CsRockefeller:

Which one?

thought you were talking abt whitney houston- I LOOK TO YOU?

varmint:
Lol
You seem to have forgotten where you are coming from. Humans will be humans, I pray things don't take a nasty turn, but should you find yourself in a position where you don't earn enough anymore, you'd receive the mockery you've always received.
Invest your money wisely, buy shares, invest in businesses. Since his money couldn't be put in a joint account when he was earning significantly more, why should your money be in a joint property now.
But again, people will be people, you will still give him your money and he will still mock you later.

She is still claiming a learner after all the suffering, well her body get follow come shock absorber

HomerTimpson:
thought you were talking abt whitney houston- I LOOK TO YOU?

Yes I was. After everything, from the start to d end of her career she didn't find d fulfillment she sought especially in marriage hence the song.

Same thing I'm telling the OP, if her marriage doesn't work out then she has the heavens to look up to.

Keep on submitting to him until you submit your atm card and pin number

Okakwa gi mma ka uche gi zuo oke

Oh dear me
Woman, u don't like yourself at all.

Seems you are the type they drummed into them to love and honour their husbands no matter the situation.
Mbok

On a serious note, any man that don't help or encourage his wife to grow don't love that woman. She is just a means to an end. So also women that folds hand and always demand from their husbands.

I won't tell you what to do. U are an adult, act that.
Good luck to you.
U need it.

sassysure:
Oh dear me
Woman, u don't like yourself at all.

Seems you are the type they drummed into them to love and honour their husbands no matter the situation.
Mbok

On a serious note, any man that don't help or encourage his wife to grow don't love that woman. She is just a means to an end. So also women that folds hand and always demand from their husbands.

I won't tell you what to do. U are an adult, act that.
Good luck to you.
U need it.

Don't mind her, she will teach herself what to do

I don't like women that can't take a decision and stand to defend it, be it good or bad decision

Push over things

CsRockefeller:


Yes I was. After everything, from the start to d end of her career she didn't find d fulfillment she sought especially in marriage hence the song.

Same thing I'm telling the OP, if her marriage doesn't work out then she has the heavens to look up to.

unfortunately for women,don't be surprised she knew what to do before coming here for advice (but i think she need take chill pills in over dose and make up her mind on whether she wants to cont. to please GOD in her marriage thou difficult right now or suit her self)since she mentioned abt GOD but,in my opinion she can always make another money,what i think she needs is support him once more and sit him down and do some serious talk with her husband abt how she really feels before handing over the money...this way she won't feel guilty of disobeying GOD,i mean why scared of another humble beginning when it has not even come and trust me her said husband had already signup for KARMAtherapy

notoracism:


Talking?

He is always commanding and want me to follow him and keep quiet.

Madam, you need to re-set your brain. With his actions, you think you can impress him by giving him all you got in order to keep your marriage? Damn the sheat and get the property with your full name.

Mstick:
Madam the writing is on the wall, you know that you're not firmly rooted in your marriage going by your write up.

Don't buy that property that your husband know about, move that money to an entirely different account. DON'T give him anymore money for that building tell him you invested it in stock then watch his reaction.

Another good advise. Since he sees his wife as nobody, she should start saving for the rainy days ahead 'cus same man will show her pepper in future.

You can buy the property in your child's name, but ensure you have all the legal documents of the property handed to you. If you are a novice in that regard, just involve a professional in that field.

Unfortunately, your husband is a crass and expedient man - crass and expedient people and subjugation are inseparable because nothing else gives them joy more than when they subjugate anyone close to them or anyone they can, all because of their low self-esteem/delusions of persecution and egoism/self-absorption. As a fair-minded woman, citing your submission here, you shouldn't have married him in the first place because two of you aren't of the same ethical leanings. 

Anyway, one of the most effective ways to put him where he belongs, if you don't want to remain perpetually subjugable to him, is to give him a dose of his own toxic. Of course, that will result to mutual open enmity between two of you, so it entails that you do some formal and legal arrangements to restrain him from meting out any heinous act against you before embarking on your action, else he'll snuff your life through physical combat and otherwise. 

Alternatively, consider to drop the idea of buying the said property from your friend, regardless of how enticing the offer may be and also keep your savings away from your husband and demand fairness from him, henceforth, if he wants peace to reign in the union; to show his readiness for mutual fairness, he has to start by reverting the previous grievous but amendable mistakes he had already made, like putting your name in any of the previous properties he acquired without your name. If he'll be ready to embrace fairness, in both words and actions, give him your best in everything always, because fair enabled peace is priceless.

