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Can She Change? - Nairaland / General - Nairaland

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Can She Change? by ModestGal(f): 8:12am On Jan 03, 2021
ModestGal:
How can I help my cousin. She feels she's odd, sees herself as not normal, she's just 19, just entering 400 level in the university.

The whole thing started when my cousin came to our house with her two friends from university, her classmates. The two friends were talking with my sister, and they were saying they are helping her by coming close to her as no one wants to come close to her. They said, they were the one that fight for her whenever they bully her in school and what annoyed me in their statement is that, they are not her friends and can't be her friends but her Aunty. These two girls treat my cousin like a nobody, in fact, they would put dumb in her name, e.g, where is that dumb girl

Let me tell you a little about her childhood
Her mum left her in Nigeria when she was 1year old with her dad, Aunt and grandmother. She went to work in another country because at that time, things weren't going well for my uncle, and her wife is a nurse, saw opportunity to travel abroad to work, had to leave her baby(my 19years old cousin) with her husband, mum and sister. So basically, those are the people that brought my cousin up. She was a beautiful baby, and every sane person would pity her because her mum left her,she would be sick and cry and thus, her mistakes were usually ignored by most people while growing up. Her mum would spend 3months in Nigeria, then go back every year, she calls her husband every day,they are usually doing video calls, so as for me, I feel she's only physically absent but always virtually present with her family. They plan what to eat daily together, what to wear, they do almost everything together.

Now 19years later,
She feels very less of herself because every of her classmates complains about her that she makes lots of mistakes.
For instance, yesterday, she wanted to clean her feet but ended up wounding herself, some days earlier, she skipped a staircase and sprained her ankle.
In addition to all these, she forgets instructions easily(not her books, she's brilliant), for example, she finished eating my food and forgot to replace it after telling her to help put another one in fridge if she knows she would finish the food and my sister also complained about her behaviour alot (we are all in my sisters house,she's been here for 3weeks and I've been with them for close to 2weeks now).
My sister would complain she talks alot, like she says what shes not asked,for example, the AC got spoilt one day, and she went ahead to tell the husband immediately he entered, without pre-informing my sister, and the husband was angry, not knowing why hubby was angry. And my sister told me, that is how my cousin behaves and she has committed lots of related offences.

HER VIEW ABOUT HERSELF
My cousin herself told me she walks like a robot, she doesn't know how to do anything,she talks too much, whenever she wanted to act like her peers, she would not do it the way they did it and do it stupidly. She eats too much, she acts like a baby, her stomach is not fine e.t.c
She believes every complain anyone makes of her
She blames her parents for over pampering her while she was younger and that her father spoilt her and that's why she always the odd one in her classes and everywhere she gets to, people would notice she's odd
She told me about when she was in 100level to 300level how everyone do bully her and abuse her that she acts like a baby, talk too much, laugh awkwardly. She said she still has the mind of a child. She told me her friends/classmates do run away from her whenever they sight her coming,
and no one wants to even be her friends or play with her

What she told me yesterday that almost made me cry was that she once felt like committing suicide or entering the wall where she won't exist no more. She told me If she has her child, she would teach her stuffs at the right times that what she is supposed to have known while young is what she's now knowing at later ages.

My sister's view(they attended thesame university)
My sister complains alot about her, she walks awkwardly, forgets instructions easily, she plays too much, and that if not she was her cousin, she would also be dodging her when sighted, she said my cousin would be forcing herself on people, for instance, when she sees someone they did physics class together, my cousin can shout her name at distance, hug the person, even though the person is giving her attitude. Like she embarrasses people and that she can request money and favours from people she's just meeting e.t.c

My own view
I see absolutely nothing wrong with her. My cousin is very nice and very respectful, she offers her prayers at the right times, pray for her parents, always willing to be a good girl. She doesn't change face when she's been asked to do a task, admits her wrongs easily and hope not to commit same.
She's a free person, she can play with anyone, and start discussion with strangers(people abuse her with this and run away from her because of this behaviour), she doesn't feel shy at all, she doesn't get angry and keep malice, she's extreme extrovert.
Its true she makes mistakes, but I don't see it as a big deal, about walking like robots,I don't see any bad in how she walks, in fact, I don't know the meaning of someone walking like a robot.

I'm tired of trying to convince her that nothing is wrong with her,and that its because she's still young and normal and that she makes mistakes because she fears making mistakes. I have explained everything to her, but she's 100% convinced she's odd.
It makes me feel sad because I will never say bad things to anyone like her friends/classmates are doing to her, I'm very introverted and a very strong hearted girl so I don't feel bad when people abuse me or believe anyone's trash. I also graduated at age 19, with older people in my class, and they can never ride me and I only respect people that respect themselves, I can never call anyone anty/boda for any reason but my cousin would be over respecting her classmates and they would in turn be bullying her, and she believes all the abuse and words.

How can I make her disbelieve people whenever they make complaints about her

1 Like

Re: Can She Change? by ModestGal(f): 8:15am On Jan 03, 2021
Sorry for the long post
Re: Can She Change? by donbachi(m): 8:31am On Jan 03, 2021
The nut don dey loose small small..make una carry her go psychiatric hospital,before the nut go fall off finally..my thought.
Re: Can She Change? by Nobody: 8:31am On Jan 03, 2021
[quote author=ModestGal post=97668638][/quote]

She is good.

Teach her self confidence and self suffciency, and she will be great.
Re: Can She Change? by ModestGal(f): 11:31am On Jan 03, 2021
Ghh
Re: Can She Change? by ModestGal(f): 9:34pm On Jan 03, 2021
Gf
Re: Can She Change? by BaeMercy(f): 12:40pm On Mar 11, 2021
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