As an addendum to what you might already know, here is a step by step guide to obtaining documents from government Ministries, Departments, Agencies or Parastatals in Nigeria. (This guide is particularly useful in Abuja).

Step 1: Ignore whatever information you find on their site regarding the procedure and head to their office. (Be advised, the addresses on the sites of some of them are wrong, you want to call someone who have been there before to give you the right direction. This will save you some precious time).

Step 2: From the gate, begin to greet everybody with your 32 in plain sight. Passersby, the gateman, the cleaners, receptionist, even those who came for same thing with you. They may be spies gathering intelligence on whether you have home training. Where possible, bow your head in deference until you almost kiss the earth.

Step 3: Now you're in the building. Ask for the office responsible for your need. More often than not, you will be wrongly directed, so double check with the guy next door but without the first official seeing you. In the event that the first official saw you double checking the information he gave you, immediately get in touch with your PR team to start preparing your apology speech.

Step 4: Where you are misdirected, do not lose your cool. Return to the official who gave you the directions but don't tell him he misled you. Rather, tell him you missed the office and apologise for your mistake. Politely ask for directions again. Remember, they are always right and you know nothing.

Step 5: Yay! You finally located the right office. Now repeat step 2. If the official responsible for your schedule is eating, chatting or sleeping, stay action until he is done. Patience is a virtue and you are jobless, so wait. If you are lucky and another official offers to help out, be grateful. Remember, it is a privilege for them to attend to you.

Step 6: At this juncture, you just stepped into the questions and answer segment. Verbosity is not needed; save it for Sunday school. Be audible and concise. If in your opinion some of the questions are irrelevant, answer them regardless. You cannot teach them how to do their jobs. Never show your frustration, like leeches, they will be happy to feed on your misery.

Step 7: At this point, for the purpose of what you came for, the organogram of the office have been provided. While the form you need to fill is on the 8th floor, the person responsible for vetting it is on the ground floor after which you proceed to the 10th floor for signing before going all the way down to the 2nd floor for submission. I hope you're fit because the lifts don't work. The only one that works is exclusive to the Directors. (You don't want them contracting poverty by sharing same lift with you). If you want IT experience on this, visit the Federal Ministry of Education Abuja for result verification.

Step 8: As you must be well aware by now, these guys are doing you a huge favour so you must appreciate them. Take note, I never mentioned bribe. In situations where possible, offer to come over during the weekend to baby sit, do their laundry and other house chores. It's all part of building rapport with them so they can be motivated to 'help' you.

Step 9: I hope you got all the contacts of the persons you met? I hope you were able to recognise the point man too? I know they told you to come back in 2 weeks time to pick up your document. Kindly discountenance that and check in a month's time. Hopefully, it will be ready then.

Step 10: On your way out, repeat step 2 and when you come back to pick up your documents, repeat step 2 and 8. No one knows tomorrow.
By: Ezekiel Ogwueze