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Stats: 2,489,293 members, 5,644,415 topics. Date: Sunday, 07 June 2020 at 04:00 AM
|Re: Night Of The Flaming Panties! by adeabdul2(m): 7:29am On Mar 28|
Wow. Finally, a critique!
Thank you very much boss.
|Re: Night Of The Flaming Panties! by Blueelf: 9:03am On Mar 28|
Oga, this story was supposed to be in a Nigerian setting. Which one con be rick Morgan again?
|Re: Night Of The Flaming Panties! by adeabdul2(m): 9:44am On Mar 28|
The story na naija now. Read the Rick Morgan chapter. You go see say na naija.
|Re: Night Of The Flaming Panties! by oloyedprince1(m): 1:56pm On Mar 28|
Rich Morgan indeed
|Re: Night Of The Flaming Panties! by adeabdul2(m): 12:54am On Mar 29|
I was going about my bonfire business and hoping for a quick operation when he came out.
Mr Steven; my notoriously nosy next-door neighbour. The man could smell a story or gossip faster than a shark smells blood and can spread them faster than the coronavirus. I hated the guy.
We should have been friends but I discovered that he spread gossip about me in the neighbourhood. When my wife heard it, she was too embarrassed to come out of the apartment for like a week. The gossip was true but still, it was none of his business and he should've to kept his big mouth and big nose quiet.
"Mr Easy!" He called "Easy easy, Je je." he said hailing me as if we were buddies.
My name is not easy, by the way. He gave me that name as did all the rest of the compound after Mr Steven gossiped about me. When we first got to the compound we did not realise that the walls were very thin. One could easily hear conversations from neighbours beside, above and below you. But I did not know this. And in those days, we were newlyweds and I was pretty fit because I was a regular at the Stadium gym.
Back then I was impressive, with bulging muscles on my chest, arms and legs. And my sex drive was always in overdrive. I was hot all the time and craved sex like oxygen. And my new wife "whistle" was PHAT (pretty darn hot and tight). So, we were always rolling in the sack during which...we would make noise.
But I never thought that we had ever been particularly loud. I always thought that no one could hear us. But one night, after I had a particularly strong workout at the gym, I got home feeling hot all over. So, our rolling session that evening was particularly rumpy. But what made that night very memorable, was what happened the next day.
I was on my way to work when Mr Steven came out to greet me saying;
"Easy easy, easy easy, jee jee."
I didn't know what he meant by that. I just thought he was making of his usual boring jokes and so I responded with;
"Good morning, sir. Did you sleep well?"
But instead, he said; "Ah dear, take it easy now. It is paining me."
I frowned with thoughts. What he said did not make sense to me but it sounded somehow...familiar.
Luckily Mr Segun came out at the time, he is another neighbour who lived in the apartment to my left, Mr Steven's was on my right.
"Ah, Mr Segun. Good morning," I said "Please come o. I don't get this joke that Mr Steven is cracking this morning. Maybe he saw something funny on TV, I don't know."
I approached offering him a handshake but he started hugging himself as if in pain:
"Oh dear, not so hard now, it is paining me o!"
I paused wondering what kind of madness was gripping these grown men this morning. But then Mr Segun in great theatrics held his own waist as if in pain and said;
"Dear, easy now. I will push you off me o!"
"Erm sir, those were the exact words your wife used last night when you were being too rough on her." my brain told me.
"No sh*t! How did they know?" I thought.
"Apparently, you were both being too loud."
"I don't think so," I thought "we made noises like that all the time in my old apartment and no one ever heard us"
"Well, sir. Your new neighbours appear to have heard everything you said, judging from their theatrics."
AHHHH, I was so embarrassed. I couldn't bear the thought of these people hearing all our moaning, her "oohs", my "aahs" and all the "yes yes YES" that we said. I wanted to hide my face. So I motioned towards our compound gate to retreat to my car as fast as possible. To exit stage left. when Mrs Adams opened the gate from the outside inwards to enter. She's the neighbour living above me and she was returning after having taken her kids to school.
"Ah good morning, madam," I said gently moving aside so she could enter freely. She was always a big snob and I didn't even expect her to respond to my greeting.
