Shibaraba:
You're a very good writer...
Let me assume this is real

Dear guys. Hide nothing from your wife to be. While dating if she had known you were a drinker she wouldn't have married you. If she still married you after knowing your habit she won't have complained. You see the root of the problem? The foundation.

How many I Don date Wey leave me because of kpef. Them plenty. Immediately I date you I go tell you, omo I dey drink o. And I like clubbing. If you can bear it no wahala. Due to the understanding sef na me go reduce the kpef myself.
That being said you beat your woman. That makes you weak bro. If a woman can control you till you get annoyed she has power over your emotions. A person that has power over your emotions have power over you. You Don mess up. Solution. Go beg am.
But if she insists she wants to leave Abeg leave her be. She no like your habits,be sides a woman who just a few months after wedding and you make mistake wan go, imagine when una Don enter una sef well. I don't support divorce but if she wan go no wahala.
You sef sofri drink. If not for anything for your health. Drink maybe one crate a day no go beyond am. You go dey alright

@Bold:

100%

It goes both ways.

I was waiting for the part where there'll be a link redirecting to a blog.

I pushed her on to the ground and kicked her in her legs a few times. I grabbed her hand and bit it really hard and then bit her on top of her head
The emboldened wasn't done to a human, a pregnant one. I refuse to believe it.
But Some women dey try o. I can't be with a drunk. The behaviours they exhibit at "their" time can be really disastrous.
You battered that woman. How she didn't see the signs before baffles me. You probably hid that part really well. Let them take her things before you kill her. Please do seek for help because you clearly need it.

You need therapy Hun..
You need to take care of yourself... Apologize to your wife but she can't come home now cause of your present state... You still need to heal... Sign up for therapy today... See a doctor ASAP...

Princyony:
I have created a new account for this as I need advice desperately and I have no one else. Apologies if this turns out to be long.

I come from an abusive, broken home. I used to watch my Dad beat my Mom and he used to hit me too. I was sexually molested by a cousin and basically had a a very bad childhood. Lots of anger and yelling all the time is what I remember the majority of it to be. I have a terrible temper and have known this for a long time now. I am an only child, I lost my sister when I was 4, she was 11 months when she died. My wife comes from a solid family with an older brother and sister, her parents have been together for a long time and are happy. She never experienced any of the sort of trauma I did as a youth. I am 29 and she is 26.

My wife and I recently celebrated our first year wedding anniversary and have been going through some tough times lately. We have had a lot of fights in our first year. Mostly caused by me being drunk and I have been physically aggressive with her before, grabbing her by the arm and once pulling her down a set of small steps by. She got pregnant before Christmas so when she told me I was ecstatic with happiness and everything was still fine so last week Saturday my plan was to have a couple of beers with my friend after work to celebrate a special occasion he had and I send her message I’m having a celebratory drink with my friend and she replies yeah I thought so and so now I know she is annoyed and I text her asking whats wrong, it takes about 5 texts and she writes back an hour and half later saying "I knew what you were doing all along, the reason you text me so you could hang out with your friends" and some other stuff basically to the effect of: I picked drinking with friends over her.

So at this point I have had a few beers and I'm in trouble with my wife so I knock back another one or two and at this point I am now pretty drunk as I was drinking fast. I go home and she shows up and she is really angry and yelling at me , the marriage is over , I'm going back to my parents home" I lost it at this point and her to be angry at me now combined with all the other pent up emotions, I just exploded. I pushed her on to the ground and kicked her in her legs a few times. I grabbed her hand and bit it really hard and then bit her on top of her head. I completely lost all control and was consumed with emotions. I felt like I was losing my mind. She looked up at me in terror and I stopped. She got up and told me we were finished and she never wanted to see me again. She punched me in the face and broke my glasses. We threw some dishes and things and I just completely crumbled. She wanted to leave but I was preventing her. I smashed her phone on the ground and pulled her bags off of her. I stopped preventing her from leaving and she opened the door and walked out. I followed her out in the street and tried to talk to her. It was useless of course. She went home.

Her parents are on holiday right now in Canada so it was only her brother who was there. I called the house and she answered and told me to Bleep off basically. So this morning her Sister calls and says they will be contacting the police etc. I am now sitting in my house surrounded by her things which I have to pack up so her Sister can come collect them. I have no one else. My Mother passed away 4 years ago and I have no contact with my Dad. My family structure is basically broken.

