Yeah We’re not enemies we are cordial but we are not best buddies. We are cool. The same way I don’t expect my hubby to be forcefully friends with my friends husbands. That’s not even the issue here, the issue is that he is always out every minute neglecting me

midnighter:


I understand, you shouldnt feel forced to fake friendship with people just because you have been thrown together by circumstance.

But at the same time, its good to be open to making connections with others since his friends are very important to him. I only asked because of the way you sounded in your previous post

Jadeobee:
Thank u I was starting to think mayb I’m being paranoid or I’m nagging. Truth to be told, his behaviour is frustrating my life. It’s like he wants to be single. Neglecting my needs as his wife

(Very) extroverted people thrive in moving from one place to another and hangouts. They like crowd, noise...whatever. It is not about you being BORING- I don't even know how supposed educated people always stereotype INTROVERTS as BORES.

The problem here is, he has most likely been like that. You thought marriage will make him stay at home more. It doesn't always work that way.

No, you are not being paranoid.

My situation right now, since we ain't married let me just move on...

Sundays we are meant to see, that's when I would receive his message apologising he needs to hang out with his friends.
..I am just fed up.

Jadeobee:
My husband is starting to irritate me. He is always visiting his friends every minute, in a week it’s at least 3-4 times. Sometimes when we’re meant to spend quality time together, he will go to his friends house and spend 6-7 hours and come back at like 12am. If it’s not his friends, then he is on the phone with one family member for hours discussing one issue or the other. Every minute it’s one friend issue or family issue, I’m starting to think this is not normal. After discussing this problem, many times he claims he will try to change and find a balance but it only gets worse. I’m the homely type he is the outgoing type, but he can’t stay in one place. I don’t want to push him away from his people but for goodness sake, must he go to see his friends every minute, I just think it’s unreasonable. One of my friends also complains about the same thing, why are some men like this for crying out loud ?

First, stop discussing your family affairs with your "friends".

Second, confirm he's not bisexual.

Third, you knew his attitude before you married him. People hardly ever change. Prepare to live with it or tolerate him.

Fourth, I do hope you have a job because your husband cannot satisfy every need and hunger in your soul. You too need to have experiences apart from your husband. That will give you new and interesting things to talk about together.

Fifth, find out what interests him, like what kind of movies he likes watching, you could even buy and learn how to play PlayStation and kick his ass in the game

Sixth, some husbands don't stay at home because their wives are dirty and sloven in nature and the whole house is always a mess.

Seventh, some other husbands don't stay home because their wives have sharp tongues and they are experts at nagging.

Eight, irresistibility of the wife usually has the husband tied to the home. Have you changed drastically after marriage? Are you wearing your hairnet around like anointing? Are you a one-wrapper tying wife who ties it every day of the week, every week of the year? Are you weighing like a ton, when you were a skinny ass during courtship?

If after all said and done, the fault isn't from your corner, then he may be cheating on you with a woman...or a fellow man. We live in a strange world these days.

fatymore:
My situation right now, since we ain't married let me just move on...

Sundays we are meant to see, that's when I would receive his message apologising he needs to hang out with his friends.
..I am just fed up.

Smart move. Before few years time, we start advising you to follow him to his friends house to talk about Messi and Ronaldo. As if men follow their wives to the salon to discuss Diego and Paloma.

fatymore:
My situation right now, since we ain't married let me just move on...

Sundays we are meant to see, that's when I would receive his message apologising he needs to hang out with his friends.
..I am just fed up.

Move on fast o.

If he isn't eager to be with you now that you're just dating, just consider that relationship dead. An interested guy will make every excuse in the world to be with his girl.

FrLukas:

Fourth, I do hope you have a job because your husband cannot satisfy every need and hunger in your soul. You too need to have experiences apart from your husband. That will give you new and interesting things to talk about together.

This.

All I keep reading is 'my needs', 'neglecting me'...me, me, me, me.
Like a baby...

Jeez

If she was really an introvert, this crying would not have been so much because introverts thrive in their own company.
What we have here is just an attention hog whose company isn't that interesting to keep her husband invested, no wonder he is spending more time outdoors.

I bet the OP is also a world-class nag.

It is normal.

The honeymoon is over, expectations have to be adjusted. Most women think the man will spend as much time as he did when they were dating, most men think they’re still single.

When ‘see finish’ sets in a marriage doesn’t matter the man’s personality it stings. DH doesn’t drink, he’s introverted and he loves staying indoors. We were under one roof but continents apart. His poison? Video games and watching the UFC. What I did? I am not a wallower so I stopped hovering and waiting, I sought out my own entertainment, I joined a local Arsenal fan club and watched matches every weekend at the local bar. The unintended happened, we will swap gists about what we did that day, unknowingly, we were creating new materials and we bonded over each other’s experiences. Over-time he started coming with me to watch matches and I started watching the UFC.

