How Do I Stop A Woman Who Is Habitually Abusive To Her Daughter? - Family - Nairaland
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| How Do I Stop A Woman Who Is Habitually Abusive To Her Daughter? by creolehunt: 8:50am On Jul 04, 2020 |
So this family just moved into my compound; man, woman and 5 kids. The couple have been having series of issues as a result of the man's infidelity, so I'd like to think the woman is greatly bittered. I cant even call it "issues", because its just the woman complaining from a place of helplessness. Now they have a daughter who is around 9/10 yrs old. This girl bathes her siblings, warms food for the family, makes pap for the youngest who is barely 4 months, tends to the new baby, washes clothes, sweeps the house. She basically does things that a typical 9yr old can't do. But then her age will always show in the sense that she can be forgetful and playful, but nothing out of the ordinary. My problem is with the way the woman beats the girl with anything available. The other day I saw a scar on the girls forehead and she said it was when the mom was beating her. All over the girls body are different scars from her mom. I had thought she was a maid when they newly moved in from the way the woman cusses and screams at her. You will never hear this woman have a friendly conversation with her daughter, it's always shouts and threats. She picks on even the most negligible thing the girl does. Always telling her how an "old woman" like her can't do this or that. Funnily enough, you will hardly see her beat her other kids. They basically get away with anything, but this her daughter can't. And please this isn't strictness nor training, I know what being strict is, my parents were strict too. The interesting part is that, whenever the husband is around (he normally comes back around 9pm, some days he doesn't come back at all) she mellows. I had wanted to talk to the woman about it, but I was advised against it that it will make things worse for the girl whenever I leave for work. I was complaining to the landlords wife about it the other day and she said she is worried too but won't interfere as the couple are from a part of Ebonyi who are known for being quarellsome and fetish. She also advised me to stay away from the "family problem". Is there anything I can do to stop this Ill treatment. I can't tell the man too because the woman will know I was the one. It's just them, myself and the landlord in the compound. 1 Like |
| Re: How Do I Stop A Woman Who Is Habitually Abusive To Her Daughter? by Tripitaka: 9:00am On Jul 04, 2020 |
I do not think the woman's qualms is with the daughter; actually it is the man that she despises, the girl is simply collateral damage. She probably serves as a painful reminder to the mother of a terrible decision she took in marrying the father, worse so, the fact that you said she feels helpless. There is no anger worse than a subdued one, so you just unleash on the available target. Perhaps she got pregnant for the man and had to marry him. The pregnancy begot the girl. To her, if not for the girl, she won't be in such a beleaguered marriage as hers. This is my conjecture. In a typical African family setting, there is a thin line between training and abuse, but somehow we have come to extol, normalize and institutionalize the latter. The popular line is "You cant love a child more than the parents", while forgetting that love is always conditional and can be predicated on certain enabling factors which if absent could point to a mirage of love. In the name of "training", a host of African parents bring to bear their marital frustrations, government vexation, perceived spiritual failings and financial inadequacies on their children and call it training. What do I think you should do? The logical me would ask you to stay out of it; self preservation trumps every other need (I'm sure you've read of cases of false child rape). The emotional me on the other hand would ask you to talk to the woman, NOT the husband. If you talk to the man, it will further cause problems in their marriage and you will be blamed for it. Talk to the woman, tell her you understand how children of nowadays are (you can even lie that your nephew behaves in same way). But remind her that the girl is still young and would learn. You may also need to point out certain positive traits you've seen in the girl like how she does chores that other kids of her age may not be able to do. In all, do not court controversies with your neighbours, its never a good thing. Unless you're up for it. 14 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: How Do I Stop A Woman Who Is Habitually Abusive To Her Daughter? by Unnerve: 9:11am On Jul 04, 2020 |
Two things: 1. The girl isn't really her daughter 2. The girl is, but reminds her of something hurtful Either way, an abusive parent always gets their due in time. Nigeria isn't a place you can anonymously place a call to social services and get them to come in, I would have advised this. Everything is family problem in naija, too bad. 3 Likes |
| Re: How Do I Stop A Woman Who Is Habitually Abusive To Her Daughter? by Ningen(m): 9:18am On Jul 04, 2020 |
Bro, you cannot sit on the fence and expect to make a change in this situation if you want to protect the poor girl from her abusive mother. You'll have to talk to the woman or her husband. Or even the police at some point. 2 Likes |
