda Adichie Awarded Doctor Of Letters, Honoris Causa By Yale University / My Crushes And I. / You First Loved Me (Christian Romance) By Rose Akpabio (2) (3) (4)

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Letters To The Ones I Once Loved, Especially My Crushes by Divepen1(m): 10:40am On Nov 06, 2019
I was given this movie, which I'm yet to see and felt intrigued to write to everyone I ever loved. This is therapeutic for me. I want to release some feelings I'm yet to understand.
Re: Letters To The Ones I Once Loved, Especially My Crushes by Divepen1(m): 10:41am On Nov 06, 2019
1. Cele Pastor Wife, Osogbo.....

Dear ma,
I know I was like 4 years when I first laid eyes on you. Very few people knew what ran in the mind of four years but I was one of your crushes. I can't remember your name but I know the church was one of those that branched from Cele.

I can't remember your face but I remember how I googled at your beauty. And your poise. I remember staying back just to see you and most of the time I got home late, making me hungry and weak.

There was a time we went for a naming ceremony, I think you were to lead something or was in the choir, I stood near the pianist and that was where I found my love for music. I got sick that day because for a whole day I sat beside the pianist to watch him play.

Once in a while, I remember watching you and smiles flood my eyes.

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Re: Letters To The Ones I Once Loved, Especially My Crushes by Divepen1(m): 10:48am On Nov 06, 2019
2. Olawunmi Olaniyi, the shortest girl then......

Hi, you were the new girl that broke your way into the group of boys leading the class. I wasn't one of them, in fact I was on trials because my parents insisted I remained in the class.
When you joined us, I was struggling to be among the top five but with you and Uncle Bayo and Uncle Sola, I came to the top.

Remember those times we were the top 3 in school, how we won competitions and the fight for the first became a battle between me and you. Junior and Ahmed had to battle for the third...

My first sight of you, even when you've been with us for while, was the day I came late and went to drop my bag in the class. Our headmaster wanted only our class to read the multiplication table.

You were brilliant, I knew but to the principal you were new. Immediately the class started it, I knew you have been left behind.

Rudely, the principal yelled, 'stop...You.... What happened?
'They jumped me', you said.

But the principal thought otherwise. 'This is why we ask parents not to make children jump a class'.

Though you tried explaining things, he wouldn't listen. There, I connected with you, hoping to reach out to your soul. I think that was when I first became aware of love, you..

I would think of you all night and see you in movies, hold your hands like they did. Oh! That was when the film Ife Otito or Ododo came out. That film was so touching.... It was you I imagined when I eventually tried to play. Instead, I was injured. When I reported, Uncle Sola flogged, me, you, and Junior. Well, the bully pushed Junior and me because we assumed we were special. We were prepping for another competition. This became one of the reasons I later played less.
Later, we went for the competition and came 2,3&4. Two students from a school came 1st and 5th. This position was the highlight of our graduation when they gave us a bucket and a bowl, wrapped in a brown paper.

I remember us going to your house and we're being monitored by your beautiful sister. I remember your large house and the trees around it.

Then, I saw this 200 naira on the road and used it to buy you greeting card. Adura saw it and told the whole class. You wanted it but the rumour was beyond you, making you return it.
You won't believe I took it to a river and prayed to God. When we graduated and I saw another girl in Jss1, I couldn't tell her my feeling because you were on mind.

So, you will understand my pain when I saw you, and was expecting a warm welcome from you, after my sister told me of your consistently inquiry about me. I was bemused and sad. I wore my best cloth that day, even though Nepa refused to restore power for ironing, just to see you.

I decided to give up on you. Distance has played its role in breaking us up before we began. I'm sure you had that joy in you, when you learnt I came to Fuoye some 8 years later and texted me. I wish I switched the phone on in time, that I knew what to say, that I could see you again.

It was painful and that's why I write this to you. And that stupid message I sent about Knowing you are happy in any relationship you were. I think of you, not everyday, but any time I see a book from old times.


Re: Letters To The Ones I Once Loved, Especially My Crushes by Divepen1(m): 11:44pm On Nov 07, 2019
Deborah Ameh

Black Ghanian girl. Hope your return to your home in Ghana was worth it? Do you still remember how you would glance back from the front at me. I was always seated at the back of the class. Then, I'll sing songs from Sound of Music, that was the link to my family. I've repeatedly left them that I'm sure a part of me can be found everywhere I ever lived.

