Please help me out with some helpful advice in my current situation. And please forgive my bad English.
Here is the situation:
I've been married for 3 years now, i have a 2 year old son, pregnant with baby number 2 , i've been living with my inlaws since i got married. My mother in law is very controlling and always wants her own way, she has been causing problems for a while now. My husband knows what shes like and knows how unhappy i am but he's so laid back about the situation. She doesnt like my family coming round i can never invite family or my friends round and if they do come i'm always nervous because i'm scared she will be disrespectful. Her family come round all the time and she completly leaves me out. I dont feel like its my home and i feel i need permission for everything. Now look, I'm about to deliver the baby in 3 weeks and I have so much pain in my body that I can not describe. I feel like sleeping all the time, I can not eat because I have problem with my stomach, I can not sleep properly because of the belly getting big, I'm tired and my back is disappointing me. On the top: my mother in law who has 7 kids, wants me to cook for the whole family , clean and wash and serve and sit with her and entertain her! I asked my husband to make his breakfast for him self now when I am asleep because I can not sleep in the night and when I do I pray no one wakes me up so I can sleep alittle longer.. But she gets mad when I sleep or take rest! What should I do?She thinks I'm faking sickness, My husband in front of her my husband stays quiet! He pretends like I'm not a good wife I don't look after him and son on.. But I stay 24/7 at home and have got no friend to talk to, I cook and clean and wash but she doesn't gets happy!
m so depressed now and i want to get out i want my own place my husband has enough money to rent a 2 bedroom house for us but he wont get one he talks about getting one but never gets round to it cos deep down hes scared of his mom. my husband is happy living with his mum and siblings but I live in fear of his mum cos she is a bully who always wants her own way she wont alllow her son to stand on his own feet.I have told my husband exactly how i feel but when i talk to him it often ends in an argument and My husband beat me 4 days ago and I fell and got a lot pain in my back. I told my mother in law but she ignored it.. I love my husband and forgive him but I'm getting tired of all this.. No one asks me about my health about my problems about my situation. I'm sorry for long post . Please advice me what should I do to handle this matter

1.Fake Account
2.Fake Story
3.Fictional Writing
4.Bad english on purpose
5.Back to number one.

Talk to your husband

ednut1:
Talk to your husband

He says he understands that his mum has done wrong and that he doesnt condone what shes done but like i said before he's laid back about it, he doesn't seem worried and he's not concerned about how i feel. Since he hit me and said nasty things to me i feel very low i'm not eating properly or sleeping properly i feel very depressed.

Your husband is the problem not your mother in law

1. How did you marry him without discussing where to live?

2. Why is he okay with living in his family house even though he can afford to move out?

3. What kind of man beats a pregnant woman?

4. How your husband treats you is how his family will treat you.

Take responsibility for making poor choices

Decide to make better choices like leaving till he sees the need for a home for you and your family. Go to your family and have your baby

After the baby take birth control and get a job or start a business.

You both are adults take responsibility

debompga:
Please help me out with some helpful advice in my current situation. And please forgive my bad English.
Here is the situation:
I've been married for 3 years now, i have a 2 year old son, pregnant with baby number 2 , i've been living with my inlaws since i got married. My mother in law is very controlling and always wants her own way, she has been causing problems for a while now. My husband knows what shes like and knows how unhappy i am but he's so laid back about the situation. She doesnt like my family coming round i can never invite family or my friends round and if they do come i'm always nervous because i'm scared she will be disrespectful. Her family come round all the time and she completly leaves me out. I dont feel like its my home and i feel i need permission for everything. Now look, I'm about to deliver the baby in 3 weeks and I have so much pain in my body that I can not describe. I feel like sleeping all the time, I can not eat because I have problem with my stomach, I can not sleep properly because of the belly getting big, I'm tired and my back is disappointing me. On the top: my mother in law who has 7 kids, wants me to cook for the whole family , clean and wash and serve and sit with her and entertain her! I asked my husband to make his breakfast for him self now when I am asleep because I can not sleep in the night and when I do I pray no one wakes me up so I can sleep alittle longer.. But she gets mad when I sleep or take rest! What should I do?She thinks I'm faking sickness, My husband in front of her my husband stays quiet! He pretends like I'm not a good wife I don't look after him and son on.. But I stay 24/7 at home and have got no friend to talk to, I cook and clean and wash but she doesn't gets happy!
m so depressed now and i want to get out i want my own place my husband has enough money to rent a 2 bedroom house for us but he wont get one he talks about getting one but never gets round to it cos deep down hes scared of his mom. my husband is happy living with his mum and siblings but I live in fear of his mum cos she is a bully who always wants her own way she wont alllow her son to stand on his own feet.I have told my husband exactly how i feel but when i talk to him it often ends in an argument and My husband beat me 4 days ago and I fell and got a lot pain in my back. I told my mother in law but she ignored it.. I love my husband and forgive him but I'm getting tired of all this.. No one asks me about my health about my problems about my situation. I'm sorry for long post . Please advice me what should I do to handle this matter

