Dear family,

I have created this topic to get wider opinions from the experienced and especially those who are married because sometimes when take decisions or react to situations they may not be objective but fueled by our personal biases.

What is your take on parents especially mothers calling spouses everyday in marriages? Mother-in-law calling her daughter everyday or mother-in-law calling her son everyday.

Personally, I don't like it or support my mother-in-law calling my wife everyday. Situations like this will make it inevitable for my in-laws to know everything going on in our lives. I believe when people are married, they should be left alone to live their lives.

Please what are your opinions about this topic?

There is nothing wrong in checking up on one's son or daughter but that of not giving them the breathing space, is an issue.

area74:
Dear family,

I have created this topic to get wider opinions from the experienced and especially those who are married because sometimes when take decisions or react to situations they may not be objective but fueled by our personal biases.

What is your take on parents especially mothers calling spouses everyday in marriages? Mother-in-law calling her daughter everyday or mother-in-law calling her son everyday.

Personally, I don't like it or support my mother-in-law calling my wife everyday. Situations like this will make it inevitable for my in-laws to know everything going on in our lives. I believe when people are married, they should be left alone to live their lives.

Please what are your opinions about this topic?

There’s nothing wrong in talking to your mom everyday, I talk to mine everyday. Just because they call, does not mean the call is about your marriage.

There's nothing wrong with such frequent calls.

However your concerns are valid, but it's up to a sensible son/daughter to ensure he/she does not go about divulging every little thing that has happened in the home.

I speak to my mum almost everyday, we have many other things to talk about naaw, extended family gist ( always one drama or the other) her health, the grandchildren,, prices of foodstuff , money matters etc. A whole lot that doesn't even have anything to do with my marriage.

I wonder why one would be bothered about such calls. Na wa.

If they call must it be about the marriage?

area74:
Dear family,

I have created this topic to get wider opinions from the experienced and especially those who are married because sometimes when take decisions or react to situations they may not be objective but fueled by our personal biases.

What is your take on parents especially mothers calling spouses everyday in marriages? Mother-in-law calling her daughter everyday or mother-in-law calling her son everyday.

Personally, I don't like it or support my mother-in-law calling my wife everyday. Situations like this will make it inevitable for my in-laws to know everything going on in our lives. I believe when people are married, they should be left alone to live their lives.

Please what are your opinions about this topic?

Is this happening to you or just random opinion?

I am trying to wonder where your fear of interference stems from.

Only someone who has something to hide would feel bothered about such calls.

bukatyne:


Is this happening to you or just random opinion?

I am trying to wonder where your fear of interference stems from.

Personally, I don't like it or support my mother-in-law calling my wife everyday. Situations like this will make it inevitable for my in-laws to know everything going on in our lives. I believe when people are married, they should be left alone to live their lives.

It's happening to him alright.

He's probably the jealous type that wants all his wife's attention to himself.

You are insecure! Get used to it!

mariahAngel:




It's happening to him alright.

He's probably the jealous type that wants all his wife's attention to himself.

Hahahahahahaha

Except she does long calls everyday, it is probably a two minute check-in so how does it eat into his attention time?

This is where I could throw up my hands.

bukatyne:


Hahahahahahaha

Except she does long calls everyday, it is probably a two minute check-in so how does it eat into his attention time?

This is where I could throw up my hands.

To be fair on his part, everyday calls are unnecessary, especially from mothers.

They need to learn to give some space to their married children.

mariahAngel:


To be fair on his part, everyday calls are unnecessary, especially from mothers.

They need to learn to give some space to their married children.

Which was why I needed to know if it is experience so we can probably advise.

I also think everyday calls is not necessary however, short, un-exposing calls can be overlooked.

Also, the unique circumstances might warrant it.

This is not an issue. So somebody cannot talk to his/her child again?

If your wife is the first born, last born or the only girl you should expect her to be very close to her mum.

If the mother does not have a good relationship with her husband or the man is late, then your wife must have been the mum's only gist partner.
All these will contribute to their close relationship.

The mother may be missing her daughter especially if your marriage is less than two years. This may the reason for daily calls.

You have nothing to worry about. Both of them will soon get used to being far away and the frequency of their calls will soon reduce and gradually stop.