But surprisingly she held my hand, smiling and said:
"Dear, I don't like that style now."
"AAAAAHHHHH" I SHOUTED.
"Sir, it would appear that Mrs Adams heard some of your wife's complaints last night as well.
I looked at her and she just beamed at me, still holding my hand in a strange sort of way. I looked at Mr Steven and Mr Segun, both of them had fallen on top of each other in laughter. It upset me a little to see them laughing at my embarrassment like that and I removed my hand from Mrs Adams and turned to leave.
"Darling, my darling. Please, come back now. Come back, I will be gentle with you. I promise!" Mr Steven said calling out to me.
I was stunned again.
"Was I really that loud last night?" I thought.
"Yes sir, apparently you were because that was exactly what you said to your wife after she withdrew herself from under you and ran into the sitting room."
"SHUT UP, CEREBRO! I already know that, thank you very much."
"You're welcome, sir." my brain responded.
I got into my car and began to fumble for my keys.
My new neighbours followed me and were now standing outside the compound gate laughing at me. At that moment I wish I had a rock in my hand to stone them with. Mrs Adams was behind them but she was standing in the doorway, still smiling.
The funny thing was when we arrived newly to the compound she never greeted neither me nor my wife. But after that morning, she became cordial and always looked at me in a strange sort of way. Like she was expecting something from me. But I didn't have time for any single mother whose baby daddy was a renowned "Agbero" (mafia) chairman. Those agberos were notorious for stabbing people with broken glass bottles. No thank you, I like all of my guts inside my body thank you very much.
Finally, I started the engine and began driving off but I could still hear Mr Steven shouting; "Come back now. I will be gentle. I swear."
"That jobless man" I muttered in the car.
"Sir, perhaps next time you could try less noisy sex with your wife?" my brain advised
"Hey, don't blame me! It was my gym instructor's fault. He said my legs were too skinny and that my butt was too small! And I still don't understand, If I am a guy, why is my small butt an issue?"
"Anyways he made me do a lot of squats and deadlift exercises that targeted my legs, back and my butt. And one very funny exercise that had movements like sexual intercourse inside it called: Kegels.
But the instructor never mentioned that the exercises would make my back, waist and my thighs ache so badly. And what's more, those Kegels drove me crazy for sex! After performing those exercises my entire body was weak and my head was so dizzy that I could barely walk straight. But funny enough my hammer was erect and ready to pounce. It was like all the blood had drained from my head and converged between my thighs.
I had a permanent erection as I left the gym and drove all the way to the house. It was like I had drunk that Hausa aphrodisiac called; "Burantashi" by the time I got home, I had balls of fury and my scrotum was burning hot. I couldn't control myself. I was like a gorilla that night and she had to run to the parlour for safety. Lucky enough, we finished it off on the couch or else, I would have needed an ice pack for my blue balls."
But that was no reason for Mr Steven to tell the whole neighbourhood! But the time I got back, even the local raggamuffins were hailing me as I drove into the street.
"Baba o!" they hailed
"Dear easy, easy dear.!"
"Je je o, take am easy o!"
"Shun sir." one saluted "gentle people are dangerous walahi" the tout said.
That was how I was popularly known as Jeje in the street. Most of them don't even know my real name. But every one of them knew the story though. Thanks to Mr Blabber mouth Steven.
"And your overactive sexual urges sir." my brain added.
"SHUT UP, CEREBRO. WHOSE SIDE ARE YOU ON?"
|Re: Night Of The Flaming Panties! by oloyedprince1(m): 2:34am On Mar 29|
lol bro, thanks for d update buh pls can I make it a bit longer
|Re: Night Of The Flaming Panties! by adeabdul2(m): 3:10am On Mar 29|
Yes boss. I aim to please
|Re: Night Of The Flaming Panties! by Ultimategeneral: 7:18am On Mar 29|
you are damn funny with that your cerebro guy.
|Re: Night Of The Flaming Panties! by adeabdul2(m): 7:26am On Mar 29|
That's my brain talking to me. He has a British accent by the way.
|Re: Night Of The Flaming Panties! by adeabdul2(m): 2:58am On Apr 01|
"Mr Jeje" Mr Steven called me approaching.
