Am Older Than Him? Please Help - Family - Nairaland
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| Am Older Than Him? Please Help by BeSincere1: 2:05pm On Mar 23, 2011 |
My name is Simi and Am 33years old. It happened that i date my ex for over 6yrs. Dnt blame me for waiting ds long. He was actually based abroad but always coming home not until he finally came back to Nigeria in 2009. While he was there, i made all attempt to join him but i was not granted visa. To my story short, after coming home, i started talking about marriage but he was not really serious about it. I became worried cs he started telling me to wait for him that he wuld soon settle down. We were on ds for over a year. I made some findings and i discovered that he was married to a Nigerian there. Late last year i confronted him abt this and he didnt deny it. He told me that he married her for papers but the lady has refused to give him divorced and he was miserable that was why he has to relocated back to Nigeria so ds wuld not affect his job cos he works works a multinational coy. I discovered there was no point waiting for him again. It is so painful at my age to lose out just like that. I thot about where i wuld start from and also realised that i didnt hv to be desperate. I meant another guy last month. He is a very lovely guy, caring , strict and disciplined. We so much love each other that he has introduced me to his friends and i have started hanging out wit his sister. Just last 2 weeks we were going out and i asked him about his past rship. He told me the girl was childish and still in school so he culdnt cope wit her atitude so they went dir separate ways. I tried to yarb him that hw old is he trying to say somebody was too childish, he told me he was 28 Shocked Shocked Shocked Shocked Shocked I culdnt believe wot i heard. This is guy i thot he was in his mid 30s cos he is physically built and tall. He is so matured with his words and attitude. I felt as if i shld jump out of the car. Whn he asked for mine, i told him 33. He didnt show any attitude, all he said was that i looked 25-26. I know i look younger dan my age and a lot of pple have been telling me. I asked him hw he felt dating some1 older and wot his pple wuld say.He promised me that he wuld tell his friends and family am 26 and i shld just tell my pple that he is 35 cos he has the looks of 35. I told him i couldnt cope wit him but he was like he shld be d one to complain and he is not doing that. The truth is i have fallen for him and i dnt know if i shld get out now cos aint sure if i will regret ds. He comes around now as if nothing is happening, we go out to fxns 2gether, parties and everywhere. He is so fond & proud of me. I have actually met another man (a divorcee wit kids and he is in his 40s) but i just dont like him which may be as a result that he is divorced wit kids. Please what shld i do be4 i embark on ds mission. I need sincere advice and please be matured with your comments Thank u |
| Re: Am Older Than Him? Please Help by Nobody: 2:18pm On Mar 23, 2011 |
I dont see the issue here, you have told him your real age and he seems ok with it. Why you wan give yourself unnecessary BP |
| Re: Am Older Than Him? Please Help by OYINBOGOJU(m): 2:28pm On Mar 23, 2011 |
@Poster You are bothering youself with the attention you are getting from other Men. N.B. Don`t be the cause of your misadventure. if the guy is ok with it so LET IT BE. |
| Re: Am Older Than Him? Please Help by Busybody2(f): 2:28pm On Mar 23, 2011 |
If you can assure yourself your interest in him has not waned since you both found out, stop making a mountain outta a molehill. As far as Nigerian men are concerned, as long as you can respect him and as long as you haven't let yourself go, they are fine with it. Stop fretting and pushing him to start over-analysing and start seeing things from your frantic point of view. Go and get your man  |
| Re: Am Older Than Him? Please Help by Okijajuju1(m): 2:42pm On Mar 23, 2011 |
@ OP Na you sabi! If he genuinely is cool with the age diff, and u can live with it, then why are you wasting thread space?! But if you feel the age thing is gonna constitute a problem dowwn the line then bail out whilst you still can, Age is nothin but numbers if u ask me, |
| Re: Am Older Than Him? Please Help by Odunnu: 2:48pm On Mar 23, 2011 |
Odunnu: |
| Re: Am Older Than Him? Please Help by Nobody: 2:52pm On Mar 23, 2011 |
what exactly do you want?take your age,sit down and think. Are you in this relationship because of societal pressure or what? Because what you are doing now is what women do and lose out on what ''might'' be theirs. A man has told you that he really doesn't care about your age,he came up with the idea of telling peeps he is 35 and so on. Why are you pushing it? Do you really want this dude to start looking at you like you are some old hag, not a wifey material and dump you for a younger gurl because of this silly insecurity you are displaying? Odunnu are you really advicing this gurl to leave this present guy and go for a divorcee?do you really know what happened in his marriage?if the divorcee is so wonderful why did his wife divorce him? seriously? OP go for your man pls and stop feeling insecure |
| Re: Am Older Than Him? Please Help by HighChief4(m): 2:55pm On Mar 23, 2011 |
If the guy is actually kool with it, honestly i dont see any need for you to start bothering yourself. From his past relationship, he seems to prefer matured women and now he has one. Just keep loving him and the moment you start giving other men chances, blve me you will lose out cos you will be distracted 1 Like |
