budaatum:

He said "who is behind the push on her" in his op. And I would not be surprised if her pusher was behind the first push too, and likely caused the third "problem come start again concerning the court marriage".



I would not have bothered if she were thinking this all up herself. But that "madam" really bothers me when I think of a marriage being "a union of 2 people voluntarily entered into for life, to the exclusion of all others."

I think like you that she's working under the illusion that marrying in court "guarantees her the marriage", when the actual protection she seeks comes if she divorces in court wherever she marries.

For now she should be made to understand that the marriage will not hold again

Let's see if her brain will come back to factory reset

frozen70:


For now she should be made to understand that the marriage will not hold again

Let's see if her brain will come back to factory reset

I unfortunately agree with you.

Damn! I'm sounding like a masculinist!

Nawa

ZIMDRILL:


thats the typical mind set of african man who doesnt want to pass his wealth to his kids

the truth is your own mother and father will never give enough care to your kids than their own mother

for the mother to be able to look the kids after your death, give her a good start after your death i.e let her inherit what you worked for under the what you called marriage "providing for your wife and kids" set them up for better

Story.

You have not seen ones that allows a man to swindled them of their dead husbands wealth or the ones that prefer to lavish the wealth.

Which African man doesn't want to pass his wealth to his kids? African men can still do that without court wedding

frozen70:


There is no perfect marriage, neither do we have near to perfection

Every one should just handle his or her marriage the way it can

Sure, we are different people from different backgrounds. What works for A may not work for B

Joyfulgal:



Sure, we are different people from different backgrounds. What works for A may not work for B

Exactly ❗❗

I think there is no need giving death as one of the yardstick for court marriage cus it is like wishing someone death n no one will be comfortable hearing that.
Op, the same reason why you thought she planned to do something funny in the marriage is the way she also reasoned you planned to do something funny later on. I think you need a fair hearing n not dictating. Court certificate is what people even fight to get as a legal back up , it serves as reference for many reasons. What is your fear cus No court in Nigeria shares property 50/50 during divorce or you don't even want to share anything in case there any issue which I do not pray . I will encourage you to do court, it doesn't take much time n money.

Advice
The two of you needs security as regards trust n your fiancee needs her own brain, she should be able to convince you without influence of strangers decision.

Op, Is she an orphan?
If yes .she might be scared what become of her should any thing goes wrong in the future.

Kboyvic:
I need advise please , she is insisting on court marriage without giving me a good reason why she wants us to go for court marriage before our white wedding/traditional.


Her silly comments
Her first reason was incase something happen to me that my family will not push her out,

That cause we are not fro. The state.

Incase I leave her for another woman in future.

I talk to her what's the meaning of all the comment, u know I wouldn't do all this things ur saying, a lady have be in relationship with over 6years still have doubt. She cried all through out the night begging me I didn't accept.

In the morning we settled that and we are fine after giving her reason why I wouldn't do all that she mention.


Lately she came back telling me that her madam advise her to go for court marriage that it's very important, na here another problem come start again concerning the court marriage. If not for the lockdown our marriage is suppose to come by June.

Why am saying no to court marriage, am thinking she wants to act anyhow after we get married. I love her but she taking the court thing as claterial for u.

But if u re wedding in a Catholic, Anglican or some churches. The certificate u re given is the same as one given at a registry. Also if ur Church is not recognised you can go the to registry after the wedding ceremony to sort of regularise ur marriage and obtain the standard certificate. However if u don't want to do three marriage events, She can choose between the church and the court. While u guys do the trad..
Most women who re thrown out of their late husbands property re usually weak minded and not educated on their rights and the legal standing they have in the marriage. Instead of fighting for court marriage women should be more concerned about who is the husbands documented next of kin. Because even with a court marriage a weak minded woman and one with no knowledge of the law can be thrown out of her late husbands property.

YourCoffin:


Story.

You have not seen ones that allows a man to swindled them of their dead husbands wealth or the ones that prefer to lavish the wealth[b][/b].

Which African man doesn't want to pass his wealth to his kids? African men can still do that without court wedding

You can not control everything in life, all you can do is set up someone for better like eg sending a child to skol is also a good set up, whatever they do after skol you cant control it it they mess up then its their fault not yours

So if a woman get swindled it is her own faulty? No she got cheated if she finished the money it her own faulty and you cant control it but you had gave them the chance and she wasted it

As for african men not passing on wealth yes they dont as in they dont protect the to kids wealth legally what do i mean legally eg you open account for child and s/he will have access to that money when eg s/he gets married or has finished university

African men we trust our families to take over our wealth but if you look closely those familiy members, actaully to depend on you or wish to be better like you and there is no way, they will think of your family 1st before theirs.