"What do you want Mr Steven," I said gruffly.
"Ahn ahn, are you still angry?" he asked
"Yes. I am. You told everyone about me and my wife that night."
"Wait, wait, wait o, Mr Jeje. I never told our co-tenants anything. You see, the walls of this house are very thin. The developer cut back on a lot of the materials. You yourself can even hear me talking to my children sometimes and when Mr Segun argues with his wife, I hear him too. It was the walls, not me! Everybody heard you that night."
"Alright then, please tell me, how did they know about it in the street?"
"Erm, well...you see...er..."
"Yes, I’m listening. How did they find out about that? Why are they calling me Jeje?"
"Well, the thing is…when you were driving out the other day. Well, we were still laughing about it because it's so funny" he giggled "and Mama Grace? The woman who sells eggs next door?”
“Oh, My God!” I moaned. “The talking parrot from next door.”
“Yes well, she heard me and...she asked and I...accidentally told her about it." he confessed "But I am sorry about that. I did not know that it will spread like that."
"Maybe it spread because you kept talking about it and calling me Jeje!" I snapped.
He laughed, ",you know the funny thing? I don't even remember your real name anymore." he said
"Can you imagine?!" I murmured throwing my hands in the air in surrender. He kept giggling and I stood there simmering as he continued making fun of me.
"Anyways," I said finally "there's no need to worry about the noise anymore because we are always very quiet. I'm sure you don't hear us anymore."
"Umm, well...not really sir."
"What um...what do you mean? We have been very quiet since then" I restated flatly because it was true. At least it should be true.
"Umm, Mr Jeje. It is true that you people don't make noise anymore but we can still hear you in our room. You know because our bedroom window is side by side?"
"Oh, God!" I said shuddering to think that Mr and Mrs Steven next door could hear all of our moanings. Her “oohs”, my “aahs” and all the “yes yes YES”.
"But we were being as quiet as possible. What are we supposed to do now wear gags during sex? Hmmm, gags would that be fun to try?" I thought
"Can you two maybe try to control yourselves? Because of you, my wife criticizes me now." he continued.
"She says well...you know that...I don’t make her shout like your wife does." he said reluctantly.
"Wow." I smiled. I was feeling badass and I started rapping in my head.
I make ma shorty holla.
Sexy papa, Mr lover lover.
I turn panties to fire.
"But you know? Working all and part of the night shift stresses me so much that I can’t even feel anything sometimes. When I get home, I’m so tired that I just want to sleep. You understand, right?" He implored me. As if he needed me to vindicate him for not satisfying his wife in bed.
"Oh. Of course sir. I understand totally. It's not easy for a family man to find time for anything else. Taking care of the family is the number one priority. After all, the kids must eat."
He broke into a warm smile. "Yes, exactly sir. You get it." I did understand, and I really couldn't blame the guy because after having our kids, my sex life began going downhill too.
When we newly wedded the sex was BANGING. I was a regular at the gym and my body was amazing. But after that particular night, fortunately, or unfortunately she got pregnant and then the kids started coming. Next thing I know, I was working long hours during the day and I was covered in baby diapers during the night. With more kids brought more work with less and less time for anything else. So our sex life dwindled and my body too because I couldn’t find time to work out or go to the gym. “Sigh.” And I missed how hot I used to be. I was thick and I was buff. Now, only my head has remained thick and everything else is a flabby daddy's bod. And without my once awesome body, I'm afraid that my best sex years are behind me.
"Well, sir. I'm sorry for the disturbance. We will try to close the windows next time." I told him.
"No, no problem sir. It’s okay, don’t worry about it. So what's going on? What are you burning?" he asked.
I initially hesitated, I mean how many people could you tell that you were burning panties. But since he knew intimate details about my sex life, I might as well tell him some more it didn't really matter to me anymore. So I told him.
"Okay," he said "so your wife forced you too abi? No wahala. I have buried my own wife's panties a long time ago."
"Really? Wow! You actually dug a hole and buried panties. That's funny!" I laughed.
