phlegmatic007:
Good morning nairaland.

Pls I need sane advice from the wise people of this forum. Have been having disturbing thoughts In my heart about celibacy theory that has been preached since generations, I am one of those guys who say abstinence until marriage but am having doubts.

I would feel honestly cheated if I abstain from the pleasures of sex all my life only to get married to a woman isn't a virgin herself, a woman who has never thought of abstinence, a woman who will have lots of other people to compare me with.

People say that we should let God direct who we are to marry, but have forgotten God does accordingly to what support his own plans alone and am no sure he carries man's own desire in it. I feel God can give a virgin a non-virgin and say that is the Best for him, and I always felt these sorts of things are cheating.

We are in a lawless generation, and sex is cheaper to get

I would feel honestly cheated if I abstain from the pleasures of sex all my life only to get married to a woman isn't a virgin herself, a woman who has never thought of abstinence, a woman who will have lots of other people to compare me with.

phlegmatic007:
Good morning nairaland.

Pls I need sane advice from the wise people of this forum. Have been having disturbing thoughts In my heart about celibacy theory that has been preached since generations, I am one of those guys who say abstinence until marriage but am having doubts.

I would feel honestly cheated if I abstain from the pleasures of sex all my life only to get married to a woman isn't a virgin herself, a woman who has never thought of abstinence, a woman who will have lots of other people to compare me with.

People say that we should let God direct who we are to marry, but have forgotten God does accordingly to what support his own plans alone and am no sure he carries man's own desire in it. I feel God can give a virgin a non-virgin and say that is the Best for him, and I always felt these sorts of things are cheating.

We are in a lawless generation, and sex is cheap to get as water, I honestly don't know if I should continue with my abstinence philosophy or flow with the times cause I know how scarce it is to get a virgin partner. Almost every girl has slept with their boyfriends in the name of love, and In the end don't get married to them, for an example the case of the babcock girl who recorded a sex video with her psycho path boyfriend having doggy and swallowing his sperm, she already broke up with him and am sure she was hoping to find a God fearing man( idiots) with no experience who will think he found a good wife and treat her like a queen after another psycho path made her his bitch.

I am honestly having doubts in my heart and I don't even know if this is where to post this. Please i need sane advice only.thanks

People say that we should let God direct who we are to marry, but have forgotten God does accordingly to what support his own plans alone and am no sure he carries man's own desire in it. I feel God can give a virgin a non-virgin and say that is the Best for him, and I always felt these sorts of things are cheating.

OladimejiRufai:
OP, I may be wrong but I seem to understand what your problem is.

You see there are times when a person will be upon something of virtue and will be on the path of righteousness. This can be because that was what he was brought up to believe or because of the influence of the society he lived in. So these values are instilled in him right from when he was child and he grew up with it.

But then something happens to him or he hears of an incident or he observes the world and he begins to realise some things that will make him question what he has initially believed. He is exposed to some things that cast doubts in his heart concerning the virtues he believed in. And this can cause him to begin to disbelieve in all those virtues.

But the reason why those doubts affected him so much was because he did not have deep knowledge about what he believed in, all of its concepts and all the facts sorrouding such virtues. He only believed in them because that's what he was taught or made to believe. Then he begins to question them and if he doesn't find an answer, he may give them up totally.

I think that's evident in your words.

You said:



You might have been someone who has been made to believe in God but what you said above shows you lack deep meaning of belief in God.

You said God does things according to his own plans and doesn't consider man's desire in it.

Is it the same God that created you in the perfect being that you are? The same one that created all the heavenly bodies for them to serve your purpose on earth and be of benefit to you (the sun, moon, stars, rain etc) and He spread the earth all for your comfort and for the earth to bring forth resources of all kinds for the benefit of mankind? Is the same God that has created the feeling of pleasure in you so that you may feel pleasure and he created the feeling of pain in you so that you may be alerted concerning the bad consequences of whatever it is that you involved in that brought you pain? The same God who has given you wisdom to discern what's right or wrong and he deemed that many things on earth should be under your control?

