My good friend got a good job and thought the next good thing to do is to get married, he meet a girl and felt she is good enough to be his wife, she is in her finals in the university, but his problem is this he realised that he loves and wants to take good care of this girl but whenever he gives her money she ends up sending the money to her mother and brothers in the house. My friend has his own dreams like traveling on vacation abroad atlest once in a year building his own business outside work, but he is now scared that getting married to this girl may put a very big strain in his finances because he has met some of the girls brothers and realised they are a large family and none is doing something other than the students amongst them including her parents. His fear is getting married to her may bring about problems.The very first day he visited thier house one of her brothers started asking him for 90 thousand naira for his rent off campus, even when he knows he has been doing alot for his sister as regards to her schooling. Everything he gives her ends up in the hands of her people. he also has his own family and people that needs help. He is asking me despite he loves the girl but his love is not blind, go ahead with the marriage that will drain his finances or walk away.

Your friend was lucky. He got the warning signs BEFORE the marriage. Most people don't

until afterwards.  He needs to sit down with his fiance' and set some guidelines about

how the money is to be spent.  The woman obviously loves her family and wants to assist

with their financial problems. What relative wouldn't? Also, he GAVE her the money,

he didn't tell her how the money should be spent!  A friend had a similar problem. His wife felt she

should be the Savior for all of her ne'er-do-well relatives. This caused a big rift in the marriage.

They eventually divorced. Family has a way of making you feel very guilty so perhaps finances will be

less stressful once she is employed; once they become a 2 income family because this woman will ALWAYS want to help her relatives.

Let him find another woman ---- this happened to someone I know but it was the man spending all his money on his sisters ---

They can each set up a joint account for family members -- both donate to this account and give it out. But if this bothers him soo much, he shouldn't get married to her. Let him find another babe.

The girl wont change neither would the family.
They have not signed any agreement so he can happily move on!
BTW,He just met the girl and is already giving her money?I just dislike men that can't woe a girl without using 'the money factor' . . .and while hes going lovey dovey,has he stopped to consider the girls feelings for her?Is this so-called love mutual or hes just another "maga" to the girl?

Yeah, why is he giving her money without a reason? If she asks for money for something specific and she spends it on her family then she is not trustworthy.
However, if he is heaping cash on her for no reason, then she probably doesn't really want it and doesn't want to refuse it at the same time so she puts it to good use. He should stop giving her money and see how she reacts. She probably doesn't want to hurt his feelings by refusing, because she can see that he likes to give her money.
Trust me, if she wasn't a decent girl she would be looking out for herself first by getting her hair and nails done, or buying a ton of clothes.
Tell him to stop giving away free money and her family will get the hint. Only give her money if she asks for something specific. If it's for her family, he should tell her sorry, but he had already put money aside for his own family.
When she graduates and starts working she can take care of her own family if she likes.

Tell your friend to run.

no marriage without issues, people carry all sorts of excess baggage into marriage,

this ur friends situation is dicey, cos the babe wud even do more when she is now a legal wife,

my advice to the man is RUN!!!!,

unless u hv very deep pockets, this issue will always be the proverbial sand in the eye,

what guarantee do u hv that she will get a job after marriage?, can u pocket sustain 3 to 4 yrs of continous dependence by the girls family?
let the babe be, let a money bag cum and marry her, cos if its bothering u like this, then its serious

@ifyalways, my friend is not a mega he is a very handsome youngman that believes if he has it why must the woman he loves lack, he has known her 4 awhile but started taking good care of her when he decided getting married to her.
@Nekai, You dont wait 4 a woman to ask 4 money b4 u give if u loves her, u jus dont want her to lack anything becides my friends likes her looking real good so she needs money 4 everything,so she dont have an excuse to cheat.
Honestly the case of he working and contributing is out atlest 4 a long time, he loves kids alot and thats what she will be busy doing.

@ Poster, I suggest ur friend shld quietly disengage now dat he has the opportunity. It just wont work becos he`ll end up enslaving himself 4 his "in-laws" and not realise his dreams n potentials.

Vindy:

@ifyalways, my friend is not a mega he is a very handsome youngman that believes if he has it why must the woman he loves lack, he has known her 4 awhile but started taking good care of her when he decided getting married to her.
@Nekai, You dont wait 4 a woman to ask 4 money b4 u give if u loves her, u jus dont want her to lack anything becides my friends likes her looking real good so she needs money 4 everything,so she dont have an excuse to cheat.
Honestly the case of he working and contributing is out atlest 4 a long time, he loves kids alot and thats what she will be busy doing.

. . .Then the purpose of this thread is

He gives her money without her even asking because according to you:
If you love a woman you must give her money.(she can't work or earn her own money cos A MAN LOVES HER)
He wants her to look good for HIM 24/7
He does NOT want her to cheat.Money makes women shut their mouth and legs.

