Welcome, Guest: Register On Nairaland / LOGIN! / Trending / Recent / New
Stats: 3,154,520 members, 7,823,232 topics. Date: Friday, 10 May 2024 at 07:15 AM

Would You Support Your Adopted Children's Decision To Locate Their Birth Parents - Family - Nairaland

Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Would You Support Your Adopted Children's Decision To Locate Their Birth Parents (2543 Views)

Girl In Abuja Cannot Locate Her Home & Parents(Pics) / Can You Allow Your Son To Get Married To Your Adopted Daughter. / If You Found Out Your Adopted Child Was Stolen? (2) (3) (4)

(1) (Reply) (Go Down)

Would You Support Your Adopted Children's Decision To Locate Their Birth Parents by Ndipe(m): 12:14am On Mar 01, 2011
After spending countless sums of money on fertility treatments, you and your spouse are still unable to have a biological child. Eventually, both of you decide to adopt two adorable infants. In their teenage years, you level out with them on their true origins. Then, on their 21st birthday, one of them, out of the blues, confides in you, "Dad, Mom, I have been feeling incomplete the past years since you told me I was adopted, I would like to find out who my birth parents are."

What would be your reaction?

Even in an enlightened country like the USA, where child adoption is common place, there are some who still feel the jitters about the topic. Maury Povich, the talkshow host who has adopted kids with his wife, Connie Chung, told a journalist that he would be very uncomfortable if his kids were to search for the identity of their birth parents. Others would tow the same line, partly because they dont want to compete with the birth parents over the attention of their children. But I read the amazing story of a boy who found out that his birthmother was actually his coworker. Another amazing story: His adopted mother gave her whole hearted blessings in his quest to find out who she was.

My question is: If you were an adopted parent, would you give your blessings or would you block such moves?
Re: Would You Support Your Adopted Children's Decision To Locate Their Birth Parents by obowunmi(m): 12:20am On Mar 01, 2011
If it were me, I won't even inform any child that they were adopted.
Re: Would You Support Your Adopted Children's Decision To Locate Their Birth Parents by mutter(f): 1:00am On Mar 01, 2011
A child has a right to know it`s biological parents and if you really love a child you would not deprive the child of this right.
Besides in most cases the relationship with the biological parents does not get so intense. I have had a couple of friends who only found their parents much later on in life and the relationship did not affect the relationship with their adopted parents. In most cases it even made them draw closer to them.
You need to understand that most people who get so desperate that the give out their child to adoption hardly have their life under control even after years have past.
The experience I had with my friends is that they all painted this picture of someone special in their minds and when they met their real mum or dad they were totally disappointed.
Re: Would You Support Your Adopted Children's Decision To Locate Their Birth Parents by Nobody: 7:39am On Mar 01, 2011
//
Re: Would You Support Your Adopted Children's Decision To Locate Their Birth Parents by Nobody: 8:30am On Mar 01, 2011
If my wife and myself adopted a child, who later wanted to locate his / her biological parents, I wouldn't have any issues with that. Why would I block a child wanting to find out his / her true identity? It would be a very selfish move on my part.
Re: Would You Support Your Adopted Children's Decision To Locate Their Birth Parents by Ndipe(m): 2:49am On Mar 11, 2011
Read this story by clicking on this link.

http://www.southcoasttoday.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20110309/LIFE/103090302/-1/NEWSMAP
Re: Would You Support Your Adopted Children's Decision To Locate Their Birth Parents by Nobody: 2:40pm On Mar 16, 2011
I dont see that question coming up as they wont even know they're adopted and if they find out later well they're free to.
Re: Would You Support Your Adopted Children's Decision To Locate Their Birth Parents by Nekai(f): 7:43pm On Mar 16, 2011
blink182:

I dont see that question coming up as they wont even know they're adopted and if they find out later well they're free to.

True.
Re: Would You Support Your Adopted Children's Decision To Locate Their Birth Parents by Nobody: 11:04pm On Mar 16, 2011
blink182:

I dont see that question coming up as they wont even know they're adopted and if they find out later well they're free to.

The fact a child is adopted, should never be concealed from them, as soon as they're of an age that they understand what adoption means, their origins should be explained to them. Don't convey the impression that Adoption is taboo. You may mean well, and feel by letting them assume you're their biological mother / father / parents, you're letting them know they're loved, as much as your biological children, if you have any.

But, it's not a good idea. Honesty should begin from infancy. Children also have a habit of finding things out, be it by error, or deliberate research. Suppose they needed a blood transfusion, it would be assumed, you as a parent, are a likely match. An adopted child, who'd spent their childhood believing you were their biological parent, won't thank you as a teenager / young adult if they find out the truth later. It could cause all sort of emotional upsets, to discover the people they'd trusted most, had allowed then to live a lie.
Re: Would You Support Your Adopted Children's Decision To Locate Their Birth Parents by CrazyMan(m): 11:46pm On Mar 16, 2011
Siena:

The fact a child is adopted, should never be concealed from them, as soon as they're of an age that they understand what adoption means. Don't convey the impression that Adoption is taboo. You may mean well, and feel by letting them assume you're their biological mother / father / parents, you're letting them know they're loved, as much as your biological children, if you have any.