There's no big deal when in-laws call. My dad calls first thing in the morning. Hardly can 2,3 days pass without me talking to my mum. My big sis is worse. Even me, I choose when I pick her calls cause averagely we talk on phone for 1 hour we don't live in the same town. They just want to know you're doing well, nothing more. There are times my mum or dad will insist I pass the phone to my husband. They just care that's all.

My own family, we have a WhatsApp group where we do the core family talks or video call and all that. I deliberately didn't include my hubby's number. Not for secrecy or anything, just don't wanna bother him. If there's any big issue, I still tell him anyway. He has his own family WhatsApp group too but I'm part of that one, they insisted all wives be included.
I think OP is just being paranoid for nothing.

.

Reading some comments here especially those from the women only made me to laugh. Some said jealousy, insecure, attention seeking and hiding something.

Comments here actually opened my eyes to the reality why there is no strong loyalty in most young marriages and thus leading to Marital problems. Women tend to trust and more loyal to their families than the new family they are to build together with their husbands.

I do not need to divulge everything that has happened in my family but pointing out the dangers of such experiences.

When I just got married, I thought they were normal and never paid attention to it but eventually, my in-laws knew and still know everything going on in my home as long as my wife has a knowledge of it.

To me, marriage fidelity starts from there and not until a woman ends up in bed with another man.

The discussions usually start casual but trust me, it will get to opening up everything in the home. It only requires a little misunderstanding between the couple to trigger such.

I wish everybody all the best especially those who made very mature and impartial comments.

area74:
Reading some comments here especially those from the women only made me to laugh. Some said jealousy, insecure, attention seeking and hiding something.

Comments here actually opened my eyes to the reality why there is no strong loyalty in most young marriages and thus leading to Marital problems. Women tend to trust and more loyal to their families than the new family they are to build together with their husbands

I do not need to divulge everything that has happened in my family but pointing out the dangers of such experiences.

When I just got married, I thought they were normal and never paid attention to it but eventually, my in-laws knew and still know everything going on in my home as long as my wife has a knowledge of it

To me, marriage fidelity starts from there and not until a woman ends up in bed with another man.

The discussions usually start casual but trust me, it will get to opening up everything in the home. It only requires a little misunderstanding between the couple to trigger such.

I wish everybody all the best especially those who made very mature and impartial comments.

Loool @ the first bolded.

Well you know you can't use your experience as a yardstick.

This one has nothing to do with fidelity loyalty or whatever, some people are not just discreet that's all.

area74:
Dear family,

I have created this topic to get wider opinions from the experienced and especially those who are married because sometimes when take decisions or react to situations they may not be objective but fueled by our personal biases.

What is your take on parents especially mothers calling spouses everyday in marriages? Mother-in-law calling her daughter everyday or mother-in-law calling her son everyday.

Personally, I don't like it or support my mother-in-law calling my wife everyday. Situations like this will make it inevitable for my in-laws to know everything going on in our lives. I believe when people are married, they should be left alone to live their lives.

Please what are your opinions about this topic?

.

The only problem is if the daughter or son lacks common sense and welcomes interference

You can't stop your spouse parents from calling your spouse provided they dont call at ungodly hours however, you can have a discussion with your spouse on the extent of information that can be divulged. I got no problems with duration provided your discussions are centered around you and then and not us. That is what plays in my scenario and we both are fine with it.

Na waaaa ooooo, you people make this marriage thing look like a prison.

So, one cannot talk to their parents again, just because they are married?

Swinger60:
Na waaaa ooooo, you people make this marriage thing look like a prison.

So, one cannot talk to their parents again, just because they are married?

don't mind him, he shouldn't have used the word call, my mom used to call every morning just to ask of us before she died, my mother-in-law calls every morning just to greet and ask of us, infact if she didn't call, it will bother me to make d call to know what's up with her.

its only my father-in-law that we call ourselves once in a blue moon.
That morning call is a normal thing in our home bcuz she must speak with her grand kids, not that d son will be narrating issues of the home

It is better that we read the thread properly and my opinions.

I never said that parents should not call their daughters or sons but the point is on the frequency of the calls and the the need to allow couples to chart their ways independently without family interference.

I made it clear that everyday calls usually lead to parents having direct knowledge of what's going on in the family and that may lead to directly or indirectly influencing the activities in their homes.