You were short, probably the shortest then. I remember you as the girl that made me sceptical about girls and their mother. It probably affected me till date.
Hey! I'm not calling it your fault. I just have to let that out.
You should sit as you read this; yet, yours is not like the case of the girl that joined us after you left. Do you remember the day I told Emma and Segun how out of all the girls in the class I loved you? I probably was seeing Olawunmi, a girl I was once loved in you or was drawn to your black beauty and your knowledge of some of the songs I sang.

I still admire the friendship I found in your brother. Hope you remember that day I told you about liking you, through Emmanuel Peters?

I remember you coming to school and saying, ' I told my mum and she'll come tomorrow'.

Everything in my head rang. The clanging sound wouldn't have stopped if Segun Ogunbiyi, whom I can't even place his whereabouts till today, told me to tell you I was counting girls and said you were one of them.

It worked and we became so close a friend. I'm wondering if I did wrong. So, you'll understand the pain when you told me you were leaving for Ghana. Every time, in your case, I remember this Yoruba Movie, ',Madam Dearest', a film about a smuggler, who saved a woman's son and trained him to be a smuggler.


Re: Letters To The Ones I Once Loved, Especially My Crushes by Divepen1(m): 2:53am On Nov 08, 2019
4. Amanda and Her Friend

I wish I can remember your surname, Amanda, but all I remember are your face, the way you run. Whenever I see Bukunmi, this Yoruba actress I remember you. Oh! Do you still remember Destiny Kids' songs and how we- Your brother, you and me- all try to write lyrics to songs.

Those lyrics have improved the way I write songs till date.
You were beautiful, no doubt, but we were so close that at our tender age of probably 13, I've friend zoned you. I guess that was why I was so caught up in the beauty of your friend,( Busayo, I think).
If you remember vividly, she gave me "Mandie and the Forbidden Attic". I repeatedly asked her for that book because I love it and always wanted to see her.
Yet, I was foolish. You two fought because of me. At first, it was rumoured but then you two fought in my presence in that tiny pathway opposite "Ile Nla". I remember walking away, telling you two that I don't see why you were fighting. I saw the happiness in your eyes the day you saw me, after we left powerline. We were older then. You jumped on me and I felt special.

You had that joy, longing, and relieve all mixed in your eyes that I wanted to pull them out and have them forever. However, even at that age, I was aware of tribal difference. I think you people were Edo and I was having issues with my mum. So, I was skeptical about people from her tribe.

Till today, when I remember the long stairs you were racing from, I can only assert that you did love me. If I was good player, I would have held you tight and might know where your beauty has taken you today. And Busayo, if I'm right. You both are special. I didn't have much encounter with her since she stopped coming especially when the woman selling pepper beside us died while trying to cross a road in the early part of the day, thinking a one-eyed truck was actually a bike.

If you ever see this, I hope you're "always" happy.


Re: Letters To The Ones I Once Loved, Especially My Crushes by Divepen1(m): 2:59am On Nov 08, 2019
5. Senior Busayo Akinwunmi

Let me confront you with my truth: We had a huge crush on you. I did. Everytime, I see you in your black skin race for your house, my heart skipped like a goat on a mountain.
Walking with you home was fun because despite your parent's wealth, you and your sisters were humble.
I think, Segun, Emmanuel, and I discussed it a lot. We were mesmerized by how you'll be such a wonderful person.
I don't have much to say to you, but the last time I saw your younger sister at UI, I wondered what I would have done if it was you I met.

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Re: Letters To The Ones I Once Loved, Especially My Crushes by Divepen1(m): 3:35am On Nov 08, 2019

Damilola Ayedogbon

In the bliss of Ty Bello, you came to our school from Command Secondary School. After a girl, Deborah, left in first term of Jss2, I couldn't think of any girl I loved. But seeing you, that slim, dark girl, with the neatly combed hair, and the neat green uniform, everything in me sparked.
It was a war for me and Ezekiel Kusimo. It was no news that we became closer, me and you, at first but with the way I acted towards Ezekiel and my latecoming, which many of you never bothered to know why, made me lose you.

I'm sure you remember all that happened. How I just got a small phone from home and you had yours. Most of the boys were pitching I and Ezekiel against each other for you.
Someone hinted me of what Ezekiel did. To be frank, Eze's family were a bit well-to-do, so many of the things he was able to do was easy. For me, I couldn't fight much because we were hustlers in my family. This is not to call you a gold digger but to let you understand at that point, I became lost.

I admire your brothers. Your family is indeed lovely. I'm still lucky I didn't meet your dad. Smile!! I'm sure you remember the incidence that made me fear him.
When someone told me about Eze's plan, I asked you for your phone and you said you left it at home. Immediately, I composed my great poems of lust and love and sent it to your phone, assuming you'll find it at home.
You should remember now, how I came late to school, expecting a great welcome from you. I remember I noticed Ezekiel began to study more because of you and I wanted to do the opposite. I became a wayward child. This really affected my education. Still not your fault.

