There is this family I want to marry into, but the Father of the girl did not pay the bride price of the mum, and she bore seven children for the man. The man left the woman and the children to base in another state, without caring about the welfare of the wife and children. Now I want to marry the first daughter in the family, it is becoming complected, because the family of the woman are saying that the children does not belong to the man, because he has not paid for the wife's bride price, that they own the children. And the woman is now saying that even if the Man is ready to come and pay her bride price, that she wouldn't accept it. My question now is that, is it right to go on the do the necessary things in her maternal home ?

inforesource:
Must you marry there? Marriage has not started you are already having issues.

There's no issue there. As long as the man didn't pay the mother's bride price, he's not the father of the girl.

Must you marry there? Marriage has not started you are already having issues.

wizboi26:
There is this family I want to marry into, but the Father of the girl did not pay the bride price of the mum, and she bore seven children for the man. The man left the woman and the children to base in another state, without caring about the welfare of the wife and children. Now I want to marry the first daughter in the family, it is becoming complected, because the family of the woman are saying that the children does not belong to the man, because he has not paid for the wife's bride price, that they own the children. And the woman is now saying that even if the Man is ready to come and pay her bride price, that she wouldn't accept it. My question now is that, is it right to go on the do the necessary things in her maternal home ?

Whatever the case may be the father should be given the bride price even though he might have been useless to her and her mum.Do the right thing now to avoid troubles in view

Davash222:

There's no issue there. As long as the man didn't pay the mother's bride price, he's not the father of the girl.

Let him enter we will know if there is any issue.

Her dad and her paternal side are non-existent.
Do with what is available. It's OK.

Please go ahead.

Davash222:

There's no issue there. As long as the man didn't pay the mother's bride price, he's not the father of the girl.

what if the Man is ready to do the necessary things. But the woman don't want?

Rozz:
Whatever the case may be the father should be given the bride price even though he might have been useless to her and her mum.Do the right thing now to avoid troubles in view

that's what my parents are saying. That there may be problems in future

wizboi26:
what if the Man is ready to do the necessary things. But the woman don't want?

After 7 children and one of the children is about getting married? That's gold-digging.

wizboi26:
that's what my parents are saying. That there may be problems in future

There maybe problems in future only if you pay the bride price to the wrong person,do the right thing now and save yourself from any future problems.Thats the only advantage some of these careless fathers have.Its painful sha

wizboi26:
There is this family I want to marry into, but the Father of the girl did not pay the bride price of the mum, and she bore seven children for the man. The man left the woman and the children to base in another state, without caring about the welfare of the wife and children. Now I want to marry the first daughter in the family, it is becoming complected, because the family of the woman are saying that the children does not belong to the man, because he has not paid for the wife's bride price, that they own the children. And the woman is now saying that even if the Man is ready to come and pay her bride price, that she wouldn't accept it. My question now is that, is it right to go on the do the necessary things in her maternal home ?

well the father's story of not paying has nothing to do with you, dont be used to settle people's problem

You must do right to both the father's side and the mother's side

It means you'll pay double. Give her dad some money and persuade him to do the right thing first then u can pay your own too. As for the old woman in d village who said she won't take the bride price, she will when real money shows up, ppl in d village will persuade her to accept it.

ZIMDRILL:


well the father's story of not paying has nothing to do with you, dont be used to settle people's problem

You must do right to both the father's side and the mother's side

don't really understand,how so I have to do right to both parents side. Am I to pay the bride price to both the Father's and the mother's family?

This one nah problem oooo Ehn pay the bride price to the maternal side nah. Abi what if the Man is dead or a one night stand solider with no trace. You can't destroy a child's happiness because the parents no wan get sense nah.


If I'm to be in your shoes, I will scrap everything go marry in court. When them ready, them go come take them bride price.

Op your story seem legit, so I'll give you a piece of my experience on this.

Everyone asking you to look well before you leap are actually correct and I personally advice you listen to them.

My cousin married a particular girl from Beyelsa about 8 years ago, we travelled from Lagos to Beyelsa for the wedding. Both parents of the bride had the same exact issue....after paying the bride price to the girl's father, we were mandated to go back and pay another exact pride price to the girl's mother and her family, because according to them we haven't paid the bride price yet...it took us 3 days to do all these in Beyelsa state, crossing rivers to their villages and all. He actually did two traditional ceremony.

They are married today and far from being happy. No kids yet to show for it even when they are both medically certified to be ok....

So please don't intentionally put yourself in a tight corner ....

Here is what you do, let them know you're interested in their daughter, but you don't want a marriage that is divided from the get go, so they should fix their differences and let you pay her bride price as customs demands once and for all.

I have seen where two bitterly separated parents come together for just that day, so their kids can get married, if they can't do that for their own daughter's happiness, marriage and future, then candidly I'll tell you to run away from such a family

inforesource:
Must you marry there? Marriage has not started you are already having issues.

