The great majority of affairs rarely occur solely on the basis of physical attraction. They usually start out with a little chemistry during a time of vulnerability. But at times families breakup because very good, godly people simply haven't learned what to do in a situation where it suddenly feels so good to get some of that eros out. They confuse infatuation with love and make foolish decisions.



Illustration one
A woman goes to a Bible study and on her way home she glances over and sees a guy in another car. They happen to pull into the same coffee shop. He gallantly opens the door for her and says, "I guess great minds work in the same way. Had to have my coffee."
Their eyes meet.
She smiles in response to the courtesy and the compliment.

No big deal, but his kindness and her response indicates there is chemistry.

The next week she finds out that his office is in the same complex as hers because they spot each other on the way to their cars.
He laughs and says something like, "Don't I know you from somewhere? Race you to the coffee shop?"
Their eyes meet again.
The comment sounds innocent, but to someone in a certain frame of mind, going through an empty emotional time, it holds a promise of something nice

Now that woman is a wise Christian believer who knows Christ in a deep way. She inwardly reasons she would never do anything to jeopardize her marriage or dishonor the Lord. But you can also see the attraction of infatuation. She is vulnerable, lonely, feeling unappreciated at home.

She's flattered by the attention. Faced with the prospect of going home to a familiar coldness, the temptation of the unfamiliar warmth of the coffee shop and a kind stranger seem interesting. Convinced(or trying hard to convince herself) this could never lead to anything more than a casual friendship, the dance begins.


What is happening is quite natural, which makes going through it unawares particularly dangerous.


Illustration two

A similar danger awaits the man who is under a lot of pressure at work. He may be going through a time of confusing changes. Job security, mounting expenses, growing and demanding kids that seem to consume his wife's energy, and a marriage which has developed a dullness all contribute to his vulnerability.

He can't remember the last time he made love with his wife.

He's frustrated but doesn't know how to talk about it.

He has buried the hurt and desperation down inside.

He keeps pouring himself into his work, tries to be a good dad, and finds temporary relief in an occasional games and night football. (Most times what many people need is a breathing space, a private place away from every pressure we face, it could even be our prayer closet, a place we get to laugh with God and receive the peace of Christ)


Then he notices someone at work who really seems to listen to him. She finds ways to be helpful and encouraging (things he experts from a helpmeet). She compliments his efforts, his skills, and how nice he looks in that shirt.

He begins to look forward to spending his days at the office with her.

He wonders if it would be appropriate, simply as a way of saying thank you, to suggest they have lunch together sometime.

There would be no harm in it. He's been a Christian for seventeen years, serves in the church, and has three kids. He'd never let this friendship move beyond . . .

and the dance begins.



Those apparently innocent and fun choices end up destroying children, breaking up a good thing that just needed some attention, and embarking on what turns out to be a painful series of shameful disappointments. (Making front page of new papers, gossip blogs, tabloids or Nairaland front page)

How often does this happen? Just look at the
number of broken families that you know personally.

The life cycle of infatuation is nine to eighteen months. Then all those breathless and wonderful feelings leave, and you're stuck with another person with the same kinds of needs that you have. That person knows you can't be trusted because you left your last mate. You know you can't really trust them because, down deep, you're afraid of experiencing the kind of betrayal that you inflicted on someone else.

What's left are two unhappy people struggling with character flaws. Because they don't know the difference between a temporary relief infatuation brings from the lasting peace genuine love offers, so when life piles it's pressure they sacrifice what is valuable and important for what is selfish. Many have grown up not understanding the difference and believing that infatuation is love, so even when they were married, to someone who might have as well just been infatuated with them at the time, be it happy or in tough times, when they meet someone new and are infatuated with they tend to think "oh, this is the true love I missed".
Growing up with people, parents, relatives, friends that say they love you based on only what they can get from you, clouds the mind into thinking love is about what we desire, that love is infatuation.

If you don't know the difference between infatuation and love, you'll destroy others' lives and your own.

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