I stood staring at me. "Are you laughing at me? Even when you’re out here burning your wife’s underwear?"
"Yeah, you're right but it's still funny."
"I know. It happened last month when my wife went out to buy something. She saw some people beating up a guy to a bloody pulp who carrying panties and brassieres to the police station. He was one of those area boys who did nothing but drink and smoke weed and beg people for money. When she asked what he had done they told her that the guy had called one of his old girlfriends that he had bought pizzas and shawarma for her and that he was bringing it to her house.
And the girl later called her friends and told them about it but that the guy only wanted to use food as an excuse to have sex with her but she didn't want to have she just wanted to eat the food because she was hungry. So she told her friends to come and stay with her and they will share the free food together and spoil the show for the guy since he wouldn't be able to have sex with her if they are around.
But the guy arrived early before her friends came and when the girl saw all the food; shawarma, pizza, rice and chicken and ice-cream. She didn't bother waiting for her friends and just started eating. She never even noticed that he didn’t touch any of the food, and the girl fell asleep soon after because the guy had drugged the ice-cream. Immediately she passed out the guy took off her underwear.
They said that if he had just taken only the ones that she was wearing that he would have escaped but then he started ransacking her cupboards for the rest. That was how her friends found him scattering her clothes on the floor and the girl lying on the bed. Her friends raised the alarm and he was caught and badly beaten up because they thought at first that she was dead. But she simply woke up later and just continued eating the rice and chicken.
When I got home that early morning after my night shift, my wife was waiting for me with a shovel and a bag of her pants and bras to bury. She didn’t even let me enter the house. Not until I had buried them. She later told me about the event and that the community was organizing a neighbourhood watch or security group to curb all these crazy activities.”
“Oh, wow!” I said.
“Yeah, it is really serious. We have too much of these young boys doing nothing or causing problems. Some of them will do yahoo yahoo which is a fraud but mostly they just smoked all day and cause problems. I heard that they were making some of them part of the neighbourhood watch.”
“You know sir, I think my wife had told me about this issue before but I wasn’t listening. Thank you for letting me know sir.”
“Alright, sir. Let me go back inside. I only came out to see what the fire was about. I will see you later sir. Goodnight" and he went back inside.
"Goodnight sir." I said wondering whether he will tell anyone about my bonfire business. He probably will. The flames were still burning a little due to the added plastic bottles when I saw coming from afar. Someone holding a whistle and a flashlight.
"Oh God, not him." I thought. But it was him alright. I saw clearly as he got close to me.
"Mr Jeje. Good evening," he said
"My name is not Jeje oga security," I said gruffly.
"But you know that it is you that I am talking to, not so?"
"Yes, what do you want?"
"I see you're burning something? Wetin you dey burn?" asked Oga Rothmans the head of our neighbourhood vigilante group.
“Why don’t you ask Google?” I responded.
I and he have been on bad terms since some of his boys tried to harass me and I beat up one of them. It happened a few weeks back when I came home from work. Traffic had been particularly hectic and I was late, very late and very tired. I didn't know that there was a newly introduced curfew in the street that night or a vigilante/security group. So when I arrived and met the gate entrance to our street locked. I was taken by surprised and it worsened my already bad mood. And the vigilante boys that attended to me were very rude too to make matters worse.
I drove in to find the locked gate and a group of young boys by the side of it packed together tightly in a suspicious manner and I asked them to open up the gate so that I could get in. One boy got up, shone a flashlight very rudely into my face and said:
"Who are you? Time don go. So the gate is locked. Nobody dey enter again!"
"What are you saying? So I will not enter my street again because it is late? I live on this street now. My house is down there. Open up the gate please." I said growing impatient.
But the boys just settled back into their corner and continued smoking carelessly as if it didn't matter to them whether I slept there by the gate or not. It was crazy. The community had for some reason decided to engage these boys to protect the neighbourhood. But these hot drinking, weed smoking Marlians were too lazy and had no respect for nobody. It was well past 11pm and they were obviously not expecting anyone to drive in again. So they had settled down to flex. But I didn't care, I was equally exhausted and I needed to get to my house.
