jidamsel43:
Your fiance is on the right course. My wife pressurized me several times to have the court but I rejected it fervently. I rejected the idea of court marriage not because of any ulterior motive or being a Muslim or an attempt to be polygamous, but the idea was engineered by her parents to 'cow' me.

I gave her two options: Nikkah or Nothing

She willingly succumbed to Nikkah and we are happy together.

You are a man Indeed!

Hambivert:
All I can deduce from your insistence on the court wedding is in relation to the pressure from your mom.

When a Man intentionally pays the dowry of a woman, they become husband and wife. The traditional wedding is the real wedding that verifies a couple as "married"...

...Not the Church/White wedding, because it is a Western culture
...Neither is it the Court wedding, because it is a political culture.

However, you can make your traditional wedding have a religious undertone by inviting a religious head to oversee the religious procession.
...and you can also organise with your church, that is, if they have obtained 'wedding licence' from the ministry of interior, to provide you the necessary marriage paperworks.

All of these can be done in the traditional wedding ceremony. I sparogatively see no need for a fuss!

Only few churches have the legal certificate from the ministry of interior. Others will tell you to go to the court first to get it before they marry you in church. That's probably why he doesn't want church involvement too.

DonHummer:
Wait I am still confused on this topic o.... I don't think it's by force to do court marriage. Me personally have no plans on doing court marriage and don't even think of forcing it on me. Traditional is enough for me coupled with church wedding. People are already accusing him of hiding something. What if he doesn't see the need.
But OP, is the court wedding what you really want or what your mum wants?

The church will still require you to go to the court first to get the legal papers if their own certificate doesn't have the legal backing of the court.

SAMBARRY:


If he's not giving you any genuine/substantial reason I'm afraid there is fire on the mountain


Btw are you sure he's not hiding something away from you? I.e being married to someone else and lying to you he's a bachelor ( that gimmick popular well well) because he knows the consequences he's insisting he's not doing court wedding.but in all I suggest you slow down and Go and make your own findings.now you have the opportunity to cross your t's and dot your i's

You really need to get to the bottom of the matter.this is your life we're talking about here so it's dangerous to enter with unanswered questions, speculations and assumptions.there are already enough stories that touch here please don't add to the list before you enter Into another rude shock after marriage

Remember Nigerians are only interested in wearing gele to your wedding and eating rice, not the real marriage.Na you gan gan go be major victor or victim of anything you see there so open the antenna of your brain well with prayers.look before you leap

and why is your mother the one to dictate what happens in your marriage.. Your mother want to control your relationship abi. She wants to be the driver. I don't think your mother likes you enough, she's calling your husband in serious, where you are the one being manipulated to be unserious, except you have a fairly tangible reason for asking for a court marriage, while don't you agree to your fiance's idea afterall he's going to be your husband and not your mother...

Becareful how you listen to your mother, you are not getting younger.

[

Depressed101:
and why is your mother the one to dictate what happens in your marriage.. Your mother want to control your relationship abi. She wants to be the driver. I don't think your mother likes you enough, she's calling your husband in serious, where you are the one being manipulated to be unserious, except you have a fairly tangible reason for asking for a court marriage, while don't you agree to your fiance's idea afterall he's going to be your husband and not your mother...

Becareful how you listen to your mother, you are not getting younger.

yeah'right...her mother gave birth to her and deceived her/ misled her that is why her life is like that Abi?


Web done sir


Op anybody encouraging you to disobey your mother or rebel against your mother don't listen to them o.the people telling you not to listen to your mother are the same people that'll be saying yes mummy to every dictates of their mother


Ishhh

Ademidd:
I might be getting married by next year if things goes well, the problem now is that my fiance is not interested in a court Wedding while my mum is institing on it, he only want to do the normal traditional. I have discussed this with him but he hasn't given me a clear answer, he is someone who atimes turns an innocent question or dialogue into a conflict. What do you think I should do in this case? Thanks for your matured contribution.

Might be getting married?

What church might you be getting married in?

[

Please don't feel pressured to go along with this dude. It's a big red flag. Even my former husband that was a 419, insisted that we did all types of marriage so that when I find out, it would be hard to escape. He kept saying that a court wedding could only be dissolved in the high court and I was wondering why he was thinking of a difficult to dissolve scenario. My church was licensed to give court certficate but he said we must still go to court again.

Ademidd:
I meant "I may be" but not sure because of the brouhaha on ground

What church?

I will not stay here and condemn the man because na only am see wetin dey inside his bowl of soup. I can bet my balls that he would've reacted differently to this court wedding wahala if it had been presented to him in another way or if it were a different woman involved. So just like I said, he alone knows who he is dealing with and why he is resisting the obvious manipulation.

His future mum in law shouldn't be insisting on the type of wedding she wants from him, she doesn't have the right to do that and men like me will never succumb to such manipulation. As a matter of fact, I will refuse to do the court wedding even if I had initial plans of doing it just because my future mum in law insists on that.

As for conflicts, that's normal in relationships but I've found out that a good number of men who get offended or turn the so called "innocent dialogue/question" to conflict oftentimes either have manipulative women as girlfriends/wives or have skeletons in their cupboard. Madam, it's either you are manipulative or your bobo has something to hide.

