jennykadry:

what women do we even have these days sef? desperate women(like the OP) willing to lick a man's anus for commitment.

All b'cos, she came to Nairaland to seek for advice? . . . . .WONDERFUL !!!

Sometimes, I wonder what made some gals thinks they'r better than the faceless ones they'r refferin to!

chaircover:

I think what a lot of people are forgetting is that from day dot, the mans role in the relationship is for him to be the captain, the protector, the guide and the provider etc.

Women instinctively look up to the man in the relationship for security and guidance. He needs to be able to take same logical descions and dependable etc

When you start changing roles, you begin to alter the dynamics of the relationship and other problems follow and this is one reason why SOME women who wear the financial pants in the relationship end up lacking respect for the guy.

Women need to feel safe in the hands of their man and the man has to understand that need. For example if in the night I hear a noise downstairs (always fictitious I must add) I always wake hubby up and he gets out of bed to investigate. he comes back and whinges and tells me to clean my ears out, but he has taken the step of protecting his family which is what I expect.

I remember waking up one morning and I found the conservatory door unlocked. I wasnt very happy about it even though he wasnt the one who left it unlocked. I just felt that as the man he should go round the house last thing at night checking that all the doors and windows were locked which in fairness to him he always does but somehow on this occasion he missed this particular door.

Unfortunately money comes under this security blanket and the posters boyfriend would have done much better if he had tried to raise the money he needed from other means or if he did have to borrow the money from the poster to have returned it on or before the appointed return date. The fact that he didn't return the money on the agreed date also leaves a bad taste in the mouth.

Some people have compared the posters boyfriend to her friends etc, however we need to understand that these are very different relationships with different needs and expectations.

I know that what I am getting at difficult to explain but I want to believe that one or two people will understand where I am coming from.

Can I also point out that not all women ask for money from their men friends; I certainly never had any reason to do so. That was my parents job. Asking for money however is different from receiving gifts from a loved one.

Bottom-line is that on a good day money can ruin very good relationships, so if you do value your relationship with someone, you don't put money into the mix.

Thank you, the other day the Tv wouldn't turn on .I did not even bother finding out what the issue was, I waited until Mr Jk came back from work and told him what had happened and in 2mins the Tv was back on. He actually accused me of "of not wanting to be electrocuted" but hey it's normal, If my car wouldn't start the next thing I do is call him on the phone(if he isn't home). The last straw that broke the camels back was when I had to travel to a very rural town for work, one day I saw a snake, did I almost pee on  my undies? and silly me instead of finding my way , called My oga up first and told him I could see a snake from where I was standing, not until he told me to run for my life did I run. After the whole incident when I got home he banned me from travelling to rural towns and asked me to go clear my brains out for ringing him first before running.

But it's something I just do, if I find something too difficult to handle I just leave it for him to handle.

Financial security comes under the security I want from a man. Even if I end up having a good paying job, I still expect my hubby to earn something .

Ranoscky:



All b'cos, she came to Nairaland to seek for advice? . . . . .WONDERFUL !!!

Sometimes, I wonder what made some gals thinks that they'r better than the faceless ones they'r refferin to!

Lol, Do I really sound like I give an F?


She is desperate , i've said it again, oya bite me

Hmmm. Guys dnt really like it wen d lady is d only provider & she prides over it. However ur case seem in total submission wit love. If ur guy doesnt reciprocate wit those little gifts his little money can buy, then , think about ur security too n save, if his luv is true 2u, keep assistn but i say again SAVE & re.invest 4 2moro

When the man provides everything and does everything, Then what exactly do you contribute to the union and why shouldnt the man boss you around

///

jennykadry:

Thank you, the other day the Tv wouldn't turn on .I did not even bother finding out what the issue was, I waited until Mr Jk came back from work and told him what had happened and in 2mins the Tv was back on. He actually accused me of "of not wanting to be electrocuted" but hey it's normal, If my car wouldn't start the next thing I do is call him on the phone(if he isn't home). The last straw that broke the camels back was when I had to travel to a very rural town for work, one day I saw a snake, did I almost pee on  my undies? and silly me instead of finding my way , called My oga up first and told him I could see a snake from where I was standing, not until he told me to run for my life did I run. After the whole incident when I got home he banned me from travelling to rural towns and asked me to go clear my brains out for ringing him first before running.

But it's something I just do, if I find something too difficult to handle I just leave it for him to handle.

Financial security comes under the security I want from a man. Even if I end up having a good paying job, I still expect my hubby to earn something .

Lazy girl, abeg, make you no sha kill the man

jennykadry:


She is desperate , i've said it again, oya bite me

Oya, come here let me bite you

When the man is to provide guidance and security which includes financial then whats left?

Financial security comes under the security?

Im not married and i wont qualify a 6 month relationship as serious unless youve booked a wedding date at the registry!

in answer to your question YES YOU ARE! very very wrong!