Sorry for your plight. The solution to your issues lies with your husband. I live in a compound I built with my Mom. I have my own room and parlour self contained apartment while my mom has her single room self contained same with my younger brother with his family. Kitchen and toilet is present in our individual apartments.
I Love my mum but I let her understand that my wife is my first priority with my son and her loyalty lies with me before her.
There are times when my mother wants to become bossy, I immediately remind her where her boundaries lie and I judge any issues between them with all fairness because my loyalty is to justice fairness and equality because if tomorrow I go to meet my creator, I will go alone. I didn't come to the earth with any of them neither I am going with any of them. I rule my home without being afraid of offending any of them as long as I stand on the pedestal of truth and fairness, this is what they both know and they are both afraid of my angry reactions if any of them tries to cross the boundary to disrespect and intimidate each other.
My wife cooks for my mother and my mother babysits and takes care of our son if my wife is busy or when she goes to Lagos Island to stock her shop. A wife living with her mother in-law isn't a bad thing if the husband can rule his home well without falling prey to the antics of victims mentality women play.
For now their relationship with each other is just ok but not perfect. God forbid that their relationship deteriorates that they can't tolerate each other, I will move out to another place.
Both my mum and my wife are beautiful souls but as humans too much familiarity may breed contempt.

Go back to your house before you drop dead one day.

Let your husband choose u or his mum.

The decision is yours

Carry your load back to your parents house and go rest before you drop dead.

All of you just entered 2020 and began having MIL problems to share on Nairaland at the exact same time.

Rubbish

jaymichael:
Sorry for your plight. The solution to your issues lies with your husband. I live in a compound I built with my Mom. I have my own room and parlour self contained apartment while my mom has her single room self contained same with my younger brother with his family. Kitchen and toilet is present in our individual apartments.
I Love my mum but I let her understand that my wife is my first priority with my son and her loyalty lies with me before her.
There are times when my mother wants to become bossy, I immediately remind her where her boundaries lie and I judge any issues between them with all fairness because my loyalty is to justice fairness and equality because if tomorrow I go to meet my creator, I will go alone. I didn't come to the earth with any of them neither I am going with any of them. I rule my home without being afraid of offending any of them as long as I stand on the pedestal of truth and fairness, this is what they both know and they are both afraid of my angry reactions if any of them tries to cross the boundary to disrespect and intimidate each other.
My wife cooks for my mother and my mother babysits and takes care of our son if my wife is busy or when she goes to Lagos Island to stock her shop. A wife living with her mother in-law isn't a bad thing if the husband can rule his home well without falling prey to the antics of victims mentality women play.
For now their relationship with each other is just ok but not perfect. God forbid that their relationship deteriorates that they can't tolerate each other, I will move out to another place.
Both my mum and my wife are beautiful souls but as humans too much familiarity may breed contempt.

I Agree with what your saying , this whole living together has made me so unhappy cos my husband doesn’t defend me cos he is scared of his mother and he just wants me to stay with his mum he doesnt really want us to move out . He doesnt understand me, i dont even know if my marriage will survive thats my main concern now.

U were 8 month pregnant and your mother inlaw wants you to cook and clean 24/7....while she stays and do nothing. Your husband beats u when u were expecting any moment
Your story is like those badly written Indian soap opera..

Incase it's a real live story, then think of relocation after giving birth. I know that every woman got expectations on how she wants her home to be like when she gets married. Some were met, some weren't. Some use their hands and brains to create those expectations.


See if u can change things a little for yourself. Starting with family planning, besides toxic environment is not good for kids.. get a job if u weren't working.. so u can have a say /empower yourself.

Pack your things and go home. Your husband is the real villain here, beating a pregnant woman.
Any man that cannot stand up for his wife is a spineless d*ck. I was once in your shoes I know how painful it can be. You need rest and peace of mind. Go home and have your baby first, away from all the violence and toxicity. After the baby, invite your husband for a serious discussion, you cannot continue living in that house for your sanity.

debompga:

I Agree with what your saying , this whole living together has made me so unhappy cos my husband doesn’t defend me cos he is scared of his mother and he just wants me to stay with his mum he doesnt really want us to move out . He doesnt understand me, i dont even know if my marriage will survive thats my main concern now.

Afraid of his mother, I don't understand that part. Is your mother in-law the person feeding your husband?
My principle even before marriage is that someone else cannot rule his/her home and at the same time rule my home for me. E no gonna work. What I owe my parents is respect. My home and my life is mine. I didn't run theirs for them, they can't run mine for me.

Ishilove:
Carry your load back to your parents house and go rest before you drop dead.