"OPEN THE GATE NOW!" I yelled
They stirred irritably as the sound of my voice was very loud in the quiet of the night and I was spoiling their boozed-up groove.
“MTCHEW.” I heard one of them hiss.
"Oga wetin be your own now? Ahn ahn, go and come back, by 6 a.m., that is when they will open the gate for you." a girl said from among them and the boys burst into cackling laughter. I was surprised, I never even realised that there was a girl among them before. I was suddenly amazed at how there can even be a girl in the midst of all these Marlians.
“Wasn’t she afraid?” I thought "Was she held against her will?"
I tried to glimpse the girl properly to see if she was in distress. Then maybe, I could rescue her. But then I saw her face!
“SEKI?!” I shouted.
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|Re: Night Of The Flaming Panties! by adeabdul2(m): 4:37am On Apr 01|
Sorry about the late post guys. The lockdown is really disturbing me.
I hope this one is fun and long enough for you.
Anyways here's the link to the complete updated version of The Loveless Night on smashwords.
|Re: Night Of The Flaming Panties! by adeabdul2(m): 5:57pm On Apr 03|
I was suddenly not surprised. If any girl would be with five guys it would be Seki. Seki the local champion of Apapa road. She was known throughout the neighbourhood and they said that she was even more famous in other streets too. Seki whose mother was always crying and shouting because of her is a food vendor. She sells the best beans porridge in the entire neighbourhood popularly called Ewa Agoyin.
Back when Seki was just maturing into a young lady. Her mother made the biggest mistake of her life by withdrawing her from Secondary School. A lot of people protested and warned her to return the girl to school, to protect the girls future, but Mama Seki refused, saying that she needed help in the shop selling Ewa Agoyin. Not knowing that the local bad boys in our neighbourhood were already targeting the young girl.
So when her mother took her out of school and put her in the shop alone, well…you don’t need to be a rocket scientist to guess what happened next. That was how a once quiet girl became a “good girl gone bad”. Suddenly, the girl became a sex-crazed nympho. She couldn't get enough of it and she was always with boys. She would abandon her mother’s shop with all the beans and everything for hours at a time to be with boys and even men, she didn’t have a preference.
Her mother would come back from the market to find only an empty shop then go out again searching for her. Just to find her either at the garage in a cramped with a boy in a broken down vehicle. Or in between cars during the day in the parking lot. Sometimes she would find her in an uncompleted building with a boy or some boys and sometimes…it would even be right there in her own mother’s shop. She was famous all over the neighbourhood among the boys.
But for her mother, she was bad for business. Because she would either abandon the shop for any hungry person to scoop free beans or she would give out huge scoops of beans for free to her boyfriends, which was almost every boy in the neighbourhood. Still, she had a crazy famous reputation. They said her performance in bed was legendary. That she could bend or twist like a snake and she was never tired. Some even said that she could perform miracles in bed. That she could turn a limpy impotent man into a raging bull after just one session. So even some of the married men fancied her and so she was very much hated by the women.
It was very common to find housewives in Mama Seki’s shop quarrelling with Mama Seki for sending her daughter to seduce their husbands.
“Please, please Mama junior. I did not send her to your husband.” Mama Seki protested.
“Eh hen? Then why did she bring beans that day?” one woman accused.
“But you remembered that the beans was for you now. You bought it from me and went to buy something else and forgot to come back, that’s why I sent her to your house to deliver the beans to you. It’s just that she met your husband at home and…”
“Shut up! I said shut up, Mama Seki." another woman interjected "She met her husband at home, why didn’t she just deliver beans and leave? Why did she have to do more than that?”
“But I…I don’t know now. I didn’t send her to do any other thing o. God is my witness.”
“Mama Seki no dey tell us lies again abeg. Why did you remove your daughter from school if not to ruin our matrimonial homes ehn? Mama harlot!”
That was the time when two married women beat up Mama Seki in her own shop over her daughter’s promiscuity. Just one of many. And so it went, if Seki was not stealing boyfriends, she was sleeping with husbands. And all of them would come to Mama Seki’s shop to quarrel and fight with her. But luckily, every single time Seki wouldn’t be available in the shop to face the women's wrath. It would be Mama Seki that they would meet and beat up.