^^ If the roles were reversed and the boy was the one supporting the girl financially after 6months of relationship, Would your response be the same?

//

nurturing who? is companionship a one way street?

//

dayokanu:

^^ If the roles were reversed and the boy was the one supporting the girl financially after 6months of relationship, Would your response be the same?

as in if a man said ive been supporting my bf financially am i wrong??

then YES OF COURSE! why should anybody sponsor anybody? are you a philantropist? ehn? secret billionaire? is she his mom? the relationship is only 6mnths old! they are literally strangers to each other! people should be weary in tossin their cash around!

In fact i just went through the post properly (yes i didnt b4!) and i have to say this

@POSTER YOU ARE INCREDIBLY STUPID!!!

if you were on the outside looking into the state of your bf's life will you still feel the same way for him? Youve only known for 6 months you are practically strangers! that being said WHAT KIND OF MAN lives off a woman! a woman he's just met! feeds off her and takes money to pay his rent!
is this a guy you want to marry? do you want me to explain the kind of life you have? cos theres all soo many married spongers I have stories about too!

My advise to you, get rid of his broke and lazy behind! stop feeding him on the promise he's going to marry you because I can PROMISE YOU he wont! He will marry the 19yo he picked up at a bar after impressing her with his expensive toys because she thinks he's a king!

your a working woman with a good job and a stable income- your criteria for a man should NEVER fall below that!
wisen up gurl! ill hate for yours to turn to another sob story! your nigerian! be smart!

This thread has being hijacked by feminist. What happened to good old kindness?

You don't have to be anti-man to be pro-woman. ~Jane Galvin Lewis

Don't cloud your thinking with hate or bad experiences. @poster do your best and thread with caution even if its a lady friend.

chaircover:

Dayo I am sure that even you agree that generally speaking women are better at nuturing

I can tell that this is going to be a long night

Dont the women need to be nurtured by their husband too? So the nurturing is a 2 way thing and not exclusive to women alone.

Long night? Depends on how soon you grant my age-long request

queensmith:

as in if a man said ive been supporting my bf financially am i wrong??

then YES OF COURSE! why should anybody sponsor anybody? are you a philantropist? ehn? secret billionaire? is she his mom? the relationship is only 6mnths old! they are literally strangers to each other! people should be weary in tossin their cash around!

As long as your rules are universal then I have no problems with it. For me, No one should support anyone financially. Giving should be equal and in opposite directions.

queensmith:

WHAT KIND OF MAN lives off a woman! a woman he's just met! feeds off her and takes money to pay his rent!
is this a guy you want to marry?your nigerian! be smart!

Can you adjust it to WHAT KIND OF WOMAN lives off a man for equality sake.

queensmith:

@POSTER YOU ARE INCREDIBLY silly!!!
My advise to you, get rid of his broke and lazy behind! stop feeding him on the promise he's going to marry you because I can PROMISE YOU he wont! He will marry the 19yo he picked up at a bar after impressing her with his expensive toys because she thinks he's a king!

lmao. baaad gurl.

What's causing all these hullabaloos? Who gives to who and who takes from who in a relationship? Alright people let's take the genders off the equation and view the situation again and what do we see?
Two humans that are friends and are merely helping each other get through unpleasant stuff, ain't?
If you truly love a person, you will have no qualms about sharing what you have with the person, you also can't sit and watch the person go through a bad situation you know you can afford to ameliorate . There is nothing wrong with helping a friend, be it man or woman. What I don't agree with is her putting her account in the red in order to help which is not good for her as a lady. I will also not advise a lady to keep helping and forever shouldering a man who refused to work hard for himself, she should only watch it and make sure it isn't a habit of his lest he becomes a liability to her.

It doesn't make a man less of a man that his woman helped him put some pennies together to save a situation, it did not change the fact that the man is the man therein and she the woman. Poster did not tell us that she is now the one playing such manly duties as protecting the female and caring for her as a woman should be cared for. Nobody has dismissed chivalry in men here yet. I am surprised that this simple act of asking for NL's opinion has degenerated into her getting labelled "the desperate single girl being charitable just to cling to this man who promised to marry her". It shows the depth of some unnecessary unwritten notions and belief that the Nigerian society has ingrained in most of us really because this act of kindness will not be viewed like this in some other societies. I have come to understand that with such notions in the heart of some of us Nigerians that Nairaland is not a place for one to air an iota of one's problem, heart's desire, musings, troubles. They are better kept to oneself lest you have some unfeeling Nigerians with certain mentalities add salt to your injury.

Poster it is a good thing that you will be getting your salary soon, talk out your unhappiness with your man. Love him as much as you can and do more through advice and encouragement to help him get a job good enough to bring in some money for him. Don't let some undiplomatic statements in this thread of yours get to you. I am sure that you have learnt your lesson like me which is that when you are not married, the Nigerian society is very quick to nose down any move you make and even every breath you take. I wish you happiness in your relationship.