That particular day, I tried washing my cloth and looking neat for you. That was the time I read a wonderful book I can't even remember its title till date or rather didn't see its title then.

When I entered the class, everyone was hailing me, 'boss'.
I wondered if you've told the girls our ordeal. A cold chill ran through my spine. By the way, you looked great when you eventually got your uniform.

When someone hinted me that the phone was on your TV when I sent the message, the same time your Dad was watching TV, I knew I was done for.
I laugh now as I remember how I crawled through holes and climbed into the ceiling. In fact, I might have remained there if I hadn't been afraid of Sparks of electricity.

Mr Sanya caught me. That day, I knew how the class esteemed me. The whole class was looking for me and I was thinking of you. And that gave me ample time to know I've lost you already.
The moment you came in, you were the first to ask me ,'what happened?'
I think you were the first person to open my eyes to the fact that I have always played second fiddle to others.
I was flogged on the assembly when the principal heard the situation. Your parents were supposed to come but the punitive treatment from the principal quelled their anger.

You should have seen the way your mum spoke to me, so motherly. She advised me and to see you as a sister.
Funnily, you and Ezekiel became an item. I became exposed to the chase game and hated my luck with women. When we chatted so many years later and you told me you broke up with Ezekiel, I couldn't believe it. I wanted you back but thought against it. You were a phase in my life and I'm not sure I could tell of numbness, failure, and indifference without thinking of that time.

I tried making friends with you and Ezekiel but it was hard. So hard a feeling. As I send this letter to an imaginary you, I wonder if I could have explained how much I wished I had talked about that rejection. Most guys talked to me and couldn't believe Eze did that because I told him first I love you and he went for you....

It's been long I searched you up on FB, but I'm sure you'll be so happy now.

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Re: Letters To The Ones I Once Loved, Especially My Crushes by Divepen1(m): 3:36am On Nov 08, 2019
*Let me pause to lick my wound. I never knew I am still hurt by that time. My eyes are teary. Boys should learn to cry.


Re: Letters To The Ones I Once Loved, Especially My Crushes by Divepen1(m): 9:56am On Nov 08, 2019
Before I rest today...
Valerie Izuchukwu
You were the first of my fantasies that became reality, but after how we parted I never wanted to dream about life's course again. I always want things to go as they were meant to.

After Damilola's case and I was about to move to a new school, I fantasized about meeting someone that loves writing like me and loves book. I wanted so many things but I guess I didn't add dating to it.

So, when you arrived a week after my arrival, it was a ginormous wonder. We were nestled at the back of the class like pariahs and that gave us the chance to explore our stories more.

Hope you remember how you always checked my temperature and Tosin would go about shouting our case about. Her shout made it easy for us to friend zone each other. But I saw you and Kudi as way up there. I wasn't rich, was the second best in class (well later). I had nothing to offer your plumpy beauty.

Surprisingly, you and I were people switching from Science to Arts, well almost everyone in Arts department were once in another department- Ikebe, Pelumi and who?

We were the favorites of our Maths, Government, and English Teachers. I'm sure you remember all these, including the the way we shared our diaries.

Yes, we kept diaries and I always wanted to see a reflection of your heart. Mine was poem. We wrote poems, then. Do you still write poem?
Any day you weren't in school, I was always waiting for letters from you.Can you remember any of Beva (Benjamin and Valerie) code? I still see some of them dangling in from me now. I remember how everyone wanted to lay their hands on our diaries and fight is for their contents.

Why were we never together? Was it because it because Solomon wanted you to be his girlfriend and I had to step back or what?

But I wished I had. We're still friends today. But I'm sure we were friends when you were in Uniben, before my admission, two years after graduation, three after you left our school. Why did we stop sharing dreams?

I see you have become a bigger entrepreneur and I will publish my book soon. I guess our dreams will come true one way or the other. But I can ever forget those innocent laughters, that swaggalicious walk, the way we helped Mr Richard, the times we represented our schools in debate competitions, and the times you slied me. Oh! I always pine to watch you dance, you were really good.

I've read Harry Potter several times because I see you any time I read it since I started reading the same time I met you.


Re: Letters To The Ones I Once Loved, Especially My Crushes by Divepen1(m): 10:11am On Nov 08, 2019
Tope Lamptey

Hey Tomboy,
You were the first girl I found intriguing when I newly arrived in Nightingale, before the arrival of Valerie. I loved you then because you were brilliant but not ready to conform to people's beliefs. You were in a world of your own.

