Funniest post on Next website
Posted by Karl on Dec 05 2010

All the Powers cannot Pull Him Down. Our National hero. Our World champion: Philip Chukwuma Mohammed Oladipo Emeagwali (GCFR FRS HSBC FAAN UAC FRSC AFRC UTC KLM OM NL GBP MD LH FAS FNASA etc etc). Proud Father of INTERNET. Worthy Son of Abubakar. Diligent Husband of two wives: Donita Brown (internet entrepreneur and eminent historian) and Dame Dale Emeagwali (distinguished science professor and inventor). Lives in a big house in Abuja and also in Washington so as to be near the White House. Genius who invented the Internet at age 14. Invented the condom when he was 6, but when the Vatican objected, he withdrew his patent. Invented snake oil to cure cancer. Invented the equations and the space vessel that landed man on the moon. The only man to have travelled to Mars, which is named after him. Invented the supercomputer as a gift to humanity. As for him, the fastest brain in the universe, hath no need for computers as his brain is five times faster than the speed of light. (It is rumored that the US has offered USD 4.19 trillion to buy the SuperBrain's secret papers and scribbled notes.) Discoverer of the cure for HIV/AIDS, and of the vaccine against ignorance. The world's most sought after neuroscientist and brain surgeon. Discoverer of the Postage Stamp. Won, at age 19, the NOBBELL PRIZE for Everything, the only one of its kind, and never to be repeated. Has also won the Congressional Medal of Honour. Whereupon, President Clinton invited him to be President of the National Academy of Sciences, and that was how he left for America with his wife, his family, staff, and relations. Has so many inventions patents and claims we stopped counting at 419! A truly wonderous inventor of the Emeagwali Perpetual Motion Acrobat (Patent No. 2,333,899,675,888,888,214,653,980,564,873,098, 419). Single handedly won the Gulf War, employing cyberwarfare, thereby saving all of humanity. Consultant to the Pentagon, the World Bank, the Security Council, INEC, WikiLeaks, and the Red Army. His equations fuel China's economy and helped end the Global Recession. He is Chair of Rebrand Nigeria. Has helped both the US and Nigeria break Iran's nuclear and other codes. Giant mathematician that cannot be ignored. Ask BP: When they (for racist reasons) doubted his equations, the great Gulf Spill happened until they apologized! Currently developing an invention to relocate himself and family to the Sun. From there, he will reverse global warming, enforce world peace, cancel the slave trade, and rule a corruption-free Nigeria run on his equations on nuclear fusion. The relocation will make it harder for ill- motivated detractors to pull him down. Auntie Dora cannot investigate him, unless to get impregnatd to bear a replacement genius. All the powers bow down to him, the Patron of WikiLeaks. AMEN.

Whaoo! All these accolades for one man! Ain't we blessed he is a Nigerian?

He sure is Special gift to the black race!

@@@@@@

i used to think becrich need medical attention badly but hey u need to be checked out

this is serious and urgent

what a great man.

Let him just capture the sun for us so that Nigeria can use it to make money.

This is how:

Turn the hottest part of the sun to some rich countries and make them pay heavily before adjusting it again, some countries can even be made to witness permanent darkness until they pay homage to Nigeria. Let's forget about oil and concentrate on Philip! Philip is it!! Emeagwali is the man!!!

hahahahahahahahahahahah

bk.babe97y:

hahahahahahahahahahahah

Imagine this foreign fool laughing at a Nigerian.
I bet your drug covered Colombia can never produce anything better than assassins and thieves. Fool.

what a sorry story!
incomplete research, i am disappointed.

the man invented GOD. where did you leave that? He was paid by some European merchants to prove the existence of God and he did an exponentially pedagogical extrusion of God`s essence. check kano museum, it is documented there and you mortal minds will not acknowledge that? perfidy!

why did you think the BP oil spill stopt abruptly? was it because Obama was pissed at the whole unending saga? Filip did it. he was working on an experiment that almost went awry but thank to incredulous insight, he saw the end from the beginning. he stopped the spillage from his Memphis laboratory using Dr Beans cachexic pandowdy simulated by a chigetai under observation by efflusive continua.

when will najia have a synagogue for this man? i am waiting.

4rm my hometown 4rm my state 4rm my country! really proud of him.we can use him 2 bash any naijaphobia.

if u wish it, then u may have it

knotty:

what a sorry story!
incomplete research, i am disappointed.

the man invented GOD. where did you leave that? He was paid by some European merchants to prove the existence of God and he did an exponentially  pedagogical extrusion of God`s essence. check kano museum, it is documented there and you mortal minds will not acknowledge that? perfidy!

why did you think the BP oil spill stopt abruptly? was it because Obama was pissed at the whole unending saga? Filip did it. he was working on an experiment that almost went awry but thank to incredulous insight, he saw the end from the beginning. he stopped the spillage from his Memphis laboratory using Dr Beans cachexic pandowdy simulated by a chigetai under observation by efflusive continua.

when will najia have a synagogue for this man? i am waiting.

ROTFL. . . .

knotty:



he saw the end from the beginning. he stopped the spillage from his Memphis laboratory using Dr Beans cachexic pandowdy simulated by a chigetai under observation by efflusive continua.

when will najia have a synagogue for this man? i am waiting.

LOL

philip!!

Nairaland is not a place 4 kids unless they hav changed 2 allow 2 allow a yoruba "ameriaan" illegal immigrant on cheap drugs 2 sneak in. Imagine such a negative life,an example of people that may not reach 45 n die of cos 4 obvious reasons. If i were born with such a negative life,i wud just luk 4 a wet transformer. Bullshit! People hav researchd and contributed to enhance computers and internet enabling people dat cannot even install OS on systems to be able 2 "fight" proffesors because of stupid tribalistic. and cheap publicity pursuits.  Mcheew,SMH and leaves 4 another thread!

marocguy:

Nairaland is not a place 4 kids unless they hav changed 2 allow 2 allow a yoruba "ameriaan" illegal immigrant on cheap drugs 2 sneak in. Imagine such a negative life,an example of people that may not reach 45 n die of cos 4 obvious reasons. If i were born with such a negative life,i wud just luk 4 a wet transformer. Bullshit! People hav researchd and contributed to enhance computers and internet enabling people dat cannot even install OS on systems to be able 2 "fight" proffesors because of silly tribalistic. and cheap publicity pursuits.  Mcheew,SMH and leaves 4 another thread!

You didnt spell "Professor" properly so I owe you no answers!

Beaf:

Imagine this foreign fool laughing at a Nigerian.
I bet your drug covered Colombia can never produce anything better than assassins and thieves. Fool.

LOL. lol. Are we talking about GEJ here?