Dont give

I would never give a man money unless he is my husband or we have been dating a long time, and he gives me also

//

Hopefully men too whose gf have been sleeping with them, giving her money for food, clothes, and even help her with fees would see themselves as being used when it doesn't work out.

For me, Dont give and dont take

//

For me I am ok with do your thing I do my thing, Spend your money I spend mine and we contribute 50-50 to the house.

But like we see here its the same women who shout for equality in marriage that say the man should be the principal when it comes to monetary matters (Why not extend the equality to monetary matters)

Many women complain about equality , many women also want the man to be spraying them money

dayokanu:

Hopefully men too whose gf have been sleeping with them, giving her money for food, clothes, and even help her with fees would see themselves as being used when it doesn't work out.

For me, Dont give and dont take

. . .Now its not abt u,its abt the OP,what shld she do?continue giving or   Be honest.
Giving is cool but it becomes stu.pidity and foolis.hness when one party is doing all [/b]the giving.It wud be difficult to say if ur partner is with you cos he/she loves you or cos he/she sees u as a meal ticket.
IMO,there are so may ways to encourage and be there for your man when the chips are down and giving [b]okpurukpu ego _{chunks of money} is not even among,biko. . . But then If the OP is comfy giving,i wud say more grease to her elbows.

//

Ivynwa:

I am surprised that this simple act of asking for NL's opinion has degenerated into her getting labelled "the desperate single girl being charitable just to cling to this man who promised to marry her".

She's desperate,there I have said it again. You can jump off the cliff now


@Dayo

Egbe enu'e dake jare. Wait until you become baba abeji, then you will know that marital workload cannot b e halved.

If truly jennykadry is happily married the way she paint it here, I presume your husby in in for a a real trouble. The man is just coping with you as a wife. Why must you start calling people names because of their choice. I can as well call you OPONU for calling your husband when u saw a snake rather than running away. infact you are a slowpoke.

Read the 2nd post of the OP . The guy in question is not the one asking her to bring food, He did not ask her to borrow him the money to extend his visa. The BF is ready to go back to 9ija if worse comes to the worst. The lady saw the plight of the guy and chose to help. Helping others got no boundary. People have gone all the way to help others achieve their dreams.

@Chaircover, there are 3 essential things a fruitful relationship. Take a partner as a friend, 2. as a brother/sister, then as a lover. In this case she chose to be a friend or a sister.

If she has not lend him the money, the BF might have sought himself out. I can say categorically that be4 this girl, this guy has been surviving and he will with or without her.

A lot of the posters above do not really know what it's like to work with an agency in uk especially as a student. sometimes u dont get enuff hours, sometimes you get more than enuff, sometimes u don't even get at all. If love is not really based on money then it should not be a detterring factor. Let love flows.

My 1 quid.

^^^^
She lent him money without him having cried for help right?
Why did she open this thread to find out if it's normal for a man to be lending money from a woman?
Fact is she wasn't comfortable with the idea so no point trying to paint a picture of partners helping each other or what not.

She could have given him what she could afford instead of borrowing him all she had at the time then get red eyed cos her bank balance is minus

dayokanu:

Can you adjust it to WHAT KIND OF WOMAN lives off a man for equality sake.

No we certainly cannot! What is unacceptable for a woman is quadriple HELL NO for a man! If he cant handle his bizniz now with barely any burdens he can never handle a family!

@ify they cant be that good for freinds they have only known for 6 months
no2 I dont think its sensible of plausible to be in love within 6months
Its definitely unplausible to be loving someone with your salary ESPECIALLY if youve only known him for 6 months!
What kind of happiness can you wish her with a sponging tramp for a boyfriend?

jennykadry:

She's desperate,there I have said it again. You can jump off the cliff now

Ive never agreed with you for one miniute on this site but I 100% agree with you on this!

@poster take it from someone younger who has been there a million years ago, if you love this man, watch how much MORE youll love a man who takes care of himself, handles his business and sets an example!

She opened the thread for emotional check (if there is anything like dat). People do a lot of things to nuture relationship. I have seen people travelling from America to 9ija to be with a guy. I have seen a guy leaving a fantastic paying job in uk and relocated to 9ija 'cause of a woman.

2 Situations and human beings are never the same. That it works for a does not mean it will work for B especially when there is no formula to back it up.
If her account is not in RED , i bet you she would not have shown up here to clarify.

jay bee:

^^^^

Why did she open this thread to find out if it's normal for a man to be lending money from a woman?
Fact is she wasn't comfortable with the idea so no point trying to paint a picture of partners helping each other or what not.

She could have given him what she could afford instead of borrowing him all she had at the time then get red eyed cos her bank balance is minus

I have not seen anything abnormal in it. If she can afford it, why not. If she could not afford it, then don't bring it up.