However, you came out too strong at me. It scared me. I've never seen anyone care for me that way. I had to pretend to hate you to get you off my back. But you won't understand.
We fought over this, remember? I didn't want to make you sad or reject you or make you feel less important.
I was scared. I didn't want the love to sprout. It was scary, especially after the case of a girl in my other school, I assumed every girl was their mum's wrapper.

Love, on the other hand, can't be hidden. That was the reason it flowed from my hands to paper on your birthday. I shouldn't have taken you for granted, and that was why I felt the void for years. I still search for you on Fb but didn't go further because you were also a Ghanian like the girl that left me.
I hope you've found real love and you would be able to forgive me because I really was cold then. I'm so sorry.

That's why I tried creating a character in my story, Rachael, to remind me of you. She's my most esteemed character. I did love you and was wrapped up in the desire for Valerie and fear of your type of love. Loving from afar felt safe.
If only I had gone with you, we might have done things better. Do you remember when you were made my assistant as the social prefect? I was glad but couldn't tell you then.
Now, with Rachel, I'm stuck with you, always on my mind, because I have 66+ books planned for her.

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Re: Letters To The Ones I Once Loved, Especially My Crushes by Divepen1(m): 10:11am On Nov 08, 2019
Kudirat Owoseni,
Esteri, how're you?

Your love made me sick, like literally. You're one person I can't pinpoint our genesis because you were a mix of everyone in the class. You were brilliant, a dancer, gorgeously dark, not like the fair beauty of Valerie, and a terrific sprinter.
One thing I can remember was that suddenly I felt jinxed around you. I see you and googled. The lines of your clothes traced sensations around my heart. My longing for you escalated when we would walk home together, you, me, Fathai, and someone else.

I might have kept quiet if Fathai didn't make it his mission to win your heart after I told him about my desire for you. Unlike in my Junior secondary, the competition was subtle.

Later, we were given different things to do together. We swept etc. It was fun. When everyone else was gone, we would be left to walk home together. Like my numerous messages, I sent a letter to you and can't think of a better way to tell you I love you but can't marry you because of religious issues.
Pelumi was our intermediary. She wanted us to date, but I like calculating the end from the beginning. I knew we would flop. I remember the day I pecked you on the cheek. Talk about the boy with the desire to live a total Christian pure life.
You wanted it. I saw it in your eyes. Later, I became sick, rolling from side to side, thinking of you.
That's why I couldn't kiss you as my friends would have wanted. Even at that, religion didn't break our "undating love" (weird relationship). You became too close to Elijah Ige (RIP), and I wasn't acquainted with male besties. I didn't love some lifestyles- too many books about hell and heaven caused wahala. Elijah Ige did want to be always around you. You and Pelumi told me he was simply playful. Now, I know better about male besties, heaven, and hell...
After hearing how cozy you and Elijah were at a party, I gave up hopes. After all, we wouldn't work. By the way, I remember getting another uniform from you or so. But the way you washed and ironed my clothes for some weekends still leaves enthralled.

Just like that, I watched the brown roofs of several houses for hours and knew I just have to let you go. It was a good decision then, but now I see you, all sexy and matured. I'm jealous of the air that fills your lung and the sun that wraps itself around you...I wish that was me doing all those. Too late, I know..

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Re: Letters To The Ones I Once Loved, Especially My Crushes by Divepen1(m): 2:03pm On Nov 08, 2019
My Waec Crush,

I wish to God to meet you again, even if it's to remember your face. You were the definition of love at first sight. That time, I had eyes for our senior girl, Kudi.
I remember you as one of those great students that came to our school for Waec. You were the reserved type, unlike your gregarious friend. I noticed the way we played when I taught the prep class.

And erm... Do you remember when we all, the boys in my school, visited your hostel and I was the only one outside? But I hate how we ended because it ruined us. You were already opening up to me like a flower, and I messed it up with a crazy prank.

That day, Tobi Ogunbiy, another guy, and I wanted to play pranks on girls. Whenever they want to hug us, we would say, 'oh! I don't hug girls'.

You were one of my three victims, and the second person to get angry at me for it. The first person went along with our jokes.
I began to hear rumours of how I hurt you. That was how I lost you. Titi, my little cousin, told me how you found me lovely, following what you told her. In fact, she wanted me to date you and still hold on to my love for Kudi. I mop about this situation once in a while. I've searched FB and everywhere. I asked most of my classmates about you, but no one remembered your name or anything.

