You know I lost two very close people to me. My father and my immediate elder sister, in quick succession, the former not old, and the latter in her prime. For both of them, I felt like the grim reaper snatched them up much too early, even though on the flip side, it could feel like it employed euthanasia. It's been more than three years since we lost them, but I still feel a sense of grief about me over the manner in which we lost them. I fear that I may never get over their loss, and even though I've never asked any member of my family if they are still grieving, I know I still am, despite been the only one that appeared strong, not shedding tears, during our ordeals.


But the grieving isn't what I am about today, rather the outcome, and the person it birthed in me. Definitely, I can most assuredly tell you, that the tragic events of 2016, beside shaking me to my core, changed my outlook on life, and I think maybe for the rest of my life. The thing is, our youthful body, all of this power and strength, the invincibility, can give way anytime, with or without our permission. More often than not, it is without our permission, and the understanding, realisation and coming to terms with the connotations of these dynamics, have the tendency of setting in the mind, thoughts that can alter and modify ones outlook on life.


Now, I have come to terms with the fact that things may not always go my way (and that doesn't mean my sins are the most grievous, or that I serve a nonliving deity, as we are wont to say and believe in this clime), and that there will always be worries, but I don't have to take them to heart like I used to, knowing full well that, like the injunction in the scripture, I couldn't make a strand of my hair grow by the smallest inch by worrying. The problem with this, is how it seems to promote a lack of ambition, but that isn't always true, seeing as the positive end of the spectrum suggests that anything that needs be done, must be done now, without procastination, as there's really no time. It is akin to when a man has this thing for a female friend, and somewhere in his head, he feels that either now or in the nearest future something will definitely happen between them, but it seems unlikely now because he may not meet up to her standards, or she's distracted by something or someone else. Keeping the thought till she would've mellowed may mean that that thing may be actualised at an age when he might need medication for the added bounce to bring them both the happiness he could have had today, without the use of enhancements, if he could only bring her to see the point why today is all they've gat. Much like with an idea whose time has come.


Even if there is such a thing as a heavenly afterlife or paradise, as the case may be; proponents have warned that we would have nothing of the sorts like we have here on earth, so much so that "Notorious BIG" quipped in "Suicidal Thoughts", about how he'd prefer to go to hell when he dies, seeing as there'd be no "enjoyment" in heaven, as being there would mean he'd be without his "tool", though I doubt he'd find the pleasures he seeks in hell. The other side of the divide, doesn't guarantee a memory of past life either, seeing as bad deeds performed in an earlier life will be rewarded with difficulty in the next, in the atonement that's synonymous with reincarnation, and vice versa, as the case may be. So, no matter how you view this, we are all we got, and now is all we have, and as there's no getting out of this life alive, this is all the time we have to do all that which we must do.


There is consideration also to be made in promoting this line of thought, to ensure that it doesn't provide ammunition to those with evil intent, who could also feel that in the end, it won't matter, especially if they manage to get away with wrongs against their fellow man, such that even if the hands of the law is weak, we must be encouraged to find it beneficial, to try as much as possible to be on the side of good, no matter how difficult it is, or may appear to be, if not for the sake of a reward physical or spiritual, but for the good of mankind, in making our immediate environment, as far as our influence extends, better than we met it, a priority.


Many have posited that there's such a thing as destiny (as direct or indirect consequences of reincarnation), and whichever path we choose to navigate, will lead to the same outcome. Therefore, the sensible thing to do is to own our destiny, and if it serves us lemons, to make lemonades of it, like those that are adept at playing the ludo game often manipulate the numbers that a chance throwing of the dice affords them, to move the game to their advantage. It is the lack of understanding or the reluctance to probe the mysteries of life beyond the peripheral, that is sometimes responsible for this fear of death amongst many a people, who having become thanatophobic, forget to live. The truth however, is that it isn't death we must fear.


Another issue that have got me restless over the years, was that of finding my purpose. For answers, I looked into the lives of a few of those who claimed that they know what their purpose in life was/is, only to find that most times, their perspective on the matter hinged mainly on those things they found themselves successful at, including in their professions. Till date, I'm yet to come across anyone that thought that the opposite was the case, and many who wrote about people whose purpose appeared visible to the blind, and audible to the deaf, hardly mentioned the negative aspect of their subject's life as their purpose, even when some of those biographers would gladly accept that the purpose of their saviour's coming, was to 'die' for their sins. The matter is made more incredulous by the materiality of our current world, where finding ones purpose is almost directly linked with wealth, and its accouterments, like power, politically, economically, even spiritually, and the likes, and the fallacy that anyone who hadn't found any of these cannot be said to have found her or his purpose in life, and it makes me wonder why we cannot just 'be'.


I could go on and on, but the only thing I must add is that in all we do, we should enjoy and satisfy ourselves (hopefully doing that which is right), for it is what the bird feeds on that it flies with. We cannot be said to have fully lived, trying to satisfy everybody, or by becoming slaves to the validation of men, especially when such a "norm" is detrimental to our physical, spiritual and emotional wellbeing. Even the scriptural admonition to love our neighbour, places emphasis on 'as', and not 'more' (and by inference, not less) than ourselves; and though there's a thin line between self-love, and selfishness, the desirable and the undesirable respectively, aren't one and the same. These random thoughts that I now share with you, have not only inundated me all day, but have kept my mind occupied on a day, when seven years have passed, six times in the time of my life (a time that is witnes to "the conception", in which I've further strengthened my resolve, to live only on my own terms, as best as I can, because really, there's no time to do otherwise. Live Free.


'kovich


NOW https://madukovich./2019/11/19/now/