It never ends though, someone will always feel neglected. The pendulum swung back to me when the kids came. Also life happened, priorities change etc he outgrew his love for computer games (I now use the PS3 to watch old dvd movies/series), he has made friends at my Arsenal fan club (he’s a ManU fan) and we both watch the UFC.

The bond that holds two of you together will determine whether or not his actions and inactions are in order - a man who's emotionally connected with you, especially for the right reason, can never get tired of your company. A woman who married/entered marriage with business/self-interest mindset and exhibits the same shouldn't expect privilege deserving of a woman who married with altruistic mindset from her husband (and vice versa). It's obvious that either or both of you married with business mindset - so don't expect conscientious behaviour from him always, since the marriage operates on the foundation of expediency.

I personally do not like to spend all of my recreational time with my significant other, even if he is the most interesting person in the world.

Maybe the both of you should agree on a designated day of the week to do couple activities. Then any other days can be for individual activities.

crackhaus:

This.

All I keep reading is 'my needs', 'neglecting me'...me, me, me, me.
Like a baby...

Jeez

If she was really an introvert, this crying would not have been so much because introverts thrive in their own company.
What we have here is just an attention hog whose company isn't that interesting to keep her husband invested, no wonder he is spending more time outdoors.

I bet the OP is also a world-class nag.

Lol. Don't conclude bro.

FrLukas:


Lol. Don't conclude bro.

Well my conclusion was really for her own sake, as hard as it may seem.
The alternative is that he's not actually spending the entire time with friends but using that excuse to carry on an affair.

If the latter is the case, then I'm willing to donate more buckets because her crying never start.

duduade:
How long did you guys date/court before marriage... You must have observed these things in him...


I will advise you also engage his time too.. Plan hangouts for you both... Spice up sex life too at home... I am sure there must be a way to hold him down... Get his whole attention and you still haven't found his mumu button..

which one is mumu button again?

The most important question has not been asked nor answered.......
does he perform his earthly duty in da oder room? if yes, then u are just another attention seeking lady

Jadeobee:
My husband is my friend, but he prefers his ‘day one niggaz’ as he likes to call them. I think he just prefers spending time with them over me.

I’ve not let myself go, we’ve not had kids yet.

Thanks.

Are you also friendless?
You should hang out with your own friends too, and have movie nights or activities planned with your own friends too, like shopping, window shopping, tennis, swimming etc. Make your life richer. You guys can both come home and gist about your day/ activities

your marriage is heading for the rocks. if your husband cannot see you as his best friend and buddy, I dont see your marriage surving because sooner or later you would either cheat or leave the house for him.

crackhaus:
Jadeobee you are most definitely a bore, you probably can't hold a conversation that will capture his attention for more than 20mins.
If no one was going to tell you this awful truth, I will & just did.

If you were interesting, your husband would spend more of his time with you and even if he has to hang with his boys, he will certainly make sure you tag along and try to keep you involved in their conversation.

You are wrong, oga crackhaus.

crackhaus:

This.

All I keep reading is 'my needs', 'neglecting me'...me, me, me, me.
Like a baby...

Jeez

If she was really an introvert, this crying would not have been so much because introverts thrive in their own company.
What we have here is just an attention hog whose company isn't that interesting to keep her husband invested, no wonder he is spending more time outdoors.

I bet the OP is also a world-class nag.

You're a complete joker!

He’s probably bisexual. I know someone like this... goodluck to you madam. There is someone there in that group that he is addicted to. It’s not your fault and nothing is wrong with you. It’s definitely not normal to spend all your free time with your friends. Even boys night out can be one night out of the week. His lover is probably in that circle and he cannot get enough of him. Ask him straight up if he’s bisexual. You can taunt him jokingly when he’s going to meet them, with time he will be conscious of it if he’s straight and reduce it.

No healthy male who is into women will value male companionship over his woman and family. In fact he should be too busy to have such time on his hands. You need to give him more things to do at home and, maybe you both do projects together. You are probably a superwoman kind of wife. He’s not busy enough.

Do you have kids? If you do, make him responsible for their homework and bedtime. By the time the kids are done with him, I promise you when his friends call he will be too tired to wear shoe sef.

I think you and the other wife need to come together and make life uncomfortable for the single friends and, try to ensure the “couples” do more activities together! I wish this works for you, but it looks like you have entered one chance. Your husband obviously does not understand responsibility and boundaries.

KiidaACE:
Funny thing is, if he stays at home all day too.. You'd probably still get irritated.

Gbam.

UyaiIncomparabl:


You're a complete joker!

If not that you're such a beautiful ladybug with a pair of sensual baby brown eyes like my ex, I for tear you one strong slap from here.

Nonsense & attractive.

Lol. You never see anything oo. You're going to raise HIS kids alone. That's how it works. Also, be prepared to cheat on him. That's the reality. Whether you like it or not, you will cheat.