I'm sure you were not a phantom: you were real. We talked. I'm not sure, but we held hands. I will really love to hear from you again cause my brain reminds me that you were beautiful. I can't remember your face, but I have a memory of you. I think I'll go insane, trying to remember your face.


Re: Letters To The Ones I Once Loved, Especially My Crushes by Divepen1(m): 2:13pm On Nov 08, 2019
Re: Letters To The Ones I Once Loved, Especially My Crushes by Divepen1(m): 10:24am On Nov 09, 2019
Yetunde Ilori,
I need to tell you this before you get married today. You were my first official girlfriend. As I type this, I realise real-life events make sense than fiction. Fiction always helps us understand what has really happened, gives us closure.

When we started our relationship, I just finished writing a wacky book about the baby factory. And I was keen on being an awesome singer. Then, you were reserved, and I was the playful one.
But I just admired you, and I should have let it stay there. I used to see you as one person that got visions, and it impressed me to the tiniest detail.
Our relationship kicked off during ASUU 6 month strike, I'm sure you remember.

The truth is: I wasn't into you. I met this girl, Bolu, we were flowing well. She wasn't the most beautiful girl in the world, but her eyes were the mirror to her sweet soul. I saw longings I have never experienced, and I wanted a share, to explore it like I would have done Angkor temples in Cambodia.
Your sudden friendship threw me off balance, but I hung on to that wet board of emerging love between Bolu and I. As if you knew, you came with a big revelation. Even at that, I was sure you didn't know because your department was far from mine; hers was Guidance and Counseling. No one would have suspected anything.
Let me juggle your memory a little. You told me that you had a dream about me asking someone out. My mind went to Bolu, and I was getting angry at God for revealing my mind to you. At least, I was still praying about her. Foolish me! I should have prayed about upcoming exams, I was thinking of a marriage that six years later, I'm yet to prep for.
You said I should guess. I couldn't mention her. My intuition made me aware you dreamt about you and me after I asked if it was Ife Ologundudu. Oh! I was close to her, but I never saw her as my crush. I just loved her for her wisdom.

'It's you', I said.
You tried to hide it, but I saw the elation in your words. I should have told you my fear. We learnt in church that no relationship should start from dreams. Pastor Eben Alonge told me not to engage in any relationship till graduation, but I wouldn't listen. Love intoxicated me and swung me into trying it out.
Did I say love? I shouldn't patronise you on this day. I lusted for the power in you. I wanted to feel its presence and be associated with the real power emitting from you.
I also was sceptical, you saw it. That's why you repeatedly got angry any time I asked for the full description of the dream. I wanted to help you interpret it. I assumed that was my power and could guide you. But I was wrong.

We weren't bad together. Two black singers, both equipped with a desire to serve God. We went to August holy ghost service together. We had a lovely time discussing the Bible and everything. But I wanted something deeper. I sought it in that conversation, but it was lacking, not from you. I wanted something not entirely about Christianity.
Then, I was an advocate of no jewellery until I read the book of Ezekiel. I shouldn't have read the Bible. I probably would have remained in love with you.
I saw the way God dressed Isreal with jewellery in that passage. I wanted to debunk some Nairalanders' claim. And I discovered I was wrong all these while. I wondered if all I once believed and have read were lies. Had pastors and preachers been lying?
You were their perfect picture.
I was even ready to cope until you started throwing tantrums. Ouch! That's wrong. You began to question the relationship between any girl around me. You wanted me to define the relationship between Bolu and me and Ife.

You dreamt that I had a sexual affair with my assistant in the choir. You were seeing me as a Pastor, who later cheated. You used my family history of marrying more than one woman, which I was always fighting against, to accuse me of lust.
Those periods, in addition to my Lin 152 classes, which was filled with knowing the languages of Nigeria, made me emotionally drained. Not learning them. But knowing them, their local government etc...
I should have talked, but I wasn't used to expressing my feeling. People left me most of my life, and when you started acting that way, I just knew this would end badly, in tears as we say these days.
I had more faults. I don't call, checkup etc. I explained to you that you were my first, bear with me. I was a learner in these things.
I wanted to be better. I know I was trying to get close to you, hoping it would be better but I had grown to love you. My heart skipped at the sight of you. No sexual spark. It came once, but we couldn't have admitted it.

And I feel sad that I had to break up over a Facebook message. You said I should man up and tell you to your face, but I couldn't handle emotions. You had a lot of it flowing. I take all the blame.
I'm so happy today that you're married. I might not be bold enough to visit or ask how it's going. I'm truly happy for you.
I'm sure we are over seeing one another from afar and crossing to the other side. I guess that made afraid of how much you must have hated me. Now, I see you've used makeup, plaited your hair, used pieces of jewellery. I'm happy for you.

