I'm not new to nairaland but I decided to join today because of my present dilemma. Kindly assist me my people, I need sound advice. I met Cynthia last year, precisely July 27 at a friend's wedding in Ibadan, Oyo State. Very beautiful, amiable and well educated. I have a serious issue against Cynthia, I am a struggling civil servant and investor. I'm presently investing my meagre salary of less than 90k monthly on a livestock feed milling and feed sales business. I'm an animal scientist by training and if well managed, feed milling business can become very prosperous in few years. I am jealously guarding the investment to the extent that I decided to deny myself of pleasures for now. The only vehicle I drive is an old model Hilux which I also use for the business. It was donated to me as near scrap by my former employer who relocated to US with his family in 2017. It was this my employer who was running the business before he sold everything and moved to US. I couldn't raise the money needed to buy some of his equipment and rent the warehouse he was using then, therefore I had to start mine from a makeshift warehouse which I'm now building up gradually. The business isn't doing badly even though it requires a huge capital which I don't have, therefore, I'm seriously bidding my time, doing cooperative, ajo and all those stuffs. My intention is to get married later this year or early next year. I am 34 going to 35 by October. I really need an understanding young lady who will grow with me. Cynthia started making frivolous financial demands since December last year. Money for her rent, hairdo, travels, new phones, birthday bash, this and that. I'm already tired about her frequent pestering and nagging each time I can't meet her demands. She works as a contract staff in a bank with very meagre salary. I tried to augment her salary but she didn't really see reason why she can't live big now. I have sat her down to explain things to her in details more than 10 times but she often come around with the same problem, money. I must confess that Cynthia is very beautiful, courteous and presentable. My mother and 3 sisters loves her so much. It's like she doesn't believe in my dreams and aspirations which I'm sure will definitely lead us to a very prosperous life in few years. I've stopped picking her calls for two weeks now, she came around to the feedmill today to ask about her offence and I didn't mince words in telling her that my goals and aspirations are so paramount to me for now and since she's not interested in it, I'm taking my time to re-access the relationship with a view to determining whether I'm going on with her or not. She left dejected without uttering a word.
I got home from work to begin to think deeply if I'm not wrong with my decision.
Please advise me, I'm confused.

Answer this: do YOU think she would be a good wife to YOU, considering everything YOU have said in your post?
Your (intending-to-be-togethers’) dreams should not clash, always remember this.
Think about facing your business for a couple of years before getting married. You also need to better know what you want from a life partner beyond the set age you made for marriage.
Good luck!
I wish you would let Cynthia bounce though

Baba. Stick to you goals o. I take God beg you. Covid don show say na GOAL sure pass no be bae. Lolz

Better girls plenty. You will meet yours , Im not bragging. If ur lucky u will meet some that will invest and support ur dream and if u dont, I believe u can do it.


Pardon me. I'm just emotional.

Abeg dispose that Cynthia


There is stage in life that beauty of a woman will not moved u




Look for a lady who sees future and believe in it

Most of the time, I hate it when I begin to offer statement in a relationship, because you see that love you are talking about is very strong, you might have your own intention about your next move and playing with our own heart here.


To the proper advice: Believe me outside is very hard, and I must commend you for both opportunities God has given to you, to be a civil servant and also and entrepreneur.

Believe me according to your write up, if cynthia is really presentable and you know she's going to be a good wife and one your family would adore so much, just sit her down, let her know your dreams and how you want to give her the best of life, so that after 6month of marriage she won't be complaining of you not taking care of her.

But if she insist, you know what to do next.

Wish you success

merahki:
Answer this: do YOU think she would be a good wife to YOU, considering everything YOU have said in your post?
Your dreams should not clash, always temper this.
Think about facing your business for a couple of years because getting married. You also need to better know what you want from a life partner beyond the set age you made for marriage.
Good luck!
I wish you would let Cynthia bounce though

I'm sure I took the right decision but I don't know why I became confused since afternoon and kind of lost my peace, I don't know.

