.

.

Ok

You both need some growing up to do. I understand his point however, there's a place of communication. Should you guys ever get back, that is something you need reach a conclusion on.

On your part, stop acting as though you are doing him a favor dating him. You need learn to put your anger in check seeing that he doesn't have the level of energy you possess particularly, for troubles and anger.

GboyegaD:
You both need some growing up to do. I understand his point however, there's a place of communication. Should you guys ever get back, that is something you need reach a conclusion on.

On your part, stop acting as though you are doing him a favor dating him. You need learn to put your anger in check seeing that he doesn't have the level of energy you possess particularly, for troubles and anger.

Thanks for the advice. I probably left out the part where we both helped each other in numerous ways. I was trying to be as brief as possible. I’m not in any way acting like I’m doing him a favor by dating him.

Bubblyj:
Hi Fam.

I really want to share my story here just because I’m bored & broken.

I met X as a teenager, we became friends but we couldn’t be together at the time due to certain reasons. However, we maintained the friendship. He dropped out of University and went on to do the usual Igbo apprenticeship. While at it, we started dating and I encouraged him to be patient and look on the bright side (concluding the apprenticeship successfully).

We broke up at different points but always got back together because it’s safe to say we are bestfriends.

I am the babe that is honest, I easily get hurt when someone betrays my trust & I hate been taken for a ride. I am also stubborn when it comes to my rights. Now, X is calm, doesn’t talk much & lets things slide easily.

We were together once and I cursed at a cab driver for doing something quite annoying, X never tried to caution me, he simply ended things with me & we moved on. After a while, we resumed our friendship and I had tried to work on my emotions and reaction to anger.

X and I began dating again, we had plans of the future, he came to meet my family & I went to see his. We were to visit some friends in Lagos, sort of baecation. While on a stopover in the East, trust these drivers & conductors to do their trick of taking fare for a particular destination and dropping you off somewhere else.

The driver did this and the conductor started harassing us to come down and I yelled at him. X noted this and never said a word. We went on to have fun for 2days in the East.

On our way to lagos, I noticed he was cold and distant, I kept asking what the problem was and he said nothing. I am strong believer of communication, so I try to always ask and encourage my partner to speak up. He continued the attitude first night in Lagos.

Next morning, X tells me to sit up so we can talk. He tells me he has been thinking of my reaction towards the attitude of the conductor and doesn’t think he can continue the relationship! At this point, I was broken, tears rolled down my eyes, we were meant to leave Lagos Easter Monday but he said he’s returning to his base.

@bold:

Your issues in summary.

If you want to be with X, you need to learn how to make things slide.

Not everyone wants a fighter or someone who sees 'slight' at every turn: it is actually a mark of low self esteem.

You also need to work on your anger.

@X, he needs to learn to be more expressive to rid himself of passive aggressiveness and rigidity.

I feel he's just been reasonable with himself

X gave you a second chance to be sure if he could withstand your extremities and he got his answers correctly

Perhaps you should be more specific with the altercations you had with those people, how were your utterances and attitudes.... By that we can tell why he would walk off without considering a truce.

This is how I understand your plight,

It's either you're a graduate and he is obviously not, and for him to break up with you twice when he saw the way you insulted the conductors, means he thinks you can belittle him anytime you both have issues when married because he is not a graduate and not in your level,

If my assumption above is true, kindly let go, he would continue to have that insecurity and would expect you not to react when having issues with him, which is not possible, so go for someone in your level to avoid "had I know" or regrets,

And you too, work on your temperament, you should learn to overlook things and stop reacting to every little provocation.

The way you cursed at the cab driver or whatever you said was probably too much for him to have quietly ended things then. And, you didn't mention but I reckon something else happened at the market he invited you to, for him to change his mind afterwards. He probably still loves you but finds your anger/reaction to situations offputting.

For now, give him some space and go "no contact". He will contact you at some point and when he does, be calm, don't [over]react to things; let him see you've turned a new leaf and he should be more keen on rekindling the r/ship. But, if he still doesn't want to get back together, move on and do better with the next guy.

As for the loan, asking him to repay it in one month out of anger isn't the way to go, especially if you know he can't. You've already agreed to him paying it monthly and since he's doing that, he's trying, so allow him to do that until it's paid off.

aroundtheearth:
You didn't mention but I reckon something else happened at the market he invited you to, for him to change his mind.