Happy Married Life!!!!

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Re: Letters To The Ones I Once Loved, Especially My Crushes by Divepen1(m): 8:13pm On Nov 09, 2019
I want to write about the whole world of you. I find you engaging, pure, lovely.
I will simply like to express that I felt admired your smile when you called me in Lin 141 class that you got a sit for me. I wasn't sure we've met before, but I was glad I did.
But I was so careless and allowed you to slip off like a wriggling catfish. If I had fought harder, we would be watching movies together now, cuddled up in the corner of our world.
You were indeed a great being to have around. I remember telling you that I used to love you, you told me you were ready for me. If I had just been wise. But it's for good now, I was glad when you told me you were married.

I might have been lost in time and have missed every sign that led me to you. You were true. God bless you, Tife.

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Re: Letters To The Ones I Once Loved, Especially My Crushes by Divepen1(m): 8:15pm On Nov 09, 2019
Funke Siyanbade,
As I write this, I pray my girlfriend would never see this. Sidey, if you ever read this, your position can't be taken (hehehe)...

Workers in Training brought us together. You became my unappointed assistant. But what drew me to you was that you were like everything I have dreamt of in a woman, the most perfect imperfections.

You were fun to be with, always, chipping-in jokes at the wrongest of time, serious when the time came for it, manager of life.
I want to write a lot about you. Do you remember how we would trek from SUB to your hostels, firstly Queens hall then Mariam hostel outside the school?
You gave me a purpose in every way. Days I had nothing you would walk with me even when you were in a hurry. Great worshippers, rascally fellow. Your joviality made people fear your belief in Christ, but we knew you.

I waited too long. When we started, you came out too strong, and I made the mistake of running away for a while, but I couldn't handle being away from you.

Everyone wanted us to be together, and I did too, but I was late that when I talked you weren't ready. That day, you called to check up on me. You won't believe I went straight to Gboyega's room and we talked about it for hours. I might have cried that night.
You were the first girl I would talk to boldly. I practised for months, reading to mirrors. Only for me to take you to buy something at Chicken republic and you wanted to use the toilet. But you refused to let me go until I told you what I promised to tell you.
That made me stone cold. I hoped you wanted time. So, I sent you another message on the 1st of January, but you broke the news: It's a big No...

I didn't let go. I wanted us to remain friends. I brought food to you ... I loved every part of it. You made me promise not to become distant from you, but you became a stranger by not taking my continual hands of friendship.

I guess when Precious became close to you, she was hoping it would work between us. She always told me her aspirations for us. She wanted me to ask you again, but I've started preparing Bimbo for that. It would be an insult to what I've built.

My heart bleeds as I write this to you. You made me laugh. We were good together. Why did you say no? I remember when you will call me repeatedly to check on me. Why did you say no?


Re: Letters To The Ones I Once Loved, Especially My Crushes by Divepen1(m): 9:06pm On Nov 10, 2019
Olamide Ogundare,

I wished I met you in 300 level... You know how we both publicly confessed how we were each other's crush. Despite my love for no trousers and Jewelry in 100l, I found you too serious. And you fancied the things I didn't like most of those love songs when I found only Flo, Mali as the only radical people I want to be exposed to.

Let's flow in the beauty of high praise. Ta lo raye oshi. How will I listen to slow songs if it's not acapella? I'm sure you're seeing how we were becoming different.
You loved my poise but hate my guts. The time we became fond of each other in 400 L, I just had my heart broken by Funke's wahala, I just became Music director and Editor I chief. I was also writing my novel. I think it was Lost but Satisfied.
Then, you knocked on my heart, held my hands on the road to church. You wanted to become a better Christian, and I was afraid I would corrupt you
That was a time in my life I was enjoying Miztwerksum, Alexis Texas. I loved Adele from the heavens and back. America The Voice was my muse.

