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Why Are Some Families So Divided And What Can I Do To Unite Mine? - Family (2) - Nairaland

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Re: Why Are Some Families So Divided And What Can I Do To Unite Mine? by Totosweetdie(f): 10:01pm On May 25, 2020
PowerOfLove:
So I was thinking about my family extensively and how we are not united at all. I can remember one person in the family that used to call for family meeting and get together every year. The man died almost 20yrs ago when I was still growing up and since then, there's no time again members of the family have all gathered to meet, greet and chart the way forward concerning the family extensively. May be he was able to achieve that because he was rich and respected.

Now, the only time we meet is if there's a burial, a ceremony or any gathering that would force people to attend and in most cases, the married ones don't come with their kids. I mean this is a very bad pace set for the new generation we are breeding today.

My two kids (3rd is 3 months old), outside my sister and her kids whom we are staying in the same city, my kids have not been able to meet other kids from my nephew and nieces and relatives generally and familiarize with them. This is giving me reasons to worry about as my kids may see their cousins on the road tomorrow and pass without knowing they are cousins. In worst case, what if in the future they meet and happen to be in a relationship without knowing they are related? Nollywood movie. Lol.

However, I'm thinking on how I can reunite the family such that once in a while, members of the family will come with their kids and we all gather, meet ourselves, greet and familiarize with each other but how to go about is what I lack exact knowledge on.

Any suggestions will be appreciated. Meanwhile, is this kind of disunity also happening in your family? How often do you guys meet yourselves in your extended family? Share your experiences.

Just commit it to God
Re: Why Are Some Families So Divided And What Can I Do To Unite Mine? by EyezofGod120: 10:03pm On May 25, 2020
Buy chinnap or beer for the olori ebi
Re: Why Are Some Families So Divided And What Can I Do To Unite Mine? by Risingblue008(m): 10:03pm On May 25, 2020
Everybody dey mind their business
Re: Why Are Some Families So Divided And What Can I Do To Unite Mine? by Hezmatosky: 10:03pm On May 25, 2020
No significant thing you'll do and get people's attention unless you blow. Try and make money or make name first

1 Like

Re: Why Are Some Families So Divided And What Can I Do To Unite Mine? by ImpregnaTor(m): 10:05pm On May 25, 2020
start with what is causing the division
Re: Why Are Some Families So Divided And What Can I Do To Unite Mine? by sageer1706(m): 10:07pm On May 25, 2020
This is exactly what is happening in my maternal family (benin by tribe) and I'm from the north (my dad an hausa man) so anytime I visit benin to see my maternal uncles and aunts (all in benin) is always problem upon problem (uncle A will say why will I visit uncle B and that's how the problem will start) mind u there were not like this not until they got married and the problem started from their wives been an enemy to another and was later transferred to their husband. As I'm typing this their children (my cousins) don't know themselves. I really want to see them all united again and happy with each other.
Lemme relax and read comment maybe I will learn

9 Likes

Re: Why Are Some Families So Divided And What Can I Do To Unite Mine? by tityboi: 10:08pm On May 25, 2020
most families are divided and they pretend a lot that nothing happens,

this is what the money causes sometimes make you fallout with those you were cool with

pride
envy
fame
rich
jealousy
ego

success

kept the grudges going, its not hard to doubt the fake love

7 Likes 1 Share

Re: Why Are Some Families So Divided And What Can I Do To Unite Mine? by thinkaxis(m): 10:09pm On May 25, 2020
you will end up putting yourself in trouble

4 Likes

Re: Why Are Some Families So Divided And What Can I Do To Unite Mine? by brownemmanuel43(m): 10:09pm On May 25, 2020
Well many factors baba. The late baba that did, remember things were not that bad then.
Hardship: What most are fighting for now is how to survive
Migration: back then, there were more people in the rural areas than urban areas. For example, u will See a hustler that's earning 30/month, if by festive period and he wants to travel, when u check tfare, u will know that na mehnnn moi-moi no bi beans.
Just many factors

3 Likes

Re: Why Are Some Families So Divided And What Can I Do To Unite Mine? by SpecialAdviser(m): 10:12pm On May 25, 2020
To unite your family, buy a bell and hang in the central palour. Ring this bell at a particular hour in the morning and evening and call for a family prayer that should not last more than 15mins. The evening prrayer can be preceded with bible reading and make sure this activity is not prolonged so that they wont get weary of it. Watch things fix itself naturally.

