It was all pomp and pageantry that special day when Diran Thompson and his beautiful heart-throb, Sade, became husband and wife. They were both very happy after the union, but something really disheartening and dishonourable tore them apart and put an end to a once romantic relationship.

They were both university graduates. Diran was a master’s degree holder in Industrial Relations while Sade studied Sociology, had her first degree at the Lagos State University. Diran attended the University of Jos. They met at a birthday party two years ago in Lagos Island. Sincerely, Diran was a ladies’ man any day. Tall, dark-skinned and handsome, he had all the qualities ladies want in a man. After his master’s progrmme, he got a good job in a reputable insurance company located on the Island. His pay packet was big and sumptuous.

What drew Diran and Sade together at that particular birthday party was physical attraction. Diran fell in love with Sade because she was very beautiful and enchanting, while Sade too was swept off her feet by the sheer handsomeness, charisma and wealth displayed by the young man. Before one could say ‘Love’, the duo had started chatting like two long-lost friends, cooing sweet nothings into each other’s ears.

One thing led to another and they both made up their minds to walk down the aisle and became husband and wife. They signed the dotted line four months after knowing each other. It was like a marriage made and consummated in heaven. Millions of naira were spent at the grand marriage ceremony. All the money-bags and celebrities were there. The society wedding was the talk-of-the-town. Thus Diran and Sade held each other’s arms, with smiles radiating their brows and savoured every moment of their marriage ceremony. It was a blissful and happy day, or so it seemed.

It was getting to around 11.15pm when the newly-wedded couple bade their well-wishers good night and retired to the comfort of their bedroom to have their privacy. Romance without privacy is tantamount to nothing but boredom, particularly when newly-wedded couple is involved. So under the envious eyes of many well-wishers families and friends, the bride and groom, Mr. and Mrs. Thompson, merrily walked out of sight into their cozy bedroom to share their first marital privacy.

“Cupid! This is a great marriage, Sade!” Diran exclaimed with undiluted joy and excitement.

“Diran darling,” Sade replied, “I enjoyed every moment of it! Never knew that such a multitude of well-wishers would grace the occasion!”

“Honey,” Diran cooed softly, “I am really happy and delighted that everything went the way I expected! Among our well-wishers, I could count close to 17 ladies I had dated in the past! It’s a big surprise! Once a Casanova, always a Casanova! That reminds me of my romantic escapades in the past before I met you.” Diran adjusted himself very well on the luxurious bed and began a long speech to the shock and dismay of his new wife.

“Never knew I could be lucky to marry such a beautiful lady like you, Sade!” he continued, “I had been so loose in my love life. Sincerely, right from my secondary school days I was called Maradona by my classmates, going by the way I used and dumped many young girls of my age-group. Some of my friends even nicknamed me Romeo, considering the careless and easy way I seduced many young girls. I was the lover boy in town. No girl could escape my sugar-coated tongue. My pride is my manhood.

“It became even worse when I got admission into the university. I dated many young girls and ladies alike that I lost count of the number of the opposite sex I made love with. If I can remember, they should be close to 70 girls I dated during my university days. It was great fun, darling! Wow, now I’ll try to remember the names of some of these girls and ladies I dated in my university days — Esther, Ronke, Stella, Blessing, Zainab, Molade, Kudi, Iyabo etc. Oh, God I know I won’t be able to remember all their names! Sade darling, I must be sincere with you, all these charming and delectable girls and ladies I dated wanted to marry me. That revelation is part two. The part three was during my service year, after university.

“At the camp, I actually can’t remember all the female Corps members I dated. I was called the ‘Big Bomb’ during my service year! All the ‘babes’ swooned and fainted at my feet, begging for love! I gave ‘it’ to them the way they’d never forget! My ‘sugar stick’ did magic for me during my service year. It was even through the connection of one of my former ‘babes’ during my service year that I got this present mouth-watering job offer. Now the part four - I had worked in two different financial institutions before getting this plum job and, oh boy, I slept with all the female officers.