The bottom-line is if you contemplate the fact that most if not all of God's creation on earth and his works was for the purpose and benefit of mankind, you will realize you were wrong when you said "God does things according to His own plan and does not consider man's desire"

And then secondly, you made mention of how He can give you someone who is a non virgin and say that's best for you but you consider it cheating.

It is very evident, if you said the above, that the devil is seeking to use your observations (all what you said about people having sex everywhere) to toil with your mind and make you cast aspersions upon your Lord.

How can you compare your wisdom with your source of wisdom? How can you compare a drop of water to a whole ocean? How can you compare your reasoning being a man with the reason of GOD?!!

Your own reasoning is based on the external part of everything that you see but all things have two parts; the external which is visible to man and the internal part which is most times visible to God only. God is the one who has a complete understanding of all things but you own is just based on the external part.

So if God's judgement were to clash with your own, common sense should dictate that the judgement of God is the best for he has far more advanced knowledge and understanding than that of man.

So if God gives u a non virgin and say that's best for you, believe me it's best for you.

Have we not heard how people who were the worst of creatures became very righteous people? I don't know your religion but if you are a Christian, I'm very sure such stories will be in the bible. If you are a Muslim, there are many stories I can point you to. When the message of Islam started, Umar ibn Al Khattab was one of those who sought to kill the Prophet. Years later, he became so virtuous that Allaah promised him paradise while he was still on earth.

A person who is a non virgin can be the best in character, the best in attitude, the most righteous, the most patient and the best wife you can ever have.

While a virgin may have nothing tangible to offer except her virginity.

Can you compare the two of them? surely in this case, the non virgin is the best!!!

So if God says a non virgin is best for you, then it's the best.

About what you said you observed, your reaction to all what you observed makes It obvious that the devil is toiling with your mind and is taking advantage of your lack of knowledge concerning what you believed

"Oh everyone is doing it. Then it's no big deal. Why don't you join?"

This is a trick from the devil. That is one of the ways he has continued to influence mankind to join the bandwagon of bad people and that's the reason why more and more people continue to be bad and the world gets plunged deeper and deeper into sin and darkness. Then we wonder why there's so much evil in the world and bad people are increasing. Its simply because the devil has successfully influenced more and more people to join in evil.

"Oh! It's 21st century. That's how the world is now. So we roll with it"

That's the trick of the devil! You said it yourself that you are considering flowing with things. You are just one step away from making the devil complete that process in your life.

See, whatever is wrong is wrong. It doesn't matter if the whole world is doing it. And there's always reward for the one who remains patient upon truth.

Stay chaste my boy, for the sake of GOD, and he shall reward you with what is best. If it's a virgin that's best, he shall give it to you. And if it's a non virgin, and he decides she's best for you, man, don't let your sentiments cloud your judgment. Rather open your eyes and mind to the degree of God and you will see the blessings that are greater than you can imagine in that non virgin woman God had decided is best for you.

I pray that God will open your mind to the truth and make you steadfast upon uprightness.

My piece!

phlegmatic007:




Thanks so much Sir! Am really grateful for your wise advice, God bless you Sir.

Winneygirl:
Stop your confusion.
Abstinence and for whatever period of time is a personal choice.
Don't deceive yourself by mentioning God.
Thinking that if you marry a non-virgin, it'll be like God cheated you?
You're not that spiritual afterall.
You're just sex-starved.
Go and rethink the choices you are making in your life and seek to be a morally upright person who has something good to offer society.
Having sex isn't what makes one good or bad.
It is who you are as a person that matters most.
.
You can abstain from sex, but be cheating in exams.
You can abstain from sex, but rob people of their belongings.

OladimejiRufai:
OP, I may be wrong but I seem to understand what your problem is.

You see there are times when a person will be upon something of virtue and will be on the path of righteousness. This can be because that was what he was brought up to believe or because of the influence of the society he lived in. So these values are instilled in him right from when he was child and he grew up with it.

...............

phlegmatic007:





Thanks so much Sir!
Am really grateful for your wise advice, God bless you Sir.