Bitter truth, he'll not change for good, instead, he may change from an open enemy - crass and expedient person - to a frenemy - hypocritical disingenuous person. Attribute can't be changed, only attitude can be changed - he's exhibiting his attribute not an attitude. Personally, I'd say either give him a dose of his own medicine the way you may deem fit or resign your fate and take to perpetual servitude, after all, some people do derive pleasure from being subjugable.

If your money is involved, you must have a stake. Your name must be written boldly on all documents from receipts to C of O

You have been well advised at OP

notoracism:
Am a regular nairaland member. A young woman, married.

Am bordered about something serious and I need to take this decision so soon.

Before now my Husband earn 6x more than me, he wasn't so nice with words during that time. I don't demand from him and before we started having kids I buy food stuff at home without collecting a dime, nothing like monthly stipend from him (in my mind, he is my head so I must do as he say). But I began thinking seriously when he'd insult and mock me with my salary, so I started thinking of how to improve and have some skills to enable me earn more. It became serious when I told him to let's have a joint account and I can't type what I heard from him that day, true, I must be a joker to ask who earn that amount to lets jointly own an account.

To cut it short, God helped me and I now earn more than him.

Now, the issue is - he bought a land when I wasn't earning so much, I know well he won't write my name in the document and I never mind seriously, though every move by me is regarded as 'is it becasue I did not include your name in the land document?'. He built the first house with just about 600k of my savings as my own little way of assisting him (I still wanted to assist him, in my own little way and I don't want him to tag me as a zero helper, and yes, my name is not in the document.

He started building the second house when I still earn little, now I earn more and I have given him over 4M for the building. I have some savings on me now and I have an opportunity from a friend to buy his property, he just want to give away because he is away. I have enough to buy this property. My hubby knows about it all (I don't hide things from him) however, he wants me to give him this savings to finish the building and forget property I have in mind.

If I fail to give him this money, he will make the house hell for me. Secondly, I don't want to loose the saving I have if the property my friend wants me to buy isn't genuine, he'd laugh at me.

Am so lost, I don't really have anyone to seek advise from, I need help, I need godly advises to take a good decision, I started working before I got married and I must say my salary then to some isn't small money but to him it's food money, I haven't done anything on my own, no personal investment, I give him all my savings or I use it to buy gadgets and and food at home. (he doesnt buy things at home, I do all the buying, name it - chair, freezer, generator, fans, ac, center table, nameeeeee everything, all he'd say is I bought the land and built it, we got married with nothing in his house, I started buying and thought he'd change, all I hear is am keeping my money for land, then to building) I have been cheated I know.

All married men, I need your advise, don't be bias, I know a fellow woman like me will say go buy your own, but no, I want the best advise to help me now and future.

You have given him enough its time to stop, let him figure out how to complete the building.

As for the property you want to buy, if you are not sure it's genuine don't buy. Keep your money for now, but don't give it anymore to your husband.

Don't you have family? Parents, brothers, sisters, it's time to start investing on them cos if ever push comes to shove, they will be the only ones to stand by and with you.

Loool the OPs last statement sha

Na mumu u be. Watch him throw u out very soon.

Ruth- Abokoku.

Insist on having your name boldly written on the documents of the two properties, if he doesn't agree, keep your money.

Who are you going to tell that your money was part of the building if things goes awry

There are three things you need right now in your life:

1. A sound financial investor who will show you where to invest your money

2. A very good lawyer who will help you investigate properties that's been brought to you attention

3. The Holy Spirit to give you and the two mentioned above wisdom to carry out their duties without regrets.

You especially need wisdom to handle your husband and family.

You cannot give him all your savings as that will be stupid. Talk to a financial investor and see what sound investment advice you can get. Use majority (as much as 60%) of your savings to invest in. Give him 30% and keep 10% for yourself. This is a win-win

If you have kids, get an investment portfolio in their name controlled solely by you or open a trust for them.

Going forward, distribute your pay such that a bigger chunk goes for investment while you try to support the home.
When you are ready for a property go ahead and buy it liquidating part of your investment without his knowledge and when you are done let him know and give him small money to cool his temper.

I wish I could advice you some more

The things people condone...

