virtuouswoman77:
pls how do I handle this problem of hubby that does not have self control when it comes to alcohol he drinks to much and sometimes messes the bed up with urine have talked to him still no change pls I need practice solutions that will make him stop because he is the type that doesn't take things serious unless it gets to him and this his behavior is making me regret my marriage to him

Prayer is the key, pray is the key, prayer is the master key.

virtuouswoman77:
he is a federal govt worker

That explains it, federal govt workers do not have tasking activities to do, he can get to the office anytime or not even go at all

Whenever he gets drunk arrange 10k, look for any police van to lock him up in thier cell. When he wakes up tell him d police found him in a gutter and that they said the next time they see him in d gutter he will be shot and labelled a criminal.

So sorry about your situation, I have seen a lot of the advice people gave but you need to do something practical here..
You will need the family doctor or any doctor he trust to work with you on this.. The doctor will check and tell him that his liver is going bad already and with any bottle he takes he is going closer to his grave that he has less than a year to live unless he stops drinking the liver will not recover but if he continues drinking that he will die in less than a year.
On your part you should arrange a temporary break up tell him you are not ready to be a widow but since he is ready to die and leave you with the kids you might as well start getting ready for a life without him.
The fear of losing his life, kids and wife will sobber him up fast.
Good luck as you try this, it worked on some one I know

Righteousness89:


Madam Hope there is no Problem?
why do u have to quote me?
Why not Give her your PRATICAL Solution

Did I Hinder you from Giving Her your PRATICAL SOLUTION??

Don't allow the Devil to Begin to make use of u..

You call yourself a Christian but lack humility, you are self-righteous and judgmental like a pharisee, and also hate to be corrected.

This is not the first time you have shown such character from your responses. Repent Mr "Righteousness"!!

virtuouswoman77:
pls how do I handle this problem of hubby that does not have self control when it comes to alcohol he drinks to much and sometimes messes the bed up with urine have talked to him still no change pls I need practice solutions that will make him stop because he is the type that doesn't take things serious unless it gets to him and this his behavior is making me regret my marriage to him

is he over stressed I.e out of job or struggling with life? mental health could be a factor.

jesmond3945:
he has become addicted and an addicted would also make the decision to stop. You can help him by making sure he has no access to anything like alcohol. For example whenever he buys, don't allow him to drink, go ahead and break the bottle. If possible cut down on events. The key is make sure he has little access to drinks. You can also bombard him with the side effects of drinking. Let his brain rewire. It would help him make that decision to stop.

he does not drink execess when he goes to the bar on his own he only does not have self control when he sees too many drinks like in an event. secondly how do you expect me to stop a full grown man from going to an event

benzinoman:
Arrange 10k, look for any police van to lock him up in thier cell when he is drunk. When he wakes up tell him d police found him in a gutter and that they said the next time they see him in d gutter its strait to prison.

thanks

Highesschief1:
So sorry about your situation, I have seen a lot of the advice people gave but you need to do something practical here..
You will need the family doctor or any doctor he trust to work with you on this.. The doctor will check and tell him that his liver is going bad already and with any bottle he takes he is going closer to his grave that he has less than a year to live unless he stops drinking the liver will not recover but if he continues drinking that he will die in less than a year.
On your part you should arrange a temporary break up tell him you are not ready to be a widow but since he is ready to die and leave you with the kids you might as well start getting ready for a life without him.
The fear of losing his life, kids and wife will sobber him up fast.
Good luck as you try this, it worked on some one I know

we are under NHIS and not assigned a personal family doctor

Richy4:
God!! I feel sorry for you OP.. U should realise that alcoholism is a disease just like cancer or any other disease.

There's nothing that u can do.. except if the sufferer (your husband) agreed that indeed he needed help. It has to come within.. I don't even know if there are rehab in Nigeria

But while staying in that relationship, u can

<<<Invest time with your children/ extended family..try your best to act like you were not bothered..