I am a good person. I am not violent normally. Anyone I know would tell you "Hey that guys is a really good guy, he has a good heart." This is why my wife loved me, she chose me because I'm a good person. Yet... I feel like a monster. What I did was MONSTROUS. I hate myself right and can barely stand to be alive. I have a problem with alcohol and anger management. I know this much but I don't know where to go for help. I have just ruined the best thing thats ever happened to me in my life. My wife is SUCH a good person. She is literally an angel to me. She does not have a bad or mean bone in her body and look what I did to her. I can't believe it I don't know to deal with it. My worst nightmare is to be like my Dad with women and I have gone and done it. Please help me

@Princyony;

Good you acknowledged that you have serious issues: foundation from a broken home and sexual molestation which fuels anger and rage in you as you have not dropped that baggage.

Something also tells me you did not reveal yourself to your wife/ she wasn't observant during courtship. Your statement 'she married me because I am a good person with a good heart' tells me she did not know you are a good person with a huge dose of madness buried underneath.

You have pulled the cart before the house however, there is hope.

Go to your wife and apologize to her and family. Tell them you are going to work on becoming a better man for her and your unborn baby.

First, you need Jesus. Trust me, He is the only one that can heal you. You need His light to bring life, healing and transformation to you.

Go to a Bible believing Church, give your life to Christ and cry to Him to save you. Your good intentions of not being like your father is not enough to save you or help you change. Tell Him to heal you, tell Him your cousin's molestation, father/parents' neglect, sister's death is too heavy for you to bear. Tell it to Him and drop it all at His feet.

Next, forgive all the people that hurt you. They still have influence over your life that's why they dictate your emotions and reactions in the background. I would not tell you to 'control' yourself till you let out the negatives emotions first.

Thereafter change your friends if you cannot drop the drinking habit. The Bible says 'Wine is a mocker' and drunkness ruins a lot of things. Some people would tell you it is drunkness that is wrong however, 'na from clap person de enter dance'.

If required, you can get mentors on how to be a loving husband and father. Or better still, go to God and let the Holy Spirit direct you. The golden rule of 'do unto others as you want them to do unto you' is also apt.

You should also learn to communicate and assert yourself without going over the edge. You went that physical with her that bad because there are a lot of stuffs she had been doing you perceived wrong and you were afraid to voice out so you are not like your father or destroy the 'peace' in the home.

To your wife:
She knowingly or unknowingly married a broken man and she can decide to help him get better. Not everyone gets a partner who has already worked on him/herself; most have to do the mending role in marriage. Interestingly, two parties in a marriage can be broken in different areas and need healing.

It was unwise of her to yell at you that the marriage is over while you were drunk considering you have been physical before. Sleeping it out and carrying her stuff the next day would have made more sense. I am also curious as to why she wants to divorce you because 'you chose drinking with friends over her.' I think it is the childishness of early marriages. She should realize that you would have a social life outside her. She should also have hers too.

Keep reaching out to her with text messages, calls, emails, voice notes, visits etc.

It would be well.

How did you know the exact way you hit if truly you were really drunk. U gave the full details as though it was your clear self.

Anyways, na nl land stories sha.....

Another person go create another one now say " is it good to leave your husband if he hit you" the stories no de ever finish.

Self-control.
If you had it, you will control your drinking. If you're hanging out with friends that encourage you to drink 8-10 bottles of beer at a go and still drive home, then you need new friends.
Not only are you irresponsible with your life, you have no one to tell you.
I will not advise your wife to return till you have taken steps to curb your addiction, psychotherapy to free you from the shackles of your past, do away with evil friends and visible signs of being a better human being.
Besides,that your good heart only shows when you are sober. The good heart dies when you're drunk.
Maybe you don't actually have a good heart.

You are not a good guy, you need to stop telling yourself that you are. Good guys don't go around beating their partners but you have the ability to become a better man. Take control of your fucking anger and stop drinking. You grew up in an abusive home and you know how much pain is involved with that shit. Don't become your father.

You beat up someone who is pregnant and who you are physically stronger than. Now let's do a reversal...
You happened to be married to a woman who can't control her drinking habit. One day she lashed out and hit you badly even though she know you are in a delicate health condition that could lead to possible complications or even death.
Will you accept her apology afterward without solid evidence of change?
Are you willing to risk your life where a violent death may await you?
Can the person will claim to love you, hurt you with disregard to your health?
Do unto others what you wish done to you. Stop being selfish thinking about your helplessness, you have a kid on the way who will be looking up to you. @op you can change nothing is written in stone.

You mean you bit your wife? Chai oga you are worst than Suarez.

You don't deserve to have her in your life. If you really did love her, you would not have laid a hand on her. You need help with your anger management. This story makes me sick

Your first step is to get a therapist to talk to.

Where do you live so i can refer you to one?

Going to church and all that is good but it will not address the root of your problems you have to speak with a professional before you understand your trauma and get help.


Leave your wife for now and focus on helping yourself. In the course of therapy they may invite your wife after you have made head way and if she is interested she may come and probably learn to understand you more and work with you towards healing.