And am sure you have heard so many people saying this is my brother's house, what they literally mean is you are my brother's wife but this house is not yours which transfer to in case of his death, this house is our house not yours

bukatyne:


I agree that many have been severely burnt however, I think this level of 'mistrust' when nothing has occurred is to great a burden for a marriage.

This is why I am a fan of people marrying the right person.

Do statutory marriages really 'safeguard' the Nigerian bride today?

What if the husband decided to maintain a parallel family without marriage and does stuff in their names?

Ehat if he has 50 acres of land in his village only his mother knows about?

What if he used his brother as next of kin and executor of his estate?

I am not saying going to the court is not necessary: I asked the OP his reluctance to do so. I am only saying any woman in Nigeria today who thinks the statutory 'rights' she gets over-rides due diligence is in for a looooong thing.

Igando courts are still offering child support of N5,000.00.

And believe me many are not even paying that 5k either out of malice, negligence or simply inability. True, also, due diligence is most important.

Truth is most people are simply selfish, hence, the many marital problems that pop up. Per OP’s reluctance to marry in the courts, perhaps he’s had past bad experiences personally or by proxy.

I think past a certain age or certain milestones in life, getting a partner who truly loves or you believe you becomes more difficult.

Lionessza6:


The bolded is your answer. That is why I even said,this must be documented so that incase of a divorce or death no one will be shortchanged.

I don’t know if women would be willing to part with assets/resources if they had more where there’s a divorce. I certainly wouldn’t feel entitled to or even want any of it.

frozen70:


You see, she is taking the court marriage too personal as if it's going to guarantee her the marriage

I don't know her reasons but she may have something in her asernal

Find out who is behind the push on her

May be your family doesn't want her

May be because you guys are from different tribes

May be you guys have trust issues

Though court marriage has never guaranteed any woman her marriage

It's mainly a governmental prove of marriage for official purposes

you got it wrong

All she wants is legally protection to what they will aquire as husband and wife in the event of the husband dies before her

Registered marriages were started after seeing abuse of culture and tradition whereby in the event of the death of the husband, the wife was not entitled to anything she would go back to her parents with nothing, Imagine you were married for 10 years, you aquired few properties together he suddenly dies are you not entitled to that wealth you built together? Whether wife was not formally working but cooking, looking after kids and looking after the house contributed to somewhere somehow to gathering of the wealth you ended up having

We take car insurance not becoz we want to get involved in accidents but in the event of an accident i get money to cover the value of my damaged car

So it the same with a registered marriage its an insurance cover to what you contributed to the marriage in the event of divorce or death, only a fool would feel normal to let go to what your contributed over years

Pension fund is also another good example would you want to walk away with nothing after working for company for 25 years No government policy forces employers to have pension funds for it workers

its not about gauranting her marriage but a protection by law in case of two worse out comes divorce and death

LeRabbite:


And believe me many are not even paying that 5k either out of malice, negligence or simply inability. True, also, due diligence is most important.

Truth is most people are simply selfish, hence, the many marital problems that pop up. Per OP’s reluctance to marry in the courts, perhaps he’s had past bad experiences personally or by proxy.

I think past a certain age or certain milestones in life, getting a partner who truly loves or you believe you becomes more difficult.

That's why I am wondering what courts?

@bold:

I totally totall agree with you. Honestly, I can't deal with this up in arms approach people bring to marriages these days.

Then you wonder why they marry at all.

Is it as students dragging ourselves about that we would think of prenup (is it our certificates we were insuring)?

Or is it youngsters working their first job and married into a two bedroom flat with one Nigerian used car or none at all that would be thinking of prenup or when someone dies?

Is it the landlord's house they are protecting?

I have always been a fam of young marriages. It eliminates a lot of stuff.

bukatyne:


That's why I am wondering what courts?

@bold:

I totally totall agree with you. Honestly, I can't deal with this up in arms approach people bring to marriages these days.

Then you wonder why they marry at all.

Is it as students dragging ourselves about that we would think of prenup (is it our certificates we were insuring)?

Or is it youngsters working their first job and married into a two bedroom flat with one Nigerian used car or none at all that would be thinking of prenup or when someone dies?

Is it the landlord's house they are protecting?

I have always been a fam of young marriages. It eliminates a lot of stuff.

I also think young marriages are best. The innocence and purity with which a young marriage is approached tends to make it easier to weather many storms that mature, but over-calculative partners may not be able to recover from.

Of course, marrying late may have its advantages, but I think there’s a certain bond that growing together creates that can’t be replicated when already grown partners come together.

LeRabbite:


I also think young marriages are best. The innocence and purity with which a young marriage is approached tends to make it easier to weather many storms that mature, but over-calculative partners may not be able to recover from.