<<<< keep loving him but sometimes when he is sober have a heart to heart talk about how this is making u feel in your marriage. Choose your words carefully so that he won't go on defence..

<<<< Do not cover for him.. let consequences happen.. that might help him change.. don't tell lies to cover for him..

<<<<Take care of yourself.. that is the most important.. and go to google and find out how some people cope when dealing with spouse who were alcoholic.. It will make u have the feeling that you were not alone on this... Goodluck

thanks a lot dear

virtuouswoman77:
thanks a lot dear

You are welcome

virtuouswoman77:
I believe it has been in him cos when I complained to his brother he told me that that is one habit that everybody in the family keep complainibg about him that the thought he would change after getting married to someone he loves so it has nothing to do with me which he knows is just that he hid that side of him when we were dating

Did you just jump into marriage or what? Looks at your response "when I complained to his brother he told me that that is one habit that everybody in the family keep complainibg about him that the thought he would change after getting married to someone he loves
It means he's bee drinking and you never knew cus you never took your time to know him.

virtuouswoman77:
he does not drink execess when he goes to the bar on his own he only does not have self control when he sees too many drinks like in an event. secondly how do you expect me to stop a full grown man from going to an event

that's the only solution. Stop from seeing drinks, this would help him make a decision to stop the addiction. The more he sees drinks, it would be difficult for him to stop.

Righteousness89:
Launch yourself Fully into God ...
Stand in Gap for your Home and Husband In Prayers.
At midnight call call on the GOD of Heaven
Prayers Changes things..
When He sees a New you, that Could Just be the Tonic..

The husband has problem but the wife has to change

Ishilove:

Oh please. Stop being a Pharisee. When someone points out the obvious to you, you begin to foam at the mouth. Abegi. I will quote you OVER and OVER again as I deem fit, within the ambit of Nairaland laws so get used to it.

You are not the only Christian on this forum so shut it abeg. 'Devil begin to make use of me' indeed. Fanatic.

Don't mind the misogynistic hypocrite

@topic

Many Nigerian men are truly devil incarnates

You people have still found a way to heap blame on the innocent suffering woman and tell her to pray for a drunkard

God forbid

If a woman was the one doing the irritating nonsense Op husband is doing and peeing on the bed no single man will advice her husband to pray for her or treat her with love. The only advice he will get is to treat her with harshness and punish her or even send her out. Very evil people, Nigerian men.

Highesschief1:
So sorry about your situation, I have seen a lot of the advice people gave but you need to do something practical here..
You will need the family doctor or any doctor he trust to work with you on this.. The doctor will check and tell him that his liver is going bad already and with any bottle he takes he is going closer to his grave that he has less than a year to live unless he stops drinking the liver will not recover but if he continues drinking that he will die in less than a year.
On your part you should arrange a temporary break up tell him you are not ready to be a widow but since he is ready to die and leave you with the kids you might as well start getting ready for a life without him.
The fear of losing his life, kids and wife will sobber him up fast.
Good luck as you try this, it worked on some one I know

This is actually very good advice, your a good man sir.

dorin27:
Gracias

Gravitys too. wot ever that mean. Anyways good morning. Please can we go to sexuality section to talk about sexxx for only 10minute....my kondo hav been standing up for 3 days for no reason. Can u help? Please?

uboma:




Your reply is senseless.

'Senseless' is a gross understatement.

CHoccolaTE:
@topic

Many Nigerian men are truly devil incarnates

You people have still found a way to heap blame on the innocent suffering woman and tell her to pray for a drunkard

God forbid

If a woman was the one doing the irritating nonsense Op husband is doing and peeing on the bed no single man will advice her husband to pray for her or treat her with love. The only advice he will get is to treat her with harshness and punish her or even send her out. Very evil people, Nigerian men.

Well said

IamD18:
If only people will leave sex, cheating and money to focus on important things during courting, we won't have people in miserable marriages or high rate of divorce.

Anger management, personalities, addictions, abuse, level of mutual understanding, friendship, goals, genotype, differences, family background and histories are very very underrated in relationships these day.