@bolded, Naaa I dont so, I think he used that "let's work out our issues" to lure her to assist in following him to the market, as per she be woman and a good bargainer, how convenient that immediately after, he said "he really doesnt think it can work", very cunning of him, I'm surprised she didn't get the drift.

Biglittlelois:



@bolded, Naaa I dont so, I think he used that "let's work out our issues" to lure her to assist in following him to the market, as per she be woman and a good bargainer, how convenient that immediately after, he said "he really doesnt think it can work", very cunning of him, I'm surprised she didn't get the drift.

I haven't seen a Nigerian market in ages, so I'm somewhat unaware of how things are, but what you said could be the case.

I do think she should move on 'cos he has said it's not working (twice now?) and ​they've been getting back together only to break up. An off and on relationship won't work unless the issues between them are completely resolved. She has said they're best friends and they may be better off that way, though I think she will always have feelings for him, thus totally moving on is the way to go (if she's able to let him go).

I appreciate the comments, it has really helped me see things in a different perspective. I’ll do better at managing my emotions.

Richy4:
OP sorry you were feeling bad but you see, Relationship is something that goes with tolerance and endurance..... He has weighed it and feels that he cannot tolerate your anger issues....

Try and control your anger and outburst...He might not have the energy to separate fight in the market between you and someone whom you might think was wrong and you were right someday... he doesn't have the energy to separate fight between you and a neighbor when married. He has seen all these dear and thinks he can't cope... This is because in future, you might start insulting him for not sticking out for you...You got a red flag, he saw it on you and you were waving the flag too much for his liking

Please let him be.... I believe he can also like you and can go for an extra mile for u too as a friend... but u see, U are not compatible... please respect his wishes.. I believe someone will come soon for you.. who will like your no nonsense behavior which is good sometimes and worship the very ground you walked on... but let that guy be... he's just too honest in terms of his feelings... You guys were better off as friends only

You're most times fair and mature with your comments. You see things from aerial point of view.
I admire that.

Mariangeles:


You're most times fair and mature with your comments. You see things from aerial point of view.
I admire that.

Thank you

Bubblyj:
I had to go to my friend’s house to cry and she advised me to return to the hotel and talk things out. On getting there, he had already gone to change his flight ticket, I cried and begged, X had made up his mind to leave on Saturday.

I quietly went back to my friend’s house. Next morning, X says I should come over let’s discuss, I get there and he says I should escort him to Balogun market to buy things. I obliged. I stressed myself and when we got back, I asked for us to discuss, he said he really doesn’t think it can work!

I said if you know this was the same thing you had in mind since morning, why did you ask me to come and see you? Why did you make me take you to the market? I almost ran mad. All I could do was cry and leave the hotel. My friend had to come pick me up.

I fell ill in Lagos, I felt my world crashing before my eyes, X was still not interested in resolving issues. I begged him for us to work things out and try to assist each other in our shortcomings as nobody is perfect. He said ok, let’s think and pray. 3weeks gone and today I finally asked him to know our stand really and he said it’s not working.

Now, I took a loan for him which he is to pay monthly, I told him I want the loan paid down in 1month. This was said in anger however, I feel pained that this is someone I could go the extra mile for but he feels he can’t do same for me when it comes to my flaws.

P.s- We have helped each other in various ways

I am terribly heartbroken and my work is suffering, I’m smiling but deep down I am in pains. I just felt like pouring this here. Feel free to advice and encourage me.

Thank you.

I also dropped a babe before for this kind of behaviour. Exactly yelling at the driver.
This babe actually came from abroad and we were on our way to see her parents and mine.
I do not regret that decison, when a lady screams at the conductor when you are not married.
If you are married she will lock you out of the house.
Do not make excuse for your bad behaviour, take responsibility.
No man wants a loose canon as a wife.
The fact you also gave him an ultimatum to pay the loan shows the kind of person you really are, if you can do that to someone you are begging to marry you.
You will do worse when you are married and I am sure the guy is intelligent and he can see your real character.
You are probably too spontaneous and need to learn to overcome that weakness
Goodluck poster.