Good evening nairalanders , I don't want to bore you with my life story but I need ur opinion on this . I know most of you are fathers and family people but please don't be sentimental on this. I was closer to my dad than than other members in the family when I was in university , I wasnt demanding despite the fact my dad was earning in 6 figures. I stayed in the hostel all through cause my dad always claimed that things weren't smooth when I knew fully well he was earning well. I graduated and I served , my mum was helpful in my service . She was always there when I called, flight ticket and accommodation in the north was paid by my mum. Where things got wrong:::: I rounded up my service hoping that my dad will help me by submitting cvs but my dad collected my cv numerous times and dumped it in his room and kept telling me he has submitted them to his friends while I was quite aware he didn't submit it. I found out my dad has a lotta side chics and he pays attention to them more , infact he doesn't give my siblings and I any keep up money , he doesnt care how we survive . My dad pays attention to his sister more than my mum, he doesn't give my mum a dime . I'm writing in English but serious he is a bad father and don't pray to be like him in future. I'm 27 but my dad doesn't care about my future. If I tell y'all hell I've been through , do u know how it feels suffering in the midst of plenty. I have received insults ,abuses from persons who I'm far better of in all ramifications but I count it all joy. My mum brought a suggestion to take me outta the county, guess what my dad said imma do drugs if I get there, things are not easy there, he said lot of crazy stuffs .what I've been through this few years after service..... Please I hate my dad right now and I don't wish him well right now.... Shout out to the mothers in the house. Please if u got a mother, respect her and don't pray to loose her. I have never known the worth of a mother till now...

So because your father didn't pamper you like the spoilt child that you are, that makes him a bad father.

He didn't submit your CV perhaps he he wants you to be an independent man and not some mummy's boy hiding under woman wrapper waiting for everything to be served "Food is ready"

And how come you know that your father has side chicks....eehn?

It's very obvious that your mother have brainwashed you and pressing you "pin po pin po" like doll.

At 27 I already had a car of my own which I bought from the money I made selling used shoes from Lagos to Calabar.

Go and work hard.....Lazy youth.

adolfHitler1934:
Ok we've heard.

Do whose father do you want to love.....mine?

You must be joking!

. We no dey quarrel bruh

Don't worry he will soon die, hope you don't cry

Different strokes for different folks. Some have it even worse. Take it easy man. It’s part of growing up to be a man. I hope you learn valuable lessons from this and learn to treat your wife and family good. Be strong and be focused. You’ll look back at this and smile to yourself in future.

adolfHitler1934:
So because your father didn't pamper you like the spoilt child that you are, that makes him a bad father.

He didn't submit your CV perhaps he he wants you to be an independent man and not some mummy's boy hiding under woman wrapper waiting for everything to be served "Food is ready"

And how come you know that your father has side chicks....eehn?

It's very obvious that your mother have brainwashed you and pressing you "pin po pin po" like doll.

At 27 I already had a car of my own which I bought from the money I made selling used shoes I used to buy from Lagos to Calabar.

Go and work hard.....Lazy youth.

my brother I'm a house agent and I guess u know how hectic the work sounds. No one can tell me I'm lazy cuz I work hard..my brother if u had someone to make ur life easier and smoother I bet u won't be selling shoes. It's good u are also hardworking but do u think persons that induldge in evil acts love it or enjoy it if they had someone to guide them . There is nothing like man up right now in Nigeria cos u definitely need connections and God. U don't need to submit my cv to my my life better, there are other ways to make someone's life better. Y do u sound like an old generation father. Go and ask footballers or sportsmen why they enroll their kids into academies

GoldCircle:
Different strokes for different folks. Some have it even worse. Take it easy man. It’s part of growing up to be a man. I hope you learn valuable lessons from this and learn to treat your wife and family good. Be strong and be focused. You’ll look back at this and smile to yourself in future.

thanks, I really appreciate .

Lol, take it easy oh.

ebuka10box:
my brother I'm a house agent and I guess u know how hectic the work sounds. No one can tell me I'm lazy cuz I work hard..my brother if u had someone to make ur life easier and smoother I bet u won't be selling shoes. It's good u are also hardworking but do u think persons that induldge in evil acts love it or enjoy it if they had someone to guide them . There is nothing like man up right now in Nigeria cos u definitely need connections and God. U don't need to submit my cv to my my life better, there are other ways to make someone's life better. Y do u sound like an old generation father. Go and ask footballers or sportsmen why they enroll their kids into academies

This excuse is not valid my brother.