Shalom
Re: Why Are Some Families So Divided And What Can I Do To Unite Mine? by SeriouslySense(m): 10:14pm On May 25, 2020
For me family meetings are stressful times, I wish it was an easy thing, some of my relatives make rude remarks, and me I am so gentle, I just skip their comments, while other relatives are concerned about money and other petty things, well I value some of my family because they seem genuine, caring, thoughtful and I really appreciate them all, whether they are rude, vain, or petty, they spice things up, but I tend to keep some distance, by being as mute as possible, as I watch them act their drama, I really love the young ones, they are innocent, its an opportunity to teach them some valuable skills for life.

3 Likes

Re: Why Are Some Families So Divided And What Can I Do To Unite Mine? by Mutaultope(m): 10:15pm On May 25, 2020
same trend everywhere

I don't know any of my extended family members ..... we last met at my grandfather burial ceremony and many of my uncles and Aunties kept there children apart.


Parents are not even helping matters now ..... once there is a disconnection or feud between them , they will extend it to the children .


I don't know my cousins, nieces at all


God help ooooooooo


Old days are the best oooooo

1 Like

Re: Why Are Some Families So Divided And What Can I Do To Unite Mine? by phorget(m): 10:17pm On May 25, 2020
I'll be back...
Re: Why Are Some Families So Divided And What Can I Do To Unite Mine? by Nobody: 10:18pm On May 25, 2020
Macsjebs:
Maybe extended family doesn't make any difference again as they used to back in the days day, so people just want to avoid issues and stay far way from 'bad energy'...

We can also say, boredom could be reason for some visits and social media has in a way filled that space


Re: Why Are Some Families So Divided And What Can I Do To Unite Mine? by Mutaultope(m): 10:18pm On May 25, 2020
We want to be technically advance like the western world

Instead of meeting with family members , we do it on Facebook, Whatsapp and others

BUT THE WESTERN WORLD KEPT SOME CULTURES THAT TECHNOLOGY CAN'T TAKE AWAY .

I. e .

THANKSGIVING

3 Likes 1 Share

Re: Why Are Some Families So Divided And What Can I Do To Unite Mine? by Royalfurnitures: 10:24pm On May 25, 2020
First of all,find out the cause of disunity in your Family,then try to make everyone realise the dangers of disunity in a family,and why u need to unite this won't be easy but you can ask the holy spirit to help you. Do this with love and respect to the elderly ones


Beautify your homes with our quality and durable furniture collections today

1 Like

Re: Why Are Some Families So Divided And What Can I Do To Unite Mine? by SeriouslySense(m): 10:26pm On May 25, 2020
Its is important we find ways of connecting with our families, except for anyone who you think is risky to your safety.

If you look at how society works and stress levels, in Africa, before the Europeans came, Africans lived as large family units, who supported each other, so the stress was low, also the diseases I think were low since stress was low. We had that culture of caring and working together.

Now, after the Europeans came into Africa, then we started copying their culture of capitalism, competitiveness, and individualism, that is i can do it, and i don't need anyone if you look at the western societies, it has lead to more boredom and sometimes inadequate development of an individual

6 Likes

Re: Why Are Some Families So Divided And What Can I Do To Unite Mine? by Vulcan24(m): 10:29pm On May 25, 2020
guy if God bless ur bread with butter u better stay in your house and eat it

u wan take ur hand carry ant infested wood e get your yard.

oga face ur life and immidiate family ... leave extended alone

cousin go know cousin and niece go know niece when they jam.