Divorce him. Since that is the only thing you want to hear

OP you will be shocked at the number of women who are complaining of neglect in their marriages. Not just companionship but even sexual neglect.

I was friends with a girl that used to cry initially she got married because her husband would always leave her at home for very flimsy reasons even when she was sick.
She later joined some motherhood and business groups and got busy to the point that she hardly ever mentions him anymore, she is always talking of work or her kids or her little cousin staying with her.

The truth is that many women have many unrealistic expectations from their husbands when it comes to emotional availability, some men are different sure but the majority dont want to continue the whole lovebirds-spending-time-with-eachother lovestory.

Find nice associations you can join or even WhatsApp groups, what do you like to do as hobbies? It can be baking or art or even red cross, although I dont know if they will fit into your schedule. Stop expecting quality time from him please, just remove your mind from it, try and focus on doing something you love, start a project and work on finishing it.
You can even join a book club online if no physical one near you. Sorry dear.
I understand.

Get busy and remove your mind from what he is doing so you won't be depressed and ignore what the males on this thread are saying about you being boring or you being the cause of his behaviour, if a man started a thread saying his wife is always visiting friends and neglecting him nairaland men will call her a bad irresponsible wife and many of them will advice him to get a girlfriend outside to give him the attention his wife is depriving him of.

OP,
Another angle, I see where you said that he works from home? Maybe he needs an office outside the house? Could it be that by the time you get home, he is tired of being at home? Although that day one niggar childish talk makes this a moot point! But it’s worth exploring. Such a guy with an office may even be more motivated to go out much more sef. Work environment can be stressful.

OP, I truly wish you would have run for your life and not let this graduate to marriage. Now that you are in it, maybe you try to see what can work.

nahzyla:
OP you will be shocked at the number of women who are complaining of neglect in their marriages. Not just companionship but even sexual neglect.

I was friends with a girl that used to cry initially she got married because her husband would always leave her at home for very flimsy reasons even when she was sick.
She later joined some motherhood and business groups and got busy to the point that she hardly ever mentions him anymore, she is always talking of work or her kids or her little cousin staying with her.

The truth is that many women have many unrealistic expectations from their husbands when it comes to emotional availability, some men are different sure but the majority dont want to continue the whole lovebirds-spending-time-with-eachother lovestory.

Find nice associations you can join or even WhatsApp groups, what do you like to do as hobbies? It can be baking or art or even red cross, although I dont know if they will fit into your schedule. Stop expecting quality time from him please, just remove your mind from it, try and focus on doing something you love, start a project and work on finishing it.
You can even join a book club online if no physical one near you. Sorry dear.
I understand.

Get busy and remove your mind from what he is doing so you won't be depressed and ignore what the males on this thread are saying about you being boring or you being the cause of his behaviour, if a man started a thread saying his wife is always visiting friends and neglecting him nairaland men will call her a bad irresponsible wife and many of them will advice him to get a girlfriend outside to give him the attention his wife is depriving him of.

Really? . You think she has unrealistic expectations? You think working herself to a frazzle even when she’s already busy will help her get over this? What’s the use of the marriage if they can’t even be married?

Babe, I know what you are going through. From experience, keep yourself busy with your phone, movies and chores. When kids arrive, it will be worse, but you will not be bothered with his absence. Besides be happy, husbands are time consuming. FYI, Expect some disappointments because majority of his friends are single�. Madam, just keep your lane o! Welcome to the club.

pocohantas:


Smart move. Before few years time, we start advising you to follow him to his friends house to talk about Messi and Ronaldo. As if men follow their wives to the salon to discuss Diego and Paloma.

I swear...thanks

FrLukas:


Move on fast o.

If he isn't eager to be with you now that you're just dating, just consider that relationship dead. An interested guy will make every excuse in the world to be with his girl.

ok..thanks

baby124:

Really? . You think she has unrealistic expectations? You think working herself to a frazzle even when she’s already busy will help her get over this? What’s the use of the marriage if they can’t even be married?

Calm down
I didn't ask her to work herself to a frazzle.

That's why I asked her to engage in hobbies or activities she enjoys doing. Personally I enjoy drawing so even after returning from work I can still draw a few lines on paper before bed and admire my work.
Secondly in an ideal society nothing is wrong with expecting her husband to bond with her but truth is that many nigerian husbands are not romantic and are quite misogynistic so they dont see the value in things like that. It becomes unrealistic when you live in a society where many men look down on showing tenderness or being romantic to their wives. She should keep herself entertained in other ways instead of pining over him.

nautybride:
Babe, I know what you are going through. From experience, keep yourself busy with your phone, movies and chores. When kids arrive, it will be worse, but you will not be bothered with his absence. Besides be happy, husbands are time consuming. FYI, Expect some disappointments because majority of his friends are single�. Madam, just keep your lane o! Welcome to the club.

Lmao @ bolded. It's a risky thing actually. That's why married people should hang out with each other and singles vice versa.