| Re: Am Older Than Him? Please Help by Odunnu: 2:57pm On Mar 23, 2011 |
@JK: Me i'm advocating for comfort and self esteem. She feels more comfy wt ths divorcee thats why I said what I said |
| Re: Am Older Than Him? Please Help by Nobody: 3:03pm On Mar 23, 2011 |
Nope there is big difference between feeling comfy and seeing something as ideal because of societal pressure. Five years to you might be a big gap but isn't for alot of people. You want her to go for a divorcee she's got no love or iota of feelings for and leave the guy she really loves? |
| Re: Am Older Than Him? Please Help by Odunnu: 3:12pm On Mar 23, 2011 |
She needs to change her mindset. If age is an issue now,it'l be a lot for her later. She's better off with the 40somethng year old man 1 Like |
| Re: Am Older Than Him? Please Help by Nobody: 3:17pm On Mar 23, 2011 |
@ Simi First of all, you f'ed up! You NEVER wait for a guy without having a back up plan!  Anyways, dat one don pass . . . I have to tell you the truth . . . I know a guy who dated older ladies all his life but when he wanted to settle down, he found a girl who's 5years younger than him. He actually left his GF who was his a year older to marry the girl. You are 33 and I doubt you are interested in a relationship that will not lead to marriage. Your guy might not have a problem dating an older lady, but can he marry one  Tomorrow he'll be the one to open a thread on NL . . . 'my GF is 5years older than me, should I go ahead and marry her' . . and he'll wait for Harakiri and Mobo444 to tell him not to! I'm not saying you should leave him oh, but lay your cards on the table . , tell him you want something that will last forever and not just one of those long relationships! If he says he's down for it, then I think you should just let go and enjoy yourself! But abeg, don't forget to have a back-up! |
| Re: Am Older Than Him? Please Help by Okijajuju1(m): 3:19pm On Mar 23, 2011 |
Good one jenny! I also must say Odunnu gave some rather good advice. If the age is a problem now, its gonna be a problem tomorrow too, OP- You need to weigh your options very well, but if I were to advice you, I'd say always follow the path of love, risky an option as it may be, but if it pays off, u are always better off |
| Re: Am Older Than Him? Please Help by BeSincere1: 3:20pm On Mar 23, 2011 |
I really appreciates your comments guys.  They are really building my confidence. Honestly, i love ds guy and i need to feel comfortable with him. Please i dnt mean to be childish but am just scared that he may want to leave me later. I knw i hv to work on myself and see him as an older person. @ Odunnu, thank you but i dont like d divorcee. My friend introduced him to me whne she was worried abt me not having anybody since aint ready to tell everyone about the other guy. And the only person i hv told, i just told her he is 35 |
| Re: Am Older Than Him? Please Help by Nobody: 3:20pm On Mar 23, 2011 |
Odunnu: There's no 'if' here . . . age is ALWAYS an issue! One year is okay, two years is manageable . . 5 years is just too much! God forbid that she has fertility problems tomorrow and hubby will definitely accuse her of being old! |
| Re: Am Older Than Him? Please Help by BeSincere1: 3:26pm On Mar 23, 2011 |
Ujujoan: uju, thank. I knw i f'ed up but i did all for love. This new chap like u said mayb interested in dating but not getting married. Wot of if i told him i want somethg serious and he deceived me, whot happens then? Mayb i shld just see hw it goes and free mysef. Thanks tho |
| Re: Am Older Than Him? Please Help by Nobody: 3:28pm On Mar 23, 2011 |
uju not all men are like that please. I cannot believe that a fellow woman will be reminding another woman of fertility issues because she's in her 30's. Is it now a crime for a woman to be in her 30's and unmarried? She dated a guy older than her for 6yrs and what happened? Now that a younger one came in to the picture and shows her off to as many that cares it is now an issue? Why are you lot putting this pressure on her? @op What exactly does he want out of the relationship? If he wants marriage please go for the one you love. Life and love is a risk , even marriage is a risk ever wondered why single ladies sit down and think a week b4 marriage if it's what they really want. Show me a man that isn't ready to make take a risk and i will show you a man that even if he falls wii never rise. |
| Re: Am Older Than Him? Please Help by Nobody: 3:35pm On Mar 23, 2011 |
jennykadry: I'm just saying Jenny . . . I'm just saying! I have a friend who got married 4 years ago at 23 and till date has not had any child. I know the hell he hubby is putting her through and I wondered what would have been her fate if she were 33? The idea is to be as realistic as possible. That age is when women face fibroid issues especially when it's their first pregnancy. Can a 28 year old man cope with that? Be Sincere: You can then leave him to his conscience . . . |
| Re: Am Older Than Him? Please Help by Nobody: 3:40pm On Mar 23, 2011 |
Be Sincere: The truth is that if he's not ready to settle down then you might want to explore other options, despite how much you love him. In 5 years time when he will be 33, he will find perfectly matured 30 year old woman to marry and live happily with. You don't have that luxury. The older you get the more your choices are restricted to divorcees and widowers! Please, don't make the same mistake twice! Besides seriously . . . how can you see someone you are 5 years older than as an 'older' person 1 Like |