Mama Seki was tired of it all. She called on holy men to pray for her it failed. She tried prayer warriors to fight off the spirit of promiscuity off her. It didn’t work. She later tried sending her back to school but Seki was no longer interested in any boring subjects. Her body was too hot so she couldn’t concentrate on her studies anymore. She did, however, excel greatly in biology. And went one to only focusing on performing reproduction practicals in the school toilets with her male classmates and sometimes even in the staff toilets with her male teachers.
Eventually, one school principal personally brought Seki home to her mother’s shop, saying that Seki was expelled for turning her school into a brothel. Now, Mama Seki, the one everyone persuaded not to withdraw her daughter from school was begging schools to take her in. A second school was tried, and a third and a fourth. But no amount of free Ewa Agoyin bribes to public school principals will make them accept Seki. The girl was just too sex crazy and there was nothing anyone could do but watch and pray.
I hated the girl. She hated me too. We hated each other mutually. In all my life I have never been a fine boy but due to my stature and build, many girls have shown interest in me. But no girl or woman has ever been so forward as the way Seki was.
Even in Akwa Ibom where I did my youth service as a corp member. I was downright hit on by some of my students whom I was teaching as a youth corper teacher. Akwa Ibom is a very beautiful place was great facilities both in terms of structures and women. And then I was impressed by their beautiful schools. It inspired me so I determined to help the state increase its educational standards.
Unfortunately, a lot of the students didn’t seem to fancy school that much and they didn’t take it seriously. We used to pamper and pet them to come to class back then and take it easy on them in terms of grading and promotions otherwise they would just drop out. It was very easy for them. So we used to be very free with the students and give them attention whenever they needed help with their exercises or assignments.
We corp teachers used to leave our staff room accessible to them for that particular reason. I remember as Ekaite one of the few bright students in my class then came to see me in the staff room, I thought she needed help with some classwork but I was wrong.
“Corper shun. I like this your uniform o! Is fine o!” she said that morning.
I was very free with her back then because she was one of the few serious students in the class and even then her performance was still average.
“Ekaite, what do you want? Do you need help with what we did in class?” I asked amused.
“No, I understand that one. I just come to say that I like you o. I dey come to class only because I like you.” She confessed.
“Okay, I don hear you. You can go back to class. I will be there shortly”
“Ah, corper. Is that all? Don’t you want anything? Don't you see anything you like?”
“No, I don’t want anything from you. You are too small for that.”
“Corper, don’t look at me like a small girl o. I am not small o! Try me now.” She said bouncing to the side of staff desk, “Try me, I’m not a small girl o!” I let her down gently but that was how it often went. A few other girls gave me the looks and some other came on to me as well. The female students were mostly interested in boys and getting married and they found us corpers that came from other places in the country to be very mysterious and attractive.
“Ekanem, my neighbor in Insit Atai then would toast me when I went to buy provisions from their mother's store that she was attending to. She was very pretty too and we used to chat a lot. But when I wasn’t responding to her advances she promised to charm me with their local delicacy "Porknomi". She said it worked like a love charm. Just a taste of any of it and I would never leave her side again. That I would forget the way back home and I would never even leave Akwa Ibom again. Not even to go bury my parents back in Lagos if they died.
Charm or no charm Akwa Ibom girls were difficult to resist because they were so damn hot. They looked so fine and fresh with complexions like a ripe mango and best of all. They had bodies that OMG was so shapely like that of mannequins used in expensive boutiques to display fashionable clothes.
Also they played none of the games and had none of the drama that comes with dating Lagos girls. And they cooked amazing dishes too! As opposed to many spaghetti dishes that Lagos girls could only do. By the time I finished my service. Many of the male corp members who served with me in Akwa Ibom stayed behind. But by some miracle, I managed to not touch a single girl in Akwa Ibom.