Seems so unreal

Hmmmm na wa ooo. That's why, when men talk about how impressed they are whenever they meet a lady who doesn't ask a dime from them. I look at them suspiciously... it's indirectly giving a hand to lots of irresponsible men.

Dunno why some men are this toxic.....you must have seen these signs while dating. Dear ladies.....don't get married to a man with bad character hoping he would change when u two marry each other.
My advice is for u to have personal investment. Sorry.....don't u av parents or siblings?

Nawa ooo.

I honestly don't blame this moniker y.baby that preaches that women should pay little or no bills at home.

notoracism:


It has always been bad, he is not good with words, only good at saying sorry.

If your husband has always been like this?

What is the trigger for change?

You now earn more than him? Talk to your bank reps to help you invest major part of your salary.

My people say 'what you won't take as a rich man, you reject while you are still poor.'

If you felt offended by your husband not adding you to the previous building projects, you should have voiced out.

Since you didn't, you signaled you are fine with 'contributing' to a project that doesn't have your name on it.

He is building another one and expecting you to perform as usual.

If you have enough to spare, you can send him something really small and invest the rest (it is called 'gba je n simi') . Talk to seasoned financial advisers: you don't want to lose your money wi trying to secure it.

Like others have said, do not buy the house he knows about else you will open part 2:

'My husband wants me to add his name to my house while he has several in his name.'

I 'suspect' this thread anyways.

notoracism:
Am a regular nairaland member. A young woman, married.

Am bordered about something serious and I need to take this decision so soon.

Before now my Husband earn 6x more than me, he wasn't so nice with words during that time. I don't demand from him and before we started having kids I buy food stuff at home without collecting a dime, nothing like monthly stipend from him (in my mind, he is my head so I must do as he say). But I began thinking seriously when he'd insult and mock me with my salary, so I started thinking of how to improve and have some skills to enable me earn more. It became serious when I told him to let's have a joint account and I can't type what I heard from him that day, true, I must be a joker to ask who earn that amount to lets jointly own an account.

To cut it short, God helped me and I now earn more than him.

Now, the issue is - he bought a land when I wasn't earning so much, I know well he won't write my name in the document and I never mind seriously, though every move by me is regarded as 'is it becasue I did not include your name in the land document?'. He built the first house with just about 600k of my savings as my own little way of assisting him (I still wanted to assist him, in my own little way and I don't want him to tag me as a zero helper, and yes, my name is not in the document.

He started building the second house when I still earn little, now I earn more and I have given him over 4M for the building. I have some savings on me now and I have an opportunity from a friend to buy his property, he just want to give away because he is away. I have enough to buy this property. My hubby knows about it all (I don't hide things from him) however, he wants me to give him this savings to finish the building and forget property I have in mind.

If I fail to give him this money, he will make the house hell for me. Secondly, I don't want to loose the saving I have if the property my friend wants me to buy isn't genuine, he'd laugh at me.

Am so lost, I don't really have anyone to seek advise from, I need help, I need godly advises to take a good decision, I started working before I got married and I must say my salary then to some isn't small money but to him it's food money, I haven't done anything on my own, no personal investment, I give him all my savings or I use it to buy gadgets and and food at home. (he doesnt buy things at home, I do all the buying, name it - chair, freezer, generator, fans, ac, center table, nameeeeee everything, all he'd say is I bought the land and built it, we got married with nothing in his house, I started buying and thought he'd change, all I hear is am keeping my money for land, then to building) I have been cheated I know.

All married men, I need your advise, don't be bias, I know a fellow woman like me will say go buy your own, but no, I want the best advise to help me now and future.

I am a male,I probably should not advice you the way I am about to..But even though I am still young and single, experience have taught my a lot of lesson.. See an,if you give that money to your husband and he finish the building without your name enh,be ready to be slave to him forever.Have you ever ask yourself why he didn't add your name?He is your husband fine,but he has some secret motives, believe it or not,that's the truth.. Don't let love blind you,if he loves and cheris you the way i believe you love him,he will carry you along in his financial dealings. Madam go build your own house..A word is enough for the wise

I'm not going to advise you, cos your post suggests you dont need one, but I will tell you "why" your husband behaves the way he does.

Hopefully, from the "whys", you will be able to advise yourself.

1. He has a very big ego, and wants to be the full owner of his house (note, not "our" house). He will control the totality of your existence. God forbid, he dies, you are likely to have issues, especially from troublesome inlaws.

