Well! To begin with, I am not a fan of divorce; the reason is a story for another meeting. Also, I am not a fan of "till death do us part".

The reason is simple. If you kill me psychologically via PTSD, narcissist/manipulative behaviour, etc, all in the battle for supremacy, rebellion, resentment, dissatisfaction or disappointment brewing from unmet expectations, the oath binding us is broken, and you are free to do as you wish.

Studies have shown that it is only a handful of partners that find it difficult to move on or engage in committed relationships at the death of their partner. It is not easy and sometimes, it is better to forget.

It is, therefore, my humble prayer that none of us will lose our beloved life partner to the cold hands of death before the fullness of time, amen.

Some months ago, I had a session with a nairalander, and that is what inspired this thread. After listening to her story, the first word she said, was that she wanted a divorce and custody of the children. Their father can visit as he pleases and they can also visit him. All she wanted was peace of mind from the husband's wahala and emotional torture.

At the end of the session, she discovered she had better options than outright divorce, she was happy she could simply pause the marriage, as well as the possibility of resuming it, when the husband came to his senses. I am not taking sides, but as a man, sometimes, you hear the deeds of fellow men and you wonder if a man could actually do that when he had better options.

It got me thinking, why most marriages end in divorce?

Why do a majority of couple resort to divorce immediately their marriage is in troubled waters or has been there for a while, and the tempest, instead of it to just be calming down like that, will ignore all prayers and entreaties as Poseidon did odyssey?

While in many of the cases I have handled, all I saw was rage, anger, frustration and bitterness, which left me wondering if these couples once shared dreams of a blissful future together, exchanged semen, angels and demons alike, during coital moments, as well as, dreams of a better family and future winning during post-coital moments.

Or, is it possible that a partner's post-coital moments were filled with rage, anger and disappointment, and he/she never spoke out, until it snowballed in this monster culminating in divorce?

I have also seen cases wherein the couples realized their foolery and misbehaviours during free mediation at the Lagos Settlement Week, or during the compulsory conference ordered by the court in divorce proceedings, and they settle their differences and return home happy.

In one of the cases I witnessed, the petitioner was already pregnant with the respondent’s second child, while the matter was still pending at the High Court of Lagos State. At the time I was handed the file, the parties had given birth to a baby boy and the case died a natural death.

In some cases, the children of the marriage were been used as jokers to score a cheap point against each other, thereby occasioning them everlasting psychological damage and ruining their childhood.

Most of the time, all these damage, bitterness and emotional baggage are mainly visible during divorce proceedings, and we always end up regretting it for life. Also, these will form part of the records of the court, which are by law considered public documents.

So what other alternatives can we consider?

Why should you consider them, and what advantages do they possess?

Let consider if the law provided for other alternatives and the circumstances that should warrant their activation and usage.

Divorce should be the last option after all other measures of settlement have been exhausted.

I advise separation for a while in cases involving domestic violence