I dont understand all dis kain posts sef! U believe that the only way to attract a woman is to flash money at her, u then start to only attract piranhas and u start to complain that women like money too much. I tire abeg

Vindy:

My good friend got a good job and thought the next good thing to do is to get married, he meet a girl and felt she is good enough to be his wife, she is in her finals in the university, but his problem is this he realised that he loves and wants to take good care of this girl but whenever he gives her money she ends up sending the money to her mother and brothers in the house. My friend has his own dreams like traveling on vacation abroad atlest once in a year building his own business outside work, but he is now scared that getting married to this girl may put a very big strain in his finances because he has met some of the girls brothers and realised they are a large family and none is doing something other than the students amongst them including her parents. His fear is getting married to her may bring about problems.The very first day he visited thier house one of her brothers started asking him for 90 thousand naira for his rent off campus, even when he knows he has been doing alot for his sister as regards to her schooling. Everything he gives her ends up in the hands of her people. he also has his own family and people that needs help. He is asking me despite he loves the girl but his love is not blind, go ahead with the marriage that will drain his finances or walk away.

There is no denying the fact that inlaws could cause a strain on a couple's finances if care is NOT taken. However, that is not enough reason to write the girl off . . .  fending for her family is not a crime and she should not be punished for it.

Like you said, your friend's girl is a student . . .  someday she will graduate and start making money of her own. If she wants to use all of it to train her siblings, that's her own problem. Your friend doesn't have to give his wife's brother the 90k either (people sef, how can he be so bold to ask  )

I have my mum on a monthly allowance and that won't change if I get married. I used to get requests running into a lot of money on a monthly basis untill I said to her, "tell me how much I'll be giving you monthly", she did and I leave it at that. No extras except during festivities and occasions.

When I get married, my mum will NEVER go to my husband for money. If she wants anything, she'll come to me. If I have I'll give to her, if I like I'll ask my husband and is he says he doesn't have, I'll tell my mum 'we don't have'!

Your friend needs to lay down the ground rules . . . How much will be spent on relatives - on both sides, how much will be given as gifts, whose obligation is it to take care of the parents? Do I take care of my parents and you take care of yours? Or do we both take care of each others parents simultaneously?

It all depends on understanding and agreement.

Your friend is making mouth now because he has all the money. Tomorrow his girl will graduate, get a good job and start making good cash . . . her siblings will graduate too and start making money for themselves. Then when he gets stranded and out of cash, he might not have the conscience to ask them for help!

ifyalways:

. . .Then the purpose of this thread is

He gives her money without her even asking because according to you:
If you love a woman you must give her money.(she can't work or earn her own money cos A MAN LOVES HER)
He wants her to look good for HIM 24/7
He does NOT want her to cheat.Money makes women shut their mouth and legs.

She's still a student Ify. I bet she will one day get to the point of making her own money. No?

Ujujoan:

She's still a student Ify. I bet she will one day get to the point of making her own money. No? 

Uju,I don't understand the OP.
He came on here to complain abt his friends finances and GF and later came came back to make excuses for the same friend.

My point is,If he knew the obvious reasons and motives behind his friends actions including the quite si.lly ones he gave(looking good,cash to stop her from cheating blah blah) why come here to make noise initially 

ifyalways:

Uju,I don't understand the OP.
He came on here to complain abt his friends finances and GF and later came came back to make excuses for the same friend.

My point is,If he knew the obvious reasons and motives behind his friends actions including the quite si.lly ones he gave(looking good,cash to stop her from cheating blah blah) why come here to make noise initially 

Lol!

The guy is not serious jor.

If he can't handle a woman then maybe he's not ready to get married yet.

He needs to have a talk with her. they have to be in agreement first before the wedding. That whole crap of asking for money the very first day he met them is so crazy. He needs to let her know that their money id their money and not for the extended family. They need to both agree before she starts sending money to anyone and that includes her mother

agreement??, lol, even the UN and the united states cant/dont keep all their agreements, so what makes this agreement btw a mere man n woman so special?, n what wud happen if either of dem goes against the 'agreement'?.

large disparities btw intending couples is always a time bomb waiting to explode, be it social/religious/educational/physical, etc
its always best 2 avoid having large disparities/differences btw intending mates

@poster, if your friend truly loves and wants to marry this girl, he should stick to the plan. The girl is still schooling. When she graduates, she will get a job and assist. That is not to say he should spend all his earnings on her family. He should assist the girl's family, where possible. Where he is not able to, I believe the girl and her family will understand, especially since he is doing all he can to assist them. He should not do anything that will make him regret in future. Above all, let him give the matter to God in prayers, he will be directed on what to do.

NAJALYN:

@poster, if your friend truly loves and wants to marry this girl, he should stick to the plan. The girl is still schooling. When she graduates, she will get a job and assist. That is not to say he should spend all his earnings on her family. He should assist the girl's family, where possible. Where he is not able to, I believe the girl and her family will understand, especially since he is doing all he can to assist them. He should not do anything that will make him regret in future. Above all, let him give the matter to God in prayers, he will be directed on what to do.

Give what to God in prayer? God does not like foolishness. You have to do your part. She and her family seem to have an problem with money. It is worth pulling out of the plan but I think they should have an honest discussion first

Seems your friend has been acting like father christmas that is why her brother can be asking for N90,000.
Seems it's only money he can use to hold the girl's attention. As a man, he cannot muster courage to table his issues with a girl he's contemplating marrying, he went to tell you his friend instead.



Ohhh he just got a good job. . .typical money miss road, abeggi .