The word mentor refers to an experienced and trusted adviser. That is a person with a higher degree of wealth and experience in a particular area than another person. This person can be male or female who guides a younger person called a mentee to achieve success. While they achieve certain other goals for themselves. For a mentee, these goals can be creating wealth and achieving success. Gaining a sense of direction in life. Building leadership capacity. And leveraging on the resources, contacts, and influence of the older mentor. For the mentor, these goals can be gaining personal fulfillment. Achieving personal purpose and gaining certain insight or value. A mentorship relationship is, thus, a mutual and beneficial relationship. But while mentorship is critical for wealth and success. A Male-female mentorship must be chosen with care. And it must be created with certain boundaries and criteria. Without this discipline and foresight a mentorship relation can actually destroy you. A good mentor is a mentor who can help you move with speed and clarity towards your desired destination. A Bad mentor is a mentor who takes you away from your desired destination. A mentorship relationship is, thus, the progressive movement of a mentee. Towards a certain desired destination. This desired destination becomes the focus on which a mentorship relationship is built. Knowing where you are going as a mentee is thus critical for safety in a male-female mentorship relationship. The second thing that is also critical is knowing who you need to get there. Knowing who you need to take you to your desired destination guide your choice of mentors. To choose the right mentors you must test for two things. The first thing you must test for is competence. The second thing you must test for is Character. Competence is the ability of a mentor to help you achieve your goals. Without competence, it is hard for a mentor to help you. The second thing you must test for is character. Character is the ability of a mentor to act in your best interests. That is a mentor's ability to set aside selfish agenda that will jeopardize your life and goals. Mentors without character will destroy you. The best way to know a mentor that has character is to observe and see if the mentor has a dual personality or standard. Mentors with dual standards display a strong and moral personality in public. But a sinful and vulnerable personality in private. When the public personality and values of a mentor differ sharply from what he or she displays in private. You should run. This kind of mentors will destroy you. Their motivation for helping you is flawed and they will act in ways that are counter to your goals. To protect yourself from this kind of mentor you need to watch out for double standards.

So how then can you find mentors with Competence and Character?

To find mentors with competence and character you need to do three things. First, you need to clearly define your goals. Second, you need to create a mentor’s profile. Third, you need to find a mentor that matches your profile. Below I discuss each point in detail.

Defining your goals means understanding what you are trying to achieve and how a mentor can help you. The role of a mentor is not to help you set your goals. But to help you achieve goals you have already clearly defined. Knowing what specific areas of your life need help is critical for success in a male-female mentorship relationship.

Another thing you need is a mentor’s profile. A mentor’s profile is a clear picture of the kind of mentor you need to achieve a particular goal. To create a mentor’s profile, you need to focus on five things. The first thing is Values. That is the standards or principles that govern a mentor’s advice. If a mentor’s values are different from your values. You will act in opposing ways. Your goal as a mentee is to understand your values and choose mentors that are compatible with your values. The second thing you must focus on is a mentor’s philosophy. That is the way a mentor thinks and what he believes. To understand the pattern of thinking of a mentor. You need to observe their attitudes and behaviors. You also need to read their written materials. If a mentor, for example, believes that having great wealth is greedy and selfish. He will impede any action or effort that can lead you to great wealth. Your goal as a mentee is to choose mentors that think in ways that support the achievement of your goals. The third thing you must focus on is the willingness of a mentor to mentor you. A mentor must be willing to dedicate the time and energy to help you. Forcing a mentorship relationship is counterproductive for the achievement of your goals. You must choose mentors that are willing, available, and committed to your growth. The Fourth thing you must focus on is a mentor capacity. That is the ability of a mentor to help actually help you. Not all mentors have the capacity to help you. Great mentors first have abilities, experience, and are great teachers that live by example. They have walked the path they are trying to help you walk in. The fifth thing you must focus on is Character. Character is the only thing that protects a mentee from the selfish desires of a mentor. These are the five things a mentee needs to be safe in the hands of opposite sex mentors.

After defining your mentor's profile, the next thing, you need to do is find the mentor. Finding the right mentor takes research, hard work, and testing. There are several people contending for the time of good mentors so you need to find ways to stand out of the crowd. To find a good mentor you need to know where they hang out. The best place to connect with mentors is at professional conferences. Seminars and networking events. These events provide an enabling environment. That connects mentees with mentors in a non-restricted way. Connecting with mentors means approaching them in ways that get you the first appointment. What you do when you approach them. And how you engage with them is critical for initiating a relationship. Connecting with good mentors thus begins with preparing yourself before you meet a mentor.

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