“My secretaries either satisfy my ever ready libido or get the sack. Sade darling, there are lots of things you must know about office romance. It gives me great joy making love right there in my office with female members of staff. No woman in my former place of work could escape my antics. At times I did take these adventurous ladies in my working place to exquisite brothels to ease my sexual appetite. Honey, what do you think of me as a man? I’m feeling Hot at the moment; the time is almost 12 a.m. let’s get down and enjoy conjugal bliss…”

For the past 30 minutes when Diran was talking, really lost in romantic reverie, his new wife Sade was shocked, surprised and really flabbergasted! The anger in her had erupted. She was so dumbfounded and greatly embarrassed by her husband’s confession. She sighed and sighed with unalloyed perplexity. Then she replied him unconsciously, not minding the weight and enormity of her words:

“To be honest with you, Diran, you’re not the only one with such a ‘sweet’ past love life. I swear by God, I started engaging in the act of love making at a very early stage, when I was in my primary school, to be specific when I was in primary six. All my age-groups did the ‘act’ with me. I think I can remember close to 10 different wayward and irresponsible adults that did it with me. It was real fun. That was part one. The part two was when I got admission into the secondary school. Throughout my stay in the secondary school I couldn’t remember all the names of young men I had it with. They were just too many.

“At a stage in my secondary school days all the male teachers had it with me. Let me tell you darling, some male teachers were damn wayward, spoilt and corrupt. In those days, in my secondary school, I was nicknamed ‘The cheerful giver’ going by my passion for a turgid phallus. My male colleagues admire my generosity in matters of the heart and nicknamed me ‘Miss hot pants’. I can’t remember several abortions I had way back in my secondary school days. Part three was my romance adventure in my university days. I love real hunks! Men with strong and fleshy bodies attract me and always sweep me off my feet! Guys with macho and bulging biceps enthrall, excite and enchant me! My romance escapades in the university was interesting, I slept with almost all the guys I came across. Diran, you know something, all the lecturers too had a field day with me. You must either sleep with lecturers or you flunk your exams. I was very generous with my womanhood for all those vulture-eyed lecturers. I really can’t remember the number of lecturers that dated me. Some of those lousy lecturers even nicknamed me ‘the big boobs of academia’.

Part four was during my youth service. All my male colleagues at the camp had it with me. It was so exciting and interesting! It was one year of real, incredulous and invigorating love making! The part five was when I got a job at Money First International Bank. All the managers had their way with me. It got to a point I thought I was going to marry the Bank Manager. He even promised to marry me, swearing in the process, but I knew he was only lying, like all the men I had dated. Honey, to say the fact, I never knew I could be this lucky to marry such a cool and nice man like you! You’re such a lovely, level-headed and handsome…”

“Gbosa!” was the sound of the slap Diran gave his beautiful wife.

“You must be crazy! You filthy prostitute and LovePeddler! To hell with you!” he roared, with clenched fists.

“My cheek, Diran! You just slapped me?! What have I done to deserve this treatment?” Sade asked with blood-shot, eyes. Before she could utter more words of protest, Diran descended on her and beat the living daylight out of her. She was battered, boxed, head-butted and molested. The screams of the new bride attracted neighbours that eventful midnight. It took almost one hour before sympathisers could open the door forcefully. The new bride was on the floor crying, with swollen eyes and thick lips. The bedroom was disorganised and in disarray. The groom, Diran Thompson was livid with rage and fuming. He was so angry and embittered that he was visibly shaken and sweating. His new wife too was remorseless and adamant. They tore each other’s clothes and ranted gloomy threats.

“Nonsense! Filthy prostitute! You are worse than Jezebel!” Diran sputtered in annoyance.

“When the day breaks, we’ll see at the court! I’ll sue for a divorce!” he ranted.

“Go ahead! I’m ready for the worse! Irresponsible man!” Sade replied.

At the break of dawn the new couple filed a divorce suit and went their separate ways. It became a big lesson to followers of the development that it is good to live an honourable and morally good life, devoid of dredges and debauchery.