Sex, money, birthday, hanging out, cruise, sexchat, cooking and gifts are the only things existing in 99.742% of relationships in Nigeria.

Maybe 90%

Dayoebe:
Pray about it.

Don't try to force him to quit.

Be supportive. Even buy it for him sometimes.
Let him drink it at home.
Only God Can change him.



As a guy, I do drink also. But I drink responsibly.
The best is to drink at home. Not in pubs with friends.


I pray your next thread will be a testimony of how God used you for miraculous turnaround in your family.

Is she trying to reinforce his drunkenness by rewarding it?

CHoccolaTE:
@topic

Many Nigerian men are truly devil incarnates

You people have still found a way to heap blame on the innocent suffering woman and tell her to pray for a drunkard

God forbid

If a woman was the one doing the irritating nonsense Op husband is doing and peeing on the bed no single man will advice her husband to pray for her or treat her with love. The only advice he will get is to treat her with harshness and punish her or even send her out. Very evil people, Nigerian men.

Perhaps the men around you.

bukatyne:


Perhaps the men around you.

Oga get lost abeg, take your attention seeking elsewhere

Ishilove:

Well said

Thanks

virtuouswoman77:
pls how do I handle this problem of hubby that does not have self control when it comes to alcohol he drinks to much and sometimes messes the bed up with urine have talked to him still no change pls I need practice solutions that will make him stop because he is the type that doesn't take things serious unless it gets to him and this his behavior is making me regret my marriage to him

I have read all your posts and summarized that:

1. He has self control when he is at the bar (buying with his money) or at home (also with his money);

2. He goes gaga when he sees free drinks (the way done others eat to stupor in a party);

3. He sees nothing wrong with what he does. Thus is largely because you clean up after him.

In addition to prayers (prayers is key), stop rewarding or enabling his excesses.

Whatever he does in his drunkenness, leave him there. If he bed wetted or any other thing, leave him that way.

If he is not getting the message that you would no longer condone his drinking, explore joining forces with a doctor or police or mortuary attendants.

Do something to wake him up.

God forbid his kidneys fail or liver damaged, you would be the one running around to care for him.

CHoccolaTE:


Oga get lost abeg, take your attention seeking elsewhere

May you find peace and God's healing from whatever hurt men have caused you.

Amen.

pattybf:

The husband has problem but the wife has to change

I started ignoring him a long time cos most times he spews gibberish!

MhisTahrah:
I have never seen any of your posts actually make sense.

o wrong now

bukatyne:


I have read all your posts and summarized that:

1. He has self control when he is at the bar (buying with his money) or at home (also with his money);

2. He goes gaga when he sees free drinks (the way done others eat to stupor in a party);

3. He sees nothing wrong with what he does. Thus is largely because you clean up after him.

In addition to prayers (prayers is key), stop rewarding or enabling his excesses.

Whatever he does in his drunkenness, leave him there. If he bed wetted or any other thing, leave him that way.

If he is not getting the message that you would no longer condone his drinking, explore joining forces with a doctor or police or mortuary attendants.

Do something to wake him up.

God forbid his kidneys fail or liver damaged, you would be the one running around to care for him.

exactly, am scared what if he gets drunk and while coming back has an accident what will I do with my kids, the taught of me being jobless fr now how do I fend fr my kids.

virtuouswoman77:
exactly, am scared what if he gets drunk and while coming back has an accident what will I do with my kids, the taught of me being jobless fr now how do I fend fr my kids.

Why exactly do you have issues with his drunkenness?

IamD18:
If only people will leave sex, cheating and money to focus on important things during courting, we won't have people in miserable marriages or high rate of divorce.

Anger management, personalities, addictions, abuse, level of mutual understanding, friendship, goals, genotype, differences, family background and histories are very very underrated in relationships these day.

Sex, money, birthday, hanging out, cruise, sexchat, cooking and gifts are the only things existing in 99.742% of relationships in Nigeria.

You are 100% on point