Marriage is between two loved birds,willing to be together till better for worse and death do us apart. Now, before marriage the man and woman where once a boy and a girl raised by their parents till they both grew up and became couples.this insinuates that your parents can't be left out in your plan towards a better relationship and growth in life. Please be patient and read along.



I will take a verse from the Holy Bible, Ephesians 5:3 :"For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh."



I have coined these 5 points from the above scripture and above highlighted text.



1. The man and woman has a duty to play in the lives of their parents.- Your family first(Wife and Children), then your extended family(Dad,mum,brothers,sisters and friends). Don't allow the blackmail of your parents go out of your will or your comfort zone to make them happy. You have your life to live and your immediate family wants you more.



2.The boy is now a man and matured in taught,financial responsibility,resolution,sex,managing the home.



3. The man has seen a girl after his heart and ready to get married- Be ready to spend the rest of your life with this girl/woman.



4. The man must leave the father and mother and unite with his wife - Holy matrimony



5. He must become one with his wife - Your wife is now your reflection and your shadow.



Now that you have assimilated the above facts, lets us look at Why wives and mother in-law do disagree.



7 Reasons why wives do quarrel with their mother in-law:



1. Ownership and Authority- Both parties do own the man and could exercise their authorities, but one owns him more than the other. The word of God says the man must leave the father and mother and unite with his wife, and both the man and woman would become one. The wife has superior ownership and authority over the man than the wife.


2. Supremacy- The mother in-law and wife would contend over who the son/husband would listen to when ever there is complaint or problems at home. In this type of situation ,everything is contended for.The mother in-law would like to be in complete charge of the son and other responsibilities as pertains to the son.


3. Love, Care and Attention -The mother in-law would want to have a larger portion of love,care and attention from the son, neglecting the fact that the son is married and have his own immediate family. In this regard, emotional black mail would be used. For example; I carried you in my womb for nine months and breast fed you, all am getting from you in return is neglect or i spent my last dime to ensure to had the best education. All are black mails.


4. Money- They expect to receive a larger chunk of their son money more than the wife, and if the wife gets more to their knowledge, then hatred and wickedness sets in. There are times they would want the son/husband to take care of their younger ones and neglect his wife and children


5. Male children/No Children for a long period of time(In Africa) - God helps the woman, if she gave birth to only girls, as the African mentality,prefers boys to girls, as the boys are the ones that carries the family lineage and name. The mother in-law could go as far as skimming the son to have extra marital affair or go into polygamy(Marrying two wives) and if the man/husband is not firm in his decision, he would fall to the blackmail from the mother/mother in-law.



6. Communication - The mother in-law is expecting the son to always call her, ask about her well being and also show concern for younger brothers and sister.When all these are not forthcoming, she would strongly believe it is the wife who is behind it and would raise eye brow.


I would stop here today and continue later on. For more tips, please, visit my blog regularly. www.hightaughts.com

Nice read.

nice write up.

but women are women!
pray that u will never be so unfortunate that ur wife & ur mum will be at loggerheads.
all dz words will never be able to describe them to another.
all dz reasons, will not be reasonable to u.
all dz advices, will appear to u as loads to da head.

just do ur all & pray

The problem I see, and which you have failed to mention, is adulteration of cultures. When growing up, we are raised with the notion of obeying our parents. In turn, our parents take care of our well being, training/education, till we come to a point of seeking marriage. In short, we are our parents investment in most cases. In a traditional African setting, a wife coming into such a family is supposed to be absorbed into the family. The wife becomes a daughter in such a family, following family norms, traditions, and hierarchies.

The came the adopted western culture. Because of education, most men and women don't really want to subscribe to the African model of family. Most wives follow the western model of Nuclear family (husband, wife and kid), and want little or nothing to do with parents inlaws. This is where most conflicts starts. Our inability to integrate the different cultures properly, or understanding the bases of the different cultures, before knowing how to integrate them.
In the western culture, the man and woman are independent of their parents from 18years. Their University education is self sponsored by working part time or taking student loans. Elementary school through High school is free in most cases. So, the parents make minimal contributions to their training, and therefore have little or no expectations. In such a model, the man and his wife don't necessarily owe their parents anything, except occasional visits.

In my opinion, this cultural clashes are the major causes of the MIL - DIL issues in some families.

Thanks for your replies,do really appreciate it. There are lots of celebrities who bought their parents homes and ensured they are doing great. For instance, Justin Bieber,Taylor Swift, Rihanna, Travis Scott and many more. Please check this post readhttps://www.apartmenttherapy.com/celebrity-parents-homes-260778. There is a sense of belonging and joy when your parents are happy. In this trying times of ours, we need their prayers,don't just break the bank . For the bible says :

1 Timothy 5:8 ESV / 221 helpful votes
But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

1 Timothy 5:4 ESV / 160 helpful votes Helpful Not Helpful
But if a widow has children or grandchildren, let them first learn to show godliness to their own household and to make some return to their parents, for this is pleasing in the sight of God.

We really need to commit our wives and mothers to God to create peace and Love between them.

I would be writing the second post for your perusal. Visit my blog www.hightaughts.com. Let me hear your views on my blog. Nice day.

here 2 learn

Thanks for all replies. I have been married for 15 years and possess wealth of experience in marriage counseling. My wife and i started with zero money and God has lifted us . I deem it fit to contribute towards assisting youths or newly weds to understand this institution called Marriage. Its a hard nut to crack and it takes the grace of God to continue and tolerate your partner. There are lots of times, we feel like talking with a confidant, not your father,mum,brother,sister or friends, but someone who would not laugh at your condition, advise you truthfully. Let us walk with you,be your guide and propel you towards better living and greatness. Let us be your best friend.

We also match make,getting you the right partner to assist you fulfill your purpose in life.

Please,always visit my blog for more advises. share your taught and comments with me on www.hightaughts.com. hightaughts@gmail.com or mail@hightaughts.com.

Your secret is save with us.

Curiouscity:
The problem I see, and which you have failed to mention, is adulteration of cultures. When growing up, we are raised with the notion of obeying our parents. In turn, our parents take care of our well being, training/education, till we come to a point of seeking marriage. In short, we are our parents investment in most cases. In a traditional African setting, a wife coming into such a family is supposed to be absorbed into the family. The wife becomes a daughter in such a family, following family norms, traditions, and hierarchies.

The came the adopted western culture. Because of education, most men and women don't really want to subscribe to the African model of family. Most wives follow the western model of Nuclear family (husband, wife and kid), and want little or nothing to do with parents inlaws. This is where most conflicts starts. Our inability to integrate the different cultures properly, or understanding the bases of the different cultures, before knowing how to integrate them.
In the western culture, the man and woman are independent of their parents from 18years. Their University education is self sponsored by working part time or taking student loans. Elementary school through High school is free in most cases. So, the parents make minimal contributions to their training, and therefore have little or no expectations. In such a model, the man and his wife don't necessarily owe their parents anything, except occasional visits.

In my opinion, this cultural clashes are the major causes of the MIL - DIL issues in some families.

Very insightful peace.

I had other reasons which can be summarized to the above.

Another reason is wives replacing their husband with their sons and not wanting to lose the influence they have after the son gets married.

Busy women don't have time for all of these tussle.
Not as mother-in-laws and definitely not as wives.

All this plenty English can be summarized is just one sentence.

Wives and their mothers-in-law who are locked in battle are that way because they are both women looking for attention from the same man. SIMPLE!

It's not that complicated.