.

The hate and malice ends the first day you start emptying bottles of beer on same table.


Comment rated +18

7 years gap is huge. He's supposed to know that beating a young adult is a no no. If he does that in his workplace, he would be sacked.
But he demands your respect still.

I won't recommend you mind your business, because if you do you would both grow up to be enemies.
In the time of peace, let him know that he cannot continue to beat you and you also need to grow up and be responsible. Nobody beats a matured and responsible young man. In the North, your mates already have 2 kids at that age and running a small business.

This period, i bet, is the best chance to create good memories before marriage and before older people binding you together die. I say so because if all your memories of him is unpleasant you'll never be friends in the future, in fact in the next five years. Play ludo, chess etc together. Talk about football, business. Better still, discuss together where you are both likely to end up in 5 years, 10 years etc.

So be responsible.

Embrace GOD'S LOVE...God is love jhn 3:16....Endeavour to always follow peace with him and shun every bitter and hateful thought towards him;talk to him about you feel.

What you have experienced is abuse. No, it is not normal.

Sunnimuslim:

It was hell on Earth for me all through the time my brother and I was living together with grandma. Any slightest mistake the monster will put the rod in use with full force.

Aside from constant flogging, I was being treated to a military-grade punishment that leaves all my body sore and weak. Sometimes it takes weeks for me to recover the physical and psychological pain. All the hell I went through while living with him is enough to make me commit suicide but anytime I proceed to attempt it, the fear of God's punishment for suiciders will prevent me. I have no one to confide in because they all see it as a normal thing.

You've been emotionally and physically abused for a very long time. Your hatred is deep rooted, natural & justified. It doesn't make you a sadist.

Unhating him will require a lot effort from both sides but the all important step is getting your bro to genuinely apologize for the maltreatment.

He needs to know his crimes.
He needs to stop.

Let him give you a reason to stop hating him.

Let him know that at this age you are old enough to take care of yourself. More so, each party should respect themselves.

Sunnimuslim,
what you went through is terrible and it is sad that people act like this is normal. This is not normal, this is abuse. I hope God will give you the strength to heal from the abuse you were subjected to and I pray you will use your experience to do better but I also want you to know that it is not your duty to forgive your brother just because you happen to be related. Forgiveness can't be forced. You will allow it when the time comes and I hope you will allow it for your own sake and your own peace of mind and not because it is expected of you. Take your time. You will be fine. For you to open up here tells me that you are on your way to finding the peaceful resolution that you seek. As of now, feel free to keep your distance from your 'brother'. Sometimes the family we are born to is not the family we need. It can be hard but it can also make you stronger. I am glad you are old enough to stand up for yourself but be careful it doesn't get out of control and someone gets seriously hurt in one of the fights. Your brother hasn't changed. He must have a lot of issues to act the way he does. No sane and content human being behaves like this. I hope that understanding this can help you see that he needs help too but it is not your place to help people who have not asked to be helped. It should be your priority to protect yourself, best by keeping your distance, at least for the time being.

Sunnimuslim:
I hate my brother. In fact, I detest him completely with no iota of love for him. This is because of the torture he subjected me to all in the name of discipline when I was a teenager.
It all started when I relocated to Ibadan to further my senior secondary school education. I and my brother were both living at my grandma's house while our parents were in Lagos at the time.
It was hell on Earth for me all through the time my brother and I was living together with grandma. Any slightest mistake the monster will put the rod in use with full force.

Aside from constant flogging, I was being treated to a military-grade punishment that leaves all my body sore and weak. Sometimes it takes weeks for me to recover the physical and psychological pain. All the hell I went through while living with him is enough to make me commit suicide but anytime I proceed to attempt it, the fear of God's punishment for suiciders will prevent me. I have no one to confide in because they all see it as a normal thing.

When I gained admission into the university, the prisoner treatment was gone cos we're both far from home in different universities.
I'm happy it was gone until Corona brought us back home together. That motherfucker raised his hand to hit me again. Can you just imagine beating the stupidity in beating a 20-year old man? Why can't he realize that I've passed the stage he can just hit me anytime he likes? In fact, I'm disappointed cos I expect more sense from a full-grown 27-year old man.

Enough is enough! I had to hit him back in self-defense. He was taken by surprise by my action. He was like the so the humble kid that has been scared of his wrath for more than five years has the Audacity to raise his hand at him? The further fuelled his ego and the anger lead to a full-blown fight. Although I was wounded but I'm glad my revolution act will put an end to the abuse hopefully.

The reason I'm posting this here is to ask you people's opinions on how to stop hating my brother. It's not that I'm a sadist but the hell he made went through when I was a young teenager made me hate him. I understand the importance of love in a family and I don't want us to become enemies in the future. Please advise me on this.

For you to stop hating him, you'd have to forgive him, and for you to forgive him, he'd have to genuinely ask for it.

For your own good, free yourself from hate before it wears you out.

spiralwedge:
7 years gap is huge. He's supposed to know that beating a young adult is a no no. If he does that in his workplace, he would be sacked.
But he demands your respect still.