The man said it all. Dont depend on your father solely. He has given you education which most people didn't have the privilege to get, so build on that framework.

Stop complaining and focus on what will make you stand out and stand tall.

JudasNaCarrot:
This excuse is not valid my brother.

The man said it all. Dont depend on your father solely. He has given you education which most people didn't have the privilege to get, so build on that framework.

Stop complaining and focus on what will make you stand out and stand tall.

I'm not depending on him but how has he made life any easier. Education is cool but u need funds to do major things and my dad doesn't support in any of that.. Everyone prays for a better life , I don't need to be pampered or spoilt but making my life easier is the key.... My mates are getting married and all that. I wanna be like that someday and I need a starting point. A father is meant to act like a feather for you to fly further. God in heaven is our father cause he know all our worries and provides for us, so is our father on earth meant to do so

adolfHitler1934:
So because your father didn't pamper you like the spoilt child that you are, that makes him a bad father.

He didn't submit your CV perhaps he he wants you to be an independent man and not some mummy's boy hiding under woman wrapper waiting for everything to be served "Food is ready"

And how come you know that your father has side chicks....eehn?

It's very obvious that your mother have brainwashed you and pressing you "pin po pin po" like doll.

At 27 I already had a car of my own which I bought from the money I made selling used shoes from Lagos to Calabar.

Go and work hard.....Lazy youth.

u can never tell the story , na me wey wear shoe know where e dey pain me. I just gave you something brief.after service I became a teacher, I was being paid 15k . Sleepless nights, marking scripts , dress code and I had a dad that works with an oil firm . Guess what my dad recommended me to work in an lg company as a sales boy. After 5 years in uni, meaning d grind was all for nothing . My dad is always on badoo trying to hook up with girls and please I'm 100percent sure my dad has up to 5side chics, read his chat numerous times . He sends them money, sends his sister money and pays her children university tuition fees while my elder sister is jobless,broke and at home Andy expect me to be happy with him. Woe be tide that parent that gives birth to a child and doesn't care for him. Most friends feel I'm living kk but I swear down, it's not rosy. I got no problem with his side chics or sister but y do u take care of others and abandon your own.

Woe be tide that parent that gives birth to a child and doesn't care for him..

Deeep shits..
Feel ur pains but try to be independent of yourself..dont give F about his money ,go out there hustle for d dough and take care of your mum.

FreeMejoor1:
Woe be tide that parent that gives birth to a child and doesn't care for him..

Deeep shits..
Feel ur pains but try to be independent of yourself..dont give F about his money ,go out there hustle for d dough and take care of your mum.

thanks bro

adolfHitler1934:
So because your father didn't pamper you like the spoilt child that you are, that makes him a bad father.

He didn't submit your CV perhaps he he wants you to be an independent man and not some mummy's boy hiding under woman wrapper waiting for everything to be served "Food is ready"

And how come you know that your father has side chicks....eehn?

It's very obvious that your mother have brainwashed you and pressing you "pin po pin po" like doll.

At 27 I already had a car of my own which I bought from the money I made selling used shoes from Lagos to Calabar.

Go and work hard.....Lazy youth.

You are M.A.D.

@OP...Stay strong and forge ahead. Pray to God to touch your heart so you do not hate him no matter his actions. Try to think of the little ways he was good to you. And giddy up to take charge of your destiny. In the end, na you go carry your load alone in this life, even if you have very supportive parents. Don't mind the silly poster I quoted, a father is supposed to serve as a shoulder for his children to stand on so they can stand taller in life. That's different from spoiling a child.

Your father owes you absolutely NOTHING, especially at 27.

Find your own path, work harder than you did the previous day, expand your horizon and stop sounding like an entitled child!

If you fail in achieving your dreams and ambitions, it would NEVER be because your father did not support you. They are your dreams, not your Dad’s.

His wealth or properties belong to him and his wife. He is at discretion to spend it as he pleases. When you get your’s, you can do differently.

I hope you see the hard truth.

Expectations hurt. You're a grown man, if your father wasn't alive, wouldn't you still survive? Hustle your hustle abeg, life na per head, your father has lived his and it's now your turn to live yours.

