We are as different as our fingerprints or ears, at least from what science tells us. These differences range from food preferences to race, and are responsible for a large number of human problems and in this context problems associated with relationships. Disparities are not the problem, people are. It is obvious that the way we handle our differences determines relationship success or failure.
Let's explore the keys to understanding in relationships.
Firstly, there has to be a willingness to devote yourself to knowing a person to such depth that you can safely say you "understand" them. This is usually not a problem for most people, as true love is the °wheel " that finds a "way" and you have to be "willing" to journey through understanding.
Secondly, it bears mentioning that a relationship is an active process, requiring energy and effort. Is this important? Yes, you have to actively identify the differences no matter how trivial they may seem. Always remember relationships have been broken for less, so do not get caught in the honeymoon. Identifying peculiarities helps you ascertain potential problems earlier and easier.
Rule three: Accept these differences. They are there for a reason, which is, if everyone was exactly like you, life would be boring. Rule three is my personal favourite because it is a checkpoint. It helps you see if you really love a person or not. It's simple, either you love a person to accept them for who they are or not. Do not continue in a relationship where differences have not been identified and come to terms with. It's a prophylaxis for broken homes. With this foundation in place, we can then proceed to the building blocks.
Listening to Philip talk is a way to make him unwrap his life to you. I will not say "do more of the hearing" because everyone wants to be heard. Rather, I prefer to say "listen when Mary needs you to". This is very important to prevent one party from doing all the talking and the other, all the listening. Everyone wants to be heard!
As you listen, make mental notes or go the extra mile to save reminders, anything to help you remember what Anne or Dave said. This helps you take what She said seriously. As people unwrap themselves to you, you can appreciate the dissimilarities and most times the reasons for these. This is a way of saying "apply what you heard or learnt from listening"
Sharing perspectives is also invaluable as it creates mutual concordance effectively, bypassing long hours of arguments that usually yields no result. It involves dialoguing and seeking convergence on issues posing problems. I like to think however that, understanding and compromise though on the same plane, are a great deal apart. This is in view of the popular misconception that in a relationship, disparities should be dealt with as quid pro quo. I totally disagree with this, because "offers are available while stock lasts". In as much as you should give all you got to make sure your relationship works, you should not lose yourself to it by needless compromises. You can love and remain different. This is not to say, however, that you keep up the wrongdoing. There is always room for change. When dealing with a person who you have come to understand and who understands you, mutual concession, in other words, compromise is not a problem. Take note that this is the only exception.
Finally, learn to forgive, give room for errors. No one is perfect and so along the way mistakes are made. Understanding takes time to become efficient in bonding and is reinforced by trial, error and most importantly learning from mistakes.