2 Likes 2 Shares

Re: Why Are Some Families So Divided And What Can I Do To Unite Mine? by shinacollins(m): 10:30pm On May 25, 2020
He that plays the piper dictates the tune. Make money and call for family reunion... All men go arrange
Re: Why Are Some Families So Divided And What Can I Do To Unite Mine? by Nobody: 10:32pm On May 25, 2020
author=listowell post=89960600]
Thanks
Re: Why Are Some Families So Divided And What Can I Do To Unite Mine? by SeriouslySense(m): 10:33pm On May 25, 2020
So it's important, that we continue the community culture, where we all care for each one. The World is heading to more isolation, boredom, and dependency on technology to fill the human needs for interaction, I suggest as Africans, we ensure we are not going to become victim, of a meaningless advanced society, meaningless, because of less family.

Just look at what tech is doing to us.
The phone has become the second part of us, we always take it anywhere, and not mentioning its health implications of wifi and Bluetooth frequencies.

You do not miss people, so you do not want to talk to people, leads to loneliness.

Always busy, less time for human interactions. etc

Well as for our society, we are still not immersed in technology that much for it to be of such concern, but we are heading there.

2 Likes 1 Share

Re: Why Are Some Families So Divided And What Can I Do To Unite Mine? by NextBuhari: 10:34pm On May 25, 2020
tityboi:
most families are divided and they pretend a lot that nothing happens,

this is what the money causes sometimes make you fallout with those you were cool with

pride
envy
fame
rich
jealousy
ego

success

kept the grudges going, its not hard to doubt the fake love
This is it! These are the issues that fuel unending intra-family wranglings. I can't say it better.
Re: Why Are Some Families So Divided And What Can I Do To Unite Mine? by Nobody: 10:36pm On May 25, 2020
Well, this is serious issue that almost affect every family. Like in my own case the head of the family that supposed to be responsible for this is been control by his wife and so everyone sees this and everyone scattered abroad.

1 Like

Re: Why Are Some Families So Divided And What Can I Do To Unite Mine? by BrutusOj(m): 10:37pm On May 25, 2020
Ajibade123:
reunite ko...who cares in this Facebook and Instagram world
I have more than 20 different cousins and I have never met anyone of them
undecided undecided undecided undecided undecided indomie generation. Read what you wrote above. Who cares? No wonder INCEST is on the rise now.

1 Like

Re: Why Are Some Families So Divided And What Can I Do To Unite Mine? by Nobody: 10:39pm On May 25, 2020
dayleke:
You can be the one to start this again.
Someone has to start it na.
Try and fix it on any public holiday and you can also term it as a "family reunion".
Technology has made things very easy nowadays.
Form a WhatsApp group and from there get everyone's intake.
Like right now, you can start planning for Xmas or if everyone is not here as per in abroad cases, start planning for next year.

Good luck.


* A family that strive to stay together last longer.

I know where you coming from OP.

Let us establish context before anything else - believe me,it is important from my difficult experience - please note this is just a personal isolated experience.

1: Is the root-generation family a wealthy or comfortable family - poor ones generally have many unification (togetherness) issues than better-off families
2: Who is the Symbolic Head of the Family and who is the Financial Head of the Family
3: Is there a relative balance between who is successful and who is not (Marriage, Kids, Financially etc)

Unfortunately, no family is perfect and usually the mistake or responsibility starts from the parents or grand-parents - if they engender togetherness, it will grow with the children and they in turn will spread it to their own family. If the parents have favorites or have black sheep or children they treat harshly, it will propagate hate, rancor and deep lines among family members.

once they get to a certain age of adulthood and start living their lives independently (or dependent on other family members) - at least one of the more emotionally empathic member takes up the role of making sure the family stays together @poster could be likened to this one. some tips

1: Note who is the most financially capable and who takes symbolic leadership i.e the voice everyone tends to listen to or who calls others to order.
2: Note the ones who try to help - they are usually caring and also have the means to spread the love.
3: try to get them to co-operate not compete

One person cannot be all 3 otherwise the other family members will jostle for importance, we are humans like that.

it takes a lot of humility, patience and sacrifice of pride and ego to bring the 3 together - once each party understand that it is not a competition, th ebinding and bringing together can happen. Have two whatsapp groups, a seperate one for the 3 key members to discuss and plan, then a general one for all family members.