Hmm girls wey dey bear Cynthia

Your are not wrong in anyway for the way you handled things

A wife is supposed to be a partner, she doesn't seem like one .

As you have said, give her time to also re-access if she is willing to be a partner and support you.

Sometimes support isn't about giving cash. Emotional support, limited/reduced financial demands, encouragement would go a long way in supporting ones partner, especially one who is trying to build a business.

Don't feel guilty or bad, as long as you were not rude to her.
Because if you spend all your money funding her needs, without adequately investing in your business, if it crashes, the relationship would crash with it too, since you would no longer be able to grant her requests.

Wisdom is needed here. Don't place the cart before the horse . Don't pour water in a basket . Don't waste limited water, watering a stone, it won't grow. Don't put your full weight on a match stick, it would break.

If she realizes her mistakes and actually starts contributing to your growth, even if its as little as "I believe in you" and reducing her demands, then you should reconsider and take her back. If she doesn't, share the grace.

Stick to your goals

gentlekay2017:
I'm sure I took the right decision but I don't know why I became confused since afternoon and kind of lost my peace, I don't know.

You lost your peace because you are a human being and you have feelings. Its normal.
But there comes a time in ones life when you put feelings aside and do what is right, what is necessary, what is paramount .

Right now, you guys are not compatible doesn’t mean she’s a bad person, she just doesn’t fit into your current plans. If she’s affecting the current goals you have for your business then you have to let her go, if you guys are meant to be then you guys will reconnect.

Work harder bro

Don't let anything get in ur way if u believe in this business u are doing

Ha!!!! Lobatan Wife material indeed.. let me wait for my elders

gentlekay2017:
I'm sure I took the right decision but I don't know why I became confused since afternoon and kind of lost my peace, I don't know.

Well, I know breakups hurt, so you both can’t not be sad now. My first post is likely to be the most honest I can be about this topic since it was a gut reaction to your post. However it doesn’t mean that I can’t be mistaken.

But, the likelihood of your business doing all the leaps you are projecting for it would be hampered by a wedding/raising a young home. This is a fact. Your business needs the extra couple of years or so, the extra dedication, that “blind” belief, that nurturing for it to grow as planned. Not a wedding and kids now. But this also doesn’t mean you can’t beat the odds.
So you have to do you, finally.
(If it was my brother with all the drive and plans you have stated here? I would tell him not to get married now, to invest his focus and passion in his business and money plans for two, three years, before getting married. To get to that stage where he won’t become destabilised by providing for his family. But more importantly, to achieve his dream for his life. If he would listen to me that is)

U are on right track, bro. If she cant think in ur direction leave her.

gentlekay2017:
I'm sure I took the right decision but I don't know why I became confused since afternoon and kind of lost my peace, I don't know.

you lost your peace because you have been so carried away with her beauty, presentability etc. Stick to your decision, ditch that leech pls

Donald3d:

You lost your peace because you are a human being and you have feelings. Its normal.
But there comes a time in ones life were you put feelings aside and do what is right, what is necessary, what is paramount .

God bless you brother

If you're denying yourself pleasures b/c you're trying to build your money and businesses, it would be unfair to you to be giving it away for her own pleasures. Sit her down and talk to her: let her know you're trying to save money, and ask her to manage with you for now and for the sake of your future together.

.

