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Why Bringing A Spouse Abroad Goes Wrong - Travel - Nairaland

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Why Bringing A Spouse Abroad Goes Wrong by sweetmelanin(f): 10:59am On Jan 07
Every now and again, I hear new stories about some men getting "betrayed" by a Nigerian spouse whom they've brought abroad.. however, I can't help but notice that they are often the cause of their own misfortune. As harsh as it sounds, some men have had to learn the hard way that ignorance and hero-complex will cost a man far more than he can ever bargain for..

Category 1: Those with a warped mindset of the " 'cultureless' akata"

My experience:
Let's go back to my uni days some years back.. the dating scene was wild, brutal and exciting.. back then, the disparity was huge between the "freshiees" and UK grown blacks (unlike today) .. but yet, I was opportuned to mix and mingle with so many young Nigerian guys who were in the UK as international students at the time.. some also young working professionals ( of which are still life-long friends of mine up till today)...

..whilst on the dating scene, I noticed that a lot of Nigerian guys seemed to have a mentality that "akata" girls were "too exposed" compared to Nigerian girls back home, so they played games with them, often ditching these girls to marry home-based chicks.. I remember having such a silly and childish dream of relocating to Nigeria back then . Hahha.. and thought I would end up with a "freshiie" who would 'take me back to the motherland'.. haha. though I ended up with someone with a migration story just like mine; we both moved to the UK as kids in the early 2000s.. and my husband is a male 'akata' to core cheesy ..with no intention whatsoever of moving back.

Truth be told, a lot of guys who had temporary flings with "akata" girls ended up moving back to Nigeria, and are still regretting their decision till today.. Many returned to find their girlfriends had moved on and married older men. Others attempted to bring their girlfriends here to find out they've been used as a mere stepping stone to "greener pastures".


Category 2: Those who used and dumped white women for papers and then brought their "ungrateful Nigerian wives" abroad.

Men who are desperate for papers often opt for the easy way out: marrying an older white woman (and in some cases a poor unsuspecting black woman from another African country who has papers) ... they do this with the mindset that they would bring their "real wife" from Nigeria.
Now when their 'wife' divorces them.. these men will scream betrayal, forgetting the trail of heartbreaks they've left behind.. Now how do such men think they will use a foreign woman, break her heart, and yet live happily ever after with an imported bride?? how??

In summary,

When I hear stories of bitter divorces and men killing their spouse whom they brought from Nigeria I can't help but think this could've been avoided if they focused on settling with a so called "akata". Yes, she may not feign fake 'submission' like home-based Nigerian chicks, but what makes her less likely to 'betray' or mess you up is the absence of entitlement mentality.
...someone coming directly from Nigeria typically has a dog eat dog mentality caused by an oppressive system of lack. Whereas an abroad based chick already learns not to depend on a man from as early as 16 - 17 years of age.. most already have part time jobs as students and know the value of working for their money.. they won't take crap but at least what you see is what you get.. abroad based girls (akatas) are not angels but are far better than the pretenders back home y'all believe are "wife materials".. but people generally hold on to an illusion over what is real.

275 Likes 21 Shares

Re: Why Bringing A Spouse Abroad Goes Wrong by Holywizard(m): 11:41am On Jan 07
I'm planning on migrating to Eastern Europe this year.
With the experinces I have here, I'm even scared of getting married to a Nigerian

75 Likes 5 Shares

Re: Why Bringing A Spouse Abroad Goes Wrong by Hintona(f): 2:01pm On Jan 07
Holywizard:
I'm planning on migrating to Eastern Europe this year.
With the experinces I have here, I'm even scared of getting married to a Nigerian

On nairaland or in real life?

324 Likes 14 Shares

Re: Why Bringing A Spouse Abroad Goes Wrong by Holywizard(m): 2:12pm On Jan 07
Hintona:


On nairaland or in real life?
be serious dear

13 Likes 2 Shares

Re: Why Bringing A Spouse Abroad Goes Wrong by Hintona(f): 2:15pm On Jan 07
Holywizard:
be serious dear

Are the experiences you've had on nairaland or in real life?

26 Likes

Re: Why Bringing A Spouse Abroad Goes Wrong by Leshurr(f): 6:49pm On Jan 07
sweetmelanin:



Category 2: Those who used and dumped white women for papers and then brought their "ungrateful Nigerian wives" abroad.

Men who are desperate for papers often opt for the easy way out: marrying an older white woman (and in some cases a poor unsuspecting black woman from another African country who has papers) ... they do this with the mindset that they would bring their "real wife" from Nigeria.
Now when their 'wife' divorces them.. these men will scream betrayal, forgetting the trail of heartbreaks they've left behind.. Now how do such men think they will use a foreign woman, break her heart, and yet live happily ever after with an imported bride?? how??



This is very true.

28 Likes 4 Shares

Re: Why Bringing A Spouse Abroad Goes Wrong by Ustexas: 9:28pm On Jan 07
Very true �

2 Likes 1 Share

Re: Why Bringing A Spouse Abroad Goes Wrong by Drenimarcus(m): 12:00am On Jan 08
In this age, only a fool will scam people for papers to bring a Nigerian lady over. I can not wrap my head on that. There was a case of a guy who petitioned for his wife from naija(been married for 2 years or 3 i think), she waited till she got the visa, came in and got the 10 years right away,changed her address on file and sent "mr man" divorce papers. Keep bringing them over and they will keep absconding here. Muntula set of people.