What am I reading on this thread? So it's now the mothers fault that his father spent money meant for family on side chics?
Or the father could not simply call his son and tell him to be independent instead of abandoning his CV and lying about it?

OP you had a bad father, if everything you wrote is true.
Many men have a habit of supporting their fellow men no matter what he does wrong. I am sure if the tables were turned and you said your mom was earning six figures but spent her money on clothes and shoes the same guys blaming your mother for brainwashing you will pour insults on her.

You are right to be angry but since you have realised the guy is not ready to help you, please try hard to remove your mind from him and his money, very many fathers are like that, the moment they realise their wives have money they start wasting their own money on personal pleasures and leave her to finance the household.

Ignore him and make the best out of yourself ok?
He will grow old and regret his actions after all his side chicks abandon him.

sholay2011:

You are M.A.D.

@OP...Stay strong and forge ahead. Pray to God to touch your heart so you do not hate him no matter his actions. Try to think of the little ways he was good to you. And giddy up to take charge of your destiny. In the end, na you go carry your load alone in this life, even if you have very supportive parents. Don't mind the silly poster I quoted, a father is supposed to serve as a shoulder for his children to stand on so they can stand taller in life. That's different from spoiling a child.

thanks and I'm happy u understand this

nahzyla:
What am I reading on this thread? So it's now the mothers fault that his father spent money meant for family on side chics?
Or the father could not simply call his son and tell him to be independent instead of abandoning his CV and lying about it?

OP you had a bad father, if everything you wrote is true.
Many men have a habit of supporting their fellow men no matter what he does wrong. I am sure if the tables were turned and you said your mom was earning six figures but spent her money on clothes and shoes the same guys blaming your mother for brainwashing you will pour insults on her.

You are right to be angry but since you have realised the guy is not ready to help you, please try hard to remove your mind from him and his money, very many fathers are like that, the moment they realise their wives have money they start wasting their own money on personal pleasures and leave her to finance the household.

Ignore him and make the best out of yourself ok?
He will grow old and regret his actions after all his side chicks abandon him.

thanks for d advice

Shout-out to the good dads too.
My dad is awesomely awesome.
Though my mum was and still the best.

Sometimes the only reason I post on Nairaland is to change a narrative. Because I find it difficult to understand the normalisation of wrong things.

This narrative has made young men think the behaviour of some elders is normal. OP, your father's behaviour is abnormal, and must never be seen as normal.

I had a similar upbringing, so it's not new to me. However, you see these men, they only prefer to do things at their own time, without having to explain to anyone.

His attitude towards your mum isn't really your concern, cos you dont know the full gist. They've been together long before you were born.

So, like they've said, dust yourself up and stand like a man. At 27, you're no longer a kid, and these things should be clear to you by now.

On no account should you hate your father. Do without him, but dont hate him. Atleast think of those nice things he has done in the past, cos even the devil has it's good days.

You know what I do to people like your dad, I see them as dead!

ebuka10box:
I'm not depending on him but how has he made life any easier. Education is cool but u need funds to do major things and my dad doesn't support in any of that.. Everyone prays for a better life , I don't need to be pampered or spoilt but making my life easier is the key.... My mates are getting married and all that. I wanna be like that someday and I need a starting point. A father is meant to act like a feather for you to fly further. God in heaven is our father cause he know all our worries and provides for us, so is our father on earth meant to do so

of you hate him because he treats your mother like crap, that is justifiable. If you hate him because he has side chics and doesn't contribute to housekeeping, also justifiable, but to hate him because he didn't submit your CV, or sponsor your Visa is called a sense of entitlement, which is a bad thing to have. That is extra, those things are privileges and he doesn't deserve to do it for you.

Make your own money, do it for your mother and for your self. Go out there, channel that hatred to something constructive and work hard. Success is the best form of revenge against him.

I can see everyone is trying t o act woke and we all know the sitn of this country. Being brilliant and hardworking ain't enof to take one to promise land except for sheer luck and right connect.

Without doubt, I am very sure everybody saying his' dad owes him nothing would also be angry if they were also to be in OP's shoes.

If u ve a father that u know can hlp make ur life easy, but ain't doing shit, it is very much normal to ve some form of hatred for him.