| Re: How Do I Stop A Woman Who Is Habitually Abusive To Her Daughter? by SweetCunt97(f): 9:24am On Jul 04, 2020 |
The girl probably reminds her of the mistake she made marrying d man. Any parent with such mindset is very very stupid. Was the child the one that pushed you to enter the irresponsible man's room and fling pant? Illiteracy and joblessness at its peak. @Op call police for the foolish lazy woman. Sha tip off authorities wey go put fear inside her dumb skull small. 2 Likes |
| Re: How Do I Stop A Woman Who Is Habitually Abusive To Her Daughter? by creolehunt: 9:51am On Jul 04, 2020 |
Ningen: Sure, but I don't want any trouble. The day I spoke to the landlords wife about this, she had just finished pummeling the daughter and the woman walked past while we spoke. I believe she knew what was being discussed so she already knows I'm concerned. Any complaint about that issue, she will know it came from me. Lalasticlala Mynd44 please help. |
| Re: How Do I Stop A Woman Who Is Habitually Abusive To Her Daughter? by HomerTimpson: 9:55am On Jul 04, 2020 |
[quote author=Tripitaka post=91361016][i]I do not think the woman's qualms is with the daughter; actually it is the man that she despises, the girl is simply collateral damage. She probably serves as a painful reminder to the mother of a terrible decision she took There is no anger worse than a subdued one, so you just unleash on the available target. Perhaps she got pregnant for the man and had to marry him. The pregnancy begot the girl. To her, if not for the girl, she won't be in such a beleaguered maris my conjecture. In a typical African family setting, there is a thin line between training and abuse, but somehow we have come to extol, normalize and institutionalize the latter. D popular line is "u cant love a child more than the parents", while forgetting that love is always conditional & can be predicated on certain enabling factors which if absent could point to a mirage of love. In the name of "DUDE calm down,did u sch in nigeria at all ? Only u spoke & used all 1024 words with so much english  |
| Re: How Do I Stop A Woman Who Is Habitually Abusive To Her Daughter? by YourCoffin: 10:32am On Jul 04, 2020 |
This is where you use the power of social media. Just video her when she is beating the poor girl or get someone to do that. Then create a new account and upload it on the internet. Also tag all the taggables 3 Likes |
| Re: How Do I Stop A Woman Who Is Habitually Abusive To Her Daughter? by missawele(f): 10:47am On Jul 04, 2020 |
I would have said you should place an anonymous call to social services. But I doubt that will work in a country like Nigeria. Knowing that the woman might be fetish, you need to be very careful with how you handle the situation before you receive spiritual attacks that will keep you busy. You can record the woman beating the girl as usual and post on social media. Let social media handle the matter for you. Anyway, I am a digital marketing strategist and business coach. I help small business owners find clarity in their business & make sales online. If you are trying to start a business and don't know how to go about it, stuck in your business, want to make sales or just generally finding things difficult in your business, reach out to me. I can help |
| Re: How Do I Stop A Woman Who Is Habitually Abusive To Her Daughter? by Mariangeles(f): 10:49am On Jul 04, 2020 |
YourCoffin: God bless you immensely for this. @creolehunt, do whatever you can to save that little girl. Do not take the typical "mind my business" route. Every child is your child. |
| Re: How Do I Stop A Woman Who Is Habitually Abusive To Her Daughter? by merieam16(f): 11:16am On Jul 04, 2020 |
Report 2 d necessary authorities nd also b careful so u wont av problems tryin 2 solve sum1 elses issue |
| Re: How Do I Stop A Woman Who Is Habitually Abusive To Her Daughter? by Eketem: 11:44am On Jul 04, 2020 |
Please please please whatever you do; do not let this die as a family matter. Report it, dont let the girl end up dead because neighbors refuse to speak up. If you are in Lagos let me share the hotline to call with you |
| Re: How Do I Stop A Woman Who Is Habitually Abusive To Her Daughter? by Vyzz: 12:24pm On Jul 04, 2020 |
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| Re: How Do I Stop A Woman Who Is Habitually Abusive To Her Daughter? by Nobody: 3:03pm On Jul 04, 2020 |
Please talk to the husband about the abuse but never get yourself involved in their marital issues. Report the abuse to him blaming it on the kid's mistakes, never blame the wife biko. You go just increase their marital wahala. |
| Re: How Do I Stop A Woman Who Is Habitually Abusive To Her Daughter? by bukatyne(f): 4:25pm On Jul 04, 2020 |
J111333: Talking to the husband is proverbially digging the daughter's grave. 1 Like |
| Re: How Do I Stop A Woman Who Is Habitually Abusive To Her Daughter? by bukatyne(f): 4:30pm On Jul 04, 2020 |
Tripitaka:  @Creolehunt: While at it, be very careful and ensure there is nothing suspicious that can be tied to you. We don't want to hear 'Neighbor rapes 9 year old girl' tomorrow. Nothing would hear your side that it is a false accusation from a bitter mother before lynching you. Or better still, let the landlord's wife befriend the girl and treat her like a daughter, it wouldn't be out of place. 1 Like |