107 Likes 5 Shares

Re: Why Bringing A Spouse Abroad Goes Wrong by DanerNo1(m): 2:46am On Jan 08
Drenimarcus:
In this age, only a fool will scam people for papers to bring a Nigerian lady over. I can not wrap my head on that. There was a case of a guy who petitioned for his wife from naija(been married for 2 years or 3 i think), she waited till she got the visa, came in and got the 10 years right away,changed her address on file and sent "mr man" divorce papers. Keep bringing them over and they will keep absconding here. Muntula set of people.
Scammer scams a scammer. Talking about marrying a citizen first and bringing the real Nigerian wife.
KARMA.

78 Likes 7 Shares

Re: Why Bringing A Spouse Abroad Goes Wrong by Brendaniel: 10:09pm On Jan 08
I still don't know how some men behave o, like if they don't marry a Nigerian woman or a woman from their village then they have not married, though I don't have plans right now of relocating, but if I happen to relocate, I will marry in that country, whether na chinese, japanese, india, africa, arabian whatever ever race, I go marry and that will be my only wife.... I mean are they not human beings like you, my children remain my children whether they are half-caste or not and will always know their root, abeg I hate drama and don't have time for it....

I am not importing anybody from anywhere, the only people I can import are family members and close friends, relationship na for the country I dey e go start with any girl wey God give me for there...

BigBashiru:


So half cast will enter bus in Lagos without being kidnapped?
After I go abroad go hustle na bus dey go come dey enter for naija, God forbid...

186 Likes 7 Shares

Re: Why Bringing A Spouse Abroad Goes Wrong by FalseProphet1(m): 10:09pm On Jan 08
I see many guys ranting bitterly on this thread, I see them attacking the op seriously and calling her name's for saying the truth

12 Likes

Re: Why Bringing A Spouse Abroad Goes Wrong by Omezif(m): 10:10pm On Jan 08
This one Concern them. If they can't use their brain well they see another things.

1 Like

Re: Why Bringing A Spouse Abroad Goes Wrong by MasterRahl(m): 10:10pm On Jan 08
angry

Marry your friend. Marry your pal, and you won't go through unnecessary stress in marriage.

The things that happen in today's marriages leaves me speechless.

Well, who cares? undecided

51 Likes 1 Share

Re: Why Bringing A Spouse Abroad Goes Wrong by OldNairalander(m): 10:10pm On Jan 08
undecided
Re: Why Bringing A Spouse Abroad Goes Wrong by fineboynl(m): 10:10pm On Jan 08
umm. you have not really said anything concerning why the Nigeria girls betrayed them.

71 Likes 6 Shares

Re: Why Bringing A Spouse Abroad Goes Wrong by Dididrumz(m): 10:10pm On Jan 08
This may be because young ladies do not know what they want any more.

2 Likes 2 Shares

Re: Why Bringing A Spouse Abroad Goes Wrong by afbstrategies: 10:10pm On Jan 08
shocked
Re: Why Bringing A Spouse Abroad Goes Wrong by NwaNimo1(m): 10:10pm On Jan 08
Noted...
Re: Why Bringing A Spouse Abroad Goes Wrong by Dreadlock69(m): 10:11pm On Jan 08
grin

61 Likes 8 Shares

Re: Why Bringing A Spouse Abroad Goes Wrong by yinkus6750(m): 10:11pm On Jan 08
Most women don't appreciate the men under such conditions, majorly due to the fact that the women become more financially successful than the men, hence they felt the man can't control them due to the culture of the new society they are.

55 Likes 2 Shares

Re: Why Bringing A Spouse Abroad Goes Wrong by Elvis2kay: 10:12pm On Jan 08
tongue

1 Like

Re: Why Bringing A Spouse Abroad Goes Wrong by yeyeboi(m): 10:12pm On Jan 08
Ok
Re: Why Bringing A Spouse Abroad Goes Wrong by Johnnycastro18(m): 10:13pm On Jan 08
grin
Holywizard:
be serious dear
Re: Why Bringing A Spouse Abroad Goes Wrong by angelfallz(m): 10:14pm On Jan 08
All These Na story.

If a man marries a good wife take her to mount Everest, take her to the centre of the earth, her character and personality wouldn't change.

Your piece is just advocating for men to marry "akata" girls instead of home based girls. While forgetting that everyone is different.
Or do you want to say that there no bad experiences from men that married "akata" girls?

What you should be advocating for is that men should shine their eyes and marry women with the right character and attitude.

263 Likes 20 Shares

Re: Why Bringing A Spouse Abroad Goes Wrong by leisuretym: 10:14pm On Jan 08
I'm applying for asylum in Japan, I will give a reason so simple and critical, if they ask me why I'm seeking asylum, I will simple say because Bubu is our President.

Any reasonable nation should consider Nigerians for asylum on that ground, Trump is fully aware.

45 Likes 3 Shares

Re: Why Bringing A Spouse Abroad Goes Wrong by Iyajelili(f): 10:14pm On Jan 08
Do whatever works for you.

10 Likes 1 Share

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