In OP's sitn he knows his' father has some connect that can make things easier for him, but he aint helping then he has every reason to be angry and shouldn't be castigated for acting that way.

@OP just like others ve advised, keep pushing harder, I pray God would make things come to right place in a short time. As for ur father take it like he's not in the capacity to hlp so keep pushing.

Did you say you're 27? If true, you have lost your way

Orlaoluwayimika:
I can see everyone is trying t o act woke and we all know the sitn of this country. Being brilliant and hardworking ain't enof to take one to promise land except for sheer luck and right connect.

Without doubt, I am very sure everybody saying his' dad owes him nothing would also be angry if they were also to be in OP's shoes.

If u ve a father that u know can hlp make ur life easy, but ain't doing shit, it is very much normal to ve some form of hatred for him.

In OP's sitn he knows his' father has some connect that can make things easier for him, but he aint helping then he has every reason to be angry and shouldn't be castigated for acting that way.

@OP just like others ve advised, keep pushing harder, I pray God would make things come to right place in a short time. As for ur father take it like he's not in the capacity to hlp so keep pushing.

thanks for your understanding

travelland:
Did you say you're 27? If true, you have lost your way

Meaning?

ebuka10box:
Meaning?

Meaning, it's too late for this. Move on.

ebuka10box:
I'm not depending on him but how has he made life any easier. Education is cool but u need funds to do major things and my dad doesn't support in any of that.. Everyone prays for a better life , I don't need to be pampered or spoilt but making my life easier is the key.... My mates are getting married and all that. I wanna be like that someday and I need a starting point. A father is meant to act like a feather for you to fly further. God in heaven is our father cause he know all our worries and provides for us, so is our father on earth meant to do so

Don't mind that guy typing trash about how he made it selling shoe and stuff. If you dig deep now you'll realize he got favoured in one way or the other, but like some guys do, after helping them succeed they start claiming that they did it themselves and how they are "real man" instead of acknowledging those that helped them. Many guys are fund of that and that is why I find it hard helping some guys especially if I discover that the person is the arrogant and ungrateful type.

Having said the above, I'll advise you still not to hate your dad but try hard and embarrass him with your success!
Dads are meant to push their offsprings especially when they have the wherewithal. Many men work hard to provide succour for their children and give them leverage in this competitive world, but some prefer to spend their money on small girls and alcohol and I'm sorry to say that your dad belongs to that category. However, don't hate him. Rather make do with the support you get from your mum and work hard.

At least, when you eventually make it, your dad will not complain that you take better care of your mum than him. He'll be too ashamed to complain anytime you change your mum's car.

My dad told me when I was in primary 4 that he can no longer pay my school fees... It was my mom that continued paying it... My dad added nothing to my life... It has all been my mom... But I never hated him.. Now he is even sick.. I care for him more... And I thank God my mom is not a mom that would insult my dad or say bad things to him... Instead she encourages us to do more for him...

Jman06:
Don't mind that guy typing trash about how he made it selling shoe and stuff. If you dig deep now you'll realize he got favoured in one way or the other, but like some guys do, after helping them succeed they start claiming that they did it themselves and how they are "real man" instead of acknowledging those that helped them. Many guys are fund of that and that is why I find it hard helping some guys especially if I discover that the person is the arrogant and ungrateful type.

Having said the above, I'll advise you still not to hate your dad but try hard and embarrass him with your success!
Dads are meant to push their offsprings especially when they have the wherewithal. Many men work hard to provide succour for their children and give them leverage in this competitive world, but some prefer to spend their money on small girls and alcohol and I'm sorry to say that your dad belongs to that category. However, don't hate him. Rather make do with the support you get from your mum and work hard.

At least, when you eventually make it, your dad will not complain that you take better care of your mum than him. He'll be too ashamed to complain anytime you change your mum's car.

thanks for the advice

Lamanii22:
My dad told me when I was in primary 4 that he can no longer pay my school fees... It was my mom that continued paying it... My dad added nothing to my life... It has all been my mom... But I never hated him.. Now he is even sick.. I care for him more... And I thank God my mom is not a mom that would insult my dad or say bad things to him... Instead she encourages us to do more for him...

thank God for your mum , happy she did the right thing. Assuming ur mum also behaved like ur dad, who knows the kinda person u would have become.