How do women agree to marry sissy men is what I can't get my head around. My mother gets all my care and respect but it ends there. My home is 100% under my control. Women can pass their boundaries and become a bully when you give them the slightest of chance.

jaymichael:
How do women agree to marry sissy men is what I can't get my head around. My mother gets all my care and respect but it ends there. My home is 100% under my control. Women can pass their boundaries and become a bully when you give them the slightest of chance.

The men usually display their sissy colours after the women enter their traps.

debompga:

I Agree with what your saying , this whole living together has made me so unhappy cos my husband doesn’t defend me cos he is scared of his mother and he just wants me to stay with his mum he doesnt really want us to move out . He doesnt understand me, i dont even know if my marriage will survive thats my main concern now.

Nice how you ignore everybody teĺling you to leave giving you practical advise because you are not ready for the truth

truthsayer009:
1.Fake Account
2.Fake Story
3.Fictional Writing
4.Bad english on purpose
5.Back to number one.

I find a lot of kids saying this lately. Please go to Children's section, you don't know life yet.

spiralwedge:


I find a lot of kids saying this lately. Please go to Children's section, you don't know life yet.

Can you direct me to where the Children's section is? Cause I can't find it.

Moreover you won't advice Seun & his cohorts from created fake ass threads.

You think you are doing me

If you couldn't maintain your stand about your husband renting a place before marriage, why are you now complaining? The solution is for you to continue to be slave in that house, simple. Ladies do not like being wise. If you allow a grown up man marry you into his family home, be prepared to become a slave, so needless you complain.

If your story's true, report to your family and go stay with them till you give birth. My hubby and MIL were the sweetest during my pregnancy, cooking Nigerian dishes for me and making sure I wasn't stressing before I put to bed in December. I thank God I married a white man because Nigerian men .

OceanOfJoy:
If your story's true, report to your family and go stay with them till you give birth. My hubby and MIL were the sweetest during my pregnancy, cooking Nigerian dishes for me and making sure I wasn't stressing before I put to bed in December. I thank God I married a white man because Nigerian men .

Not a Nigerian men fator. The problem is that Nigerians have this weird entitlement factor. The husband feels too entitled even of he isn't living up to his responsibilities. The mother in-law feels too entitled to the son thereby usurping some of the roles and benefits of the wife forgetting that she has ot had her own husband. The wife feels too entitled too forgetting that the husband cannot throw away his family after marriage because na some people train am to be responsible up to that level and those people may not have the strength to hustle as they did in their younger days and they need care and attention too. Some family members and siblings may even sacrificed a lot and contribute materially and financially to the husbands upbringing and the husbands owes it a duty to do same to other younger ones in his family too.
Everything boils down to the husband knowing how to balance everything no matter who feels shortchanged as long as he does what he does in fairness and equity with lots of tacts and diplomacy.

debompga:
Please help me out with some helpful advice in my current situation. And please forgive my bad English.
Here is the situation:
I've been married for 3 years now, i have a 2 year old son, pregnant with baby number 2

Congratulations

i've been living with my inlaws since i got married.

RED FLAG! No man should be living in his family's apartment when married.

My mother in law is very controlling and always wants her own way, she has been causing problems for a while now.

This is not unexpected. It is because your husband and his family are living under HER ROOF

My husband knows what shes like and knows how unhappy i am but he's so laid back about the situation. She doesnt like my family coming round i can never invite family or my friends round and if they do come i'm always nervous because i'm scared she will be disrespectful. Her family come round all the time and she completly leaves me out. I dont feel like its my home and i feel i need permission for everything. Now look, I'm about to deliver the baby in 3 weeks and I have so much pain in my body that I can not describe. I feel like sleeping all the time, I can not eat because I have problem with my stomach, I can not sleep properly because of the belly getting big, I'm tired and my back is disappointing me. On the top: my mother in law who has 7 kids, wants me to cook for the whole family , clean and wash and serve and sit with her and entertain her! I asked my husband to make his breakfast for him self now when I am asleep because I can not sleep in the night and when I do I pray no one wakes me up so I can sleep alittle longer.. But she gets mad when I sleep or take rest! What should I do?She thinks I'm faking sickness, My husband in front of her my husband stays quiet! He pretends like I'm not a good wife I don't look after him and son on.. But I stay 24/7 at home and have got no friend to talk to, I cook and clean and wash but she doesn't gets happy!

Again, this is not unexpected when living in the same apartment with relatives.

m so depressed now and i want to get out i want my own place my husband has enough money to rent a 2 bedroom house for us but he wont get one he talks about getting one but never gets round to it cos deep down hes scared of his mom. my husband is happy living with his mum and siblings but I live in fear of his mum cos she is a bully who always wants her own way she wont alllow her son to stand on his own feet.I have told my husband exactly how i feel but when i talk to him it often ends in an argument and My husband beat me 4 days ago and I fell and got a lot pain in my back. I told my mother in law but she ignored it.. I love my husband and forgive him but I'm getting tired of all this.. No one asks me about my health about my problems about my situation. I'm sorry for long post . Please advice me what should I do to handle this matter

Your husband is the problem here, not your mother in-law. Your husband is not a Man. As a man, he is expected to have his own apartment for his nuclear family.