Of course, marrying late may have its advantages, but I think there’s a certain bond that growing together creates that can’t be replicated when already grown partners come together.

Gbam!

100%

I am grateful to God daily. I don't think I can cope with the amount of calculations, manipulations, strategy on how not to get cheated etc. one has to put up with when older people come together.

bukatyne:


Gbam!

100%

I am grateful to God daily. I don't think I can cope with the amount of calculations, manipulations, strategy on how not to get cheated etc. one has to put up with when older people come together.

Congrats on your marriage. But what would you advise for us old men looking to marry but don’t even have anyone yet?

crackkhaus:

There's none, only village people recognize the marriage as valid. Customary law will also recognize it.


Regarding documents to present, I believe one can either swear an affidavit of marriage or get a statutory certificate.

okay

Franzinni:
Its a trap ...don't you ever try it .. Court marriage is a big NO... Unless you are ready to be a sacrificial lamb down the line. When the main marital issues become a big deal.

of she gets visa, without court marriage, she will pack her children and run without you. Better go to court

LeRabbite:


Congrats on your marriage. But what would you advise for us old men looking to marry but don’t even have anyone yet?

That ship has sailed

Omo, you have to do all the calculations and other innuendos.

I don't envy you.

funmisticqueen2:
of she gets visa, without court marriage, she will pack her children and run without you. Better go to court

yeah me too will go and get visa nah

Franzinni:
yeah me too will go and get visa nah

you didn't see the story that was trending on NL a few years ago, they were married for 8 years and the man refused court marriage, I think he even brought a mistress or so.

The woman now got immigration visa to either Canada or US, and the husband was now begging for court marriage and the woman refused. He was now calling her wicked.

bukatyne:


That ship has sailed

Omo, you have to do all the calculations and other innuendos.

I don't envy you.

I’ve done calculations that’s why I’m still single. I really don’t want to get married but I want kids so I’m willing to consider getting married if I find someone I think ticks the right boxes. I’m also willing to go the surrogate route if I don’t find that person after a stipulated time

LeRabbite:


I’ve done calculations that’s why I’m still single. I really don’t want to get married but I want kids so I’m willing to consider getting married if I find someone I think ticks the right boxes. I’m also willing to go the surrogate route if I don’t find that person after a stipulated time

E Pele o!

I pray God gives/ leads you to yours.

*If you deserve it*.

Court marriage or no marriage
And not even in Nigeria

funmisticqueen2:
you didn't see the story that was trending on NL a few years ago, they were married for 8 years and the man refused court marriage, I think he even brought a mistress or so.

The woman now got immigration visa to either Canada or US, and the husband was now begging for court marriage and the woman refused. He was now calling her wicked.

haha God wanted to punish him well ni! But to be honest court weddings are not good unless you are sure of your spouse ... And can't be sure about no body in life .. Also every case is unique maybe the man was a jerk and so he got served ... But you won't pray to meet a woman who is gold digging o... Besides if that woman has kids for that man ... Trust me the man dey Canada with them now... Woman mumu button easy to find as long as she done born for you.. ( not baby mama package tho)

bukatyne:


E Pele o!

I pray God gives/ leads you to yours.

*If you deserve it*.

If I deserve it bawo. I absolutely do.

Thanks for the reluctant prayer though.

LeRabbite:


If I deserve it bawo. I absolutely do.

Thanks for the reluctant prayer though.

Reluctant prayer ke?

This is from the *borrom of ma hart*.

Jullima:

This is not true. It’s not ironclad. If a will does not adequately provide for the wife, it can be contested and in some cases sef such will is declared invalid. She wouldn’t have these options if she doesn’t have a statutory certificate, that’s the whole point.

He is correct. A man can even decide to remove his child from his will talk more of wife.

You’re just ignorant of how these things work

doitforyou:

NL love to invoke the F word even when it doesn’t apply.

How is she laying down the law? She has a real reason to worry that a customary court will not have any effect if she’s a widow and her in-laws kick her and her kids out. We have threads here on NL on sufferings of widows. Please, what does the man have to lose? It’s not like she’ll receive a financial windfall if they divorce, we have no such laws here.

OP if you love her as you claim, then you will do all you can so she and your kids are well protected if anything happens to you.

What if something happen to her. Will the law protect him and the children?

Crackkhaus, statutory marriage is cool but the reasons why these women really want it may not be because of security after death blah blah.

We both know if these women are richer than their husbands they won’t be bringing up the idea of statutory marriage because they won’t want the man to benefit from them. Most women are greedy , always wanting to have their cake and also eat it( can’t remember how it’s framed)

Why are you against court marriage?
Are you planning to behave funny towards her after getting married to her traditionally or in church?
Perhaps she thinks you will also change towards her without a court marriage , same way you think she will change after one.
You're both birds of a feather