| Re: How Do I Stop A Woman Who Is Habitually Abusive To Her Daughter? by Nobody: 4:33pm On Jul 04, 2020 |
bukatyne:Honesty, the matter tie wrapper but I'm only interested in saving the little kid. Talking to the woman may result in insults and the husband seeing the dude as wife snatcher. Reporting to police at this time will be going too far too. I have a feeling there's something about the kid especially her bloodline because I hardly hear that ladies abuse their own biological daughters. |
| Re: How Do I Stop A Woman Who Is Habitually Abusive To Her Daughter? by chii8(f): 4:37pm On Jul 04, 2020 |
The girl might not be biologically hers, anyway as someone advised,use social media.Also I don't think God will allow whatever fetish power you think the woman has to affect you because you are protecting the little vulnerable girl.Plus I'd the woman belongs to any religious group, you can go and report her to them. |
| Re: How Do I Stop A Woman Who Is Habitually Abusive To Her Daughter? by Nobody: 4:40pm On Jul 04, 2020 |
. 1 Like |
| Re: How Do I Stop A Woman Who Is Habitually Abusive To Her Daughter? by bukatyne(f): 4:43pm On Jul 04, 2020 |
J111333: Like others opined, the daughter might be reminder of her choice to marry the husband especially if she was conceived outside wedlock. Except the OP had the power to save that girl on the long term (move her from there etc), he needs to be very careful so he doesn't win the battle and lose the war or become a causalty of the war himself. Cases like this are best solved by the OP placating the mother or the landlady befriending the girl from a motherly point of view. Reporting to the police solves nothing except the Police can find a foster home for the girl (and they are 100% sure she will be treated better than she is at home). Or would they return the girl back to be with th mother punished for her sake and expect peace? Telling the husband who has lost the moral standing to address anything in the home would make the wife worse to the girl when the husband is not around. The OP pokes his nose too much in their matter and the mother screams one day that the OP is 'trying' to rape her daughter. The OP's own don done be that. 4 Likes |
| Re: How Do I Stop A Woman Who Is Habitually Abusive To Her Daughter? by Nobody: 4:50pm On Jul 04, 2020 |
bukatyne:In other words, saving that kid will be a difficult task. Chai  OP, biko do something, anything even if na to beg the woman as long as the kid is saved from further abuse. |
| Re: How Do I Stop A Woman Who Is Habitually Abusive To Her Daughter? by Tripitaka: 5:10pm On Jul 04, 2020 |
bukatyne: At this juncture, there's nothing left to say. 1 Like |
| Re: How Do I Stop A Woman Who Is Habitually Abusive To Her Daughter? by Liposure: 5:50pm On Jul 04, 2020 |
Like others hav said. Take the matter 2 social media. It will go a long way |
| Re: How Do I Stop A Woman Who Is Habitually Abusive To Her Daughter? by creolehunt: 1:22pm On Jul 05, 2020 |
Liposure: If the issue ever escalates, she will know it's from me. Honestly, I do not want any such attention. Just this morning as I was preparing for church, I heard their new baby crying. It happened that 2 of the woman's children were playing and one mistakenly fell on the baby. The girl was there too but wasn't playing with them. When the woman rushed in and asked, they told her what happened. Can you believe she started hitting her asking why she will be there and allow such thing happen. She didn't even caution the actual culprits. Meanwhile, I heard he girl calling out to the woman telling her that the two boys were disturbing the baby, but she didn't do anything until they fell on the baby. |
| Re: How Do I Stop A Woman Who Is Habitually Abusive To Her Daughter? by Liposure: 2:13pm On Jul 05, 2020 |
creolehunt:no exageration. this is pure hate.i feel sorry 4 the girl. |
| Re: How Do I Stop A Woman Who Is Habitually Abusive To Her Daughter? by Nobody: 2:47pm On Jul 05, 2020 |
OP please help that young girl. Otherwise she will grow up embittered about life and never understand why. The woman is fetish. Hehe...but the juju no keep the man now. Abeg forget the fetish thing. That child is going through serious trauma. I dont believe it's her child anyway. How come she is not mistreating the other children? My 20year old nanny sef doesn't do things properly much less a 9year old. You dont need to go to the husband. Speak calmly with the mother. If you are a lady try to be friends with her. She prolly even needs someone to talk to and feel alive. Dont condemn her action to her. Only let her know calmly that she might be endangering the child 's life. |
| Re: How Do I Stop A Woman Who Is Habitually Abusive To Her Daughter? by Nobody: 3:31pm On Jul 05, 2020 |
creolehunt:Do this, u will say no, do that,no. Why are you now updating? Tell us what u want people that don't know u nor the girl to do? |
| Re: How Do I Stop A Woman Who Is Habitually Abusive To Her Daughter? by Richy4(m): 3:44pm On Jul 05, 2020 |
Be extremely nice to the young girl as if she was a project that you discovered.. Talk to her and praise her any opportunity that you got. She will confide in u and u might draw a better picture / conclusion of what the problems were and on how to help instead of assuming |
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