The first step is admitting you have a problem you have done that, second step is get help you MUST do that. Dont go begging her to return when you have not helped your self

Princyony:
I have created a new account for this as I need advice desperately and I have no one else. Apologies if this turns out to be long.

I come from an abusive, broken home. I used to watch my Dad beat my Mom and he used to hit me too. I was sexually molested by a cousin and basically had a a very bad childhood. Lots of anger and yelling all the time is what I remember the majority of it to be. I have a terrible temper and have known this for a long time now. I am an only child, I lost my sister when I was 4, she was 11 months when she died. My wife comes from a solid family with an older brother and sister, her parents have been together for a long time and are happy. She never experienced any of the sort of trauma I did as a youth. I am 29 and she is 26.

My wife and I recently celebrated our first year wedding anniversary and have been going through some tough times lately. We have had a lot of fights in our first year. Mostly caused by me being drunk and I have been physically aggressive with her before, grabbing her by the arm and once pulling her down a set of small steps by. She got pregnant before Christmas so when she told me I was ecstatic with happiness and everything was still fine so last week Saturday my plan was to have a couple of beers with my friend after work to celebrate a special occasion he had and I send her message I’m having a celebratory drink with my friend and she replies yeah I thought so and so now I know she is annoyed and I text her asking whats wrong, it takes about 5 texts and she writes back an hour and half later saying "I knew what you were doing all along, the reason you text me so you could hang out with your friends" and some other stuff basically to the effect of: I picked drinking with friends over her.

So at this point I have had a few beers and I'm in trouble with my wife so I knock back another one or two and at this point I am now pretty drunk as I was drinking fast. I go home and she shows up and she is really angry and yelling at me , the marriage is over , I'm going back to my parents home" I lost it at this point and her to be angry at me now combined with all the other pent up emotions, I just exploded. I pushed her on to the ground and kicked her in her legs a few times. I grabbed her hand and bit it really hard and then bit her on top of her head. I completely lost all control and was consumed with emotions. I felt like I was losing my mind. She looked up at me in terror and I stopped. She got up and told me we were finished and she never wanted to see me again. She punched me in the face and broke my glasses. We threw some dishes and things and I just completely crumbled. She wanted to leave but I was preventing her. I smashed her phone on the ground and pulled her bags off of her. I stopped preventing her from leaving and she opened the door and walked out. I followed her out in the street and tried to talk to her. It was useless of course. She went home.

Her parents are on holiday right now in Canada so it was only her brother who was there. I called the house and she answered and told me to Bleep off basically. So this morning her Sister calls and says they will be contacting the police etc. I am now sitting in my house surrounded by her things which I have to pack up so her Sister can come collect them. I have no one else. My Mother passed away 4 years ago and I have no contact with my Dad. My family structure is basically broken.

I am a good person. I am not violent normally. Anyone I know would tell you "Hey that guys is a really good guy, he has a good heart." This is why my wife loved me, she chose me because I'm a good person. Yet... I feel like a monster. What I did was MONSTROUS. I hate myself right and can barely stand to be alive. I have a problem with alcohol and anger management. I know this much but I don't know where to go for help. I have just ruined the best thing thats ever happened to me in my life. My wife is SUCH a good person. She is literally an angel to me. She does not have a bad or mean bone in her body and look what I did to her. I can't believe it I don't know to deal with it. My worst nightmare is to be like my Dad with women and I have gone and done it. Please help me

Stop drinking, call and tell her you will stop, any time you feel like chilling out schedule it with your wife. If your marriage is important you must make the sacrifice, some of us wish we had what you are willfully throwing away. Even if she stays away for now, give it time don't claim right. Am typing this with tears in my eye because what I want is was you are actively throwing to the dogs, a good woman is hard to find.

You need psychological help. You attacked her like a maniac. Your childhood trauma has really messed you up. Fix yourself before you bring anyone around you. Your friends may see a good guy, but your wife sees all your inner demons.

Most people have said it all. Get professional help. Work on yourself first before you think of continuing the marriage (that’s if she still wants you).

mysticwarrior:
You mean you bit your wife? Chai oga you are worst than Suarez.

lol... that part really got me

@op, I feel for you and your wife too

just go for the therapy as others suggested.purge yourself of all the anger and hatred you have built up over the years due to your foundation..they won't do you any good. your child/children shouldn't grow up in an abusive home if not the cycle continues,and they also become damaged like you

Jisos! You beat up a pregnant woman !!!


They should get you arrested so you could have time to really be sobber up! You knew alcohol is your downfall... Yet you pursue it like a Kenyan pursue a marathon. Well done! Enjoy your really "alone life"!