gentlekay2017:
I'm not new to nairaland but I decided to join today because of my present dilemma. Kindly assist me my people, I need sound advice. I met Cynthia last year, precisely July 27 at a friend's wedding in Ibadan, Oyo State. Very beautiful, amiable and well educated. I have a serious issue against Cynthia, I am a struggling civil servant and investor. I'm presently investing my meagre salary of less than 90k monthly on a livestock feed milling and feed sales business. I'm an animal scientist by training and if well managed, feed milling business can become very prosperous in few years. I am jealously guarding the investment to the extent that I decided to deny myself of pleasures for now. The only vehicle I drive is an old model Hilux which I also use for the business. It was donated to me as near scrap by my former employer who relocated to US with his family in 2017. It was this my employer who was running the business before he sold everything and moved to US. I couldn't raise the money needed to buy some of his equipment and rent the warehouse he was using then, therefore I had to start mine from a makeshift warehouse which I'm now building up gradually. The business isn't doing badly even though it requires a huge capital which I don't have, therefore, I'm seriously bidding my time, doing cooperative, ajo and all those stuffs. My intention is to get married later this year or early next year. I am 34 going to 35 by October. I really need an understanding young lady who will grow with me. Cynthia started making frivolous financial demands since December last year. Money for her rent, hairdo, travels, new phones, birthday bash, this and that. I'm already tired about her frequent pestering and nagging each time I can't meet her demands. She works as a contract staff in a bank with very meagre salary. I tried to augment her salary but she didn't really see reason why she can't live big now. I have sat her down to explain things to her in details more than 10 times but she often come around with the same problem, money. I must confess that Cynthia is very beautiful, courteous and presentable. My mother and 3 sisters loves her so much. It's like she doesn't believe in my dreams and aspirations which I'm sure will definitely lead us to a very prosperous life in few years. I've stopped picking her calls for two weeks now, she came around to the feedmill today to ask about her offence and I didn't mince words in telling her that my goals and aspirations are so paramount to me for now and since she's not interested in it, I'm taking my time to re-access the relationship with a view to determining whether I'm going on with her or not. She left dejected without uttering a word.
I got home from work to begin to think deeply if I'm not wrong with my decision.
Please advise me, I'm confused.

If she doesn't support your dreams and aspirations, doesn't help you grow, doesn't encourage you, doesn't help put you in the right path, doesn't share great ideas with you but only demand for money for everything then she's not worth the stress. If I were a guy, I'd like me a lady who respects me, supports me, helps Mr grow, encourages me, does things for me once in a while, prays for and with me and loving corrects me, she must also be slow to anger and bring me peace.
Who am I to tell you what to do though? Pray about it and ask yourself, "does she have the things I want in a womn? Will she bring me peace and joy?"

Klass99:
The only thing you've said about Cynthia is that, she is beautiful, courteous, presentable and well educated. Are these enough reasons to marry her?

I know people like Cynthia (both male & female) who are lazy, inconsiderate of others, dirty, prone to exaggeration, stingy, selfish and self conceited because of their good looks.

So I ask, apart from her good looks and education, what else does she have going on for her? What else do you like?

I don't like repetition in my life, meaning, I don't like saying the same thing over and over, it gives me a headache. If you have told someone one thing, more than10 times and they're not catching your drift, why continue to bother?

I doubt if the op have any other thing to say about her. I'm 100% sure Cynthia have nothing to offer in that relationship. She will put him deep into shit if he continue

The number one comment up has said it all OP. Follow those guidelines, God will never give you a partner who will be a burden in your life but rather a help mate. Seek the face of the Lord...

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@Op; was she not taking care of her own financial needs before she met you? She suddenly wants to turn you into an ATM cash machine overnight. A WOMAN WHO CANNOT TAKE CARE OF HER OWN FINANCIAL NEEDS WHEN SINGLE WILL DRAIN YOU FINANCIALLY WHEN MARRIED TO HER. She doesn’t seem to be interested in managing with what she has (she is not hiding the fact that she wants to live the high life at the expense of someone else pocket which happens to be YOU) as the mentality of catching up with the Jonses’ seems to be prevalent with her. A woman who cannot recognise the potential in a man is not worth being with. You have your aspirations ahead of you and she isn’t even interested in them as per your write-up. Is that the sort of person you want for a wife? THINK MATE.

Bro, give her some time if she'll call you or pay u a visit. Yes, a lady who demands too much should be given a space. Forget beauty, a woman beauty is just her youth age. She's even a banker hiss. Well, just put everything in prayer, that's if you still believe in the giver of life!

Run for ur life. Cynthia no send your dreams

gentlekay2017:
I'm sure I took the right decision but I don't know why I became confused since afternoon and kind of lost my peace, I don't know.

