Here is some background info: Her child is 4 years old, she is 24, and I am 30. I knew that she has a child all along, but we are getting really serious these days and the family pressure is on (on me). The dude that knocked her up simply bounced because her child turned out to be a female ( He never came back, not even a mere phone call).
I know in the US, where I lived for over 15 years, stuff like this flies easily, but here in 9ja, society still frowns on that.

Thus, if you were in my shoes, what will you do?

If you really love her kini big deal. Go on with her

The dude that knocked her up simply bounced because her child turned out to be a female ( He never came back, not even a mere phone call).

wonderful.

Please, follow your heart.
I wont have a problem with that assuming i am a man

Its always a difficult decision to make but you know what you want in her.

where is her husband and why are they not together?

soji urself!

Pikin no b disease na
if she makes u happy den wat u waitin 4

You can kill me for this but she wont be my first choice.

. .and that is my honest opinion.

Ki ni big deal?. . .Marry her abeg if you truly love her. . . .

Sometimes those women who have children can be a better spouse. They know how to sacrifice for someone else & you already know if she is a good Mom. As long as her & the Father have nothing then it is no big deal. What does you family say about it?

Yes. I would.

The only option for me really if I were single.

No more kids.

Even if I were not. . . this would not be a problem.

I know in the US, where I lived for over 15 years, stuff like this flies easily, but here in 9ja, society still frowns on that.

The way you present your family is the way the world would take them. Live your life and don't let the world live it for you.

You can never go wrong with your own choice. . . . on the long run, your mistakes will be yours and less regretable if things do not work out.

@OP
Make sure u know her so well, try to know if she has learnt from her past cos most of such girls still have some hidden agenda wif their ex-boyfriend. So make sure she is always telling the truth and also very frank.

Then ask urself if u really love her, if u think there are still some qualities u see in her that are still very unique to her, then go ahead.

Then also make sure she has nothing to do with her past (as I have said before) cos that's the only way u can prove to members of ur family that she is someone very nice.

Finally, love her child the way u would love yours, but never think the father is wicked or unfair to her cos surely one day he would come to collect his child (blood is thicker than water)

Why not?With all pleasure Yes . . .It takes alot of guts to say no to abortion,determination to go thru pregnancy alone,Patience to tend a baby and strength to be a single parent in Nigeria.

jason2010:

Here is some background info: Her child is 4 years old, she is 24, and I am 30. I knew that she has a child all along, but we are getting really serious these days and the family pressure is on (on me). The dude that knocked her up simply bounced because her child turned out to be a female ( He never came back, not even a mere phone call).
I know in the US, where I lived for over 15 years, stuff like this flies easily, but here in 9ja, society still frowns on that.

Thus, if you were in my shoes, what will you do?

If shes aiight and everything u want in a woman,go on boy.
Word of advice:Adopt the child legally.

kokoye:

You can kill me for this but she wont be my first choice.

. .and that is my honest opinion.

Nobody's going to kill you . . . most of us feel the same way too!

@ Poster

Like someone said, having a child is not a disease. If you know the statistics of women that have had abortions you won't be so quick to write off one with a child! If she's a good person and loves you, maybe it's worth the shot!    

ifyalways:

Why not?With all pleasure Yes . . .It takes alot of guts to say no to abortion,determination to go thru pregnancy alone,Patience to tend a baby and strength to be a single parent in Nigeria.If shes aiight and everything u want in a woman,go on boy.
Word of advice:Adopt the child legally.

True . . . most of us don't have that guts!

By all means you can marry this woman. Just because she made a mistake does not mean she is a bad person. She has acquired some experience which should assist her. However please do not rush into marriage. You should study yourselves, know your likes & dislikes, know you actually want to be together the rest of your lives. This is very important. Then like Ujujoan rightly said, legally adopt the child. Good luck.

In Africa, it is usually a hard decision, even for the well-informed and educated Man. African Culture/Tradition is hardly ever going to fade away completely from African Societies. In most cases, the Man's family will object furiously and usually the Man will accept happiness of his parents rather than his own. Strange thing though, Africans have very little apprehension to child adoption so why not accept a child that is not yours to begin with

I will marry her though, as long as she's got a PHAT backside