1 Like

Re: Why Are Some Families So Divided And What Can I Do To Unite Mine? by Oshokalo: 10:40pm On May 25, 2020
See na when everything dey Ok for everybody,no one evil uncle or stepmother for the family na him everybody go dey get dat time
Re: Why Are Some Families So Divided And What Can I Do To Unite Mine? by Mac12(f): 10:40pm On May 25, 2020
My grown up cousin of 30years and him siblings no sabi road to him papa house for villa. Funny right? Guess what brought them back to the village? Their mother's burial. We sha treat their Bleep up, everybody travelled back few days to the burial. We no sabi them too

1 Like

Re: Why Are Some Families So Divided And What Can I Do To Unite Mine? by SeriouslySense(m): 10:44pm On May 25, 2020
The best family meetings exclude these things
1) Envy
2) Desire to get something.
3) Quarrels, or long arguements.
4) The desire for money.
5) The desire to find faults.
6) Boasting

The best family meetings include
1) Remembering your language
2) Doing amazing things that brings you together, like singing, or sharing a common skills that you all do
3) Just like number two, doing things together.
4) Been truthful and honest, if you cannot , at least don't say what you dont mean

Lol and so much more, I play with the young ones, by teaching them something they like, like how to play an intrument or something to develop them.

2 Likes

Re: Why Are Some Families So Divided And What Can I Do To Unite Mine? by SymonLFC(m): 10:44pm On May 25, 2020
One man diamond is another dirt, we have this wacky family get together we do every new year and to me it is totally nonsense having to deal with irritating extended family members i can't belieue how much you cherish such wack shit.

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Re: Why Are Some Families So Divided And What Can I Do To Unite Mine? by doeeyed: 10:52pm On May 25, 2020
Hmmm
Re: Why Are Some Families So Divided And What Can I Do To Unite Mine? by SeriouslySense(m): 10:53pm On May 25, 2020
I really don't take anything seriously, and if I feel offended, I just give it space not attention, so I really have no problems with any relative of mine, they are always there in the background or foreground, they can be anything, but not offensive to me, if they want to get close to me, they can, if they want to get the distance they could, I really don't care for their actions, the important thing is that we care for each other, that's all.

lol and caring for each other does not mean constant gifts, it means if they are in serious problem I will do what I can or need to do, to help them out.

By all means, I don't find fault with anyone.

4 Likes

Re: Why Are Some Families So Divided And What Can I Do To Unite Mine? by LtChisom: 11:01pm On May 25, 2020
akaahs:
Don't wait to gather everyone extensively, start with ur sister and family or any family around you. Cease the opportunity of festive season were everyone might likely be in attendance, tell them is just short gathering from there you can build on it.
This is exactly what I did when I realised same. Believe me I'm not the most senior but I was able to bring in not only the eldest but the most oldest man in the family. We meet every first January every year with every family in attendance with family. We have family account that every family contribute yearly for the progress of all.
Start even if na only ur family by making ur kids know ur extended family, please don't presume they are just kids ooo.
akaahs:
Don't wait to gather everyone extensively, start with ur sister and family or any family around you. Cease the opportunity of festive season were everyone might likely be in attendance, tell them is just short gathering from there you can build on it.
This is exactly what I did when I realised same. Believe me I'm not the most senior but I was able to bring in not only the eldest but the most oldest man in the family. We meet every first January every year with every family in attendance with family. We have family account that every family contribute yearly for the progress of all.
Start even if na only ur family by making ur kids know ur extended family, please don't presume they are just kids ooo.
akaahs:
Don't wait to gather everyone extensively, start with ur sister and family or any family around you. Cease the opportunity of festive season were everyone might likely be in attendance, tell them is just short gathering from there you can build on it.
This is exactly what I did when I realised same. Believe me I'm not the most senior but I was able to bring in not only the eldest but the most oldest man in the family. <bold>We meet every first January every year with every family in attendance with family. </bold> We have family account that every family contribute yearly for the progress of all.
Start even if na only ur family by making ur kids know ur extended family, please don't presume they are just kids ooo.
please is there any january that is not the first month of the year, are you using king Nebucadenezzar's calendar?

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