A young man was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from college. While he was walking through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air.

The elephant seemed distressed so the man approached it very carefully. He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant's foot.

There was a large thorn deeply embedded in the bottom of the foot.

As carefully and as gently as he could he worked the thorn out with his hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot.

The elephant turned to face the man and with a rather stern look on its face, stared at him. For a good ten minutes the man stood frozen -- thinking of nothing else but being trampled.

Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned and walked away. The man never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.

Twenty years later the man was walking through the zoo with his teenaged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to where they are standing at the rail.

The large bull elephant stared at him and lifted it's front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times, all the while staring at the man. The man couldn't help wondering if this was the same elephant.

After a while it trumpeted loudly; then it continued to stare at him.

The man summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder.

Suddenly the elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of the man's legs and swung him wildly back and forth along the railing, killing him.

Probably wasn't the same elephant.

When a lady is pregnant, all her friends touch her stomach n say congrats!
But none of them come and touch the man’s dick and to say"well done”

Moral:Hard work is never appreciated

I began To Fear Alcohol On The Day I Saw My neighbour Spend The Whole Night Dancing To The Sound Of My Generator thinking he was in a nightclub saying "this DJ go kill person ooooooooo"

When I turned the generator off, he asked me who sing the track?
I say na Yamaha featuring petrol

I was in a taxi and there was this Muscular ward looking Guy sitting at the back seat. His phone rings and he answer " yes boss I'm with him in the same taxi when he get off I'll shoot him.

As I speak we are now at the taxi driver's house because no one wants to get down.

Twin babies in the womb saw someone familiar coming towards them. The first baby said,"Hey daddy is coming to play with us. The second baby replied." It's not daddy,but his friend. Daddy doesn't cover his face with a rubber mask when he wants to play with us. You will see, this one will not give us ice cream when he is leaving".

(A taxi driver is being
interrogated after an accident)

POLICEMAN: So Mr, how
did you kill 59 people?

TAXI DRIVER: I Was driving at 80km/h
when I saw 2 men crossing the
road, on the other side, A
Wedding was taking place.

I Hit the brakes but they failed, So
I Had to make a choice, either to
hit the 2 men or run into the
wedding party.

POLICEMAN: Hit the 2 men
of course!

TAXI DRIVER: Exactly! we think alike,
but after hitting one, the other
man escaped into the wedding
party, So I Went after him.

RULES OF FOOTBALL WHEN WE WERE KIDS:

1-The fat kid was always the goalkeeper.

2-The owner of the ball decided to choose who played.

3-Penalty(otherwise called PENARITY!)was awarded only if an injured player could curse or fight a lot.

4-The match only ended when everyone was tired.

5-No matter how many goals you scored, the winner would be determined by the last team to score.

6-No referee and linesmen.You could run with the ball even behind the goalpost.

7-If you didn't participate in repairing a damaged ball you were given a match ban.

8-If you're picked last, you're a loser.

9-The guy who's never picked was to fetch the ball from the tree or bush when it got stuck,under the car or tunnel to play in the next game.

10-When the owner of the ball got annoyed, game over.

11-You were allowed to change a goalkeeper in case of a penalty.

12-The most skillful player got automatic selected and the most bully player got automatic selection too.

13-No discrimination,both the children of rich and the poor played together!

14-Three corners make one Penality!

15-All players help in household work of the ball owner.

16-If the ball burst everyone contribute to pay the owner.

17-You can't dribble the owner too much.This may lead him to stop the game by taking away his ball.

18-You can go round the goalpost still return into the field and score.

19-When you hit your toes against a stone and notice blood, you quickly cover the area of injury with sands as a form of first aid.Play continue.

20-We called ourselves by nicknames of great players especially from Brazil and England.

21-Game over when it's dark and we can barely see the ball.We all dispersed in groups to our homes teasing one another until d last player gets home to face another round of punishment from our disciplinarian parents .

A man was setting the voice recognition password of his mobile.

A nearby dog barked and ran away, the man is still looking for the dog to unlock his mobile!!

You cannot breakup with a girl selling cucumber & expect her to miss you....Never!

Sometimes i sit down and wonder who's armpit inspired the creation and invention of roll on..�

I Just flashed back to my primary school dayz" when our teacher taught us a very interesting topic: COMPARATIVES and SUPERLATIVES ..
Eg: _Long longer longest
_Big bigger biggest
_Short shorter shortest
_Fast faster fastest.
So the next day, she came back with some visitors to prove to them that we were wonderful
pupils,,,, She started;
TEACHER : Now children recite what you just learnt yesterday... Let's go this way...
TEACHER: Long
PUPILS: Long longer longest
TEACHER: Big
PUPILS: Big bigger biggest
TEACHER: Short
PUPILS : Short Shorter Shortest
TEACHER: Fast!
PUPILS: Fast Faster Fastest
TEACHER: (was grateful and shouted happily)
Good!
PUPILS: Good gooder goodest
TEACHER: STOP!!!
PUPILS: Stop stopper stoppest
TEACHER: (already abashed) ENOUGH!!!
PUPILS: Enough enougher enoughest
TEACHER: Chim o!
PUPILS: Chim o Chimooer chimooest
TEACHER : CHAI!!!!
PUPILS: Chai chaier chaiest
TEACHER: OLODO!!!
PUPILS: Olodo olodoer oloodoest .
My Teacher Fainted!!!

Bride price should be based on breast size

Watermelon is expensive than orange.

I remember the day my ex sent me breakup messages and mum asked me what am I reading?I told her,"tips to cook delicious food "then she said why are you crying?Then I replied,"I've reached where they are cutting onions

A guy refused 2 go hom becuz he posted," A fada dat's nt lik Dangote, is dat 1 a father?" And his Dad replied .."Nice post son"

Igbo mother's be like
CHINWE CHINWE
Lower that music I want to taste this soup.

I was in a bus this morning and i heard an Ibadan girl saying "Not all dat glitters are goats!" I have been fainting since then and faint still dey hungry me

Nice one Joe.

Nice one bro. I dont usually visit this section of the forum, but with this, i think i will be from henceforth. *thumbs up*

funso77:
Nice one bro. I dont usually visit this section of the forum, but with this, i think i will be from henceforth. *thumbs up*

Thanks bro.

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Sammyfrosh, you are a comedian
The elephant and wedding one killed me

Op see what you jus causd ba??
I don laff til go slap my landlord
Wggey i dey owe 5years rent.