But Seki was not particularly hot, she was not even a fine girl. She just has a big reputation as a sex bomb. They said there was no style that she didn’t know; doggy, military, scissors and 69. No position that she couldn’t take; Kamasutra, African, Bean porridge. Nothing that she wouldn’t do; head, tail you name it. The girl had no shame but I was not interested in girls like that, not one bit.
But the way she chased me I will never forget it. It happened while my wife was pregnant and she was craving beans so I went to Mama Seki’s shop to buy her some. And miraculously Seki was the one I met in the shop that afternoon.
|Re: Night Of The Flaming Panties! by ashatoda: 8:08pm On Apr 03|
he don enta one chance for Seki angle
|Re: Night Of The Flaming Panties! by adeabdul2(m): 8:38pm On Apr 03|
Yes but will he escape?
|Re: Night Of The Flaming Panties! by adeabdul2(m): 6:15pm On Apr 04|
The Complete Book is Now Available ON...
|Re: Night Of The Flaming Panties! by silverlinen(m): 8:08pm On Apr 04|
OP pls update us nah
Nice work bro..akwa ibom girls are definitly hot
Ur description of them,is actually A+
|Re: Night Of The Flaming Panties! by adeabdul2(m): 8:53pm On Apr 04|
Update will surely come.
|Re: Night Of The Flaming Panties! by adeabdul2(m): 12:51pm On Apr 05|
“Good afternoon. Can I have N200 beans please.” I said.
“Good afternoon, Sir.” She beamed up at me “Okay sir.” And she stood up to sell what was turned out to be an extra-large amount of beans that was obviously much more than N200 for me.
“Hey, hello. I said N200 beans not N2,000 please.” I protested but she said it was fine. I gave her a thousand naira note and she gave me my change. I thanked her and I turned to leave. But I had not walked very far when I heard her calling and coming up to me. She caught up and said.
“Excuse me sir. Mr Jeje.” She called and I turned back to see her already close to me. I was sure that she had made a mistake with the beans, that she had sold much more than I paid for and would ask for more money but instead she said.
“Err, sir. I have been looking for you, sir.”
“Oh, hope no problem?”
“No, no…I just em. I heard that you and your wife were making noise that time you were fucking.”
I gasped. I felt scandalized. It was one thing for people to know about my sex night but for someone to be talking to me about it was just wrong. I was dumbfounded and I didn’t know what to say but she continued.
“Err…sir. I heard that, last time that your wife ran away from you. Sir, see me. I will not run. I have never run away. No matter how hard. No matter how big. No matter how long or how fast…I swear.” And she gestured by biting her index finger and pointing to the sky in a solemn oath as if she was interviewing for a job.
“I have never run. And I will never run. Just try me sir. Try me. See, if you try me? You will leave your wife for me”
I gasped almost spilling the beans that I was carrying! I didn’t know how long I stood there, listening to her but when she finally stopped talking. The only thing I could say was; “Umm...ah no don't worry, I'm okay. Thank you.”
And I turned around and headed home. My head was still dazed from what she said so I asked my neighbour, Mr Steven, about her and he was the one that gave me the full gist.
“Ah, what! That is Seki, of Mama Seki, Elewa Agoyin.”
“A lot of men are crazy about her here o! And she is crazy about sex. They say that she can bend her legs, to reach behind her ears in bed." he said incredulously "But why are you asking about Seki, are you interested?" He asked grinning.
“No no.” I said “I went to buy some beans and she said something funny.”
“WHAT DID SHE SAY?” he asked thoroughly excited to know. I wondered how he would feel if he knew that his blabbering about me made the local nymphomaniac interested in me. But instead, I just said.
“Nothing, its nothing.”
He looked thoroughly disappointed and advised me to be very careful with her. Saying; "That girl has single-handedly broken about a dozen marriages in our neighbourhood. The best thing is to stay away from her."
I decided to keep it from my wife due to her condition then and just ignore Seki. But she was relentless. Whenever I drove by she would shout to ask me if I needed beans to which I would say; “No, thank you. I'm good”.