.
It was the best thing you have done in the last 6 months of the relationship. You're not wrong & of course it's never wrong to do the right thing.
Let her realign herself with your dreams if she's for real & or find another sponsor.
Your heart is just revolting the long overdue hostile takeover by your brain.
Stick to your guns now or regret it if you choose to return decision making to your heart.

Who was it that ordained men to be providers?
Marriage is simply disadvantageous to men.

OP, do not marry until you are STABLE.

If you must, marry someone that can take care of her own needs but that's an impossible task because most ladies are like CYNTHIA.

You made a good decision. Don't rescind it.

Righteousness89:
[s]My Advice to folks seeking to settle down in Marriage is to Calm down and Seek GOD for your Partner!

Your Divinely ordained partner will never be a burden to you.

Your Divinely Ordained Partner will fit into your life just as you will fit into her own life..

Don't Marry someone out of pity!

Don't Marry Someone because your family loves her..

Don't Get Married because all your Friends are married

Don't get Married because of your age

Marry Him/Her because He/She was Divinely Given to you..

GOD Almighty has not Stopped Directing and Reveling People to their partners!

Marriage is GOD'S Institution and He is Intrested in Making Great Homes [/s]

God doesn’t exist.

I have been in your shoe before.
Don't ever settle for someone who doesn't just believe in your dreams, but also does not respect your decisions.

I understand how difficult it may be.
Drop her fast!!!
She would wreck you.
You don't even owe your sibling explanation. Na your Cross's she go be ooi
By the way, she may be out to use you while she got another.

Take heart.

Bye

gentlekay2017:
I'm not new to nairaland but I decided to join today because of my present dilemma. Kindly assist me my people, I need sound advice. I met Cynthia last year, precisely July 27 at a friend's wedding in Ibadan, Oyo State. Very beautiful, amiable and well educated. I have a serious issue against Cynthia, I am a struggling civil servant and investor. I'm presently investing my meagre salary of less than 90k monthly on a livestock feed milling and feed sales business. I'm an animal scientist by training and if well managed, feed milling business can become very prosperous in few years. I am jealously guarding the investment to the extent that I decided to deny myself of pleasures for now. The only vehicle I drive is an old model Hilux which I also use for the business. It was donated to me as near scrap by my former employer who relocated to US with his family in 2017. It was this my employer who was running the business before he sold everything and moved to US. I couldn't raise the money needed to buy some of his equipment and rent the warehouse he was using then, therefore I had to start mine from a makeshift warehouse which I'm now building up gradually. The business isn't doing badly even though it requires a huge capital which I don't have, therefore, I'm seriously bidding my time, doing cooperative, ajo and all those stuffs. My intention is to get married later this year or early next year. I am 34 going to 35 by October. I really need an understanding young lady who will grow with me. Cynthia started making frivolous financial demands since December last year. Money for her rent, hairdo, travels, new phones, birthday bash, this and that. I'm already tired about her frequent pestering and nagging each time I can't meet her demands. She works as a contract staff in a bank with very meagre salary. I tried to augment her salary but she didn't really see reason why she can't live big now. I have sat her down to explain things to her in details more than 10 times but she often come around with the same problem, money. I must confess that Cynthia is very beautiful, courteous and presentable. My mother and 3 sisters loves her so much. It's like she doesn't believe in my dreams and aspirations which I'm sure will definitely lead us to a very prosperous life in few years. I've stopped picking her calls for two weeks now, she came around to the feedmill today to ask about her offence and I didn't mince words in telling her that my goals and aspirations are so paramount to me for now and since she's not interested in it, I'm taking my time to re-access the relationship with a view to determining whether I'm going on with her or not. She left dejected without uttering a word.
I got home from work to begin to think deeply if I'm not wrong with my decision.
Please advise me, I'm confused.

Ningen:
Who was it that ordained men to be providers?
Marriage is simply disadvantageous to men.

OP, do not marry until you are STABLE.

If you must, marry someone that can take care of her own needs but that's an impossible task because most ladies are like CYNTHIA.

You made a good decision. Don't rescind it.

Hmmmmmm

Cynthia ....... Cindodo .....
What a name