Help me ask o

wizboi26:
don't really understand,how so I have to do right to both parents side. Am I to pay the bride price to both the Father's and the mother's family?

In general when you pay bride price, the mum get few things that are spefic for her and same applies to the father

Am I the only one who thinks this bride price of a thing is slavery? Pay money in exchange for a human being?

Just be very sure that you can cope with all these wahala... Ask your wife to verify and find out what you can do

It's not your business whether your wife's mother had 35 children for a man that failed to pay her bride price.

The first mistake you made was involving yourself with their family issues. Tell them you're paying the bride price to the father of the bride according to tradition. If they're unwilling to let peace reign by allowing you do the right thing, simply walk away.

infogenerator:
Op your story seem legit, so I'll give you a piece of my experience on this.

Everyone asking you to look well before you leap are actually correct and I personally advice you listen to them.

My cousin married a particular girl from Beyelsa about 8 years ago, we travelled from Lagos to Beyelsa for the wedding. Both parents of the bride had the same exact issue....after paying the bride price to the girl's father, we were mandated to go back and pay another exact pride price to the girl's mother and her family, because according to them we haven't paid the bride price yet...it took us 3 days to do all these in Beyelsa state, crossing rivers to their villages and all. He actually did two traditional ceremony.

They are married today and far from being happy. No kids yet to show for it even when they are both medically certified to be ok....

So please don't intentionally put yourself in a tight corner ....

Here is what you do, let them know you're interested in their daughter, but you don't want a marriage that is divided from the get go, so they should fix their differences and let you pay her bride price as customs demands once and for all.

I have seen where two bitterly separated parents come together for just that day, so their kids can get married, if they can't do that for their own daughter's happiness, marriage and future, then candidly I'll tell you to run away from such a family

. Thanks a lot, this is exactly what am scared of. There is no way I can pay a my in-laws bride price. There can still be some spiritual implications, if I get to do it the wrong way. In Africa tradition is tradition.

Please send your uncles to go and dig up their culture. You didn't state the name of the place, so I won't be able to give you the correct answer.
Each tribe have their tradition.

wizboi26:
. Thanks a lot, this is exactly what am scared of. There is no way I can pay a my in-laws bride price. There can still be some spiritual implications, if I get to do it the wrong way. In Africa tradition is tradition.

My friend, you're right about African cultures, respect them and they will respect you.

This is your first chance of letting your woman, her family and your family inclusive know you're ready for marriage and that you're gonna be the man in your home.

Don't make any mistake at this early stage. They can unite and come together for the sake of this marriage, it is possible and I have seen it happen.

Aurevoir Mon Ami.

Had 1, 2,3.......7 children without bride price paid, some men get mind o and topping it up.with deadbeat!

In some communities in igboland, those children belong to their maternal side as their biological father and his kinsmen felt it not necessary to follow the traditions of marital rites.

infogenerator:


My friend, you're right about African cultures, respect them and they will respect you.

This is your first chance of letting your woman, her family and your family inclusive know you're ready for marriage and that you're gonna be the man in your home.

Don't make any mistake at this early stage. They can unite and come together for the sake of this marriage, it is possible and I have seen it happen.

Aurevoir Mon Ami.

Thanks bro, we actually know that in Africa the child belongs to the man no matter what. when the time comes, the child must always look for his father

lilyheaven:
Please send your uncles to go and dig up their culture. You didn't state the name of the place, so I won't be able to give you the correct answer.
Each tribe have their tradition.

the mum is Benin while the dad is ibibio( akwa ibom)

wizboi26:
the mum is Benin while the dad is ibibio( akwa ibom)

Then do research both sides to know what traditions says about the situation.

wizboi26:
Thanks bro, we actually know that in Africa the child belongs to the man no matter what. when the time comes, the child must always look for his father

True

wizboi26:
the mum is Benin while the dad is ibibio( akwa ibom)

Let me ask some questions, I will come back and tell you what I found out.

lilyheaven:

Let me ask some questions, I will come back and tell you what I found out.

ok thanks bro, I really appreciate.

wizboi26:
what if the Man is ready to do the necessary things. But the woman don't want?

As long as he didn't pay the mother's bride price, culturally the children belongs to the woman's family and the bride price goes to them.

As for the mother not accepting the father's bride price, please don't get involved in their family drama. Why is it now that it is time to collect gifts and bride price money that the old man remembers he should have legally married the mama? Abeg, the man wants to reap where he did not sow.

wizboi26:
that's what my parents are saying. That there may be problems in future

If you must marry her, the best thing for now would be to marry her in a court and/or a church wedding, you can pay the bride price later, after the family issue is finally settled. No time to waste!