I suggest you find out why your man doesn't want the court wedding. Don't just ask him, find out why and try to create a boundary between your mum and your upcoming marriage.

Having a court marriage protects you from divorce.

It might protect you even if you initiate the divorce, this is probably what is stopping him.

Plus word on the street advises men to eschew court wedding to avoid being as powerless as husbands in family courts in most of the developed world.

Hambivert:
All I can deduce from your insistence on the court wedding is in relation to the pressure from your mom.

When a Man intentionally pays the dowry of a woman, they become husband and wife. The traditional wedding is where the dowry is paid and also the real wedding that verifies a couple as "married"...

...Not the Church/White wedding, because it is a Western culture
...Neither is it the Court wedding, because it is a political culture.

However, you can make your traditional wedding have a religious undertone by inviting a religious head to oversee the religious procession.
...and you can also organise with your church or any other church, that is, if they have obtained 'wedding licence' from the ministry of interior, to provide you the necessary marriage paperworks.

All of these can be done in the traditional wedding ceremony.
I sparogatively see no need for a fuss!

Mr sparogative, you have sparogatively shown your ignorance about the OP's plight. Her fiance not wanting a church wedding isnt her problem, him not wanting a court wedding is her worry. The OP would gladly marry her husband if he can do traditional rites and a court wedding. You were busy talking about church wedding and traditional rites, but court wedding is the bone of contention.

Why is your family pressuring the guy for court wedding. Something must be fishy. Any woman insisting on a court wedding from.a man has ulterior motive

Fountainofyouth:
Any guy that insist on not doing a court wedding is very mischievous and full of deceit, he thinks only you will gain from it, not knowing it's for both of you's benefit, leave him if you still want court marriage, or marry him and regret, las las he may be the one to beg you for the court marriage when everything works in your favour, I think there was a story on nl like that, well decide wisely.

What are the benefits of court wedding?

Depressed101:
did your mother do court wedding. Ask her.. I dey fear your mother. She nor want make you marry

abeg help me ask her, she is not even concern about church wedding but all she wants is the court, Nigerian men shine your eye.

If you don't do either the church ( which would give you the govt cert if licensed or mandate you to still go to registry if unlicensed ) or the registry wedding

And I am almost certain this man won't even allow the traditional marriage to be recorded at the Local govt.

What legal evidence will you have you are married, what do you have on paper, what will you present when you need to show proof of marriage.

I am trying to understand sha.

Ademidd:
My dad is still observing, My mum is already seeing him as not the serious type, a time waster and somebody who doesn't know what he wants. My sis said he is a time waster

If no one in your family likes him, then pause whatever you have going on with him naw...

SAMBARRY:


If he's not giving you any genuine/substantial reason I'm afraid there is fire on the mountain


Btw are you sure he's not hiding something away from you? I.e being married to someone else and lying to you he's a bachelor ( that gimmick popular well well) because he knows the consequences he's insisting he's not doing court wedding.but in all I suggest you slow down and Go and make your own findings.now you have the opportunity to cross your t's and dot your i's

You really need to get to the bottom of the matter.this is your life we're talking about here so it's dangerous to enter with unanswered questions, speculations and assumptions.there are already enough stories that touch here please don't add to the list before you enter Into another rude shock after marriage

Remember Nigerians are only interested in wearing gele to your wedding and eating rice, not the real marriage.Na you gan gan go be major victor or victim of anything you see there so open the antenna of your brain well with prayers.look before you leap

Good advice!

You couldn't have said it better, kudos!

What was his reason for not wanting court marriage? I don't think there is any genuine reason if he truly wants marriage. Truth remains that even if he's scared of the future, he should still trust whatever he believes in that all will work out well.

Ademidd:
I might be getting married by next year if things goes well, the problem now is that my fiance is not interested in a court Wedding while my mum is institing on it, he only want to do the normal traditional. I have discussed this with him but he hasn't given me a clear answer, he is someone who atimes turns an innocent question or dialogue into a conflict. What do you think I should do in this case? Thanks for your matured contribution.

Hallo...

I do not think having the court marriage or not is the greater challenge here. Are you sure this guy is right for you? When someone turns a simple conversation into a conflict then I would question their readiness for marriage. I do not think I can be in a relationship where I can't ask questions or have simple conversations without fighting over them. Think long and hard about this before you take the plunge. If you cannot have those conversations now, do you honestly think it would get easier when you guys are married? Experience tells me they become a bit more difficult. All da best.

Ademidd:
I have discussed this with him but he hasn't given me a clear answer, he is someone who atimes turns an innocent question or dialogue into a conflict.

I'd be more worried about the bold text if I were you.

Chiquitq:
Please don't feel pressured to go along with this dude. It's a big red flag. Even my former husband that was a 419, insisted that we did all types of marriage so that when I find out, it would be hard to escape. He kept saying that a court wedding could only be dissolved in the high court and I was wondering why he was thinking of a difficult to dissolve scenario. My church was licensed to give court certficate but he said we must still go to court again.

@bold:

The later certificate is invalid.

You are already married after the first certificate is issued.