And if she saw me walking by she would catch up and inform me with so much boldness and without shyness that; “Sir, beans is ready o. Hot and spicy beans. Very watery, you will like it”
She would offer herself, again and again, but I kept refusing. After some time, she became frustrated it was obvious that she was not used to being rejected. But she didn't leave me alone instead she started giving me attitude. Whenever I went to buy beans she would attend to everyone else before me even those who met me there. And she always seemed to sell below my paying price too. Thankfully I finally managed to get one of Mr Steven’s kids to run such errands for me.
But whenever she saw me. She would be giving me the evil eyes as if I was a wicked man for preventing from adding my penis to her black book and I would sometimes hear her hissing at me and muttering;
"Mtchew, weak man. Can't do anything!"
“Mtchew, you don’t know what you’re missing!”
|Re: Night Of The Flaming Panties! by oloyedprince1(m): 5:42pm On Apr 05|
|Re: Night Of The Flaming Panties! by adeabdul2(m): 9:18am On Apr 10|
I am totally bored with this comedy right now. So I'm going back to my beloved romance genre.
I have already started another love story titled; Infinite Love. Hope you'll join me.
The thread is available on nairaland;
You can also read it at https://adeabdulsblog.wordpress.com
Something much stronger than friendship happened back in high school when Mike agreed to tutor Angela. And neither of them realized that years later, they would have to overcome distance, loss, status, jealousy and heartbreaks to finally be together.
|Re: Night Of The Flaming Panties! by adeabdul2(m): 10:32am On Apr 22|
But I never responded to her. Even after she would use any opportunity to insult or offend me. I didn’t want any sort of scandal involving me and her. So my anger towards her just grew over time as I had been controlling it! But that night at the gate was the last straw.
“Yes, the gate is closed oga. You can drive out to the garden hotel to sleep or you can sleep outside here.” Seki said among the security boys and all of them continued laughing at me!
I’d had it! Work was stressful and traffic was hell and now I come home to meet these clowns and the street Jezebel making fun of me. These small boys that the community decided to save from their smoking and drinking by engaging them in security work were now trying to oppress me. When I had given a few of them cash a number of times because that was all that they did. Smoke and beg for money with their stupid tattoos and low-waist pants.
I just lost my mind. I went to the gate and began jerking it back and forth to try to open it. F*ck 'em! Only my boss at work and my wife gets to push me around, not these bloody Marlians. One of the boys then got up and came over to try to hold me.
"Oga you dey craze? What are you doing?" he said dragging my hand from the gate. He wasn't even very strong. Years of drug abuse had drained all of his strength. These boys, they would rather smoke than eat actual food. But I didn't care about that. All I heard was the insult. So I grabbed him by the neck and slapped him.
"Who you dey talk to? You no dey look face abi?" He tried to use his torchlight to hit me. I took it from him with my left hand and smashed it on the ground. The others got up too and tried to hold me. Then I noticed that they were not even wearing their pants trousers properly their boxer shorts were showing. They had lowered it for sex. I counted about five of them.
Oh my God. I had heard of a ménage a trios, which is a party. But there were five guys here. Five guys on one girl? What was this girl going for, a record?
“AH, SO YOU PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MESSING AROUND HERE!” I yelled is that what you were hired for? I will tell everyone that you only smoke and drink and mess around here instead of doing your security job. I will get you all fired”
Thankfully one of them tried to calm the rest of them down.
“You think you can mess with me abi? When I get you fired you will see shege! You will have no more money for your paraga, igbo and mishango.”
“Ah!” a few of them gasped in fear and slowed down a bit.
“And you Seki, if you ever come near me again I will get the task force to come close your mother's shop. She is selling beans beside a gutter. Which is very bad. In fact, it is illegal. They will come and close your shop down tomorrow and never open it up again. You will see!"
“Ahhhh!” she shouted.
“Please open up the gate for that wicked man.” Seki said to the boys and which deflated them totally and they released me. So I quickly got entered my car and continued shouting at them from the safety of my car.
“Open up the bloody gate jor. Open up! Nonsense!” They opened it and as I drove through I added.
"Let me catch you guys disturbing me again. Sleeping around instead of doing your jobs. Mtchew! Just let me catch you!" I barked.
God knows that I am not able to take on five boys. Thank God my bluff worked!
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