You can understand my fear. But as I think of it later in life, I realise most of the girls I ever loved were a vocalist. That and power topped my list.
You had a bit of it. You were a crazy fashionista, but your tiny voice can't even scare people if we were armed robbers.
All in all, with you, I had a focus. I just wanted to explain Writing. You're focused, and for that, I doff my heart.
The last time I visited Victoria Olaopa's Sharwama office, you rushed over when you heard I was around. I don't know how I lost that pix. We would have bonded better on our trip to Delta, but life happens.
I want to lie down and hold you in my arms and watch the skies, but we've gone separate ways that it would be hard to toe the same paths anymore.
Re: Letters To The Ones I Once Loved, Especially My Crushes by Divepen1(m): 9:17pm On Nov 10, 2019
Kenny Ewuola,
We were good together, both dark, handsome and beautiful but Samson came. How're you, though?
You just love the adventure of being a bad girl that you can didn't learn the rope. God knows I try to feel happy for you even if I don't understand how you would do some things I heard you did. It left me wondering how much you wanted to taste life outside the ones your parents have guided you through.

Well, I deviated, too, but yours was too conspicuous. I might be an idiot though for assuming life needs to be explored one step at a time. We might die soon or late. Why not enjoy them one after the other.

Do you remember how we will die over "Coming to America"? We watched it and Joyful Noise more than ten times.

I was a fool, a typical example of what many are facing in their relationships or desire for a girl now. You made me write three 60 leaves poems for Samson. That fair guy later broke your heart. No. Smatched your heart. I'm supposed to feel sad, but I read Audreytimm's Unfulfilled Promises, and I remember you.
Your dad wouldn't have even allowed us to marry, seeing he was preparing you for another guy. Damn! Life's story beats love story. How far the guy?
I'm glad you said no to me, then. I find it relieving now.
Re: Letters To The Ones I Once Loved, Especially My Crushes by Divepen1(m): 9:35pm On Nov 10, 2019
Lola Oladipo,
As you later told me, you were a bigger crush of me than I was of you. I used to avoid singing on that stage because I was battling so many things in my life. But whenever I climbed that stage
and see you dancing away, I feel enthralled. I let my worries off and focus on God.
I would never believe we would talk. For four years of seeing you in church, I have never for once had power over that crush. You weren't the goddess of beauty, but your level of sophisticated but straightforward dressing kicked me in the balls always.p

Hands off, I'm not going there. You can now understand the joy I had when we were asked to collect the number of the person seated near us, and it was you.
I wanted to beg for mercy. My heart would have burst, but for the control, I tried having.
But I was a fool, I defined all my relationships because I didn't want anybody telling me I fooled them when I asked you out.
You were ripe, too and ready. You weren't too spiritual, too passive, too brilliant, too dull, too proud. You are still down to earth, despite your father's wealth.

I didn't want to fall for you, and I was afraid you'll take advantage of it. You, however, were sweet even on our first date. You made it worthwhile.
I was waiting at the venue two hours before the time.
If I didn't define all my relationships, I might still have Olamide, that fair girl that always waits for me after service. And I wouldn't have asked Bimbo out.
We would have lasted. We would. You are one person I wish I talked to first.
The way you still talk to me in recent times, gladdens my heart. One day, I'll say this to your face: I admire and love you...
Re: Letters To The Ones I Once Loved, Especially My Crushes by Divepen1(m): 9:56pm On Nov 10, 2019
Bimbo Ogunbanjo,
I hate that "if you love something, you let it go" statement. It ruined us.

But it is better for you. We were good together. Singers. You were short, I was tall. You, fair; I, dark. Beautiful; Handsome. You were gregarious. I was an introvert. Life would have been sweet.

I should say again, congratulations on your upcoming wedding ceremony in December. I can't tell much about the love we had. It was pure. You were balanced in jealousy, having fear and trust at the right time.

The way you wanted sex only in marriage was also my desire. But a guy can't be watching too much Lexy Panterra's twerk and not feel the need to hold tight to his girl.
You wanted me to do some things you have seen in happy homes. I don't know those things. I never lived with one family for long to know even how to iron a shirt (I learnt how to iron a shirt properly from my friend). I've never lived with a man in the house for more than 4 years. And all the women I lived with wanted me to be the perfect image of their dream men.
So, instead of teaching me men's stuff, they made me enjoy household work. Well, it didn't work. I hated it with passion, avoiding these works because of their desire for perfection. So, doing Bible studies and joint prayer was new to me. I told you, I'll learn if you can be patient.

I grew up for 20+ years with these bad behaviours, it won't be easy to just start the good ones in a day. Then, my mom's disapproval of our relationship spooked you. I would have fight tooth and nails for you, but you didn't want to grab some great opportunities because of me. You were contemplating on avoiding them because of 'Love'. If I hear? I have lived with several families to know that nothing is permanent.

So, when Ireal came my way, I allowed her to seduce me. I knew you would dismantle our relationship if I told you what I did. Well, half of my heart didn't really want to go through with it. I probably should have fought hard, but you wanted to marry early and do some things that will later make you curse me and marriage.