2. Making you spend your money on intangibles is strategic, especially since your name is not on any of the tangibles. No one will believe you bought them anyway, afterall, they're in his house.

3. I'm particularly glad you earn an income. That's an edge. A very good one at that. He would want to leverage on it, and own it like his. No one would believe you contributed to the tangibles. It's your world against his.

4. He didn't just turn out this way, because, in your words, " you thought he would change". You indulged him for too long, so trying or forcing him to change will be rollercoaster ride, as he will refuse, and play the victim at the end.

Absorb the above carefully, and advise yourself.

At OP first off, any reasonable man would kill to have you as a partner not because you're a slave or drunk on love as some people will perceive you to be. But i believe you're the kind of person who wants peace to reign, better to hurt in silence than create havoc. A kind of woman who furnish a man's life and not a "thank you" would be received.
Now, you didn't mention his family which simply means they'll support their son's decision (i would have told you to talk to his brother, sister or his mom but they'll probably say "he's your husband, he means well, support him"). Now to your husband, i believe he's a control freak. He might not leave you in the long run but i bet you're going to ass lick his every decision till death do both of you part. This is very bad cause he can't always be right. You see, marriage is about working as a team, finishing the race the same time, lifting the trophy the same time. But sadly, this is not so with your marriage and as it stands na only God fit change your husband. Just know that with him your chance of being independent is slim.
If you play card very well, your game card is always kept hidden. You make your opponent guess wrongly. Like you said, we shouldn't advice you to buy your own. Well for me, i'd advice you not too and not even for your children. Here something, independent women are smart women. You gotta be smart here. My advice for you is not to give him the money. No, don't. 4M is like $10k. Invest your money on fix deposit or buy stock with it. That's my 2cent though. Have a wonderful Night.

timseye:
As a married man, I think you have done more than what a wife should do to support her husband.

Just as someone said, you need to be selfish a times not because you don't love or respect your partner but because you have to save your head from future pains.

Should anything happen to your husband tomorrow ( God forbid) when the properties don't carry your name, you may have problem with his family as regards the properties.

If I were you I will go ahead and buy the property in my children name and continue to support my hubby.

Of course he won't be happy with your decision but you should learn to say sorry to him too and avoid any confrontation, after all you have achieved your goal.

I envy your hubby!

Why envy him? The selfish man is bringing only his dick to the table. Very self centered fellow.

You no get husband, na sex machine and baby daddy you get. You better start investing in yourself and your kids.

frozen70:


Definitely from day one

But its time to clip his wings or deflate him

Pls don't heed this woman's tone of words. You will cause more harm in your marriage.

You have been giving too much in your marriage, emotionally n otherwise.
You need to start putting limits to what you can give. I mean have a conversation with your husband that you feel he doesn't love you enough to treat you better; that there are things he'd say or do and you'd either walk to some other part of the house than listen to the way he hurts you.
My point is your marriage is heading for a cliff, and if not turned around you may begin to resent your husband in some years to come.

Marriage is beautiful if BOTH PARTIES ARE UNSELFISH ENOUGH TO OUTDO THE GOOD OF EACH OTHER.

jmaxjohn:


Pls don't heed this woman's tone of words. You will cause more harm in your marriage.

You have been giving too much in your marriage, emotionally n otherwise.
You need to start putting limits to what you can give. I mean have a conversation with your husband that you feel he doesn't love you enough to treat you better; that there are things he'd say or do and you'd either walk to some other part of the house than listen to the way he hurts you.
My point is your marriage is heading for a cliff, and if not turned around you may begin to resent your husband in some years to come.

Marriage is beautiful if BOTH PARTIES ARE UNSELFISH ENOUGH TO OUTDO THE GOOD OF EACH OTHER.

A man that his wife pays school fees, house rent, feeding and he does nothing but to dish order and control her.
What do you call such a man ?

This your advice would have worked better if its your biological sister that is the one involved

So that she will continue to labour and her husband will continue to control her resources without regards

You know we have marriage house help, just the way we have domestic house help

Nonsense, which woman is ready to suffer and not be appreciated, no way

frozen70:


A man that his wife pays school fees, house rent, feeding and he does nothing but to dish order and control her.
What do you call such a man ?

This your advice would have worked better if its your biological sister that is the one involved

So that she will continue to labour and her husband will continue to control her resources without regards

You know we have marriage house help, just the way we have domestic house help

Nonsense, which woman is ready to suffer and not be appreciated, no way

Are you through?