You are also reaping consequences of your decision to agree to marry him and move into his family apartment instead of having him get his.

The only solution is for you and your husband to get your apartment! Or you temporarily move out of the house to your father's house pending when he gets his. In the alternative, you can endure and pray.

jaymichael:
Afraid of his mother, I don't understand that part. Is your mother in-law the person feeding your husband?
My principle even before marriage is that someone else cannot rule his/her home and at the same time rule my home for me. E no gonna work. What I owe my parents is respect. My home and my life is mine. I didn't run theirs for them, they can't run mine for me.

But Technically the home is not her husband's home, it is the home of his parents and his larger family. Her husband have no right to rule in the house when he isn't the head of family. In fact, the Head of Family is her FIL and next in chain her MiL.

If he wants to be head of his family, he should move to his own apartment.

In your case, you are head of family in your own apartment built by you not the one built by your father/mother even though they are within same proximity.

TonyeBarcanista:

But Technically the home is not her husband's home, it is the home of his parents and his larger family. Her husband have no right to rule in the house when he isn't the head of family. In fact, the Head of Family is her FIL and next in chain her MiL.

If he wants to be head of his family, he should move to his own apartment.

In your case, you are head of family in your own apartment built by you not the one built by your father/mother even though they are within same proximity.

Buit the house together with my mom but I contributed the larger share.

Talk to your parents about it

truthsayer009:
1.Fake Account 2.Fake Story 3.Fictional Writing 4.Bad english on purpose 5.Back to number one.

they are trying hard to drive traffic here

jaymichael:
Buit the house together with my mom but I contributed the larger share.

That is the point. In the compound you have your own house while she has hers. You aren't living under her roof like OP and her husband

Hmmm! You are the problem to what's happening to you.
You signed up for this ,so take responsibility...
Why do I say so!
First, before your marriage or preparation of your marriage ..you should have insisted on your husband getting an apartment,even if is a room or self cont.
Now it's going south! You cant expect him to just move out to a rented apartment,when he is not paying in the recent one ..like advise he will get now is .."the money you will use to get an apartment or be paying for one , you can use it to get a land n start developing "n to be Frank that's the honest truth..but it would ve been better if your mother Inlaw had a conscience n lovely....
My dear OP! You just had to bear since you love your husband ....remember men are logical.....so just play along , till you give birth n can be able to fix yourself with something....becos if you do anything rational..you might be on the losing side...

Why didn't you settle this BEFORE you got married? Why didn't you arrange for the two of you to move into your own home as soon as you were married?
You have two choices: leave him or keep living with his parents. You cannot force a Mommy's boy to leave home. Even if you managed to get him to leave, he would resent you for doing it. Your marriage would be miserable.
So, only you can decide what the best choice is for you. Basically, you can take it or leave it.

Concerning housing nothing can be changed.
On your current health issue, fake a collapse. At the hospital tell the doc to place you on bedtest till you give birth. When you come back home call ur husband and really tell you how his actions are killing you.
Your husband is ur problem not mil. It is her home and she is calling the shots as she sees fit. Besides she can only have as much power as your husband gives her.
I hope she will also shrug her shoulders when her 37 wks daughter will be beaten by her husband?

Lastly, go and find something doing later. It increases a woman's worth. You can then save up and tell him rent money is ready.

They are the simps and weak men we are having. It was on Fp today

jaymichael:
Not a Nigerian men fator. The problem is that Nigerians have this weird entitlement factor. The husband feels too entitled even of he isn't living up to his responsibilities. The mother in-law feels too entitled to the son thereby usurping some of the roles and benefits of the wife forgetting that she has ot had her own husband. The wife feels too entitled too forgetting that the husband cannot throw away his family after marriage because na some people train am to be responsible up to that level and those people may not have the strength to hustle as they did in their younger days and they need care and attention too. Some family members and siblings may even sacrificed a lot and contribute materially and financially to the husbands upbringing and the husbands owes it a duty to do same to other younger ones in his family too.
Everything boils down to the husband knowing how to balance everything no matter who feels shortchanged as long as he does what he does in fairness and equity with lots of tacts and diplomacy.

I see. My mil rarely interferes in our lives and I thank God I've never seen any entitlement mentality. She lives 5 hrs away and during her 3-week stay after I had my baby boy all she wanted to do was help as much as she could . I doubt a Nigeria mil would be as kind and helpful but who knows.

Sometimes these type of issue is caused by witchcraft