Lamanii22:
You need therapy Hun..
You need to take care of yourself... Apologize to your wife but she can't come home now cause of your present state... You still need to heal... Sign up for therapy today... See a doctor ASAP...

Thank you. I have contacted counselors to get help. I want to fix myself.

Eketem:
Your first step is to get a therapist to talk to.

Where do you live so i can refer you to one?

Going to church and all that is good but it will not address the root of your problems you have to speak with a professional before you understand your trauma and get help.


Leave your wife for now and focus on helping yourself. In the course of therapy they may invite your wife after you have made head way and if she is interested she may come and probably learn to understand you more and work with you towards healing.

The first step is admitting you have a problem you have done that, second step is get help you MUST do that. Dont go begging her to return when you have not helped your self

Wow, thank you so much. You're really very helpful

A married Man who drinks and drives is oy wishing his wife and kid fatherless.

Go and work on your drinking habit before you kill another person's precious child.

You would have come here to cry if you had knocked out the pregnancy.

izospindle:

Stop drinking, call and tell her you will stop, any time you feel like chilling out schedule it with your wife. If your marriage is important you must make the sacrifice, some of us wish we had what you are willfully throwing away. Even if she stays away for now, give it time don't claim right. Am typing this with tears in my eye because what I want is was you are actively throwing to the dogs, a good woman is hard to find.

Sorry ehn, God will help you find your wife if you allow Him.

Princyony:
I have created a new account for this as I need advice desperately and I have no one else. Apologies if this turns out to be long.

I come from an abusive, broken home. I used to watch my Dad beat my Mom and he used to hit me too. I was sexually molested by a cousin and basically had a a very bad childhood. Lots of anger and yelling all the time is what I remember the majority of it to be. I have a terrible temper and have known this for a long time now. I am an only child, I lost my sister when I was 4, she was 11 months when she died. My wife comes from a solid family with an older brother and sister, her parents have been together for a long time and are happy. She never experienced any of the sort of trauma I did as a youth. I am 29 and she is 26.

My wife and I recently celebrated our first year wedding anniversary and have been going through some tough times lately. We have had a lot of fights in our first year. Mostly caused by me being drunk and I have been physically aggressive with her before, grabbing her by the arm and once pulling her down a set of small steps by. She got pregnant before Christmas so when she told me I was ecstatic with happiness and everything was still fine so last week Saturday my plan was to have a couple of beers with my friend after work to celebrate a special occasion he had and I send her message I’m having a celebratory drink with my friend and she replies yeah I thought so and so now I know she is annoyed and I text her asking whats wrong, it takes about 5 texts and she writes back an hour and half later saying "I knew what you were doing all along, the reason you text me so you could hang out with your friends" and some other stuff basically to the effect of: I picked drinking with friends over her.

So at this point I have had a few beers and I'm in trouble with my wife so I knock back another one or two and at this point I am now pretty drunk as I was drinking fast. I go home and she shows up and she is really angry and yelling at me , the marriage is over , I'm going back to my parents home" I lost it at this point and her to be angry at me now combined with all the other pent up emotions, I just exploded. I pushed her on to the ground and kicked her in her legs a few times. I grabbed her hand and bit it really hard and then bit her on top of her head. I completely lost all control and was consumed with emotions. I felt like I was losing my mind. She looked up at me in terror and I stopped. She got up and told me we were finished and she never wanted to see me again. She punched me in the face and broke my glasses. We threw some dishes and things and I just completely crumbled. She wanted to leave but I was preventing her. I smashed her phone on the ground and pulled her bags off of her. I stopped preventing her from leaving and she opened the door and walked out. I followed her out in the street and tried to talk to her. It was useless of course. She went home.

Her parents are on holiday right now in Canada so it was only her brother who was there. I called the house and she answered and told me to Bleep off basically. So this morning her Sister calls and says they will be contacting the police etc. I am now sitting in my house surrounded by her things which I have to pack up so her Sister can come collect them. I have no one else. My Mother passed away 4 years ago and I have no contact with my Dad. My family structure is basically broken.

I am a good person. I am not violent normally. Anyone I know would tell you "Hey that guys is a really good guy, he has a good heart." This is why my wife loved me, she chose me because I'm a good person. Yet... I feel like a monster. What I did was MONSTROUS. I hate myself right and can barely stand to be alive. I have a problem with alcohol and anger management. I know this much but I don't know where to go for help. I have just ruined the best thing thats ever happened to me in my life. My wife is SUCH a good person. She is literally an angel to me. She does not have a bad or mean bone in her body and look what I did to her. I can't believe it I don't know to deal with it. My worst nightmare is to be like my Dad with women and I have gone and done it. Please help me

Why don't you report yourself at the nearest police station, let them beat you very well, sleep there for a few days, next time you feel like beating a pregnant woman you will remember your stint at the police station.