Personally as a father, once my daughter or son gets married, I want them to live their independent lives without having to monitor them with calls as if they are kids. I will always be there to guide them if my advice is needed and occasionally check on their well being.

This is my personal opinion and view to such situation.

The fact that you are married to her doesn't mean she doesn't belong somewhere. She is still someone's daughter. You married her and didn't buy her! I think this your thought stems from being insecure.

area74:
It is better that we read the thread properly and my opinions.

I never said that parents should not call their daughters or sons but the point is on the frequency of the calls and the the need to allow couples to chart their ways independently without family interference.

I made it clear that everyday calls usually lead to parents having direct knowledge of what's going on in the family and that may lead to directly or indirectly influencing the activities in their homes.

Personally as a father, once my daughter or son gets married, I want them to live their independent lives without having to monitor them with calls as if they are kids. I will always be there to guide them if my advice is needed and occasionally check on their well being.

This is my personal opinion and view to such situation.

Then couples should learn not to divulge every details of their marriage to a third party. The responsibility to protect your family from external interference lies on the couples involved.

area74:
Reading some comments here especially those from the women only made me to laugh. Some said jealousy, insecure, attention seeking and hiding something.

Comments here actually opened my eyes to the reality why there is no strong loyalty in most young marriages and thus leading to Marital problems. Women tend to trust and more loyal to their families than the new family they are to build together with their husbands.

I do not need to divulge everything that has happened in my family but pointing out the dangers of such experiences.

When I just got married, I thought they were normal and never paid attention to it but eventually, my in-laws knew and still know everything going on in my home as long as my wife has a knowledge of it.

To me, marriage fidelity starts from there and not until a woman ends up in bed with another man.

The discussions usually start casual but trust me, it will get to opening up everything in the home. It only requires a little misunderstanding between the couple to trigger such.

I wish everybody all the best especially those who made very mature and impartial comments.

When I first saw your thread,I was like nothing is wrong with talking to your parents everyday.It depends on the bond the family has had before marriage.
Your follow up comment especially the bolded is the issue here and it deals specifically with your marriage (and some others).There is a level of maturity required in marriage and everyone should have it before venturing into marriage.Such maturity entails having a level of wisdom and discretion.It's what your wife doesn't have here and you need to speak to her about it.Whether you talk to your parents everyday or once a month,if the discretion is not there,timing won't make a difference.
Like notopile said,there are many issues you may need to discuss with you parent.If for instance she is alone(like my mum cos my dad is late),you need to talk about her health,her feeding,the care of the home,her househelp etc.So many things that will not even do with your marriage.

thorpido:
When I first saw your thread,I was like nothing is wrong with talking to your parents everyday.It depends on the bond the family has had before marriage.

Your follow up comment especially the bolded is the issue here and it deals specifically with your marriage (and some others).There is a level of maturity required in marriage and everyone should have it before venturing into marriage.Such maturity entails having a level of wisdom and discretion.It's what your wife doesn't have here and you need to speak to her about it.Whether you talk to your parents everyday or once a month,if the discretion is not there,timing won't make a difference

Like notopile said,there are many issues you may need to discuss with you parent.If for instance she is alone(like my mum cos my dad is late),you need to talk about her health,her feeding,the care of the home,her househelp etc.So many things that will not even do with your marriage.

Thanks for pointing this out, he needs to have a discussion with his spouse.

Discretion is important.

Stay in your lane if you are not the callee and if the callee is not complaining about the caller.

Stay in your lane if the caller is not your own mother.

If you want the Peace you have now, not war stay in your lane and let the callee deal with the caller in any manner that may peacefully resolve the issue.

A spouse who calls or is called everyday usually already was being called or called everyday even before marriage.

Making the mistake of thinking it would stop after marriage has always left the one hoping, fustrated.

Sorry, old habits rarely, if ever, die.

Learn to live with it if you can for if you can not, and your spouse does not wish to either, it would bring a deep hatred and rift between you, your spouse and your in-laws!

Your choice to make!

It may not be a big deal to some people but if it is a big deal to you, your feelings are valid. Even if one has nothing to hide, speaking everyday to one's parents would definitely eat into the privacy of a married couple one way or another. It's like living with a parent after marriage, the parent might be so mature and not have an atom of trouble but then, something would have to give (however little)