I won't recommend you mind your business, because if you do you would both grow up to be enemies.
In the time of peace, let him know that he cannot continue to beat you and you also need to grow up and be responsible. Nobody beats a matured and responsible young man. In the North, your mates already have 2 kids at that age and running a small business.

This period, i bet, is the best chance to create good memories before marriage and before older people binding you together die. I say so because if all your memories of him is unpleasant you'll never be friends in the future, in fact in the next five years. Play ludo, chess etc together. Talk about football, business. Better still, discuss together where you are both likely to end up in 5 years, 10 years etc.

So be responsible.

About creating good memories, that will be hard cos he barely communicate with me. Sometimes I try to start a conversation but the way he reply like a Nigerian millitary officer always discourage me. His fiancee also noticed that the brother-to-brother relationship we have is not smooth enough. She talked to him about changing but the situation is still the same.

Distance will keep solving it. They say it makes the heart grow fonder.
Stay out of his way always.

Hathor5:
Sunnimuslim,
what you went through is terrible and it is sad that people act like this is normal. This is not normal, this is abuse. I hope God will give you the strength to heal from the abuse you were subjected to and I pray you will use your experience to do better but I also want you to know that it is not your duty to forgive your brother just because you happen to be related. Forgiveness can't be forced. You will allow it when the time comes and I hope you will allow it for your own sake and your own peace of mind and not because it is expected of you. Take your time. You will be fine. For you to open up here tells me that you are on your way to finding the peaceful resolution that you seek. As of now, feel free to keep your distance from your 'brother'. Sometimes the family we are born to is not the family we need. It can be hard but it can also make you stronger. I am glad you are old enough to stand up for yourself but be careful it doesn't get out of control and someone gets seriously hurt in one of the fights. Your brother hasn't changed. He must have a lot of issues to act the way he does. No sane and content human being behaves like this. I hope that understanding this can help you see that he needs help too but it is not your place to help people who have not asked to be helped. It should be your priority to protect yourself, best by keeping your distance, at least for the time being.

Reading this, sure made me feel like I was reading a mail from a therapist.

I'm so glad you fought back....I hope he learnt his lesson. For good effect, I will suggest that you start exercising more and toning your muscles in case of a rematch. You shouldn't get injured next time, you should leave him in a very bad state so he could learn his lesson once and for all!


I'm angry on your behalf...

I just wrote from the heart.

Mindlog:


Reading this, sure made me feel like I was reading a mail from a therapist.

Hathor5:
I just wrote from the heart.

Well written.

Mindlog:


Well written.

Thank you.

I don't know why some elder ones behave like that, I'm 5years older than my immediate younger brother but you would never know the age difference, we joke and drink on the same table, for a family that consist of 6 boys(5 consecutive boys) we are almost same in height and we all wear each others cloths and we've never fought.

I think it all depends on how you guys were raised, its not your fault. I wish I could have a chat with your brother. For now please keep your distance from him with time you will get over it.

Well, a lesson to remember. "Hidden emotions never die. They tend to come later in uglier ways." Whenever you oppress a person, even if they don't react that moment, they would react later in terrible ways. Nevertheless @ op, you have to forgive him so that you can move on. Don't let your future be altered by your past.

It is normal that you hate him .
He had no right to treat you that way!
Hit him back, it's called self defence.

Some siblings are mean.

...Ah elder brothers and their Lord attitude.
Mine tot he cud boss me arnd forever...that shit ended when i got to 18. Me wey naturally stubborn.

Never hated him though...I just knew what I had to do to change his mindset.

He will stop eventually.

a few tips to speed up the process.

.. never fail to engage him in logical discuss.(views n perspectives)

..doing n making decisions by urself.(he must see and realize u are independent)

..be diplomatically rebellious (small small fit and argument once in a while...his eyes will begin to open)

.. get some thing doing to take u out of the house regularly (if u are always arnd to be harassed....u will be)

.. most importantly, fight for ur freedom

Hathor5:
Sunnimuslim,
what you went through is terrible and it is sad that people act like this is normal. This is not normal, this is abuse. I hope God will give you the strength to heal from the abuse you were subjected to and I pray you will use your experience to do better but I also want you to know that it is not your duty to forgive your brother just because you happen to be related. Forgiveness can't be forced. You will allow it when the time comes and I hope you will allow it for your own sake and your own peace of mind and not because it is expected of you. Take your time. You will be fine. For you to open up here tells me that you are on your way to finding the peaceful resolution that you seek. As of now, feel free to keep your distance from your 'brother'. Sometimes the family we are born to is not the family we need. It can be hard but it can also make you stronger. I am glad you are old enough to stand up for yourself but be careful it doesn't get out of control and someone gets seriously hurt in one of the fights. Your brother hasn't changed. He must have a lot of issues to act the way he does. No sane and content human being behaves like this. I hope that understanding this can help you see that he needs help too but it is not your place to help people who have not asked to be helped. It should be your priority to protect yourself, best by keeping your distance, at least for the time being.

Very well said! He needs to stay away from his abusive brother, not all blood is kin.