| Re: Am Older Than Him? Please Help by Nobody: 3:45pm On Mar 23, 2011 |
a 28 yr old man can handle it if he is mature enough. Look at the number of threads opened up by women everyday. I am guessing their hubbys are in their 30's but just look at how bad they are handling their marriages which is the reason why the women come here to complain. Age seriously as nothing to do with maturity,people use this line carelessly but it really is a very important line. you don't even wanna know how old I was when kadry kidnapped me. Alot of my colleagues till date don't know my age,they wouldn't even believe me so why bother? Some have been guessing my age for years now, from 30,25, 24,27 e.t.c what i'm i trying to say? Age has got nothing to do with your coping mechanism. |
| Re: Am Older Than Him? Please Help by Nobody: 3:51pm On Mar 23, 2011 |
jennykadry: I agree Jenny . . . . Age is not about maturity. But one thing 'age' is about is our ticking clock! That's why her boyfriend's idea that he doesn't date young girls because they are not matured is just plain silly. What happens when he meets a 'small'  matured girl like you eh? and actually has the option of marrying her. The possibility of him insisting to go with a woman 5 years older is very slim.I just think it's really important for her to lay her cards on the table and let him know what she expects from this relationship. Just to avoid story tomorrow oh! |
| Re: Am Older Than Him? Please Help by Nobody: 3:56pm On Mar 23, 2011 |
true uju but he said ''the gurl he dated is childish'' not all young gals. Who tell you say i still young? Abeg kadry has taken my youth jare Everything you've posted makes sense but i just wanna spare her the details already and also make her realise that the fact that happens doesn't mean it will happen to her She has lost alot of her self confidence and esteem already, she needs a boost up and not a let down |
| Re: Am Older Than Him? Please Help by Nobody: 4:03pm On Mar 23, 2011 |
jennykadry: I can't help but agree with you on that sha. Her man might be one of the really outstanding men (who btw are extremely in short supply now)! Abeg baba kadry get broda?  |
| Re: Am Older Than Him? Please Help by dayokanu(m): 4:13pm On Mar 23, 2011 |
@Op, Do you see your new sugarboy marrying you in the next 1 yr? If he doesnt have plans to marry in the next 1yr then you might wnt to reconsider it. Cos in 2yrs time you wld be 35 and he would be 30, If anything happens then, and he changes his mind then Make I no too yarn before dem say I wetincall chauvinistic again abi Ifyalways wetin u dey call am |
| Re: Am Older Than Him? Please Help by Nobody: 4:14pm On Mar 23, 2011 |
uju He get broda for australia, you wan travel far? |
| Re: Am Older Than Him? Please Help by BeSincere1: 4:16pm On Mar 23, 2011 |
Jenny, u make me feel as if u r in my shoes honestly. I like ur blunt truth. I knw its too early but this guy wants marriage according to wot he told me. He is really carrying me along wit everythg is doing, projects, whereabts. He tells me to go wit him everywhere becos he doesnt want to go alone. We were at a party one day and he was all over me showing his love and affection not caring wot pple were saying. His friends were just amazed and were just taking our pix. He is trying to make me feel younger. |
| Re: Am Older Than Him? Please Help by Nobody: 4:20pm On Mar 23, 2011 |
dayokanu: That's not cool Dayo! jennykadry: Australia ni? E no get the one wey dey village? I no go fit chop oyinbo food oh and I too like food ni. |
| Re: Am Older Than Him? Please Help by Nobody: 4:23pm On Mar 23, 2011 |
@ be sincere awwwwwww sweetheart enjoy him and start working towards marriage. I have only insulted a 35 yr old single lady once on this forum because she indirectly talked about my kids. I know how society has made women feel when they are past 30. This guy is full on pls don't stop him, let him be the man please. Give him all the respect he deserves and let him handle the situation. Reminds me of my hubby who finds it difficult keeping his hands to himself especially in public, i complain sometimes just for nagging sake lol but believe me such gestures relieves me of stress Don't give yourself to him fully and don't let down your guard. Not marraige for mouth let him make a move. Lol uju we dey chop so why you no go chop? We need pharmacists here abeg |
| Re: Am Older Than Him? Please Help by Nobody: 4:33pm On Mar 23, 2011 |
jennykadry: I no be pharmacist na . , na my ejima wey read pharmacy. But I go sabi sell medicine for chemist sha!   |
| Re: Am Older Than Him? Please Help by Nobody: 4:51pm On Mar 23, 2011 |
lol uju aru adiro gi. I dey research on some psychotic drugs(all dis oyinbo pple don dey too crace) presently and it is driving me nuts. I no be pharmacist why do i have to bother arrrrrrrrrg. Maybe you fit heleep me out Be sincere please never post serious issues on the romance section. 99.9% of the people there are maaaaaaaddd and dumb. If you want serious replies pls post here |
| Re: Am Older Than Him? Please Help by BeSincere1: 4:57pm On Mar 23, 2011 |
^^^^^^ Thanks Jenny A guy actually referred me here from romance section. |
| Re: Am Older Than Him? Please Help by Nobody: 5:10pm On Mar 23, 2011 |
jennykadry: I no even know the difference between panadol and paracetamol! And to think I actually wanted to study medicine . . . |
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