Let’s face it: the Old Testament God was a deity who really needed to rip the amphetamine drip out of his celestial arm. Although the New Testament gave us a kinder, gentler God with a bellyful of butterflies who only wants humanity to surround him in one big group hug, the Old Testament God comes […]

Proof? The above graph, comparing God's Bronson-esque kill count in the Old Testament versus the Biblical Personification of Evil, Satan. Please note that God's kill count is 227,037% higher than Satan's.

These numbers do not include women and children, so it's possible that Satan made up some of the slack punt-kicking Jewish children into the Dead Sea, but I tend to doubt it. That's a pretty commanding lead on Jehovah's part.

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