But, it's not a good idea. Honesty should begin from infancy. Children also have a habit of finding things out, be it by error, or deliberate research. Suppose they needed a blood transfusion, it would be assumed, you as a parent, are a likely match. An adopted child, who'd spent their childhood believing you were their biological parent, won't thank you as a teenager / young adult if they find out the truth later. It could cause all sort of emotional upsets, to discover the people they'd trusted most, had allowed then to live a lie.
Well said.
Re: Would You Support Your Adopted Children's Decision To Locate Their Birth Parents by Ndipe(m): 12:03am On Mar 17, 2011
Siena:

The fact a child is adopted, should never be concealed from them, as soon as they're of an age that they understand what adoption means. Don't convey the impression that Adoption is taboo. You may mean well, and feel by letting them assume you're their biological mother / father / parents, you're letting them know they're loved, as much as your biological children, if you have any.

But, it's not a good idea. Honesty should begin from infancy. Children also have a habit of finding things out, be it by error, or deliberate research. Suppose they needed a blood transfusion, it would be assumed, you as a parent, are a likely match. An adopted child, who'd spent their childhood believing you were their biological parent, won't thank you as a teenager / young adult if they find out the truth later. It could cause all sort of emotional upsets, to discover the people they'd trusted most, had allowed then to live a lie.

Excellent, "jude law" (just kidding with the name, Siena). By the way, when do you draw the line between letting a child know of their TRUE origins (which is blood) while maintaining that their adopted parents (who are not their relations biologically) are actually their TRUE parents. When does blood trump nature and vice versa?
Re: Would You Support Your Adopted Children's Decision To Locate Their Birth Parents by Nobody: 8:58am On Mar 21, 2011
Siena:

The fact a child is adopted, should never be concealed from them, as soon as they're of an age that they understand what adoption means, their origins should be explained to them. Don't convey the impression that Adoption is taboo. You may mean well, and feel by letting them assume you're their biological mother / father / parents, you're letting them know they're loved, as much as your biological children, if you have any.

But, it's not a good idea. Honesty should begin from infancy. Children also have a habit of finding things out, be it by error, or deliberate research. Suppose they needed a blood transfusion, it would be assumed, you as a parent, are a likely match. An adopted child, who'd spent their childhood believing you were their biological parent, won't thank you as a teenager / young adult if they find out the truth later. It could cause all sort of emotional upsets, to discover the people they'd trusted most, had allowed then to live a lie.
Well said but I don buy it especially when they're young definitely I'll let them know only when they're old enough. I dont see adopting as a taboo just that the nigeria we live in is a mad and primitive society when it comes to such issues.
Re: Would You Support Your Adopted Children's Decision To Locate Their Birth Parents by iice(f): 4:48pm On Mar 24, 2011
Yes i would support them if it's what they want.
Re: Would You Support Your Adopted Children's Decision To Locate Their Birth Parents by Ndipe(m): 12:36am On Jun 19, 2011
http://www.mlive.com/news/grand-rapids/index.ssf/2009/05/reunion_of_man_birth_mother_wh.html
Re: Would You Support Your Adopted Children's Decision To Locate Their Birth Parents by horny4u(f): 7:32am On Jun 19, 2011
I strongly believe that no child can be a well rounded adult without identifying with their root, I was adopted by my dad and would always love him. My birth dad is in heaven and I will always love and be intrigued by stories of him after all I have his feet and mannerism. My 1st love remains my adopted dad. The answer is let the child find himself thru his adopted parents.
Re: Would You Support Your Adopted Children's Decision To Locate Their Birth Parents by Nobody: 11:51am On Jun 19, 2011
horny4u:

I strongly believe that no child can be a well rounded adult without identifying with their root, I was adopted by my dad and would always love him. My birth dad is in heaven and I will always love and be intrigued by stories of him after all I have his feet and mannerism. My 1st love remains my adopted dad. The answer is let the child find himself thru his adopted parents.

That's just the way it should be.
Re: Would You Support Your Adopted Children's Decision To Locate Their Birth Parents by Ndipe(m): 10:03pm On Jun 27, 2011
http://www.suntimes.com/lifestyles/abby/6186118-417/adopted-sons-name-change-hurts-real-dad.html
Re: Would You Support Your Adopted Children's Decision To Locate Their Birth Parents by Ndipe(m): 8:20am On May 04, 2012
Siena: If my wife and myself adopted a child, who later wanted to locate his / her biological parents, I wouldn't have any issues with that. Why would I block a child wanting to find out his / her true identity? It would be a very selfish move on my part.
Siena: If my wife and myself adopted a child, who later wanted to locate his / her biological parents, I wouldn't have any issues with that. Why would I block a child wanting to find out his / her true identity? It would be a very selfish move on my part.
Siena: If my wife and myself adopted a child, who later wanted to locate his / her biological parents, I wouldn't have any issues with that. Why would I block a child wanting to find out his / her true identity? It would be a very selfish move on my part.

And what of the adopted parents? Arent they their true identity?

(1) (Reply)

Schooling And Living On Campus: The Nigerian Experience... / Ladies And Marriage Desperation / When Is The Right Time To Have Sex With Ur Partner After Normal Delivery

(Go Up)

Sections: politics (1) business autos (1) jobs (1) career education (1) romance computers phones travel sports fashion health
religion celebs tv-movies music-radio literature webmasters programming techmarket

Links: (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) (10)

Nairaland - Copyright © 2005 - 2024 Oluwaseun Osewa. All rights reserved. See How To Advertise. 33
Disclaimer: Every Nairaland member is solely responsible for anything that he/she posts or uploads on Nairaland.