I'm sorry again for breaking your heart. I'm an idiot, I know. Maybe that's why I've never enjoyed much cosiness others have. I like me better when I was with you. You were a source of joy. We had plans, but later, when you left, you made it look as if I didn't make you achieve some of the things you did now when I was the one hammering on you doing most of them. We were each other's best cheerleaders.

But I saw it coming. I still feel sad about losing you, but I love you. You needed to go.
Re: Letters To The Ones I Once Loved, Especially My Crushes by Divepen1(m): 10:10pm On Nov 10, 2019
I won't mention you because you were the first girl to spoon me, rock and grind me. I wasn't a good boy, but I just poured myself into books more than reality.
So, when you started by insisting on watching movies from my laps, I knew you should go. But you were my end game. I'm sorry I made it look as if you seduced me.

But immediately I saw you, I wrote a story of a guy allowing himself to be seduced because he didn't want to tell his girlfriend he has been enlisted for Sambisa. I craved your body nevertheless. But you only gave me permission to your body, not inside you.

You would have disvirgined me...Guys are not flowers and can't be deflowered. Meanwhile, we were wise enough to discuss how beneficial our friendship would be. Yet, you tortured me with your crazy bumshots. At a point, my plan was out of the way, and it was that tiny ebony body I wanted, to trace every pore.
And then you also made me pants in your way, limiting the blood flow in my nipples, tickling my sensitive parts repeatedly.

Do you remember the night my girlfriend called, and you thought it wise to remove my trouser and feed yourself with a wrong stick? I do. It was the highlight. I wondered how I couldn't make any unnecessary sound.
The relationship was becoming less friendly. We had to give ourselves space. You initiated it, and I'm glad you did because my resolve was low. You've weakened my control. My game was no longer in view, you were.
Glad you passed out of Nysc. That way, we were free from each other's clutch. I couldn't have married an Imo girl. Where the money?
And you too were afraid your family would reject me. We made the right decisions. Chop knuckles.
Re: Letters To The Ones I Once Loved, Especially My Crushes by Divepen1(m): 10:13pm On Nov 10, 2019
Charlize Theron,
You make me speechless. My heart stops these days at the sight of you. I might have watched all your movies, but I can't, to avoid you having control over me. I can't have that. I rarely taste alcohol because of control.
So, please don't stop being gorgeous.
Re: Letters To The Ones I Once Loved, Especially My Crushes by Divepen1(m): 10:17pm On Nov 10, 2019
Amy Acker,
You're the pure version of the angel of death. If you want to cut my hands off, I won't mind. I always want to watch you in movies.
You're precious. I love that tiny voice and blue eyes. I used to have daydreams of you pecking me, and I remain in your paradise for years. If I met you, I wouldn't worry about a million years in your arms.
You make my heart scream, and it seems like the beginning.
Re: Letters To The Ones I Once Loved, Especially My Crushes by Divepen1(m): 10:21pm On Nov 10, 2019
Chimamanda Adichie,
I'm afraid my knees might buckle in your presence. Also, I've avoided reading two of your books to not be your zombie.
Yet, I've read your quotes, interviews, and so many things about you that I'm afraid I might make you a goddess soon. I would put offerings of writings under your image, drop titbits of poems for your eyes.
I'm afraid I might give everything and soak myself in tears to write every word like you.
Thanks for being a great writer.
Re: Letters To The Ones I Once Loved, Especially My Crushes by Divepen1(m): 10:23pm On Nov 10, 2019
Shonda Rhimes,
I'm sorry I won't ever watch Grey's Anatomy. It's the last rope that will bind me to you because if you cough, I'll find it blessed. You are an enigma.
Re: Letters To The Ones I Once Loved, Especially My Crushes by Divepen1(m): 10:30pm On Nov 10, 2019
Kemi Adetiba,
I'm writing the last letter to you, hoping you will stop invading my thoughts and dreams.
We all have a hunger, and you're living that dream. You make a fool of fears when you write and produce as if you are not of this country, making me forget to worry about my own future and productions.
I've refused to remember your face as that will be the last glue to your brain. In support, my mind seemed trained to help out.
I'm glad you are a great scriptwriter.
Re: Letters To The Ones I Once Loved, Especially My Crushes by Divepen1(m): 10:38pm On Nov 10, 2019
The End..

Truly, I feel better. My mind is no longer bugged with pain. I'm know some people want to help me unburden.


Re: Letters To The Ones I Once Loved, Especially My Crushes by Divepen1(m): 7:52am On Dec 03, 2019
Dedicated to my sidey

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